Hello, it's your yearly update
Oh, look, she said, without any attempt at sincerity, I have one of these.
I'm sure lots has happened around these parts since, you know, whenever, but I don't like to dwell. I was just complaining to a medical intern (possibly young enough to be my son) that I have a problem where I can't make myself talk about stuff I'm not interested in or stop myself from talking about the thing I'm most interested in. I don't know if he quite grasped my distress at having spent two weeks feverishly watching NHL hockey after 36 years of not having a single fuck to give about hockey despite occasionally severe peer pressure. He probably casually enjoys hockey and never thinks much about it. Kids.
He was probably not actually sixteen, but he looked it.
But I digress-- actually, to digress again, that reminded me of Fall Out Boy, who are obviously back/reactivated/off hiatus. I'm delighted, albeit too preoccupied with my hockey maelstrom to really pay attention beyond reblogging what floats by on my tumblr dash.
Now that I've actually sat down to write about the thing I'm most interested in, I keep getting sidetracked. I may have lingering shame issues. Anyway, hockey.
I've always been very completist about my fannish experiences, as far as knowing everything about every part of the source material and fandom goes. So once I realised I'd climbed from the completely acceptable rung of Reading The Fic And Pretending It's Not About Sports down to the dangerously barnacle- and seaweed-laden Is The Real Sidney Crosby Really Like This and was about to yell cowabunga and skip the rest for a cannonball into the murky, noxious pool of I Wonder If There Are Sports Bars That Show NHL Games Around Here, I just googled NHL and started reading everything that came up.
[mandated 10 min tumblr break. reblog ugly pictures of pkane.]
Of course this was at exactly the same time as that NY Rangers website scandal with the Girl's Guide To Watching The Rangers and whatnot, so my goal was immediately to read, absorb and understand the salient points of hockey and the NHL in under one day. Probably not completely successful, but I definitely got to a fluent cocktail party chat level where I could drop some names, mumble something about scoring streaks and ask what whoever thinks about the new faceoff rules.
Then I examined my ~feels and picked MY TEAMS:
Team Cute Flightless Bird Logo
Everyone who has an interest in the Pittsburgh Penguins is immediately accused of being a bandwagoner or a puckbunny who's only there because Sidney Crosby is too famous for his own good and also has a big ass. The other day I got into a little tumblr comment tiff with someone who had his name in her username. I was probably being a bit disingenuous with her, but I will not make excuses for my fannish meanderings. I think.
Anyway. It wasn't so much his (admittedly lovely) kaboose that caught my interest. I'm a reader and writer. I'm attracted to narratives. Nobody can tell me The Sidney Crosby Story So Far doesn't have a great fucking narrative, and that's not even getting into the whole Evgeni Malkin sneaking out of Russia situation. So there's the hook, there's the line. I watch a game, it's terrible, Sidney looks grim. People call him a pussy in the comments section. SINKER.
Also, Dan Bylsma is oddly attractive for a hockey coach.
[10 minute tumblr break. reblog new picture of Sid & Geno. contemplate Sid's horrible points mustache, awkward donkey bray laugh. feel warm inside.]
Team Racist Logo
The biggest loot of Hockey RPF stories on AO3 are Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews, with a few stray other Chicago Blackhawks getting in on some action here and there. The first story I read in the fandom was Kaner/Tazer. Plus I have lingering positive emotions about Chicago from the good old days of Due South and that Dira Sudis hockey AU I read so very long ago. So it was inevitable I'd take an interest in the team. The problem is the logo! Because it's terrible like your racist uncle they always sit next to you at family shindigs. There's a promo video where an earnest Blackhawk, I think Duncan Keith, intones, "I STAND FOR THE INDIAN HEAD." Oh lord. Oh help me.
Nothing really stops the ~feels, though, so the Chicago Blackhawks are my other team, but I don't reblog pictures that show the logo. (I save them, though. Maybe I'll go through and blur it out of EVERYTHING like tits on TV.) Fortunately there are plenty of pictures of 'hawks helpfully putting their hands on each other's chests to cover up in the most pleasantly bromantic way.
[5 minute tumblr break. ooh, somebody posted a brief video of Duncan Keith working out.]
[10 minute break to contemplate my life, pet my cat, zone out.]
Teams that I don't watch, but whose existence is OF NOTE TO ME:
Team Orange Assholes
I've got no particular beef with the Flyers, but I also don't really care how they do or in fact what they do. BUT I am breathlessly attracted to Danny Briére, that French-Elvish sad-eyed little spawner of his own offensive line (although I think one of them's a goalie, whatever), and often take time out of my busy schedule to picture him mashed together with Captain Gingeroux.
[two hour break to read hockey news and go on wikipedia jaunt to better understand salary caps and the secrets of the playoffs.]
Team Baby Oil
Another team whose success I'm not invested in, but whose players entertain me with their puppy-like ways. Nobody is old enough to buy beer. They have a TV show?
Team Angry French People
The Habs seem to have a reputation for vicious, infighting nastiness going on that makes me both uncomfortable and confused, but I'm in it for P. K. Subban and Carey Price, both of whom are frequent targets for aforementioned nastiness. Bring back the triple-low five!
