There's always some reason to not feel good enough.
I hate this feeling.
The other night we had an awseome girls night at Jaims. All of us were there for the first time in a long time. And nothing went wrong except for a few spilled beers which was good. I beat my drinking record, not by much but enough I guess...made a few phone calls I probably shouldn't have, left a few voicemails..I don't even know? This is the first time I honestly don't remember a lot about the night. But in general the night was just great in general. We all needed it bad. We woke up nice and early and got home to sleep more then I went out with my Matty and Mark to get his car inspected then we went to Friendly's for lunch. Came home and slept more. Sleep.
I'm leaving tomorrow to go to Ocean City with Jesse and her family until next Sunday. It'll be really nice to get away from here. A good long distraction will be nice. Then when I get back my birthday's in a little more than two weeks. I get to have one more hour of cerfew YAY. Which won't make a difference what so ever..whatver I'll have more room to slide being 18..at least I better. I really can't wait until this year is over. I'm so done with high school. I have everyone in my life that I need, my family, and the best friends in the world. Minus the whole relationship factor.
I thought I didn't want a relashionship over the summer/in highschool in general, but now I know I really do. I thought all I wanted to do was party and not have to be "tied down" to anyone. I guess it was selfish and now I realize I think I'm really ready to be all about that one person. I probably feel this now because of that small glimps of someone that used to be here. It just felt good knowing there was kind of someone there. A little weird but I kinda felt security when he was around..like I don't know, I had his back and he had mine. And it was weird because honestly for the first time it felt okay for me. Like maybe for once something might actually work. I just wanna be able to be good to someone and stop all these girls from corrupting and ruining peoples chances to have something real.
I tried to put across that I would never fuck you over, but I guess it wasn't enough.
I probably shouldn't blame myself..but I always do.
Well, no computer access for a while so anyone can call or text me if you need to. 609-417-8378
It's starting to get light outside so I better go back to sleep. I'll miss everyone. I already miss people.
P.S. My parents are going away for the first time in...forever, next month. And all my aunts and uncles are going with them. They're going to St. Martin or something. And my parents are letting me stay here so I'll have an empty house for a while. And pretty much everyone that could be keeping an eye on my house or could stop in at any moment are going to be there so it's a done deal. This is like a once in a lifetime thing so it should be tons of fun.
LOVE YOU ALL. Goodnight.
The other night we had an awseome girls night at Jaims. All of us were there for the first time in a long time. And nothing went wrong except for a few spilled beers which was good. I beat my drinking record, not by much but enough I guess...made a few phone calls I probably shouldn't have, left a few voicemails..I don't even know? This is the first time I honestly don't remember a lot about the night. But in general the night was just great in general. We all needed it bad. We woke up nice and early and got home to sleep more then I went out with my Matty and Mark to get his car inspected then we went to Friendly's for lunch. Came home and slept more. Sleep.
I'm leaving tomorrow to go to Ocean City with Jesse and her family until next Sunday. It'll be really nice to get away from here. A good long distraction will be nice. Then when I get back my birthday's in a little more than two weeks. I get to have one more hour of cerfew YAY. Which won't make a difference what so ever..whatver I'll have more room to slide being 18..at least I better. I really can't wait until this year is over. I'm so done with high school. I have everyone in my life that I need, my family, and the best friends in the world. Minus the whole relationship factor.
I thought I didn't want a relashionship over the summer/in highschool in general, but now I know I really do. I thought all I wanted to do was party and not have to be "tied down" to anyone. I guess it was selfish and now I realize I think I'm really ready to be all about that one person. I probably feel this now because of that small glimps of someone that used to be here. It just felt good knowing there was kind of someone there. A little weird but I kinda felt security when he was around..like I don't know, I had his back and he had mine. And it was weird because honestly for the first time it felt okay for me. Like maybe for once something might actually work. I just wanna be able to be good to someone and stop all these girls from corrupting and ruining peoples chances to have something real.
I tried to put across that I would never fuck you over, but I guess it wasn't enough.
I probably shouldn't blame myself..but I always do.
Well, no computer access for a while so anyone can call or text me if you need to. 609-417-8378
It's starting to get light outside so I better go back to sleep. I'll miss everyone. I already miss people.
P.S. My parents are going away for the first time in...forever, next month. And all my aunts and uncles are going with them. They're going to St. Martin or something. And my parents are letting me stay here so I'll have an empty house for a while. And pretty much everyone that could be keeping an eye on my house or could stop in at any moment are going to be there so it's a done deal. This is like a once in a lifetime thing so it should be tons of fun.
LOVE YOU ALL. Goodnight.