Journal Of Meridian, book 2
((OOC: Okay, the LJ crosspost got to be too large, so let's start a new one!
Last update: Finished on March 1, 2013
Previous book is here.))
Day 37:
Today was quite interesting.
It is easy to lose myself in routine in this city. I had meant to ask about the marks sooner, but there is something charming about simply living here, and Armaros's idle company is quite pleasant. I might have forgotten entirely had I not mistakenly broadcast my idle musings to the second level as I contemplated my marked shoulder in the mirror. I was in luck, for Asato was there to listen. He, too, had heard Ashraf's call to assemble and had been spreading the word. I asked him to mark a place on this side of the wall, which he said he had with a red peice of paper on which he drew a cross. He confided in me then that he would like to learn more about acting human. I wonder if he has felt excluded for his catlike behavior. He reminds me very strongly of Armaros, and I wonder if that could not be part of this need to protect him that I feel.
I wondered why Armaros never saw fit to join me on the second level, and discovered the answer on return to my senses on the first level, where I found my arms covered in ink, my nails painted, my head and shoulders clothed in a hat and one of the strange shawls from the room beneath the roof, and Armaros still drawing on my back. It seemed I had been gone for quite some time, and Armaros had grown bored of waiting, and didn't wish to interrupt whatever I might be doing. Though I spend far too much time inactive for my comfort, I feel I will never feel idle as long as I live with Armaros. He's been settling wonderfully, and when he and I had washed the efforts of his boredom from my skin, he fetched his paper and told me he was planning a solstice festival with someone. It warmed my heart to see him in such high spirits, and I felt that this was the Armaros I knew even though I couldn't remember. Just as the Freemen's hopeful words for him felt true, so did this eagerness, this happiness I saw in my friend. I couldn't keep myself from nearly crying in joy, and it showed in my voice, which Armaros took for sadness. When I corrected him, I admitted I couldn't clearly remember our time in Heaven for all the years I've lived between. For a moment even after I'd explained the difference between human and angelic memory, I was worried he might feel insulted or betrayed by my lack of memory, but he seemed to quickly dismiss it and took me by the wrist to lead me out of the room, again suffused with excitement. My heart was unprepared for all it would be subjected to in the conversation that followed. I will attempt to reproduce everything as I experienced it, but despite all of language's power, it has its limits.
He seated me on the couch and told me he'd learned how to speak to only one person on the second level, and he began to focus, and I heard a faint voice, as if in my own head, and had the memory not been buried, had not defied vivid recollection, I would think I was merely remembering it. But the voice was nostalgic to me, and I again acutely felt the presence of a happy memory I cannot recall. I went to the second level to meet him, and he greeted me, in his own voice, with a bright smile. I couldn't contain my joy, and I embraced him. It has been so long since my heart ached with a feeling of being full rather than empty! He was speaking again; it must have felt so very wonderful for him, and his happiness can only compound my own. This city has truly returned to him much of what he has lost, and I do not want him to leave it until I can be sure he will be safe and whole! We spoke, truly spoke with our voices, about the marks. We discovered that the both of us knew Ashraf and Asato, and that Asato was the one who had the idea of the celebration. It seemed natural to try and combine the events. Everything was going to come together perfectly, we would have our celebration, we would trade information, and Armaros has his voice back, in a way. It felt as if nothing could go wrong in that moment, and I know Armaros felt that way as well from the smile on his face. How long has it been since he was so happy? After all the time he spent wasting away in The Darkness, his happiness is as my own, and I will do everything I can to help him return to the way he once was, to the angel that feels right in my faded memories.
Armaros sensed my ebbing strength, as I had spent several hours on the second level before this, and he took my hand to comfort me, and told me it would be all right if we left; we could always return. I didn't want to leave this place where he and I could speak this way, but I was exhausted. We returned to the first level, and Armaros leaned his shoulder against mine, holding his paper between us so I could watch as he wrote. He was attempting to restore my memories, I learned, as he wrote and drew pictures of our first meeting. I couldn't remember anything, but, again, I felt strongly that his every word was true.
There was something else in those images, however, something reflected in him that did not strike my forgotten memories but recalled recent ones. Aside from his nervousness and his excitement, there seemed to be signs of attraction in him as well. I might not have believed so had this not been so easily behind his behavior when I came home from gathering firewood, and I found myself thinking of the way he had taken my hand immediately before this. I asked him if my suspicions were correct, and found they were.
This does not feel wrong to me, but it is a strange feeling, as if I've somehow forgotten the way this is meant to feel. To repeat, this has been an interesting day, one my heart was scarcely prepared for, but one I am happy to have lived. I don't want to worry about what living with Armaros will entail now, but I want both of us to be happy.
Day 41:
Armaros has much of his energy back - I feel as if I should say his old energy, and is restless. I returned home from fetching food to find he'd somehow overturned the bookshelf in the main room. I was worried he might be injured, for he stumbled and seemed unsteady on his feet as he tried to help me, but he assured me when we were done and he could fetch his pen and paper that he was only exhausted from his practice and would be fine. I can't help but worry for him, so I told him to rest. He grudgingly accepted this, and we began preparing to start a fire. In doing so, we learned the secret of the strange sticks in the box I found in the bedroom: The rough surface on the box ignites the painted end when they're struck against it. Armaros lit the fire, and we ate in peace, aside from some of my food tasting far too sweet. There was a can that advertised fruit preserved in syrup inside, and I found the fruit within to taste like wine. Armaros lay his head on my lap as he ate, and we were quite comfortable, but something soon seemed to trouble him.
I asked him what troubled him, and he told me to swear I would complete my mission as ordered, and confessed that he thought he could convince me to join him, seeking the comfort of the life we lead now. I was surprised to learn this, for after reading the Freemen's notes regarding him, I had thought perhaps we need not fight, that I may be able to help him repent and join me. I told him this, but he said Lucifel may disapprove. I had not considered Lucifel - I had hoped to see God reconsider, but if Armaros did not repent and I couldn't prepare myself to fight in time, it would be Lucifel who received the blame for my failure, as my appointed guardian and guide. I wouldn't want to hurt Lucifel, but nor do I want to fail to try to help Armaros! But I wondered if trying to change Armaros's mind when I return would upset the events here in Meridian. Does Lucifel find himself faced with such questions as he travels through time? Surely, my guardian's mind is a wonder...
But I cannot take that risk. That is why we must have Meridian, and why I hope to return - Armaros seems confident that I will. "You'll come back to me," he wrote. There was a power in those words that I doubt even his voice could have done proper justice, and I want to believe them. My struggle with my hopes must have shown on my face, for Armaros beckoned me to lean down, and I obeyed, pulling him up for the embrace I thought he wanted. He wanted to kiss me instead, and I was not prepared - so little so, in fact, that such a simple gesture left me stupefied. I'm afraid my heart is loathe to give up its fear of losing yet again, and without knowing he would kiss me, I couldn't lower this guard, leaving me unable to react. Poor Armaros! He deserves better than this from me; I do love him, as a friend or otherwise.
I apologized, and told him he had startled me - only partially true, but I don't wish to discourage him. He accepted this and began seeking something to do. I did not want to leave the fire while it was still alive, however, and we couldn't agree on an activity. Armaros was accustomed to a life of luxury within the Tower and I centuries of work on the search, and he felt guilt for acting so restless. But how could I blame him for never living life as an ordinary human would? In fact, this life here at Meridian is somewhere between our lives on Earth and in the Tower, and telling him so seemed to brighten his spirits - it is a new start for him, where he is neither traitor nor god.
"Everything's fine as long as you're here," he wrote. I will be here for him, then, as long as I can.
Day 43:
God help us, if You know I write this. There was no rest today.
A fanged mouth haunted the shadows of my dreams, and when I woke in a fright, the earth was shaking with a groan that sounded alive. The sky through the window was a vile red, and when I saw how it resembled the color of vileness, I immediately thought of Armaros and turned to see him awake but with a blind man's unseeing gaze. I quickly dressed to summon my armor and I joined him on the second level to find him speaking with a man I'd never met before. He held fast to me the moment I appeared, as frightened as I feared he would be. He was coherent, however, and quickly calmed to continue to speak with the strange man. He did not introduce himself, but he seemed to know Sola, and told us she was "indisposed". It was quickly revealed that he was a native as she was, and we learned the truth behind the deserted city: I had already feared the worst for the inhabitants, but it seems someone, an entity, was behind their deaths, though will be unable to do so again.
I thought we had seen the worst of the panic, as nothing seemed to happen for over an hour. I should have found breakfast, but neither of us had any appetite. We were tense in our silence, watching the second level for more information. I tried to make Armaros comfortable, to make him feel safe, but then I heard Cain on the second level, laughing like a madman. His sky had turned red as well, he said, when the barriers between Earth and "the demon world" began to fall. His words and his laugh struck fear in my heart but I knew my unease couldn't possibly compare to what Armaros must feel. The moment I heard him respond with a weak and fearful voice, I hurried to his side to comfort him through his fearful sobbing. When he had calmed, he decided to stay there on the second level despite his fear. My ancestor couldn't speak the truth for us, I realized, for God's weapons never followed me into The Darkness, and my Arch was still at my back.
It was only for Armaros's health that I left to bring back meals at all today. I didn't want to leave his side here under the vile sky after what Cain's observation had done to him. I worry for him, and for Meridian his sanctuary, for the others who have found refuge here, and for Sola.
I was so concerned for Armaros's health when we settled here that I failed to be properly concerned with the idea of our predecessors' sudden deaths, or the abandoned city. I forgot it in all that happened after, and now I fear Armaros may pay a heavier price for it than I.
The light is fading. I will sleep with my sandals on so I may call on my armor at any time, if I can find sleep this night. Even prayer has failed to calm me. I can only hope my prayers were heard.
Day 44:
Will each day bring more worries? I woke early after a restless sleep and left to gather food, and saw strange apparitions roaming the roads, like mist had obscured my vision in certain spots. I stopped to watch one, and it did not acknowledge or attack me. When I reached the store, the earth began to shake as it had yesterday, and I hurried to find somewhere safe and contact the second level to seek out those who needed aid. A woman in red was speaking, addressing one she called "Lady". She said the city was falling apart, that this "Lady" couldn't sustain it any longer, and she had fled a man's embrace to maintain it.