Team of Several Staals and Schenns
But really I came for the Baby Cane, Hockey Bieber, dimple-vicious Jeff Skinner. Don't let them cut your hair, baby boy.
Team Sadness and Vodka
If you look sad while being narrated by Liev Schreiber, I'm going to care a little, there's no way to stop that. Ovechkin makes me say things like "What happened to my beautiful Clydesdale!" even though, since I've cared about hockey for under a month, he was never MY Clydesdale and also with the horse metaphors that aren't even metaphors, like, maybe sleep sometime I don't know? Damn you, Liev Schreiber. Damn you, Alexander Ovechkin and your slump and your sad Russian face.
Team Boo Hiss
Having no geographically assigned loyalties, no history anywhere, and no patience for weird, pointless grudges, I expected to not be very invested in team rivalries. And indeed, I don't hate the Flyers. I don't hate the Canucks! Some of my best friends are Canucks fans, in fact.
However. For no particularly logical reason, I hate the Rangers. It gets emotional. I've hated the Rangers for AT LEAST FIVE DAYS NOW, and it's showing no sign of abating. I think we have ourselves a beef, guys. Sit on that and spin, Swedish Fabio.
[10 min break to read about Stanley Cup shenanigans. nostalgic reminiscences about Selänne bringing the cup to Finland. (can't actually remember it much.)]
[10 min break to remember what I was thinking, fail to remember, read ESPN pages, blink slowly. it's 2.30 in the morning.]
Eh, I was going to explain all about my Sidney Crosby Feels, but I imagine that everyone in this bar knows about feels and what they do. Last night I watched some thing about him when he was 14 and maybe got totally verklempt at his dorky little hockey-loving face. Then looked at lots of pictures of grownup Sid with a bloody nose, ha ha.
I will say that I'm pretty happy Patrick Kane has become such a model citizen. Everyone's saying he's mature and stuff. Who's gonna be the embarrassment of Chicago now?
Wow, that got long and weird.
I don't know if you know, but I'm still unemployed and also went back to school? It's legitimately a terrible school. Also, I don't know, the dog's really old and wears diapers, so that's fun. Elementary is the only TV show I'm watching right now, because my attention span is juuuuuust barely long enough for Lucy Liu in snuggly sweaters. Teen Wolf is on hiatus, but also ON NOTICE because they didn't shave Stiles' hair, okay. That's why. Nevermind all the other bullshit.
Last week I got carded in the grocery store, buying two cans of cider. (Legal age for purchasing beer and wine in Finland: 18. My age: TWICE THAT.) I have blue hair.
I'm sure lots has happened around these parts since, you know, whenever, but I don't like to dwell. I was just complaining to a medical intern (possibly young enough to be my son) that I have a problem where I can't make myself talk about stuff I'm not interested in or stop myself from talking about the thing I'm most interested in. I don't know if he quite grasped my distress at having spent two weeks feverishly watching NHL hockey after 36 years of not having a single fuck to give about hockey despite occasionally severe peer pressure. He probably casually enjoys hockey and never thinks much about it. Kids.
He was probably not actually sixteen, but he looked it.
But I digress-- actually, to digress again, that reminded me of Fall Out Boy, who are obviously back/reactivated/off hiatus. I'm delighted, albeit too preoccupied with my hockey maelstrom to really pay attention beyond reblogging what floats by on my tumblr dash.
Now that I've actually sat down to write about the thing I'm most interested in, I keep getting sidetracked. I may have lingering shame issues. Anyway, hockey.
I've always been very completist about my fannish experiences, as far as knowing everything about every part of the source material and fandom goes. So once I realised I'd climbed from the completely acceptable rung of Reading The Fic And Pretending It's Not About Sports down to the dangerously barnacle- and seaweed-laden Is The Real Sidney Crosby Really Like This and was about to yell cowabunga and skip the rest for a cannonball into the murky, noxious pool of I Wonder If There Are Sports Bars That Show NHL Games Around Here, I just googled NHL and started reading everything that came up.
[mandated 10 min tumblr break. reblog ugly pictures of pkane.]
Of course this was at exactly the same time as that NY Rangers website scandal with the Girl's Guide To Watching The Rangers and whatnot, so my goal was immediately to read, absorb and understand the salient points of hockey and the NHL in under one day. Probably not completely successful, but I definitely got to a fluent cocktail party chat level where I could drop some names, mumble something about scoring streaks and ask what whoever thinks about the new faceoff rules.
Then I examined my ~feels and picked MY TEAMS:
Team Cute Flightless Bird Logo
Everyone who has an interest in the Pittsburgh Penguins is immediately accused of being a bandwagoner or a puckbunny who's only there because Sidney Crosby is too famous for his own good and also has a big ass. The other day I got into a little tumblr comment tiff with someone who had his name in her username. I was probably being a bit disingenuous with her, but I will not make excuses for my fannish meanderings. I think.
