Up date-ish, crabby rant and other observations.
Ive been so damn busy. Random people popping up in my life keeping me busy. Thats cool and all, but Ive also been such a mess recently. Abusing adderall and xanax a tad too much and its always the same horrible cycle; take adderrall, stay up for how ever long (and recently, until i become physically ill.) I take xanax coupled with several tylenol PM to get to sleep. Repeat next day. Usually I will tend to let myself recover for a few days first, but not recently.
Result? Freakishlly high tolerance to Xanax, again. (I take the 2mg. bars) This also tends to make me lazy...while ON the adderrall, which makes no sense. I have an ever growing list of shit i need to do, and some of its really damn important. Especially the "call boss to see if i'm still on the schedule" to do item. I had to leave out of town to take care of an ailing relative (which i'm still out of town.) My bosses are the close family, very christian types so they had no problem with me leaving to deal with this matter for a few weeks and wanted me to call in to give updates. I've only called once (a week ago) and got the voice mail, so I left a message. She called back (missed her call) and told me to make sure to give her an Rick a call. This was a week ago, and I have yet to call. Its like i'm scared of them or something! Im just afraid ill lose my job, and i really like this place.
*sigh*
I also put up an account on Model Mayhem, trying to get back into modeling after taking a several year break. Been getting a few request which im interested in (artistic ballet nudes) but the more I start to think about it, the more Im not sure I can go through with it. I just hate my body so much. When I modeled in the past, it was pre-ED and I was perfectly fine doing artistic nudes, comfortable and all. Now? I dont know. Im usually really great infront of the camera, but I'm not sure if I can be a good enough actress now to fake that confidence I once had....
I have no idea what I'm going to do.
Im just getting anxious over everything thats coming up soon and down the road. I start the fall ballet season on aug. 22-I called twice to pre-register so I could get my dance schedule, this still has not come in the mail. Ive also havnt done shit in the way of any kind of practicing, stretching etc, at all this summer. I dont know what i'm going to do. I could start now, and I NEED to but I guess i'm just so distracted.
Sucks.
The only plus note, I bought over 70$ worth of books the other day. Books make me extremely happy. What I bought:
-Into The Wild
-T.S Elliot Selected works of poetry
-Selected works of poets saying goodbye to the 20th centry
-The Gospel of Food (about food and nutrition politics in america)
-Technopoly-the surrender of culture to technology (anthropomorphic sociological narrative on the effect of technology on civilization)
Should keep me busy for a bit.
Result? Freakishlly high tolerance to Xanax, again. (I take the 2mg. bars) This also tends to make me lazy...while ON the adderrall, which makes no sense. I have an ever growing list of shit i need to do, and some of its really damn important. Especially the "call boss to see if i'm still on the schedule" to do item. I had to leave out of town to take care of an ailing relative (which i'm still out of town.) My bosses are the close family, very christian types so they had no problem with me leaving to deal with this matter for a few weeks and wanted me to call in to give updates. I've only called once (a week ago) and got the voice mail, so I left a message. She called back (missed her call) and told me to make sure to give her an Rick a call. This was a week ago, and I have yet to call. Its like i'm scared of them or something! Im just afraid ill lose my job, and i really like this place.
*sigh*
I also put up an account on Model Mayhem, trying to get back into modeling after taking a several year break. Been getting a few request which im interested in (artistic ballet nudes) but the more I start to think about it, the more Im not sure I can go through with it. I just hate my body so much. When I modeled in the past, it was pre-ED and I was perfectly fine doing artistic nudes, comfortable and all. Now? I dont know. Im usually really great infront of the camera, but I'm not sure if I can be a good enough actress now to fake that confidence I once had....
I have no idea what I'm going to do.
Im just getting anxious over everything thats coming up soon and down the road. I start the fall ballet season on aug. 22-I called twice to pre-register so I could get my dance schedule, this still has not come in the mail. Ive also havnt done shit in the way of any kind of practicing, stretching etc, at all this summer. I dont know what i'm going to do. I could start now, and I NEED to but I guess i'm just so distracted.
Sucks.
The only plus note, I bought over 70$ worth of books the other day. Books make me extremely happy. What I bought:
-Into The Wild
-T.S Elliot Selected works of poetry
-Selected works of poets saying goodbye to the 20th centry
-The Gospel of Food (about food and nutrition politics in america)
-Technopoly-the surrender of culture to technology (anthropomorphic sociological narrative on the effect of technology on civilization)
Should keep me busy for a bit.