Before I could ponder on these things or ask her what she meant, she seemed to recognize she was being watched and made a threat against the marked - "Do not expect me to be kind, especially if you have been marked by my leader's enemies." With the fanged grin I saw in my dreams yesterday, she vanished from the level. Immediately in her wake, Armaros called out to me. We swore to protect one another, to make this the haven he needs, to bring peace. I seem to be in danger, being marked, but I will not allow myself to leave Armaros, not even by death - especially not by death.
I met another stranger who was marked, himself, this one having arrived recently. I didn't learn his name, but I would like to believe I was able to quell his fear. If all of us stand strong, we can overcome any threat. God help me, I'm feeling as if I belong to this place as a community, I have too much to lose! Ah, perhaps the tension is causing me to panic more easily, there is more I have to say.
I could understand the cat from before on the roof and from my first day here, whose name is Sissel. He said he could only be understood by someone who had died.
My thoughts are scattered, I should not have tried to write this now. But the ink is on the page, it is too late. I worry for Armaros and for this city.
I will try to write my next entry more coherently. Dear God, what has my complacency done to us?
Day 45:
The sky is still red today, and the apparitions are not the only new phenomenon to appear in the city. I found Michael walking along the edge of the wall in the middle of the city, and the wall was crumbling from the force of the earthquake yesterday. At first, I believed he could see the wall, but then he made mention of the bridges, and they were crumbling, as well. I had thought that some force was trying to break down the barrier between us at first, but it would seem otherwise from this. In addition, the wall is no weaker for its damage, as I struck it multiple times and it did not yield. Michael and I spoke of the marks and of the strange-eyed woman who appeared yesterday, and he said he would be able to defeat her. I warned him against his recklessness but he wasn't willing to hear me. He called the apparitions "ghosts", and I thought for a moment they might be bound as were the spirits of the Nephilim mothers in the Tower, but they don't seem to be aware of anyone around them, and they retain no human appearance. But I have no reason to doubt Michael on this yet, as there is no other explanation for them. I hope they remain peaceful.
Day 46:
Sola appeared on the second level and warned us all that a friend of hers, the woman that appeared to us on the forty-fourth day, had gone mad, and told us to remain inside. I heard Michael, and thought to ask him if he would be going out against her, but we only argued over Sola's trustworthiness.
I do trust Sola, but I could not in good conscience remain idle while a dangerous madwoman roamed the streets, and a woman whose name I would later learn was Katherine seemed to feel the same. After all, how many did not hear her? Armaros tried to convince us to stay inside, and how it pained me to deny him! I know he is only worried for my safety, and I would feel the same had he volunteered, but Katherine and I were driven to aid Sola and the city she clearly cares for. As she had no place to stay, we invited Katherine to join us at home, which would serve as a gathering place for our hunting party or as a refuge in case we did not collect enough people. I must stop writing and await her arrival.
Day 46, continued (written on the forty-seventh day):
The hunt did not go as we planned. Armaros had seemed to relent in the face of our resolve, but when Asato arrived and it was clear Armaros had invited him, I knew he had sought aid in preventing me from going outside. Armaros surprised me yet again by claiming he had invited him to speak of the gathering we had been planning, but Asato did not see what he wrote and spoke his true intentions. Armaros retreated to the hallway, clearly ashamed of his lie, but how could I resent such a thing when his intentions were so pure as to protect someone he loves? I implored him to return to us, and he did so with a sullen air that did not abate no matter what comfort I tried to give him. He has lived among humans as long as I have, surely he must know the same loss I do, and in knowing such a thing, it was painful to continue to insist on trying to stop this madwoman before she could do any harm to those who couldn't hear Sola's warning.
The nature of his concern and of my pain was more transparent than I thought. Asato asked us, "Are you two mates?" I was uncertain of how I should answer him, as we are not in the sense that cats would be, as such is a matter of bearing children, which we obviously cannot (and even if we could, should not) do, and my own feelings are still confusing to me, besides. I love him, but it seems I am out of practice in understanding my own heart as it was before I began hiding it from loss.
The pain was too much to bear, in all, for Armaros was able to convince me, with Asato's aid, to send warnings to the second level first. No sooner had I agreed than Katherine arrived, and we told her of the new plan, and she asked about those who did not yet realize the second level exists. It was not an invalid argument, and one I might have made myself had my heart not been involved so deeply. Armaros and Asato managed to convince her to attempt the second level warning as well, the both of them being so hard to refuse - I had thought it was only myself, but they've proven me wrong. I thought to go to the second level, myself, as Armaros and Asato tried to teach Katherine about getting there. But when I had, I did not know what to say - should I ask for allies for a hunting party, or urge everyone to seek shelter? I decided on neither, instead joining Katherine's instruction. When we were all on the second level reliably, Armaros taught Katherine how to create a filter - Cain had done the same when we met him on the first day the sky turned red and I neglected to write it. From the inside, it is a small distortion of the air around you, and from without those within vanish from view. Katherine and Armaros spoke in the filter for a time, and whatever he said, be it about us or The Darkness, it moved Katherine deeply, for she left the level to embrace Armaros. Without a word, it was understood that the idea of the hunting party died with the day. We would devote our energies to the second level tonight.
Day 47:
Asato opened the window to sniff the air, and he said it would be a bad night. I suppose he can sense such things just as a cat could. We spent some time on the second level, learning from Armaros, who seemed to take to it on instinct, and could perform feats there none of us could accomplish, perhaps using the same methods within the second level that the Grigori do when they project their souls. Perhaps their souls travel through such a plane on their way to me, but such speculation draws away from the matter at hand. Armaros reported he had found someone on the roof of a building, and as Katherine and Asato left us for fatigue, Armaros tried to warn the person. I watched from afar as the person was drawn to the second level, only to see it was a young boy! A child had been brought here at such a dangerous time! Armaros was able to convince him to find shelter, thankfully, but then the child, who would introduce himself as Ico, said he was searching for a friend. I thought it might be as it was with my own arrival; none of my companions came with me, but if she had appeared, she was in danger as well. Armaros and I immediately volunteered to search, and we left the second level, assuring Asato and Katherine that we would be all right. We parted ways to search the streets, I always with my Arch at the ready, but I never saw any sign of anyone, much less the girl Ico described. I was worried for Armaros the whole while, wary of the murderer's presence. But it seemed he had returned home ahead of me, and I had nothing to fear. But our search was fruitless, and I do not know how to tell him his friend may not be here, for how am I to describe existing outside of time in the way we live here when I am unsure of my own understanding of it? It was for the best, perhaps, that he was content to think she had found shelter, herself, and was waiting for him somewhere. We tried to explain the current situation to him, and the urgency with which he had been urged to seek shelter, and he, as Katherine and I had, wanted to help. It was difficult to answer against such a fierce spirit, for I would be asking the same questions and seeking the same course of action had I not had Armaros beside me.
Again, this was tested when in the middle of the day, a man with one arm asked who among us has training in a weapon, surely meaning to gather forces. I offered to show him my fighting capabilities, but he never arrived where I asked to meet. Perhaps he had other matters to attend to.
I hope now that he and whoever he gathered chose to leave it to Sola, despite my own feelings. Surely, her strength is great, but did I not attempt to fight Sariel after his transformation? I could not cause him harm without Uriel's power, but there was no one else to fight him! Did I not kill the groups of Ramps that came after me in my search for the Tower? There was no one else who was protected by Heavenly armor! There was no one else! Such a thing has been true for three hundred years and now it is not. It is difficult even now to avoid going out to protect others, but I need only look behind me to see Armaros idly watch me write and remember the events of yesterday. I am not the only one this time, and Sola is much more powerful than I am. It is difficult, but I will only keep a vigil at the window and listen for signs of the helpless being attacked on the second level. I cannot do nothing, so this must do. May God protect all of us.
Day 48:
Another native appeared on the second level today, as I tried to keep myself awake. She introduced herself as Yulia, and tried to gather a hunting party against the murderer, saying Sola wasn't doing anything at all. I found it hard to believe, though she sounded as if she completely believed what she said. She claimed transformation magic such as Sola had used to aid us when we had become animals was easy, though Sola had appeared exhausted. She left me to speak to Ico, who, as young children do, believed her, though thankfully Armaros was able to convince him of the truth before he ventured out to his death.
Sola mentioned this Yulia before, when she spoke of the murderer - she said Yulia "didn't like her very much", so I must wonder if this was an attempted strike against Sola. I will keep my vigil at the window at night, and hope that I am not needed.
Day 49:
There were victims, but their minds did not cry out to the second level. Armaros and I found Ashraf's body in a side alley by a store, and we heard Ico's voice, pleading with another to awaken. We went to the boy's side and found Michael had fallen to the killer, as well. We led him to the store to wash his hands of Michael's blood, and to keep him away from the corpses. As one who has seen too much death, how painful it is to see someone witness it for the first time! I cannot help Ico in this matter beyond acting as his pillar, for I cannot give proper advice here. I do not know that Heaven or Sheol extend here, and as we are removed from time I do not know that we age, so I cannot tell him he may see them again. I have found such consolation empty, personally, as well, but am I a true priest or a true man of Heaven if I do not try?
I know these two heard Sola's message, but did they also hear Yulia's? Now that they have died, where are their souls bound? As I have written, I do not know that Heaven and Sheol extend here, else my companions would be able to reach me. I urged Armaros to spend time with Ico, as the two seem to be bonding and I must not, though I fear it is too late. Even though we may not age, though I am not certain of that, I am certain now that we may die. I have allowed myself to become too open because of the former, though I fought against it out of habit and still do, and now I must reverse that.
As I pondered the fate of the deceased alone, I heard someone speaking to themselves, and looked to see Sissel seeming lost in thought, as much as a cat could. I asked him what troubled him, and he told me his human owner had been venturing out after dark. I could provide little comfort, for a man who will not heed his companion's words will not heed a stranger's. I have another to worry for, now. There were no signs of a struggle; neither Ashraf nor Michael had weapons drawn, and the wound, while grievous, was but a single one - a hole where their hearts had been. The murderer must truly be as strong as Sola said, if she can tear a man's heart from his chest before he can fight.
