Snape Played With Dinosaurs
My very dear friend Mickie (moon_cookie ) and I were on the topic of Harry Potter earlier today -- and we're completely and utterly loony so, naturally, we started discussing favourite childhood toys of some of the HP characters. Anyway, it got totally out of control, and this is what happened:
Cassie (Me): You so know Voldie played with trucks
Mickie: HE DID
AND TRANSFORMERS
Cassie: (as Voldemort) "AHAHA! AND THEN THE TRUCK RUNS OVER EVERYONE AND THEY ALL DIE!"
his favourite transformer was so Starscream...
Mickie: Snape played with dinosaurs.
Cassie: HAHAHA!
HE WAS TOTALLY A SNOB ABOUT IT TOO
Mickie: HE WAS.
Cassie: (as Snape) "It's actually a Brontosaurus!"
"There's no such thing as a Bigasaurus!"
Mickie: "Look Lily, this is a stegosaurus, it's got...wait, Lily! This is important! No, I DON'T want to pick flowers with you....oh wait, YES I DO! WAIT! WAAAAAIT!"
Cassie: "LOOK LILY! THIS ONE COULD BITE THE HEADS OFF OF ALL THE OTHER DINOSAURS... LILY? ..... LILY?"
Mickie: (as Severus) "And this one's a huge bigoted arshead poncing jerk....it lived in the Mesozoic Era in Northern Europe...they called it the Pottersaurus. And then in the Late Cretaceous Era, there was a very fine boned herbivore and they were called Lilysauruses and they were known for their very lovely....scales....and they always defended their eggs with the help of Snaperanosaurus Rex, which was the BIGGEST dinosaur in Hogwarts, I mean, the Late Cretaceous period, and...wait, Lily! WAIT!"
*sneerk* Snaperanosaurus Rex. I love you so much, Mickie.
ETA: It's been expanded on.
Cassie: (as Severus) "Anyway, the Pottersauruses like to hunt in packs. Particularly with Sirasaurus, the Petersaurus and the Remodactyl. The Pottersaurus gang liked to think that they were really good hunters, but actually they had wimpy teeth and weird deformed legs. They hunted the Snaperanosaurus Rex, but the Snaperanosaurus Rex was stronger, and it pinned down the Pottersarus, biting into the artery in his neck and tearing his head off, before dancing on his cold, dead corpse, and... Lily? Are you still listening?"
Mickie: (as Severus) "Yeah, exactly, so Snaperanosaurus Rex was often cornered FOUR to ONE, Lily! There was this time where Sirasaurus told Snaperanosaurus Rex that his...arms...was, I mean, were...like small. But Snaperanosaurus Rex was incredibly intelligent, much like Lilysaurus. He wasn't about to be pushed around by the Pottersaurus gang if he could help it. So he joined a group of Darkoraptors, who were planning to help him rid the world of ugly wanking tosspots like James Potter...I mean, Pottersaurus, whose head was so swollen that he walked, er, stomped around stupidly in front of all the girls with his stupid Snitch ruffling his hair...I mean his....scales......er, Lily? Lily, where are you?"
Cassie: (as Severus) "Anyway, Pottersaurus' head was so big that he'd fall over on his face all the time. And Snaperanosaurus Rex was really smart, and did much better in Potions class than stupid Pottersaurus, even if all the other teachers bloody loved him and thought he was so great, and soo good at Quidditch... What was that, Lily?
Anyway, Snaperanosaurus Rex got his Darkoraptors to follow him, after he'd dazzled them with his ability to mix different plants together, and to stomp on other dinosaurs' heads, and they went off and found Pottersaurus and stomped on his head, and ... Lily? I'm not finished! Lily...!"
Mickie: (as Severus) "And then because Snaperanosaurus Rex was so incredibly brilliant, intelligent and...kind...he was really great friends with Lilysaurus and they liked to play, err...eat together in the woods. Snaperanosaurus Rex was a protective species and would crouch behind tall trees and listen for the oncoming Pottersaurus gang so he could defend Lily, who was usually grazing, if needed. Often, other Darkoraptors joined them to pay tribute to Snaperanosaurus Rex, who was King of them All and - sorry, what did you say, Lily?