Anyway. It wasn't so much his (admittedly lovely) kaboose that caught my interest. I'm a reader and writer. I'm attracted to narratives. Nobody can tell me The Sidney Crosby Story So Far doesn't have a great fucking narrative, and that's not even getting into the whole Evgeni Malkin sneaking out of Russia situation. So there's the hook, there's the line. I watch a game, it's terrible, Sidney looks grim. People call him a pussy in the comments section. SINKER.
Also, Dan Bylsma is oddly attractive for a hockey coach.
[10 minute tumblr break. reblog new picture of Sid & Geno. contemplate Sid's horrible points mustache, awkward donkey bray laugh. feel warm inside.]
Team Racist Logo
The biggest loot of Hockey RPF stories on AO3 are Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews, with a few stray other Chicago Blackhawks getting in on some action here and there. The first story I read in the fandom was Kaner/Tazer. Plus I have lingering positive emotions about Chicago from the good old days of Due South and that Dira Sudis hockey AU I read so very long ago. So it was inevitable I'd take an interest in the team. The problem is the logo! Because it's terrible like your racist uncle they always sit next to you at family shindigs. There's a promo video where an earnest Blackhawk, I think Duncan Keith, intones, "I STAND FOR THE INDIAN HEAD." Oh lord. Oh help me.
Nothing really stops the ~feels, though, so the Chicago Blackhawks are my other team, but I don't reblog pictures that show the logo. (I save them, though. Maybe I'll go through and blur it out of EVERYTHING like tits on TV.) Fortunately there are plenty of pictures of 'hawks helpfully putting their hands on each other's chests to cover up in the most pleasantly bromantic way.
[5 minute tumblr break. ooh, somebody posted a brief video of Duncan Keith working out.]
[10 minute break to contemplate my life, pet my cat, zone out.]
Teams that I don't watch, but whose existence is OF NOTE TO ME:
Team Orange Assholes
I've got no particular beef with the Flyers, but I also don't really care how they do or in fact what they do. BUT I am breathlessly attracted to Danny Briére, that French-Elvish sad-eyed little spawner of his own offensive line (although I think one of them's a goalie, whatever), and often take time out of my busy schedule to picture him mashed together with Captain Gingeroux.
[two hour break to read hockey news and go on wikipedia jaunt to better understand salary caps and the secrets of the playoffs.]
Team Baby Oil
Another team whose success I'm not invested in, but whose players entertain me with their puppy-like ways. Nobody is old enough to buy beer. They have a TV show?
Team Angry French People
The Habs seem to have a reputation for vicious, infighting nastiness going on that makes me both uncomfortable and confused, but I'm in it for P. K. Subban and Carey Price, both of whom are frequent targets for aforementioned nastiness. Bring back the triple-low five!
Team of Several Staals and Schenns
But really I came for the Baby Cane, Hockey Bieber, dimple-vicious Jeff Skinner. Don't let them cut your hair, baby boy.
Team Sadness and Vodka
If you look sad while being narrated by Liev Schreiber, I'm going to care a little, there's no way to stop that. Ovechkin makes me say things like "What happened to my beautiful Clydesdale!" even though, since I've cared about hockey for under a month, he was never MY Clydesdale and also with the horse metaphors that aren't even metaphors, like, maybe sleep sometime I don't know? Damn you, Liev Schreiber. Damn you, Alexander Ovechkin and your slump and your sad Russian face.
Team Boo Hiss
Having no geographically assigned loyalties, no history anywhere, and no patience for weird, pointless grudges, I expected to not be very invested in team rivalries. And indeed, I don't hate the Flyers. I don't hate the Canucks! Some of my best friends are Canucks fans, in fact.
However. For no particularly logical reason, I hate the Rangers. It gets emotional. I've hated the Rangers for AT LEAST FIVE DAYS NOW, and it's showing no sign of abating. I think we have ourselves a beef, guys. Sit on that and spin, Swedish Fabio.
[10 min break to read about Stanley Cup shenanigans. nostalgic reminiscences about Selänne bringing the cup to Finland. (can't actually remember it much.)]
[10 min break to remember what I was thinking, fail to remember, read ESPN pages, blink slowly. it's 2.30 in the morning.]
Eh, I was going to explain all about my Sidney Crosby Feels, but I imagine that everyone in this bar knows about feels and what they do. Last night I watched some thing about him when he was 14 and maybe got totally verklempt at his dorky little hockey-loving face. Then looked at lots of pictures of grownup Sid with a bloody nose, ha ha.
I will say that I'm pretty happy Patrick Kane has become such a model citizen. Everyone's saying he's mature and stuff. Who's gonna be the embarrassment of Chicago now?
Wow, that got long and weird.
I don't know if you know, but I'm still unemployed and also went back to school? It's legitimately a terrible school. Also, I don't know, the dog's really old and wears diapers, so that's fun. Elementary is the only TV show I'm watching right now, because my attention span is juuuuuust barely long enough for Lucy Liu in snuggly sweaters. Teen Wolf is on hiatus, but also ON NOTICE because they didn't shave Stiles' hair, okay. That's why. Nevermind all the other bullshit.
Last week I got carded in the grocery store, buying two cans of cider. (Legal age for purchasing beer and wine in Finland: 18. My age: TWICE THAT.) I have blue hair.