Prayer may calm my heart in troubled times, but can I pray and be heard here?
Day 50:
I spent tonight at the window again, though I knew the murderer to act too quickly for them to call for help, for I knew I could not sleep. I do not want to cause Armaros pain, but knowing now how helpless the victims truly are, I could not forgo this vigilance.
It rewarded me, for in my drifting to the second level, I heard voices, and focused to find Sola in a long coat confronting the one in red who had threatened us earlier, the murderer. Rather than fight, she approached her as a friend, calming her with gentle touch and a soothing voice, and the murderer came to her senses, seeming terrified of herself and regretful. She vanished from the level and Sola fell to sit on the ground in her relief, apologizing to those of us she could surely sense - or was it only myself? I did not hear anyone answer her, but I replied to show myself to her. Yulia had told us the murderer worked for Sola, and this seemed to be the case in the scene I had just witnessed, so would that make her the "Lady" she spoke of before, the one who maintained the city? I asked her if this was true, and she seemed to expect me to think less of her when she said she was, so I am happy to have brought her whatever peace of mind I could give in thanking her for providing a sanctuary for Armaros. Even though she cannot provide us food that tastes as it should, she is still doing a great thing for all of us - as well, if what the woman who lost her wits to become the murderer said was true, I am marked by her enemy. I am favored, I assume, by her enemy, and still she provides for me and speaks with me with kindness in her voice and honesty in her heart! The more I learn, the more I believe her to be an angel - though why would an angel be in charge of maintaining such a place, and if we are watched over by an angel, would I truly have been pulled away from my mission?
Day 51:
We were woken late at night, once again by the sounds of a distressed cat, and found Sissel outside our door. He told us that he had found his owner Yomiel dead. It seemed that the killer had taken one last victim before Sola found her. We took him in and did our best to console him, and eventually the three of us were able to sleep again. I gathered extra food for him in the morning, and the meal passed in the heavy silence that came in the wake of loss. I admit I could not bear to remain and left for our extra meal earlier than I normally did. I heard laughter as I walked to one of the food stores; not as if in joy or humor, but the laugh that a man laughs when he cannot or will not scream instead, and I hurried to see who was affected so. A man with fair hair styled into a single long spike and wearing the same sort of odd veil Strider wore over his eyes was the source of the laughter, dried blood surrounding him. Immediately I thought he must be injured, so I offered to treat his wounds the best I could, but then he told me he was not injured and could not die, and I remembered that Sissel had said his owner was difficult to kill.
Death is not permanent here! I do not understand this resurrection, but it eases my heart in a way, to know my inability to keep it will not hurt me here.
I brought him back to our house to reunite him with his cat, and he seemed resentful of us for caring for Sissel, though Sissel tried to encourage him to be more grateful to us. Regardless, once they had left, and Yomiel was quick to leave with his cat, it seemed all I could think of. Death is not permanent! I wonder if Ashraf and Michael have returned, as well.
Day 54:
The past few days have been spent returning to peace, and never have I been more relieved to simply see Armaros relax. I cannot ignore anymore that this haven of ours needs to be secured, but with Sola aiding us, it ought to be easier than if I alone had such a task. I might not have recorded more than this today had I not had a curious encounter with a woman who had a strange horse at her side, with a horn growing from its head and fire for a mane and tail. She called it a "pokemon", specifically a "gallop". She showed me another of them, which seemed stored in some altered state in small capsules, this one a small dragon with a flaming tail she called a "rizadon". When I remarked on its height, the woman, who had introduced herself as Kasahara, mentioned there were pokemon called "Immortals", gods under a creator, Arceus. It is interesting, learning how other worlds see their creations, how their stories have evolved to suit them. It seems, though, that perhaps these beings are their own, considering she has seen them, and related the story of a man who tried to tame one and interfered with the workings of the sea in doing so. Could other worlds be so enclosed as to have their own creation separate from God's? I was intrigued by this world, but Kasahara seemed uncomfortable with the topic of her leadership among some "Great Four", so I did not continue on the topic and instead opted to tell her about the new world she had found herself in.
I do wonder if I could see some of these "outsider" divines for myself. It's an interesting thought, that there are other creators. I wonder if God has met this Arceus.
But I am mindlessly penning my thoughts now, and Armaros will be hungry soon.
Day 55:
There was little to note today, other than that as Ico and I went to gather food, my idle thoughts about the way our peace was shattered found their way to the second level, where I discussed it with some others, among them the resurrected Michael and Ashraf. Michael was as insufferable as ever, but as for Ashraf, he seemed to be quite shaken by his death, and nothing I said could bring him any comfort. Whatever happened to him in his life seems as if it has destroyed his ability to have faith in anything at all, and his death here has damaged his faith in himself. If not in the future, if not in himself, if not in God, then what? How can I help him?
Ico broke me from my thoughts, and he showed all the enthusiasm of a child his age. I hope he doesn't let his guard down too much.
Day 56:
I write this in the waning hours of the day. I was shown a vision, enlightening and terrible, but I cannot write of it. I cannot speak of it to Armaros, or to anyone except Sissel. I can only relate that I woke in terror, screaming, and being unable to speak to Armaros about it only made it all the more frightening. I was unable to articulate what I saw, my voice failing the moment I tried describing it, and writing fared no better; the ink failed to flow when I tried to write of it. But Armaros found the pattern, and through it was able to deduce one thing I could not say:
Enoch can't write it, but I can! It was about the marks.
-Armaros
My nerves were frayed by what I had seen and that I could not communicate it with Armaros. I spent some time weeping into his shoulder and most of the night laying awake and listening to the both of us breathe. My heart still pounds to even think of what I saw. I was not the only one to see it, however, as Sissel had the same vision, and we could speak to one another freely about it. It was some comfort, to confide in another who had lived through the sight of (the next part of the line has been scratched through in an attempt to write on it)
The sight of the thing I cannot write about. I must sleep now, as exhaustion has finally made itself known.
Day 57:
I had another vision of which I cannot write, but now I may speak to Armaros of it, though he is now bound to the same silence I am. We prepared for the next vision, but as neither of us may write particulars, there is little else to include in this entry. It was not as horrifying as the first, but the terror was through my own actions.
Day 58:
There was another vision. When the sun rose I found Ashraf on the second level, and I thought I could speak of it to him, since (more distressed page where Enoch attempted to write)
I thought I could speak of it to him, but I could not. His mark was removed in death, and he is able to cross the city's sides freely. I can now say and write freely because of this that the marks have to do with the wall; those that are marked see the wall and those who "are not" do not. It seems that if I can trace the knowledge to means other than my visions I can speak of them. I shall write what I can when I can.
Day 59:
It is a crab's claw, not a human form!
Day 60:
I met another newcomer today, she had (distressed section) the west side's mark. It was the first time I am able to write of that I've seen it; it resembles an eye. She seemed well versed in the sort of situation we've found ourselves in, immediately calling for a meeting with our hosts, and she seemed aware of the nature of a place like the second level. I was able to tell her of Sola, at least, and that she is an agreeable woman. I wonder what sort of world she comes from. Perhaps we will encounter one another again.
Day 62:
I worry about Armaros. The (heavily distressed paper, as if Enoch was determined to write here)
The circumstances of my vision, and the spell of silence he is bound to have put him in danger. I am to blame; had I kept my wits after that first vision he would be safe. But he is disoriented now, and he cannot so much as stand. Surely it is an attack for a percieved betrayal, the reason for which I cannot write and this frustrates me. He will want to talk on the second level, but I fear it will end in a direct attack. I must stay near. I had horrific dreams this night, of failing to protect him. I cannot allow them to become real.
He seems concerned about me, and my own concern. He did not see what I saw and did not hear what I heard. But to him, I remind him of Ezekiel's descent into obsessive madness. I forget sometimes that he is not human, and may have difficulty understanding - it is my fault he suffered at all.
It is my fault. Had I not spoken to him, he would not have become so enamored of life on Earth, would not have fallen, and would not have become trapped in The Darkness to waste away until Meridian claimed him from its depths. And now that he has this haven, I have ruined it as well with my selfish fear.
No more. I will protect him with my life.
Day 63:
It was difficult to sleep for my worry. Armaros woke me this morning to tell me Ico was trapped on the roof across from ours. He is severely lethargic and has not been eating or drinking for the past day. I was torn; I cannot carry Armaros and Ico both, but I cannot leave Armaros alone, nor can I abandon a child in danger. We compromised somehow; I brought him to the door where I could see him while I leapt to the roof where Ico was stranded and carried him down and inside, and then brought Armaros inside as well. I laid Ico on our couch and managed to convince him to drink some water, and took Armaros out to find food for the three of us. He would not eat much before falling asleep again. The poor child, I hope he recovers soon.
Day 64:
Ico still sleeps much of the day. Armaros still suffers from disorientation, and wanders onto the second level more and more often. I understand his restlessness, but I cannot protect him there. Oh, what can I do? I cannot bring myself to harm him by forbidding it, but merely suggesting it makes him uneasy! I see the signs of unease with me in general. Oh, how can I express my fear for him without driving him away from me?
I cannot lose him, not when I've only just found him again!
Day 65:
I was not well.
In the middle of the night on the sixty-second day, an inebriated man handed out sweets on the second level. I don't believe anyone thought anything of it, but I should have. Food, on a mental plane? Can it truly fill the stomach if it is not the mouth that eats it? What, then, did it fill?
I am a fool.
Sola's friend was on the second level. We spoke, and now I can say that Meridian is fought over by two forces, both of which Sola is keeping out. The city is called "Meridian" because it is a central point, where the barriers between worlds are very thin. The natives here are very strong, due to reasons I still cannot write I would say godlike, and humans cannot survive in their presence. The original residents were killed when a number of them attempted to reach them, and the city would have gone with them had Sola not maintained it.
I am not coherent. I have been unable to sleep well, so worried for Armaros I drifted on and off the second level in my paranoid attempt to stop any attack on him. Can he ever forgive me for my behavior? It may have been due to those sweets, but the guilt my paranoia stemmed from was all too real, and now I have the guilt of treating him so to bear as well. He seemed understanding, but it is best I give him his space.