Okay well, I guess the Darkoraptors were annoyed that Lilysaurus was taking all of Snaperanosaurus Rex's time, but Snaperanosaurus Rex didn't mind at all because he was a really good friend, a...best...friend...and he once made cupcakes with sprinkles for Lilysaurus and visited her...nest...but she wasn't home. Err, I meant he made her a steak sandwich. Oh or... err, a tossed garden salad!
With sprinkles!
So then Snaperanosaurus Rex realised something one day as he was cunningly tracking and destroying members of the Pottersaurus gang. Remodactyl had a secret. Well, there was the one where he was having an affair with Sirasaurus and Mundungoraptor simultaneously, but aside from the squicky bits, he was actually not...a Remodactyl. And Sirasaurus and Pottersaurus knew about it, so the three of them (Petersaurus was too stupid to be involved so he just ate all the fried chicken he could get into his fat face) plotted against Snaperanosaurus Rex ultimately to cause his death.
But Lilysaurus was too innocent to be left alone and so the bigheaded arseface sonuvabanshee strutting wanker Pottersaurus decided to HIT ON poor Lilysaurus. As she was a sensible...dinosaur...she did not let him go far, but it was enough for Snaperanosaurus Rex. He had to fight back. Sirasaurus told him to go to a...tree...where he would find out Remodactyl's secret, and Snaperanosaurus Rex was tricked into believing that his...best friend....Lilysaurus was ill and needed the leaves from the tree to be saved. So he waited at the tree, until Remodactyl burst out of the roots and tried to maul him to death.
Sadly, Snaperanosaurus Rex couldn't get his wand...I mean he couldn't...bite Remodactyl's head off fast enough, and so he was about to have his throat ripped out by a werewol-err...Werewolfeus Remodactylian, when Pottersaurus lost his nerve and thought that Lilysaurus wouldn't like him anymore if he killed her best friend and so he decided to pretend to not have planned the entire thing, and grabbed Snaperanosaurus Rex away from the Werewolfeus Remodactylian, which was too disgusting, weak, half-bred, stupid and sickly to follow them.
As Pottersaurus thought he had done some fantastic, awesome, wonderful event, he decided to celebrate by getting drunk at the local watering hole. Snaperanosaurus Rex was left alone, but he had already decided his revenge. He found Lilysaurus trapped in a cave where Pottersaurus had left her (he planned on marrying and mating with her after disposing of Snaperanosaurus Rex). But he was ahead, and so Snaperanosaurus Rex saved her and they eloped to safety. They had many offspring and...hey Lily, will you marry me?"
Cassie: (as Severus) "It was a joke. Honest. No, really, Lils, I was kidding. Yes, I know we're too young to be thinking of such things.
THAT'S NOT WHAT LILYSAURUS SAID TO POTTERSAURUS.
No, I'm not taking this too seriously.
Lily... Lily? No, Lily, wait! Please, just listen...!
... I was talking about dinosaurs. Yes, really.
... What do you mean 'extended metaphor?'
Okay, now you're just being ridiculous. As if Pottersaurus and Snaperanosaurus Rex have anything to do with real life. Even if the Pottersaurus has a giant head, just like Potter, and everyone thinks he's so awesome, just like Potter, only he isn't, just like Potter, and he's followed by a bunch of gangly weirdoes... just like Potter.
You know, you might be on to something, Lily.
After all, the Snaperanosaurus Rex is really strong, and can cast lots of spells ... err, has big teeth, I mean, and is really nice to Lilysaurus...
You know, Lily, the Snaperanosaurus Rex really likes Lilysaurus. They're symbiotes... They depend on one another for survival. 'Cuz the Snaperanosaurus Rex defends her eggs, you see, from invading dinosaurs, like, say.... Pottersauruses, and keeps them safe. And the Lilysaurus helps the Snaperanosaurus Rex with his homework, and they work on Potions projects together and...
Lily? Lily?
Lily....?"
Poor Snaperanosaurus Rex! *sneerk* I love him so much. LOL.
