Nightmares and Dreams
For the past week, I've had the most horrible reoccurring nightmare. Well, it's not so much as reoccurring as it is a series. Every night it's a continuation of the previous night. The premise is this:
I walked in on this beautiful blond woman I've never seen before and a guy I know in real life (who, by the way, I am in no way consciously interested in) having sex. I was outraged because this guy was supposedly my boyfriend. The guy leaves and the woman and I have an argument. The scene shifts in the way that dreams often do and I am wrapping her dead body into a big clear plastic garbage bag (why clear? I must be the most incompetent murderer ever.) I take the body and throw it over the balcony of my apartment building which is several stories up. The body lands in a creek behind the apartments just on the bank and settles beneath some gnarled roots of a huge tree there.
The later nights have simply consisted of me going through regular dreams, except that I am tortured by the knowledge that I've killed this woman. Last night my dream was of me sitting on that balcony and staring down at some kids playing near the body and me freaking the hell out that they would find it.
When I wake up after these dreams, I have the hardest time believing that I haven't killed anyone. The dreams aren't any more real that I've ever had, but the fact that I keep having the information drilled into me night after night is disturbing to say the least. I hope I can get out of this loop soon.
Once I get back from Japan, I want to take a six month sabbatical from real life and focus 100% on writing. I have had a book idea since 2000 and I really want to sit down and write it. Of course, writing on the side while working a full time job is nowhere near impossible, but my dream is to be a full-time writer. And why not start on that dream while I have a nest egg of money to keep me afloat? I'd also finally edit my short stories and send them out to journals to get my name out there.
I have my doubts about this. Although I trust in my writing ability, it's not like I see myself as the next J.K. Rowling (I compare myself to her because my book will be geared toward the same age group.) With any luck, the book will be a best-seller and I will get a huge advance to start on my second. But most writers find that their books never bring in a substantial income. I once attended an excellent lecture by Peter Straub, a moderately famous horror author. He said that his first book, which he thought at the time was absolute genius, sold perhaps 60 copies and he had a really hard time getting his second book published. That book sold perhaps twice as much as the first. It was an uphill battle his entire career. He had his golden period, but confessed that he had to take lecture gigs like the one he was doing to supplement his income. Mr. Straub's story is a very common one as far as writers go.
However, consider for a moment the success of Stephanie Meyer, author of the rabidly popular Twilight series. Twilight was her fist novel and the series has sold 45 million copies published in 35 languages. Granted I have only read excerpts from the first book, but she doesn't seem to be the best writer ever. I can confidently say I am a better writer than she is. Yes, I do realize how lofty these words sound given the fact that I am not published anywhere yet. Anyway, the point is that sometimes it only takes one book to set you up for a career as a best-selling writer. Stephen King had similar success.
I am determined to get published. The story in my head demands to be written. I have the entire thing from beginning to end: characters, settings, time lines, and plot-twists. It's like Instastory: just add Word!
I think that going without a job to write a book is a big risk, but you don't get anywhere without taking some risks. And I think this would be a great time--perhaps the only time--in my life to do something risky like this.
And yet, it may be a risk that just isn't worth taking. I need to think about this more. In the meantime, I continue my futile search for a "real" job.
I walked in on this beautiful blond woman I've never seen before and a guy I know in real life (who, by the way, I am in no way consciously interested in) having sex. I was outraged because this guy was supposedly my boyfriend. The guy leaves and the woman and I have an argument. The scene shifts in the way that dreams often do and I am wrapping her dead body into a big clear plastic garbage bag (why clear? I must be the most incompetent murderer ever.) I take the body and throw it over the balcony of my apartment building which is several stories up. The body lands in a creek behind the apartments just on the bank and settles beneath some gnarled roots of a huge tree there.
The later nights have simply consisted of me going through regular dreams, except that I am tortured by the knowledge that I've killed this woman. Last night my dream was of me sitting on that balcony and staring down at some kids playing near the body and me freaking the hell out that they would find it.
When I wake up after these dreams, I have the hardest time believing that I haven't killed anyone. The dreams aren't any more real that I've ever had, but the fact that I keep having the information drilled into me night after night is disturbing to say the least. I hope I can get out of this loop soon.
Once I get back from Japan, I want to take a six month sabbatical from real life and focus 100% on writing. I have had a book idea since 2000 and I really want to sit down and write it. Of course, writing on the side while working a full time job is nowhere near impossible, but my dream is to be a full-time writer. And why not start on that dream while I have a nest egg of money to keep me afloat? I'd also finally edit my short stories and send them out to journals to get my name out there.
I have my doubts about this. Although I trust in my writing ability, it's not like I see myself as the next J.K. Rowling (I compare myself to her because my book will be geared toward the same age group.) With any luck, the book will be a best-seller and I will get a huge advance to start on my second. But most writers find that their books never bring in a substantial income. I once attended an excellent lecture by Peter Straub, a moderately famous horror author. He said that his first book, which he thought at the time was absolute genius, sold perhaps 60 copies and he had a really hard time getting his second book published. That book sold perhaps twice as much as the first. It was an uphill battle his entire career. He had his golden period, but confessed that he had to take lecture gigs like the one he was doing to supplement his income. Mr. Straub's story is a very common one as far as writers go.
However, consider for a moment the success of Stephanie Meyer, author of the rabidly popular Twilight series. Twilight was her fist novel and the series has sold 45 million copies published in 35 languages. Granted I have only read excerpts from the first book, but she doesn't seem to be the best writer ever. I can confidently say I am a better writer than she is. Yes, I do realize how lofty these words sound given the fact that I am not published anywhere yet. Anyway, the point is that sometimes it only takes one book to set you up for a career as a best-selling writer. Stephen King had similar success.
I am determined to get published. The story in my head demands to be written. I have the entire thing from beginning to end: characters, settings, time lines, and plot-twists. It's like Instastory: just add Word!
I think that going without a job to write a book is a big risk, but you don't get anywhere without taking some risks. And I think this would be a great time--perhaps the only time--in my life to do something risky like this.
And yet, it may be a risk that just isn't worth taking. I need to think about this more. In the meantime, I continue my futile search for a "real" job.