His disorientation is gone, as well, as is Ico's lethargy. The boy has returned to the house across the road.
Colby was the immortal's name. I will remember it, and remember not to trust anything he does while drunk.
I must sleep.
Day 66:
He truly has forgiven me! His love, this love, ours, it is beautiful, and moves me to tears to think of it. I had forgotten how it felt to be able to love without the fear of death and only now do I truly see how liberating it is! My heart feels so light, unburdened, and I am happy. Surely, as we are outside of time, God will allow me to retun here to have this happiness once more.
But first, I must ensure we keep this shelter. Next time I see either Sola or one of the other entities I will suggest an alliance against the third entity. It will keep both of them safe, and all of us in the city as well.
I can see Armaros laughing at the smile on my face as I write this. I shall go and find something to occupy us.
Day 68:
It only took two days to see Sola again. She says it is the hundredth day since the rifts brought people to the city - Armaros and I must have arrived on the thirty second day, then. She was in a new form, or rather, had lost that form, because Colby had attempted to eat her in his drunken state, and her injuries have forced her to revert to her true form - a younger woman. She calls herself a "juvenile", and even the woman I now know to be named Successor called her a child, but she still seems a woman to me, if not so far into it as she seemed before. I may now write many things I once could not, as Sola has spoken of them.
Zeph is the name of my guardian, the one who owns the mark on my shoulder, and now the one on Armaros's neck. He and the other, Kiqu, are locked in conflict over Meridian, and Sola is pushing them both out, though the energy it took to reverse Steve's transformation was such that she can no longer keep them from contacting us through visions. The city itself was destroyed inadvertently by Zeph when several humans intruded on their realm, but Sola rebuilt it and maintains it. She was once the city's earth spirit, but was forced into a body by the humans seeking to ascend to see their gods (for that's what they are to the world, as gods, but more fallible, more flawed, more angel than deity)
Her every action is for the city, so she responded well to my suggestion of an alliance with Zeph, after I had managed to attempt to communicate the destruction of Meridian was accidental. With her knowledge of it comes my freedom to write it. It is for the city that I act, as well, for Armaros's sake, and for the sake of others who can call this their sanctuary.
With Sola in agreement and Zeph more than likely aware through my mark, now we must wait for the stage to be set. I will see that this war ends, and that this city can live on in peace.
Day 69:
I have met the man who turned us into animals. Steve is disarmingly friendly, and has a clumsiness about him that is endearing, though I've no doubt this clumisness is what led to the transformation in the first place. He was searching for Yulia, who has not been seen since she declared the hunting party against Successor during her "fit". I do hope Successor did not kill her, but Steve did not seem worried for her safety.
Steve seems to be a good man, and we had a good conversation over feeding birds. He was genuinely sorry he had indirectly harmed people when he turned them into animals, and didn't seem to expect me to say I forgave him. I again feel as if I've made a new friend. He seems as if he could need one, as well.
Day 71:
I met an odd man with silver hair and red eyes on the second level. He had a strange device with him that he called an artifact of God, the "Compass of Order and Chaos". But I have never heard of such a thing. He warned me against touching it, that it would destroy my mind. After certain events of which I still may not write, I am not surprised. What does surprise me is that he had an unusual name for Him, "U-DO", the name humans gave to God after discovering Heaven on their own. It frightened me, for it was too similar to the events that befell this city through Zeph. His world's Heaven was God, however, and any mind attempting to come in contact with it would die or break. His is a world in which my story is impossible. God in his world observes through a boy named Abel. Because he was unclear when he first mentioned him, I thought it might be the same Abel as my ancestor, but when the man said he did not know, I realized he must be a being that exists outside of time.
I wish to speak more with this person. His world sounds unusual.
Day 72:
It has been long enough for Sola to have informed the Successor of the peace talk plan, so I think I will try to contact Zeph through my mark. The beach is a lovely place, and the waves will help me focus on directing my filter at Zeph. Armaros will come with me, I'm sure he'll enjoy the swim.
That did not go well. I will share when I can think to write.
Day 72, continued (written on the seventy-third day)
I feel capable of writing now, though my head still aches and light still seems too bright. It is not unbearable.
I attempted to access the second level, concentrating far more than I ever have, clearing my mind as I would before the deepest of prayer. When I tried to speak to Zeph, I felt a presence behind me, and I had the impression it was angry. Before I could turn and see, I was suddenly on the first level, weak and nauseous, with a pounding head. I could not stand or walk without Armaros's help. On the way, we met many of the others who offered their help; Yomiel even offered to tamper with my memory so I would not remember the walk home! But I had to decline. It is bad enough that my memories fade naturally, I do not want anyone else tampering wih them.
Armaros saw me to bed and offered me some of the medicine that was in the restroom. It did ease some of the pain eventually, and I was able to sleep, which I did most of the day.
As I must do now. I am not yet recovered.
Day 76
I am glad I had recovered well enough to go out. I met a newcomer, a young woman, and was able to inform her of the city's disputed state. It has been quiet and peaceful.
Day 80
Some time has passed since the attack, so the attacker may not be watching anymore. I decided to go to the second level, and ask if anyone else had experienced such a thing. What I found was another newcomer, a female demon who was immediately wary of my every motive. Though she was defensive and overly-wary, she only wanted to live in peace. As she was not causing trouble, and not intending to do so, I am inclined to think this is not a demon to be concerned about, despite her nature.
Day 83
It has been very quiet for the past three days. I don't mind the peace, but I must wonder if the peace talks are going as planned. I offered my own mind as the meeting place, since visiting a human seemed to provide Zeph some security, but I would not be surprised if they had their own ideas. Unable to keep myself from worrying, I went to the beach, where I found Kasahara training her pokemon. I had thought, when she said some of them were used for war, that they were mounts or messengers, but these creatures were creating small storms and otherwise controlling the elements! I have no doubt in my mind now that they were, in fact, weapons. Her world is an unforgiving one, it seems, and she is considered "soft" for thinking of her pokemon as companions instead of tools. I think she will like it here - all the more reason to ensure Sola is in a position to speak with Zeph.
Day 84:
Still no sign. It has been more than two weeks since Sola agreed to the peace talks, and neither party must travel to the other. I am worried.
Day 85:
What a trying night I had. I was unable to sleep, so I left Armaros to his usual deep slumber and went to the beach to try to clear my mind. The city's state means Sola is well, at least, so I can be assured of her safety, but where was Zeph?
Restless even with the tide to calm me, I sought out companionship on the second level, and had conversations with the demoness, whose name is Shura, and with Ashraf. Each of them have their own reasons to treasure this place; this provides Shura a safe place to recover from the loss of her lover, and Ashraf and Michael seem as if they share a close bond.
And then Cain answered me.
At first, our conversation was a pleasant one. He has a constant companion in a demon named Loki, who keeps him sane and affords him immortal company the same way Lucifel has accompanied me. Though I should feel repulsed by his loyalties with demons, I cannot fault him. After all, who else may he turn to, shunned by God and hated by angels? Cain took a further interest in my mission, and I told him of it. All seemed well until I told him of those poor souls in the Tower bound for The Darkness. He said, "Souls being removed from somewhere God can touch is something you won't find me disapproving of."
I was all but overcome with rage and pain. To think he would consider Armaros better off in The Darkness! But I knew it was from ignorance of vileness that he said it, so I explained what I knew of it, how it felt to simply be near it, and how it had wasted Armaros's body away. But even when I explained my mission, he persisted, and I asked again if he truly wished to say Armaros was better in The Darkness, at Belial's hands.
(There are water stains here. The writing continues below them.)
When he said he was, I very nearly struck him.
It is born of ignorance, I must remember. I can only hope that he remains so ignorant, that he never experiences vileness for himself.
Day 86:
Before I went to sleep this night, I heard someone calling out for someone named Maya. Realizing it must be a newcomer, I left Armaros to sleep once again while I went to explain the city's situation to the newcomer. Imagine my surprise when I saw a young man with a familiar shape alongside him - he had a motorcycle at his side, though I believe it may not work, much the same as many of the devices here do not work. It is eerie, how close Azazel was to the truth. I must wonder if he had asked Lucifel about the future, for I do know how much he loves to speak of it.
I learned his name is Tatsuya, and he took readily to the idea of other "gods" ruling the city, readily enough that I thought he must have seen some other conflict in his world. We seem to have similarities in those we have met as well, as he was able to finish my thoughts when I spoke of Azazel's goal, and both of us know the relief of a seeming enemy repenting (in fact, a seeming enemy that was truly a friend). We found a house for him to stay, and I used my Arch for what little light it was worth. He seemed excited to see it, calling it a "lightsaber". I suppose it is in some ways a sword of light, but I thought it was unusual for him to recognize it at all until he said it was a legend.
He spoke of his world then, how rumors could come true (I fear the ways this could be used for harm), and how demons had overrun the city, how there was peace such that nobody should have need for a weapon before that. He, too, had a lover who would have been an enemy of his but for repentance. It gives me hope for Armaros.
Tatsuya said he wished to tell me something, and asked for firewood, so I led him back home to take some of the spare wood , and he led me with it south towards the sea, though not all the way to the beach. What he did next astounded me; he summoned an apparition that moved with him as if they were one, and called forth flame to consume the wood. It was similar, I thought, to when Uriel assisted me, but Uriel does not move with me; he is far more aggressive than I. Tatsuya told me it was a "Persona", a manifestation of a part of himself that he used to fight, and that people with Personas were often chosen for them, though he was chosen at a very young age.
It was only natural that he should then demonstrate that his Persona, Apollo, granted his body imperviousness to flames, by putting his hand into the very fire he'd started. He reminds me somewhat of myself with his love of using his abilities to impress others. Too many people can go through life without being truely awed, after all. He and I both seem the type to enjoy planting the seeds of stories that will entertain at least two generations. What is human life without passing on stories, after all?
In return, I told him of the second level, though he nearly seemed ready for that as well, calling it the "collective unconscious", however it was a false recognition in the end. He and I spoke more of our own worlds before we both went our separate ways to sleep.
