(no subject)
Miraculously, with this onset depression which seemed to be sweeping me up, a very delightful positive has given rise: I've finally settled on a goal.
I've been debating back and forth exactly the what the fuck I should be doing. Should I be working full time? School full time? Should I move again? Where, etc. But, I've realized (at the very least) that the absolute best thing I can do for myself in the present is get a better job and begin saving money again. When I moved to Portland for the second time I had over $5,000 saved up which gave me leg room to settle in. I'd like to reach that once more. And, when I do, I can decide where I'm moving and what school I'll attend.
I've been seriously considering moving to Vancouver, Canada as the prospects and stability of that area are promising. But, I am worried it's too far. And, furthermore, it would only be delaying college that much longer. If I'm forced to stay in California to complete school, then I'll save up enough money to move out, go to school full-time and supplement my income with either a full or part time job. I can't foresee me having any difficulty with that since needing to get out of the house and be busy is really what's compelling me forward at this point.
So, that's the goal: save money. And, once there, move out. Move into a house of random strangers my age with the potential to turn my crippled social life upside down.
Speaking of a crippled social life. I'm going to regress in this girl situation. It's apparent, in ways, that the same level of my adoration which I'm giving and showing is not requited. If it were then there would be time for me this weekend. There would be time for me during a birthday. Quite honestly, the situation is further complicated by the fact that I know she's moving and it's completely impractical for everything to continue. But, in all, she's rather awesome. So, understanding my place in the scheme of things, I won't be pouring myself into anything anymore. I won't be asking to hang out. I won't initiate calls. I won't do anything until the same level of affection is reciprocated.
I've been debating back and forth exactly the what the fuck I should be doing. Should I be working full time? School full time? Should I move again? Where, etc. But, I've realized (at the very least) that the absolute best thing I can do for myself in the present is get a better job and begin saving money again. When I moved to Portland for the second time I had over $5,000 saved up which gave me leg room to settle in. I'd like to reach that once more. And, when I do, I can decide where I'm moving and what school I'll attend.
I've been seriously considering moving to Vancouver, Canada as the prospects and stability of that area are promising. But, I am worried it's too far. And, furthermore, it would only be delaying college that much longer. If I'm forced to stay in California to complete school, then I'll save up enough money to move out, go to school full-time and supplement my income with either a full or part time job. I can't foresee me having any difficulty with that since needing to get out of the house and be busy is really what's compelling me forward at this point.
So, that's the goal: save money. And, once there, move out. Move into a house of random strangers my age with the potential to turn my crippled social life upside down.
Speaking of a crippled social life. I'm going to regress in this girl situation. It's apparent, in ways, that the same level of my adoration which I'm giving and showing is not requited. If it were then there would be time for me this weekend. There would be time for me during a birthday. Quite honestly, the situation is further complicated by the fact that I know she's moving and it's completely impractical for everything to continue. But, in all, she's rather awesome. So, understanding my place in the scheme of things, I won't be pouring myself into anything anymore. I won't be asking to hang out. I won't initiate calls. I won't do anything until the same level of affection is reciprocated.