The whole thing, though, reminds me of this:
That never fails to crack me up. "I have a big head, and little arms..." ROTFL. It's totally Pottersaurus. :P
Cassie (Me): You so know Voldie played with trucks
Mickie: HE DID
AND TRANSFORMERS
Cassie: (as Voldemort) "AHAHA! AND THEN THE TRUCK RUNS OVER EVERYONE AND THEY ALL DIE!"
his favourite transformer was so Starscream...
Mickie: Snape played with dinosaurs.
Cassie: HAHAHA!
HE WAS TOTALLY A SNOB ABOUT IT TOO
Mickie: HE WAS.
Cassie: (as Snape) "It's actually a Brontosaurus!"
"There's no such thing as a Bigasaurus!"
Mickie: "Look Lily, this is a stegosaurus, it's got...wait, Lily! This is important! No, I DON'T want to pick flowers with you....oh wait, YES I DO! WAIT! WAAAAAIT!"
Cassie: "LOOK LILY! THIS ONE COULD BITE THE HEADS OFF OF ALL THE OTHER DINOSAURS... LILY? ..... LILY?"
Mickie: (as Severus) "And this one's a huge bigoted arshead poncing jerk....it lived in the Mesozoic Era in Northern Europe...they called it the Pottersaurus. And then in the Late Cretaceous Era, there was a very fine boned herbivore and they were called Lilysauruses and they were known for their very lovely....scales....and they always defended their eggs with the help of Snaperanosaurus Rex, which was the BIGGEST dinosaur in Hogwarts, I mean, the Late Cretaceous period, and...wait, Lily! WAIT!"
*sneerk* Snaperanosaurus Rex. I love you so much, Mickie.
ETA: It's been expanded on.
Cassie: (as Severus) "Anyway, the Pottersauruses like to hunt in packs. Particularly with Sirasaurus, the Petersaurus and the Remodactyl. The Pottersaurus gang liked to think that they were really good hunters, but actually they had wimpy teeth and weird deformed legs. They hunted the Snaperanosaurus Rex, but the Snaperanosaurus Rex was stronger, and it pinned down the Pottersarus, biting into the artery in his neck and tearing his head off, before dancing on his cold, dead corpse, and... Lily? Are you still listening?"
Mickie: (as Severus) "Yeah, exactly, so Snaperanosaurus Rex was often cornered FOUR to ONE, Lily! There was this time where Sirasaurus told Snaperanosaurus Rex that his...arms...was, I mean, were...like small. But Snaperanosaurus Rex was incredibly intelligent, much like Lilysaurus. He wasn't about to be pushed around by the Pottersaurus gang if he could help it. So he joined a group of Darkoraptors, who were planning to help him rid the world of ugly wanking tosspots like James Potter...I mean, Pottersaurus, whose head was so swollen that he walked, er, stomped around stupidly in front of all the girls with his stupid Snitch ruffling his hair...I mean his....scales......er, Lily? Lily, where are you?"
Cassie: (as Severus) "Anyway, Pottersaurus' head was so big that he'd fall over on his face all the time. And Snaperanosaurus Rex was really smart, and did much better in Potions class than stupid Pottersaurus, even if all the other teachers bloody loved him and thought he was so great, and soo good at Quidditch... What was that, Lily?
Anyway, Snaperanosaurus Rex got his Darkoraptors to follow him, after he'd dazzled them with his ability to mix different plants together, and to stomp on other dinosaurs' heads, and they went off and found Pottersaurus and stomped on his head, and ... Lily? I'm not finished! Lily...!"
Mickie: (as Severus) "And then because Snaperanosaurus Rex was so incredibly brilliant, intelligent and...kind...he was really great friends with Lilysaurus and they liked to play, err...eat together in the woods. Snaperanosaurus Rex was a protective species and would crouch behind tall trees and listen for the oncoming Pottersaurus gang so he could defend Lily, who was usually grazing, if needed. Often, other Darkoraptors joined them to pay tribute to Snaperanosaurus Rex, who was King of them All and - sorry, what did you say, Lily?