Again, I feel I've made a new friend. But perhaps, when we are separated we shall meet again in Heaven. He was chosen, after all.
Day 87
Armaros and I met Tatsuya's lover when we went to get breakfast...or at the very least the man who is close enough to one. It did occur to me that I had assumed such in my previous entry, but their shyness about the matter tells me perhaps they are both only considering it. Tatsuya and Jun are as lucky as we are, to have found each other here, considering he seems to be from Tatsuya's future, which does not bode well for the woman, Maya, he was searching. He did not offer this information, but talking of her seemed to pain him. He told us more of Personas, and that they are specifically the sorts of masks one shows to the world instead of oneself. I wonder if I would have seventy of them were I given this power.
His Persona, Cronos, is associated with time, and he keeps a watch, a sort of portable clock that looks at least feasibly removed from a sundial, functioning despite such devices normally not doing so in Meridian.
We told him what we knew of Sola and the conflict between Zeph and Kiqu before he said he wanted to reunite with Tatsuya. Armaros looked a little saddened to see him go; I think he likes Jun. He does seem a friendly man, and a good match for Tatsuya, regardless of where their relationship stands.
Day 90
I am enjoying Armaros's company as always, and the city is peaceful for now. But the quiet is unsettling. I think another trip to the beach may help ease my mind.
Day 91
I encountered Cain again this night, as I traveled to the beach as I said I would, sitting before a fire. I very nearly turned away, remembering his words that even now bring the heat of anger to me, but there was a pain in what I could see of his face in the firelight, and as a fellow immortal human, the only person who may be able to understand him, I approached. He is, after all, family.
He said he was tired, that he wanted it all to end and for him to rest. I know it all too well, though I could not now bear to leave my immortal friends the way my mortal ones left me. I know it well, the wish for the pain and hardship to end, to wish an end to the counting of days between partings. He is worried, too, about his world's Abel, who, while his circumstances are confusing and worrying - he is somehow tainted by nature and able to participate in a demonic war of succession - sided with God: Cain's world's impossible tyrant God. Cain knew his brother would need to kill (but would he be so different siding with demons? Such a world seems as if humans have no allies.) and, of course, knowing the pain of killing a man himself, did not wish it on him.
My anger for his words that I feel even now is misplaced, I know. He only speaks of ignorance.
I worry most for Abel's soul, which Cain said was fragmented. A fragmented soul, is that not oblivion in a way? It is frightening, to think of someone's very core simply ceasing to exist.
Day 92
I found Steve and the other man who was there to speak to us when the sky turned red on the first level today, who Steve called Li. They seemed to be in search of something, so I offered to help. They were both hesitant to tell me what it was they were looking for, and doing a poor job of hiding the fact of hiding something. With Steve's help, I convinced Li to trust me, and they told me it was "real food". Food that tastes as it should seems a nice luxury, though not one I am in any hurry to have. Still, the search was something to keep my mind off of the silence from the rest of the second level - third? Alas, we never found it. It seems someone had better luck than we.
Day 96
Where are they? I worry for Zeph. We have an indicator of Sola's well-being in the city itself, but what of Zeph?
Day 100
One hundred days, so small and yet, it feels so long. Is it because I have been so happy for so much of it? It doesn't feel long in the sense of eternity, but in fondness. I read this journal over again and recalled that before the Successor had her "fit", we were planning a gathering. It is late today, and the others will be sleeping, but I think I will try to bring Meridian together in a gathering again. It is too quiet.
Day 101
I have spoken to both Ashraf and Asato on the second level. It seems that Steve will be attending too, and I will extend an invitation to Sola as well. We may show our appreciation for the food and for the city that she has provided us, and ask her about the talks as well. Perhaps she knows what has happened to Zeph. It will be in a week, so Armaros and I must do our part to prepare.
Day 104
The city is silent again, but at least Armaros and I have been busy. We have been collecting food and drink and trying portions of it. It is as a game, itself, testing flavors together. Soon we will have some fine combinations to serve the gathering. Armaros has been crafting decorations; his hands are quite skilled, and I believe it will be more than acceptable for both the residents and our hostess.
Day 107
Tomorrow is the day of the gathering. We have nearly everything ready, and all we need is to alert the others. We'll have all morning to announce it, and share our meal at midday. The quiet has been eerie, now that I think on it, but we have been busy, and I hope that the gathering tomorrow will help ease this growing feeling of solitude.
But should it not, Armaros's embrace will. I am never alone so long as he is beside me, here in our home away from home.
Last update: Finished on March 1, 2013
Previous book is here.))
Day 37:
Today was quite interesting.
It is easy to lose myself in routine in this city. I had meant to ask about the marks sooner, but there is something charming about simply living here, and Armaros's idle company is quite pleasant. I might have forgotten entirely had I not mistakenly broadcast my idle musings to the second level as I contemplated my marked shoulder in the mirror. I was in luck, for Asato was there to listen. He, too, had heard Ashraf's call to assemble and had been spreading the word. I asked him to mark a place on this side of the wall, which he said he had with a red peice of paper on which he drew a cross. He confided in me then that he would like to learn more about acting human. I wonder if he has felt excluded for his catlike behavior. He reminds me very strongly of Armaros, and I wonder if that could not be part of this need to protect him that I feel.
I wondered why Armaros never saw fit to join me on the second level, and discovered the answer on return to my senses on the first level, where I found my arms covered in ink, my nails painted, my head and shoulders clothed in a hat and one of the strange shawls from the room beneath the roof, and Armaros still drawing on my back. It seemed I had been gone for quite some time, and Armaros had grown bored of waiting, and didn't wish to interrupt whatever I might be doing. Though I spend far too much time inactive for my comfort, I feel I will never feel idle as long as I live with Armaros. He's been settling wonderfully, and when he and I had washed the efforts of his boredom from my skin, he fetched his paper and told me he was planning a solstice festival with someone. It warmed my heart to see him in such high spirits, and I felt that this was the Armaros I knew even though I couldn't remember. Just as the Freemen's hopeful words for him felt true, so did this eagerness, this happiness I saw in my friend. I couldn't keep myself from nearly crying in joy, and it showed in my voice, which Armaros took for sadness. When I corrected him, I admitted I couldn't clearly remember our time in Heaven for all the years I've lived between. For a moment even after I'd explained the difference between human and angelic memory, I was worried he might feel insulted or betrayed by my lack of memory, but he seemed to quickly dismiss it and took me by the wrist to lead me out of the room, again suffused with excitement. My heart was unprepared for all it would be subjected to in the conversation that followed. I will attempt to reproduce everything as I experienced it, but despite all of language's power, it has its limits.
He seated me on the couch and told me he'd learned how to speak to only one person on the second level, and he began to focus, and I heard a faint voice, as if in my own head, and had the memory not been buried, had not defied vivid recollection, I would think I was merely remembering it. But the voice was nostalgic to me, and I again acutely felt the presence of a happy memory I cannot recall. I went to the second level to meet him, and he greeted me, in his own voice, with a bright smile. I couldn't contain my joy, and I embraced him. It has been so long since my heart ached with a feeling of being full rather than empty! He was speaking again; it must have felt so very wonderful for him, and his happiness can only compound my own. This city has truly returned to him much of what he has lost, and I do not want him to leave it until I can be sure he will be safe and whole! We spoke, truly spoke with our voices, about the marks. We discovered that the both of us knew Ashraf and Asato, and that Asato was the one who had the idea of the celebration. It seemed natural to try and combine the events. Everything was going to come together perfectly, we would have our celebration, we would trade information, and Armaros has his voice back, in a way. It felt as if nothing could go wrong in that moment, and I know Armaros felt that way as well from the smile on his face. How long has it been since he was so happy? After all the time he spent wasting away in The Darkness, his happiness is as my own, and I will do everything I can to help him return to the way he once was, to the angel that feels right in my faded memories.
Armaros sensed my ebbing strength, as I had spent several hours on the second level before this, and he took my hand to comfort me, and told me it would be all right if we left; we could always return. I didn't want to leave this place where he and I could speak this way, but I was exhausted. We returned to the first level, and Armaros leaned his shoulder against mine, holding his paper between us so I could watch as he wrote. He was attempting to restore my memories, I learned, as he wrote and drew pictures of our first meeting. I couldn't remember anything, but, again, I felt strongly that his every word was true.
There was something else in those images, however, something reflected in him that did not strike my forgotten memories but recalled recent ones. Aside from his nervousness and his excitement, there seemed to be signs of attraction in him as well. I might not have believed so had this not been so easily behind his behavior when I came home from gathering firewood, and I found myself thinking of the way he had taken my hand immediately before this. I asked him if my suspicions were correct, and found they were.
This does not feel wrong to me, but it is a strange feeling, as if I've somehow forgotten the way this is meant to feel. To repeat, this has been an interesting day, one my heart was scarcely prepared for, but one I am happy to have lived. I don't want to worry about what living with Armaros will entail now, but I want both of us to be happy.
Day 41:
Armaros has much of his energy back - I feel as if I should say his old energy, and is restless. I returned home from fetching food to find he'd somehow overturned the bookshelf in the main room. I was worried he might be injured, for he stumbled and seemed unsteady on his feet as he tried to help me, but he assured me when we were done and he could fetch his pen and paper that he was only exhausted from his practice and would be fine. I can't help but worry for him, so I told him to rest. He grudgingly accepted this, and we began preparing to start a fire. In doing so, we learned the secret of the strange sticks in the box I found in the bedroom: The rough surface on the box ignites the painted end when they're struck against it. Armaros lit the fire, and we ate in peace, aside from some of my food tasting far too sweet. There was a can that advertised fruit preserved in syrup inside, and I found the fruit within to taste like wine. Armaros lay his head on my lap as he ate, and we were quite comfortable, but something soon seemed to trouble him.
