Change she is a commin......
I am looking forward to this year being over, so far it has not been the kindest to me.... or others I suppose.
I have lost my Grandpa my Uncle my Old horse, and my Car got killed. I must admit the car in the scheme of things is minor, I am ok as was the lady in the other car so in terms of human life on that one it was good. However legally it is looking to be my fault even though there are circumstances, isnt there always?
I am left with a feeling of incomptence, and fear, also I really dont like approaching green lights anymore in case they change fast on me.
It Is about as dangerous as can be and I need to get over it but still the dread lies in the pit of my stomache, As does the fear that this will somehow put my husband and I back financialy and it will be my fault.
One of the things I learned this year is that old debt does not go away it just festers, and if you do not have your paper work lined up then you are Fucked.
This last year I have been garnished, and sent a notice on another item I had paid earlier, ha ha I had. I even was able to find the first group I had paid have them send me confirmation that YES I had paid fax it to the new guys who said WOW looks like you paid, felt good to be on top of things and not ingnore them hoping they will go away.
So with this feeling in mind I paid of my dentist in full ( yes I was paying all along) and checked my credit rating and got in touch with Capitol One, set up a payment plan, so in six months there should be No old debtsout there waiting to slap me in the face when i have told myself I am a responsible adult.
I was hired on part time at work which is giving me full time wages, so thats nice, oh and a raise and medical and union membership.
It's great I'll be needing that money for insurance.
Im still going to fight the ticket, I know that light was green when I first hit that intersection then it was yellow and then red bam like that.
I have learned to pay attention to the walk sign it will show the way.
I also turn my radio off when Im driving through the city, and frankly I drive like an old cautious lady, and I dont care, I do not want to get in another accident.
I have to be carefull about the inner dialogue that says, you are an idiot and a looser and besides that your fat and ugly and dont be suprised if your husband leaves you.
Things on that front have been pretty good, He has not told me I am an idiot, he did say I was a bad driver as did my Mom, and I think I remember Josh and Trista saying that as well.
OKso since there is little to NO eveidence to the contrary yes I am a bad driver, and I am signed up for a defensive driving class so maybe I wont be so scary and dangerous to my self and others.
I have learned it only takes an instance for something to happen and a change to occur the next change that occurs I would like to be on my terms not the terms of the Gods, cause um they be mean and shit. :)
Health- This last year I found out my blood pressure is high, which was causing anxiety and migraines, since being on the pills the headaches have gone, anxiety is lessened, except with severe stress.
I was diagnosed with fibroyds which were causing heavy bleeding, and breakthrough bleeding also kind of kills sex life, not a club I want to be in so I am biting the bullet and getting on birth control pills.
My dentist said I have Angry gums, sounds like a B movie.
I will be needing speacial work and I NEED, NEED, NEED ,TO FLOSS, pain be dammed!
I also need to get my wisdom teeth taken out due to a cavity.
I was mad at my body for betraying me but i think that maybe it was me that was not keeping up with maintenace.
I was looking for an easy fix and there is no such thing.
I am looking forward to 40.
I will be a tiny bit wiser, and can perhaps move on to other lessons.
which of course will be a kinder lesson cause I will get it faster.....
one can only hope.
I have lost my Grandpa my Uncle my Old horse, and my Car got killed. I must admit the car in the scheme of things is minor, I am ok as was the lady in the other car so in terms of human life on that one it was good. However legally it is looking to be my fault even though there are circumstances, isnt there always?
I am left with a feeling of incomptence, and fear, also I really dont like approaching green lights anymore in case they change fast on me.
It Is about as dangerous as can be and I need to get over it but still the dread lies in the pit of my stomache, As does the fear that this will somehow put my husband and I back financialy and it will be my fault.
One of the things I learned this year is that old debt does not go away it just festers, and if you do not have your paper work lined up then you are Fucked.
This last year I have been garnished, and sent a notice on another item I had paid earlier, ha ha I had. I even was able to find the first group I had paid have them send me confirmation that YES I had paid fax it to the new guys who said WOW looks like you paid, felt good to be on top of things and not ingnore them hoping they will go away.
So with this feeling in mind I paid of my dentist in full ( yes I was paying all along) and checked my credit rating and got in touch with Capitol One, set up a payment plan, so in six months there should be No old debtsout there waiting to slap me in the face when i have told myself I am a responsible adult.
I was hired on part time at work which is giving me full time wages, so thats nice, oh and a raise and medical and union membership.
It's great I'll be needing that money for insurance.
Im still going to fight the ticket, I know that light was green when I first hit that intersection then it was yellow and then red bam like that.
I have learned to pay attention to the walk sign it will show the way.
I also turn my radio off when Im driving through the city, and frankly I drive like an old cautious lady, and I dont care, I do not want to get in another accident.
I have to be carefull about the inner dialogue that says, you are an idiot and a looser and besides that your fat and ugly and dont be suprised if your husband leaves you.
Things on that front have been pretty good, He has not told me I am an idiot, he did say I was a bad driver as did my Mom, and I think I remember Josh and Trista saying that as well.
OKso since there is little to NO eveidence to the contrary yes I am a bad driver, and I am signed up for a defensive driving class so maybe I wont be so scary and dangerous to my self and others.
I have learned it only takes an instance for something to happen and a change to occur the next change that occurs I would like to be on my terms not the terms of the Gods, cause um they be mean and shit. :)
Health- This last year I found out my blood pressure is high, which was causing anxiety and migraines, since being on the pills the headaches have gone, anxiety is lessened, except with severe stress.
I was diagnosed with fibroyds which were causing heavy bleeding, and breakthrough bleeding also kind of kills sex life, not a club I want to be in so I am biting the bullet and getting on birth control pills.
My dentist said I have Angry gums, sounds like a B movie.
I will be needing speacial work and I NEED, NEED, NEED ,TO FLOSS, pain be dammed!
I also need to get my wisdom teeth taken out due to a cavity.
I was mad at my body for betraying me but i think that maybe it was me that was not keeping up with maintenace.
I was looking for an easy fix and there is no such thing.
I am looking forward to 40.
I will be a tiny bit wiser, and can perhaps move on to other lessons.
which of course will be a kinder lesson cause I will get it faster.....
one can only hope.