A Letter Never Sent
Dear You,
Please don't stay there. I don't know if you're going to. That's what we were just discussing. Who knows if it would be good or bad? Maybe you need it, but you're not completely sure. All I know is that I would be very sad. Your presence in my life fills my days with something that I can't describe. I know that what we have now isn't exactly where I wanted it to be, but I've also learned in the past month that I'm more happy than anything with where it is. Whether you know it or not, whether you want it or not: you're my other half. You're the one person out of all the billions of people on this Earth that I do not tire of. I could listen to you talk for the rest of my life. I could watch you watch the world with your bright eyes for eternity. Now, this isn't meant to be clingy in any way. If you need to go off and learn about a new part of yourself free of previous attachments then I support your decision 110%. The reason, I guess, is that age old idiom: when you love something let it go. I guess it's a test to see how strong the bond is, but I did let go of a lot in regards to you and this final finger on the grip could be what makes me lose sight of it. And I don't particularly want to lose sight of it.
It's funny. You and I, that is. I've never felt closer to you, even during our time as a couple. I fully understand now what it means to love somebody in that way. I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but what you told me on the phone last night did make me feel happy. You know what I mean, the thing about the song that you heard that reminded you of me. About the couple who needed to spend time apart to find themselves, and hopefully return to each other someday. It was nice to hear you admit something like that. While I no longer hold onto the notion of "us" I also don't deny that it's something I would love to see happen. I've been soul searching for 6 years. When I met you, over 4 years ago... wow... my soul attached to yours and never let go. When we are apart I feel it. I don't just mean physically, as we hadn't spent that much time together in years up until the trip. And the trip is what made me realize that I actually could spend that time with you. But if you stay there, if you build a new life, I fear that I won't fit into it anymore. That I'll lose you as the friend, confidant and emotional support that I've grown accustomed to.
I'm not openly telling you most of this because it's your decision to make. I told you that I would miss you and you told me I was a reason you wanted to come home (and don't worry, I didn't read into that because I know I was one of the reasons and not the only reason). Maybe one day I'll tell you all of it. Right now I don't want to bring most of it up because our connection has always been so strong while maintaining the house-of-cards infrastructure.
Okay, that's it. I think I'm going to talk to you again in a little bit. Despite the time difference I find our discussions have been hitting at the right moments. I guess we'll see where you're going in the next 2 weeks. I'll probably be holding my breath until then, but only slightly. I've got a lot on my plate right now, but this is definitely a part of it. In so many weird and wonderful ways.
Love always
Me
Please don't stay there. I don't know if you're going to. That's what we were just discussing. Who knows if it would be good or bad? Maybe you need it, but you're not completely sure. All I know is that I would be very sad. Your presence in my life fills my days with something that I can't describe. I know that what we have now isn't exactly where I wanted it to be, but I've also learned in the past month that I'm more happy than anything with where it is. Whether you know it or not, whether you want it or not: you're my other half. You're the one person out of all the billions of people on this Earth that I do not tire of. I could listen to you talk for the rest of my life. I could watch you watch the world with your bright eyes for eternity. Now, this isn't meant to be clingy in any way. If you need to go off and learn about a new part of yourself free of previous attachments then I support your decision 110%. The reason, I guess, is that age old idiom: when you love something let it go. I guess it's a test to see how strong the bond is, but I did let go of a lot in regards to you and this final finger on the grip could be what makes me lose sight of it. And I don't particularly want to lose sight of it.
It's funny. You and I, that is. I've never felt closer to you, even during our time as a couple. I fully understand now what it means to love somebody in that way. I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but what you told me on the phone last night did make me feel happy. You know what I mean, the thing about the song that you heard that reminded you of me. About the couple who needed to spend time apart to find themselves, and hopefully return to each other someday. It was nice to hear you admit something like that. While I no longer hold onto the notion of "us" I also don't deny that it's something I would love to see happen. I've been soul searching for 6 years. When I met you, over 4 years ago... wow... my soul attached to yours and never let go. When we are apart I feel it. I don't just mean physically, as we hadn't spent that much time together in years up until the trip. And the trip is what made me realize that I actually could spend that time with you. But if you stay there, if you build a new life, I fear that I won't fit into it anymore. That I'll lose you as the friend, confidant and emotional support that I've grown accustomed to.
I'm not openly telling you most of this because it's your decision to make. I told you that I would miss you and you told me I was a reason you wanted to come home (and don't worry, I didn't read into that because I know I was one of the reasons and not the only reason). Maybe one day I'll tell you all of it. Right now I don't want to bring most of it up because our connection has always been so strong while maintaining the house-of-cards infrastructure.
Okay, that's it. I think I'm going to talk to you again in a little bit. Despite the time difference I find our discussions have been hitting at the right moments. I guess we'll see where you're going in the next 2 weeks. I'll probably be holding my breath until then, but only slightly. I've got a lot on my plate right now, but this is definitely a part of it. In so many weird and wonderful ways.
Love always
Me