I asked him what troubled him, and he told me to swear I would complete my mission as ordered, and confessed that he thought he could convince me to join him, seeking the comfort of the life we lead now. I was surprised to learn this, for after reading the Freemen's notes regarding him, I had thought perhaps we need not fight, that I may be able to help him repent and join me. I told him this, but he said Lucifel may disapprove. I had not considered Lucifel - I had hoped to see God reconsider, but if Armaros did not repent and I couldn't prepare myself to fight in time, it would be Lucifel who received the blame for my failure, as my appointed guardian and guide. I wouldn't want to hurt Lucifel, but nor do I want to fail to try to help Armaros! But I wondered if trying to change Armaros's mind when I return would upset the events here in Meridian. Does Lucifel find himself faced with such questions as he travels through time? Surely, my guardian's mind is a wonder...
But I cannot take that risk. That is why we must have Meridian, and why I hope to return - Armaros seems confident that I will. "You'll come back to me," he wrote. There was a power in those words that I doubt even his voice could have done proper justice, and I want to believe them. My struggle with my hopes must have shown on my face, for Armaros beckoned me to lean down, and I obeyed, pulling him up for the embrace I thought he wanted. He wanted to kiss me instead, and I was not prepared - so little so, in fact, that such a simple gesture left me stupefied. I'm afraid my heart is loathe to give up its fear of losing yet again, and without knowing he would kiss me, I couldn't lower this guard, leaving me unable to react. Poor Armaros! He deserves better than this from me; I do love him, as a friend or otherwise.
I apologized, and told him he had startled me - only partially true, but I don't wish to discourage him. He accepted this and began seeking something to do. I did not want to leave the fire while it was still alive, however, and we couldn't agree on an activity. Armaros was accustomed to a life of luxury within the Tower and I centuries of work on the search, and he felt guilt for acting so restless. But how could I blame him for never living life as an ordinary human would? In fact, this life here at Meridian is somewhere between our lives on Earth and in the Tower, and telling him so seemed to brighten his spirits - it is a new start for him, where he is neither traitor nor god.
"Everything's fine as long as you're here," he wrote. I will be here for him, then, as long as I can.
Day 43:
God help us, if You know I write this. There was no rest today.
A fanged mouth haunted the shadows of my dreams, and when I woke in a fright, the earth was shaking with a groan that sounded alive. The sky through the window was a vile red, and when I saw how it resembled the color of vileness, I immediately thought of Armaros and turned to see him awake but with a blind man's unseeing gaze. I quickly dressed to summon my armor and I joined him on the second level to find him speaking with a man I'd never met before. He held fast to me the moment I appeared, as frightened as I feared he would be. He was coherent, however, and quickly calmed to continue to speak with the strange man. He did not introduce himself, but he seemed to know Sola, and told us she was "indisposed". It was quickly revealed that he was a native as she was, and we learned the truth behind the deserted city: I had already feared the worst for the inhabitants, but it seems someone, an entity, was behind their deaths, though will be unable to do so again.
I thought we had seen the worst of the panic, as nothing seemed to happen for over an hour. I should have found breakfast, but neither of us had any appetite. We were tense in our silence, watching the second level for more information. I tried to make Armaros comfortable, to make him feel safe, but then I heard Cain on the second level, laughing like a madman. His sky had turned red as well, he said, when the barriers between Earth and "the demon world" began to fall. His words and his laugh struck fear in my heart but I knew my unease couldn't possibly compare to what Armaros must feel. The moment I heard him respond with a weak and fearful voice, I hurried to his side to comfort him through his fearful sobbing. When he had calmed, he decided to stay there on the second level despite his fear. My ancestor couldn't speak the truth for us, I realized, for God's weapons never followed me into The Darkness, and my Arch was still at my back.
It was only for Armaros's health that I left to bring back meals at all today. I didn't want to leave his side here under the vile sky after what Cain's observation had done to him. I worry for him, and for Meridian his sanctuary, for the others who have found refuge here, and for Sola.
I was so concerned for Armaros's health when we settled here that I failed to be properly concerned with the idea of our predecessors' sudden deaths, or the abandoned city. I forgot it in all that happened after, and now I fear Armaros may pay a heavier price for it than I.
The light is fading. I will sleep with my sandals on so I may call on my armor at any time, if I can find sleep this night. Even prayer has failed to calm me. I can only hope my prayers were heard.
Day 44:
Will each day bring more worries? I woke early after a restless sleep and left to gather food, and saw strange apparitions roaming the roads, like mist had obscured my vision in certain spots. I stopped to watch one, and it did not acknowledge or attack me. When I reached the store, the earth began to shake as it had yesterday, and I hurried to find somewhere safe and contact the second level to seek out those who needed aid. A woman in red was speaking, addressing one she called "Lady". She said the city was falling apart, that this "Lady" couldn't sustain it any longer, and she had fled a man's embrace to maintain it.
Before I could ponder on these things or ask her what she meant, she seemed to recognize she was being watched and made a threat against the marked - "Do not expect me to be kind, especially if you have been marked by my leader's enemies." With the fanged grin I saw in my dreams yesterday, she vanished from the level. Immediately in her wake, Armaros called out to me. We swore to protect one another, to make this the haven he needs, to bring peace. I seem to be in danger, being marked, but I will not allow myself to leave Armaros, not even by death - especially not by death.
I met another stranger who was marked, himself, this one having arrived recently. I didn't learn his name, but I would like to believe I was able to quell his fear. If all of us stand strong, we can overcome any threat. God help me, I'm feeling as if I belong to this place as a community, I have too much to lose! Ah, perhaps the tension is causing me to panic more easily, there is more I have to say.
I could understand the cat from before on the roof and from my first day here, whose name is Sissel. He said he could only be understood by someone who had died.
My thoughts are scattered, I should not have tried to write this now. But the ink is on the page, it is too late. I worry for Armaros and for this city.
I will try to write my next entry more coherently. Dear God, what has my complacency done to us?
Day 45:
The sky is still red today, and the apparitions are not the only new phenomenon to appear in the city. I found Michael walking along the edge of the wall in the middle of the city, and the wall was crumbling from the force of the earthquake yesterday. At first, I believed he could see the wall, but then he made mention of the bridges, and they were crumbling, as well. I had thought that some force was trying to break down the barrier between us at first, but it would seem otherwise from this. In addition, the wall is no weaker for its damage, as I struck it multiple times and it did not yield. Michael and I spoke of the marks and of the strange-eyed woman who appeared yesterday, and he said he would be able to defeat her. I warned him against his recklessness but he wasn't willing to hear me. He called the apparitions "ghosts", and I thought for a moment they might be bound as were the spirits of the Nephilim mothers in the Tower, but they don't seem to be aware of anyone around them, and they retain no human appearance. But I have no reason to doubt Michael on this yet, as there is no other explanation for them. I hope they remain peaceful.
Day 46:
Sola appeared on the second level and warned us all that a friend of hers, the woman that appeared to us on the forty-fourth day, had gone mad, and told us to remain inside. I heard Michael, and thought to ask him if he would be going out against her, but we only argued over Sola's trustworthiness.
I do trust Sola, but I could not in good conscience remain idle while a dangerous madwoman roamed the streets, and a woman whose name I would later learn was Katherine seemed to feel the same. After all, how many did not hear her? Armaros tried to convince us to stay inside, and how it pained me to deny him! I know he is only worried for my safety, and I would feel the same had he volunteered, but Katherine and I were driven to aid Sola and the city she clearly cares for. As she had no place to stay, we invited Katherine to join us at home, which would serve as a gathering place for our hunting party or as a refuge in case we did not collect enough people. I must stop writing and await her arrival.
Day 46, continued (written on the forty-seventh day):
The hunt did not go as we planned. Armaros had seemed to relent in the face of our resolve, but when Asato arrived and it was clear Armaros had invited him, I knew he had sought aid in preventing me from going outside. Armaros surprised me yet again by claiming he had invited him to speak of the gathering we had been planning, but Asato did not see what he wrote and spoke his true intentions. Armaros retreated to the hallway, clearly ashamed of his lie, but how could I resent such a thing when his intentions were so pure as to protect someone he loves? I implored him to return to us, and he did so with a sullen air that did not abate no matter what comfort I tried to give him. He has lived among humans as long as I have, surely he must know the same loss I do, and in knowing such a thing, it was painful to continue to insist on trying to stop this madwoman before she could do any harm to those who couldn't hear Sola's warning.
The nature of his concern and of my pain was more transparent than I thought. Asato asked us, "Are you two mates?" I was uncertain of how I should answer him, as we are not in the sense that cats would be, as such is a matter of bearing children, which we obviously cannot (and even if we could, should not) do, and my own feelings are still confusing to me, besides. I love him, but it seems I am out of practice in understanding my own heart as it was before I began hiding it from loss.
The pain was too much to bear, in all, for Armaros was able to convince me, with Asato's aid, to send warnings to the second level first. No sooner had I agreed than Katherine arrived, and we told her of the new plan, and she asked about those who did not yet realize the second level exists. It was not an invalid argument, and one I might have made myself had my heart not been involved so deeply. Armaros and Asato managed to convince her to attempt the second level warning as well, the both of them being so hard to refuse - I had thought it was only myself, but they've proven me wrong. I thought to go to the second level, myself, as Armaros and Asato tried to teach Katherine about getting there. But when I had, I did not know what to say - should I ask for allies for a hunting party, or urge everyone to seek shelter? I decided on neither, instead joining Katherine's instruction. When we were all on the second level reliably, Armaros taught Katherine how to create a filter - Cain had done the same when we met him on the first day the sky turned red and I neglected to write it. From the inside, it is a small distortion of the air around you, and from without those within vanish from view. Katherine and Armaros spoke in the filter for a time, and whatever he said, be it about us or The Darkness, it moved Katherine deeply, for she left the level to embrace Armaros. Without a word, it was understood that the idea of the hunting party died with the day. We would devote our energies to the second level tonight.
