Death in the Family
This past week has been hell, in both the literal and figurative sense. My young, beautiful five month old nephew died last week. It was tragic in that it was an accident and so very sudden. He was precious and I will miss him terribly. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I'm forgetful, I zone out constantly and I can't seem to concentrate to save my life. I'm also so tired of crying that I don't want to do it anymore. Also, tired. I want to sleep constantly which is not a good thing. I think I'm still in shock. I don't know. Some days I feel like I want to die, others like I want to scream until I can't anymore. Others I just want to sit still and not move at all. The pain is unbearable. I don't know how my brother and sister-in-law cope with it. I feel like I'm going insane. Sigh. I know this is part of God's plan and this is His will but it's hard not to be angry with Him. To ask the whys and all that. I'm angry and sad and exhausting from just breathing. Death is a horrible thing. I think illness would have been better because at least that way we would have been expecting it. This sudden, abrupt cut off of a tiny life is awful.
For though he was with us such a short time
he shone like a bright beacon on a stormy night
may he rest peacefully with our Lord
and wait for us to join him in Heaven's mighty halls.