andso i scream another tear,, i dont know.. is this joy?
i was sent to my grandmas last night...
"im so sick of youand seeing your face"
and like that im out and off to another house where i hear her talk of me
"well jesus angela.. i dont know what to do with her either"
am i this much of a problem... i feel .. rejected.. my worst fear... and i feel it all the way
and i've thought about alot of things..
im seeing myselfas alot of other people has seen me.. and i really hate and dispise what im seeing.... i think thats getting to me as well.... summer is almost here... im scared of summer... its more time with my mom.. and more time to have her hate me.. or just get more mad at me...
perhaps this is just highschool and im setting the bars higher on me than they need to be.. meaning.. maybe im just.. no i am i know i am.. im adding more drama than there needs toi be.. and im going to try my hardest to not cause any more trouble.. or at least not make it as hard as it needs to be... as i make it be....
everything else is going okay
i miss roxy
(congradulations to you!! on your drivers license!!! yay for you and your hard work in school!! im proud!!!)
i miss mel.. im worried for mel
proud of my cousin and her friend alison.. graduation!!<3 they were so so beautiful!!!
i wish i could have stayed to say how proud i was
sarah
...
sarah... im in the same thing.. the same situation same feelings the same pain.. same same same... its so much the same i feel like .. with her there will be notrhing else but pain???
i was friends.. she said it couldnt happen she liked me so much.. so i cut out the friendly hand holdind skipping and dancing.. no hugs..
then i was fine with that.. with the bar of physical attachment to be only where simple looks and smiles would be alowed.... .. well no.. we still hug at times.. barely and i'll give her a short massage if shes stressed or in pain.. its all uncomfy feeling though.. awkward almost.. that saddens me
i supose that wasnt enough...
"theres a problem... we kindof cant hang out together unless its in a big group.. at all"
then after a dumfounded look
"::heh heh:: whats wrong!!!!! ::smiles::"
me- i cant belive your agreeing to that crap.. its bull shit
"it wasnt spencers idea.. its all mine"
"im so sick of youand seeing your face"
and like that im out and off to another house where i hear her talk of me
"well jesus angela.. i dont know what to do with her either"
am i this much of a problem... i feel .. rejected.. my worst fear... and i feel it all the way
and i've thought about alot of things..
im seeing myselfas alot of other people has seen me.. and i really hate and dispise what im seeing.... i think thats getting to me as well.... summer is almost here... im scared of summer... its more time with my mom.. and more time to have her hate me.. or just get more mad at me...
perhaps this is just highschool and im setting the bars higher on me than they need to be.. meaning.. maybe im just.. no i am i know i am.. im adding more drama than there needs toi be.. and im going to try my hardest to not cause any more trouble.. or at least not make it as hard as it needs to be... as i make it be....
everything else is going okay
i miss roxy
(congradulations to you!! on your drivers license!!! yay for you and your hard work in school!! im proud!!!)
i miss mel.. im worried for mel
proud of my cousin and her friend alison.. graduation!!<3 they were so so beautiful!!!
i wish i could have stayed to say how proud i was
sarah
...
sarah... im in the same thing.. the same situation same feelings the same pain.. same same same... its so much the same i feel like .. with her there will be notrhing else but pain???
i was friends.. she said it couldnt happen she liked me so much.. so i cut out the friendly hand holdind skipping and dancing.. no hugs..
then i was fine with that.. with the bar of physical attachment to be only where simple looks and smiles would be alowed.... .. well no.. we still hug at times.. barely and i'll give her a short massage if shes stressed or in pain.. its all uncomfy feeling though.. awkward almost.. that saddens me
i supose that wasnt enough...
"theres a problem... we kindof cant hang out together unless its in a big group.. at all"
then after a dumfounded look
"::heh heh:: whats wrong!!!!! ::smiles::"
me- i cant belive your agreeing to that crap.. its bull shit
"it wasnt spencers idea.. its all mine"