Day 47:
Asato opened the window to sniff the air, and he said it would be a bad night. I suppose he can sense such things just as a cat could. We spent some time on the second level, learning from Armaros, who seemed to take to it on instinct, and could perform feats there none of us could accomplish, perhaps using the same methods within the second level that the Grigori do when they project their souls. Perhaps their souls travel through such a plane on their way to me, but such speculation draws away from the matter at hand. Armaros reported he had found someone on the roof of a building, and as Katherine and Asato left us for fatigue, Armaros tried to warn the person. I watched from afar as the person was drawn to the second level, only to see it was a young boy! A child had been brought here at such a dangerous time! Armaros was able to convince him to find shelter, thankfully, but then the child, who would introduce himself as Ico, said he was searching for a friend. I thought it might be as it was with my own arrival; none of my companions came with me, but if she had appeared, she was in danger as well. Armaros and I immediately volunteered to search, and we left the second level, assuring Asato and Katherine that we would be all right. We parted ways to search the streets, I always with my Arch at the ready, but I never saw any sign of anyone, much less the girl Ico described. I was worried for Armaros the whole while, wary of the murderer's presence. But it seemed he had returned home ahead of me, and I had nothing to fear. But our search was fruitless, and I do not know how to tell him his friend may not be here, for how am I to describe existing outside of time in the way we live here when I am unsure of my own understanding of it? It was for the best, perhaps, that he was content to think she had found shelter, herself, and was waiting for him somewhere. We tried to explain the current situation to him, and the urgency with which he had been urged to seek shelter, and he, as Katherine and I had, wanted to help. It was difficult to answer against such a fierce spirit, for I would be asking the same questions and seeking the same course of action had I not had Armaros beside me.
Again, this was tested when in the middle of the day, a man with one arm asked who among us has training in a weapon, surely meaning to gather forces. I offered to show him my fighting capabilities, but he never arrived where I asked to meet. Perhaps he had other matters to attend to.
I hope now that he and whoever he gathered chose to leave it to Sola, despite my own feelings. Surely, her strength is great, but did I not attempt to fight Sariel after his transformation? I could not cause him harm without Uriel's power, but there was no one else to fight him! Did I not kill the groups of Ramps that came after me in my search for the Tower? There was no one else who was protected by Heavenly armor! There was no one else! Such a thing has been true for three hundred years and now it is not. It is difficult even now to avoid going out to protect others, but I need only look behind me to see Armaros idly watch me write and remember the events of yesterday. I am not the only one this time, and Sola is much more powerful than I am. It is difficult, but I will only keep a vigil at the window and listen for signs of the helpless being attacked on the second level. I cannot do nothing, so this must do. May God protect all of us.
Day 48:
Another native appeared on the second level today, as I tried to keep myself awake. She introduced herself as Yulia, and tried to gather a hunting party against the murderer, saying Sola wasn't doing anything at all. I found it hard to believe, though she sounded as if she completely believed what she said. She claimed transformation magic such as Sola had used to aid us when we had become animals was easy, though Sola had appeared exhausted. She left me to speak to Ico, who, as young children do, believed her, though thankfully Armaros was able to convince him of the truth before he ventured out to his death.
Sola mentioned this Yulia before, when she spoke of the murderer - she said Yulia "didn't like her very much", so I must wonder if this was an attempted strike against Sola. I will keep my vigil at the window at night, and hope that I am not needed.
Day 49:
There were victims, but their minds did not cry out to the second level. Armaros and I found Ashraf's body in a side alley by a store, and we heard Ico's voice, pleading with another to awaken. We went to the boy's side and found Michael had fallen to the killer, as well. We led him to the store to wash his hands of Michael's blood, and to keep him away from the corpses. As one who has seen too much death, how painful it is to see someone witness it for the first time! I cannot help Ico in this matter beyond acting as his pillar, for I cannot give proper advice here. I do not know that Heaven or Sheol extend here, and as we are removed from time I do not know that we age, so I cannot tell him he may see them again. I have found such consolation empty, personally, as well, but am I a true priest or a true man of Heaven if I do not try?
I know these two heard Sola's message, but did they also hear Yulia's? Now that they have died, where are their souls bound? As I have written, I do not know that Heaven and Sheol extend here, else my companions would be able to reach me. I urged Armaros to spend time with Ico, as the two seem to be bonding and I must not, though I fear it is too late. Even though we may not age, though I am not certain of that, I am certain now that we may die. I have allowed myself to become too open because of the former, though I fought against it out of habit and still do, and now I must reverse that.
As I pondered the fate of the deceased alone, I heard someone speaking to themselves, and looked to see Sissel seeming lost in thought, as much as a cat could. I asked him what troubled him, and he told me his human owner had been venturing out after dark. I could provide little comfort, for a man who will not heed his companion's words will not heed a stranger's. I have another to worry for, now. There were no signs of a struggle; neither Ashraf nor Michael had weapons drawn, and the wound, while grievous, was but a single one - a hole where their hearts had been. The murderer must truly be as strong as Sola said, if she can tear a man's heart from his chest before he can fight.
Prayer may calm my heart in troubled times, but can I pray and be heard here?
Day 50:
I spent tonight at the window again, though I knew the murderer to act too quickly for them to call for help, for I knew I could not sleep. I do not want to cause Armaros pain, but knowing now how helpless the victims truly are, I could not forgo this vigilance.
It rewarded me, for in my drifting to the second level, I heard voices, and focused to find Sola in a long coat confronting the one in red who had threatened us earlier, the murderer. Rather than fight, she approached her as a friend, calming her with gentle touch and a soothing voice, and the murderer came to her senses, seeming terrified of herself and regretful. She vanished from the level and Sola fell to sit on the ground in her relief, apologizing to those of us she could surely sense - or was it only myself? I did not hear anyone answer her, but I replied to show myself to her. Yulia had told us the murderer worked for Sola, and this seemed to be the case in the scene I had just witnessed, so would that make her the "Lady" she spoke of before, the one who maintained the city? I asked her if this was true, and she seemed to expect me to think less of her when she said she was, so I am happy to have brought her whatever peace of mind I could give in thanking her for providing a sanctuary for Armaros. Even though she cannot provide us food that tastes as it should, she is still doing a great thing for all of us - as well, if what the woman who lost her wits to become the murderer said was true, I am marked by her enemy. I am favored, I assume, by her enemy, and still she provides for me and speaks with me with kindness in her voice and honesty in her heart! The more I learn, the more I believe her to be an angel - though why would an angel be in charge of maintaining such a place, and if we are watched over by an angel, would I truly have been pulled away from my mission?
Day 51:
We were woken late at night, once again by the sounds of a distressed cat, and found Sissel outside our door. He told us that he had found his owner Yomiel dead. It seemed that the killer had taken one last victim before Sola found her. We took him in and did our best to console him, and eventually the three of us were able to sleep again. I gathered extra food for him in the morning, and the meal passed in the heavy silence that came in the wake of loss. I admit I could not bear to remain and left for our extra meal earlier than I normally did. I heard laughter as I walked to one of the food stores; not as if in joy or humor, but the laugh that a man laughs when he cannot or will not scream instead, and I hurried to see who was affected so. A man with fair hair styled into a single long spike and wearing the same sort of odd veil Strider wore over his eyes was the source of the laughter, dried blood surrounding him. Immediately I thought he must be injured, so I offered to treat his wounds the best I could, but then he told me he was not injured and could not die, and I remembered that Sissel had said his owner was difficult to kill.
Death is not permanent here! I do not understand this resurrection, but it eases my heart in a way, to know my inability to keep it will not hurt me here.
I brought him back to our house to reunite him with his cat, and he seemed resentful of us for caring for Sissel, though Sissel tried to encourage him to be more grateful to us. Regardless, once they had left, and Yomiel was quick to leave with his cat, it seemed all I could think of. Death is not permanent! I wonder if Ashraf and Michael have returned, as well.
Day 54:
The past few days have been spent returning to peace, and never have I been more relieved to simply see Armaros relax. I cannot ignore anymore that this haven of ours needs to be secured, but with Sola aiding us, it ought to be easier than if I alone had such a task. I might not have recorded more than this today had I not had a curious encounter with a woman who had a strange horse at her side, with a horn growing from its head and fire for a mane and tail. She called it a "pokemon", specifically a "gallop". She showed me another of them, which seemed stored in some altered state in small capsules, this one a small dragon with a flaming tail she called a "rizadon". When I remarked on its height, the woman, who had introduced herself as Kasahara, mentioned there were pokemon called "Immortals", gods under a creator, Arceus. It is interesting, learning how other worlds see their creations, how their stories have evolved to suit them. It seems, though, that perhaps these beings are their own, considering she has seen them, and related the story of a man who tried to tame one and interfered with the workings of the sea in doing so. Could other worlds be so enclosed as to have their own creation separate from God's? I was intrigued by this world, but Kasahara seemed uncomfortable with the topic of her leadership among some "Great Four", so I did not continue on the topic and instead opted to tell her about the new world she had found herself in.
I do wonder if I could see some of these "outsider" divines for myself. It's an interesting thought, that there are other creators. I wonder if God has met this Arceus.
But I am mindlessly penning my thoughts now, and Armaros will be hungry soon.
Day 55:
There was little to note today, other than that as Ico and I went to gather food, my idle thoughts about the way our peace was shattered found their way to the second level, where I discussed it with some others, among them the resurrected Michael and Ashraf. Michael was as insufferable as ever, but as for Ashraf, he seemed to be quite shaken by his death, and nothing I said could bring him any comfort. Whatever happened to him in his life seems as if it has destroyed his ability to have faith in anything at all, and his death here has damaged his faith in himself. If not in the future, if not in himself, if not in God, then what? How can I help him?
Ico broke me from my thoughts, and he showed all the enthusiasm of a child his age. I hope he doesn't let his guard down too much.
Day 56:
I write this in the waning hours of the day. I was shown a vision, enlightening and terrible, but I cannot write of it. I cannot speak of it to Armaros, or to anyone except Sissel. I can only relate that I woke in terror, screaming, and being unable to speak to Armaros about it only made it all the more frightening. I was unable to articulate what I saw, my voice failing the moment I tried describing it, and writing fared no better; the ink failed to flow when I tried to write of it. But Armaros found the pattern, and through it was able to deduce one thing I could not say:
Enoch can't write it, but I can! It was about the marks.
-Armaros
My nerves were frayed by what I had seen and that I could not communicate it with Armaros. I spent some time weeping into his shoulder and most of the night laying awake and listening to the both of us breathe. My heart still pounds to even think of what I saw. I was not the only one to see it, however, as Sissel had the same vision, and we could speak to one another freely about it. It was some comfort, to confide in another who had lived through the sight of (the next part of the line has been scratched through in an attempt to write on it)
The sight of the thing I cannot write about. I must sleep now, as exhaustion has finally made itself known.