Okay well, I guess the Darkoraptors were annoyed that Lilysaurus was taking all of Snaperanosaurus Rex's time, but Snaperanosaurus Rex didn't mind at all because he was a really good friend, a...best...friend...and he once made cupcakes with sprinkles for Lilysaurus and visited her...nest...but she wasn't home. Err, I meant he made her a steak sandwich. Oh or... err, a tossed garden salad!
With sprinkles!
So then Snaperanosaurus Rex realised something one day as he was cunningly tracking and destroying members of the Pottersaurus gang. Remodactyl had a secret. Well, there was the one where he was having an affair with Sirasaurus and Mundungoraptor simultaneously, but aside from the squicky bits, he was actually not...a Remodactyl. And Sirasaurus and Pottersaurus knew about it, so the three of them (Petersaurus was too stupid to be involved so he just ate all the fried chicken he could get into his fat face) plotted against Snaperanosaurus Rex ultimately to cause his death.
But Lilysaurus was too innocent to be left alone and so the bigheaded arseface sonuvabanshee strutting wanker Pottersaurus decided to HIT ON poor Lilysaurus. As she was a sensible...dinosaur...she did not let him go far, but it was enough for Snaperanosaurus Rex. He had to fight back. Sirasaurus told him to go to a...tree...where he would find out Remodactyl's secret, and Snaperanosaurus Rex was tricked into believing that his...best friend....Lilysaurus was ill and needed the leaves from the tree to be saved. So he waited at the tree, until Remodactyl burst out of the roots and tried to maul him to death.
Sadly, Snaperanosaurus Rex couldn't get his wand...I mean he couldn't...bite Remodactyl's head off fast enough, and so he was about to have his throat ripped out by a werewol-err...Werewolfeus Remodactylian, when Pottersaurus lost his nerve and thought that Lilysaurus wouldn't like him anymore if he killed her best friend and so he decided to pretend to not have planned the entire thing, and grabbed Snaperanosaurus Rex away from the Werewolfeus Remodactylian, which was too disgusting, weak, half-bred, stupid and sickly to follow them.
As Pottersaurus thought he had done some fantastic, awesome, wonderful event, he decided to celebrate by getting drunk at the local watering hole. Snaperanosaurus Rex was left alone, but he had already decided his revenge. He found Lilysaurus trapped in a cave where Pottersaurus had left her (he planned on marrying and mating with her after disposing of Snaperanosaurus Rex). But he was ahead, and so Snaperanosaurus Rex saved her and they eloped to safety. They had many offspring and...hey Lily, will you marry me?"
Cassie: (as Severus) "It was a joke. Honest. No, really, Lils, I was kidding. Yes, I know we're too young to be thinking of such things.
THAT'S NOT WHAT LILYSAURUS SAID TO POTTERSAURUS.
No, I'm not taking this too seriously.
Lily... Lily? No, Lily, wait! Please, just listen...!
... I was talking about dinosaurs. Yes, really.
... What do you mean 'extended metaphor?'
Okay, now you're just being ridiculous. As if Pottersaurus and Snaperanosaurus Rex have anything to do with real life. Even if the Pottersaurus has a giant head, just like Potter, and everyone thinks he's so awesome, just like Potter, only he isn't, just like Potter, and he's followed by a bunch of gangly weirdoes... just like Potter.
You know, you might be on to something, Lily.
After all, the Snaperanosaurus Rex is really strong, and can cast lots of spells ... err, has big teeth, I mean, and is really nice to Lilysaurus...
You know, Lily, the Snaperanosaurus Rex really likes Lilysaurus. They're symbiotes... They depend on one another for survival. 'Cuz the Snaperanosaurus Rex defends her eggs, you see, from invading dinosaurs, like, say.... Pottersauruses, and keeps them safe. And the Lilysaurus helps the Snaperanosaurus Rex with his homework, and they work on Potions projects together and...
Lily? Lily?
Lily....?"
Poor Snaperanosaurus Rex! *sneerk* I love him so much. LOL.
The whole thing, though, reminds me of this:
Click to viewThat never fails to crack me up. "I have a big head, and little arms..." ROTFL. It's totally Pottersaurus. :P