Day 57:
I had another vision of which I cannot write, but now I may speak to Armaros of it, though he is now bound to the same silence I am. We prepared for the next vision, but as neither of us may write particulars, there is little else to include in this entry. It was not as horrifying as the first, but the terror was through my own actions.
Day 58:
There was another vision. When the sun rose I found Ashraf on the second level, and I thought I could speak of it to him, since (more distressed page where Enoch attempted to write)
I thought I could speak of it to him, but I could not. His mark was removed in death, and he is able to cross the city's sides freely. I can now say and write freely because of this that the marks have to do with the wall; those that are marked see the wall and those who "are not" do not. It seems that if I can trace the knowledge to means other than my visions I can speak of them. I shall write what I can when I can.
Day 59:
It is a crab's claw, not a human form!
Day 60:
I met another newcomer today, she had (distressed section) the west side's mark. It was the first time I am able to write of that I've seen it; it resembles an eye. She seemed well versed in the sort of situation we've found ourselves in, immediately calling for a meeting with our hosts, and she seemed aware of the nature of a place like the second level. I was able to tell her of Sola, at least, and that she is an agreeable woman. I wonder what sort of world she comes from. Perhaps we will encounter one another again.
Day 62:
I worry about Armaros. The (heavily distressed paper, as if Enoch was determined to write here)
The circumstances of my vision, and the spell of silence he is bound to have put him in danger. I am to blame; had I kept my wits after that first vision he would be safe. But he is disoriented now, and he cannot so much as stand. Surely it is an attack for a percieved betrayal, the reason for which I cannot write and this frustrates me. He will want to talk on the second level, but I fear it will end in a direct attack. I must stay near. I had horrific dreams this night, of failing to protect him. I cannot allow them to become real.
He seems concerned about me, and my own concern. He did not see what I saw and did not hear what I heard. But to him, I remind him of Ezekiel's descent into obsessive madness. I forget sometimes that he is not human, and may have difficulty understanding - it is my fault he suffered at all.
It is my fault. Had I not spoken to him, he would not have become so enamored of life on Earth, would not have fallen, and would not have become trapped in The Darkness to waste away until Meridian claimed him from its depths. And now that he has this haven, I have ruined it as well with my selfish fear.
No more. I will protect him with my life.
Day 63:
It was difficult to sleep for my worry. Armaros woke me this morning to tell me Ico was trapped on the roof across from ours. He is severely lethargic and has not been eating or drinking for the past day. I was torn; I cannot carry Armaros and Ico both, but I cannot leave Armaros alone, nor can I abandon a child in danger. We compromised somehow; I brought him to the door where I could see him while I leapt to the roof where Ico was stranded and carried him down and inside, and then brought Armaros inside as well. I laid Ico on our couch and managed to convince him to drink some water, and took Armaros out to find food for the three of us. He would not eat much before falling asleep again. The poor child, I hope he recovers soon.
Day 64:
Ico still sleeps much of the day. Armaros still suffers from disorientation, and wanders onto the second level more and more often. I understand his restlessness, but I cannot protect him there. Oh, what can I do? I cannot bring myself to harm him by forbidding it, but merely suggesting it makes him uneasy! I see the signs of unease with me in general. Oh, how can I express my fear for him without driving him away from me?
I cannot lose him, not when I've only just found him again!
Day 65:
I was not well.
In the middle of the night on the sixty-second day, an inebriated man handed out sweets on the second level. I don't believe anyone thought anything of it, but I should have. Food, on a mental plane? Can it truly fill the stomach if it is not the mouth that eats it? What, then, did it fill?
I am a fool.
Sola's friend was on the second level. We spoke, and now I can say that Meridian is fought over by two forces, both of which Sola is keeping out. The city is called "Meridian" because it is a central point, where the barriers between worlds are very thin. The natives here are very strong, due to reasons I still cannot write I would say godlike, and humans cannot survive in their presence. The original residents were killed when a number of them attempted to reach them, and the city would have gone with them had Sola not maintained it.
I am not coherent. I have been unable to sleep well, so worried for Armaros I drifted on and off the second level in my paranoid attempt to stop any attack on him. Can he ever forgive me for my behavior? It may have been due to those sweets, but the guilt my paranoia stemmed from was all too real, and now I have the guilt of treating him so to bear as well. He seemed understanding, but it is best I give him his space.
His disorientation is gone, as well, as is Ico's lethargy. The boy has returned to the house across the road.
Colby was the immortal's name. I will remember it, and remember not to trust anything he does while drunk.
I must sleep.
Day 66:
He truly has forgiven me! His love, this love, ours, it is beautiful, and moves me to tears to think of it. I had forgotten how it felt to be able to love without the fear of death and only now do I truly see how liberating it is! My heart feels so light, unburdened, and I am happy. Surely, as we are outside of time, God will allow me to retun here to have this happiness once more.
But first, I must ensure we keep this shelter. Next time I see either Sola or one of the other entities I will suggest an alliance against the third entity. It will keep both of them safe, and all of us in the city as well.
I can see Armaros laughing at the smile on my face as I write this. I shall go and find something to occupy us.
Day 68:
It only took two days to see Sola again. She says it is the hundredth day since the rifts brought people to the city - Armaros and I must have arrived on the thirty second day, then. She was in a new form, or rather, had lost that form, because Colby had attempted to eat her in his drunken state, and her injuries have forced her to revert to her true form - a younger woman. She calls herself a "juvenile", and even the woman I now know to be named Successor called her a child, but she still seems a woman to me, if not so far into it as she seemed before. I may now write many things I once could not, as Sola has spoken of them.
Zeph is the name of my guardian, the one who owns the mark on my shoulder, and now the one on Armaros's neck. He and the other, Kiqu, are locked in conflict over Meridian, and Sola is pushing them both out, though the energy it took to reverse Steve's transformation was such that she can no longer keep them from contacting us through visions. The city itself was destroyed inadvertently by Zeph when several humans intruded on their realm, but Sola rebuilt it and maintains it. She was once the city's earth spirit, but was forced into a body by the humans seeking to ascend to see their gods (for that's what they are to the world, as gods, but more fallible, more flawed, more angel than deity)
Her every action is for the city, so she responded well to my suggestion of an alliance with Zeph, after I had managed to attempt to communicate the destruction of Meridian was accidental. With her knowledge of it comes my freedom to write it. It is for the city that I act, as well, for Armaros's sake, and for the sake of others who can call this their sanctuary.
With Sola in agreement and Zeph more than likely aware through my mark, now we must wait for the stage to be set. I will see that this war ends, and that this city can live on in peace.
Day 69:
I have met the man who turned us into animals. Steve is disarmingly friendly, and has a clumsiness about him that is endearing, though I've no doubt this clumisness is what led to the transformation in the first place. He was searching for Yulia, who has not been seen since she declared the hunting party against Successor during her "fit". I do hope Successor did not kill her, but Steve did not seem worried for her safety.
Steve seems to be a good man, and we had a good conversation over feeding birds. He was genuinely sorry he had indirectly harmed people when he turned them into animals, and didn't seem to expect me to say I forgave him. I again feel as if I've made a new friend. He seems as if he could need one, as well.
Day 71:
I met an odd man with silver hair and red eyes on the second level. He had a strange device with him that he called an artifact of God, the "Compass of Order and Chaos". But I have never heard of such a thing. He warned me against touching it, that it would destroy my mind. After certain events of which I still may not write, I am not surprised. What does surprise me is that he had an unusual name for Him, "U-DO", the name humans gave to God after discovering Heaven on their own. It frightened me, for it was too similar to the events that befell this city through Zeph. His world's Heaven was God, however, and any mind attempting to come in contact with it would die or break. His is a world in which my story is impossible. God in his world observes through a boy named Abel. Because he was unclear when he first mentioned him, I thought it might be the same Abel as my ancestor, but when the man said he did not know, I realized he must be a being that exists outside of time.
I wish to speak more with this person. His world sounds unusual.
Day 72:
It has been long enough for Sola to have informed the Successor of the peace talk plan, so I think I will try to contact Zeph through my mark. The beach is a lovely place, and the waves will help me focus on directing my filter at Zeph. Armaros will come with me, I'm sure he'll enjoy the swim.
That did not go well. I will share when I can think to write.
Day 72, continued (written on the seventy-third day)
I feel capable of writing now, though my head still aches and light still seems too bright. It is not unbearable.
I attempted to access the second level, concentrating far more than I ever have, clearing my mind as I would before the deepest of prayer. When I tried to speak to Zeph, I felt a presence behind me, and I had the impression it was angry. Before I could turn and see, I was suddenly on the first level, weak and nauseous, with a pounding head. I could not stand or walk without Armaros's help. On the way, we met many of the others who offered their help; Yomiel even offered to tamper with my memory so I would not remember the walk home! But I had to decline. It is bad enough that my memories fade naturally, I do not want anyone else tampering wih them.
Armaros saw me to bed and offered me some of the medicine that was in the restroom. It did ease some of the pain eventually, and I was able to sleep, which I did most of the day.
As I must do now. I am not yet recovered.
Day 76
I am glad I had recovered well enough to go out. I met a newcomer, a young woman, and was able to inform her of the city's disputed state. It has been quiet and peaceful.
Day 80
Some time has passed since the attack, so the attacker may not be watching anymore. I decided to go to the second level, and ask if anyone else had experienced such a thing. What I found was another newcomer, a female demon who was immediately wary of my every motive. Though she was defensive and overly-wary, she only wanted to live in peace. As she was not causing trouble, and not intending to do so, I am inclined to think this is not a demon to be concerned about, despite her nature.
Day 83
It has been very quiet for the past three days. I don't mind the peace, but I must wonder if the peace talks are going as planned. I offered my own mind as the meeting place, since visiting a human seemed to provide Zeph some security, but I would not be surprised if they had their own ideas. Unable to keep myself from worrying, I went to the beach, where I found Kasahara training her pokemon. I had thought, when she said some of them were used for war, that they were mounts or messengers, but these creatures were creating small storms and otherwise controlling the elements! I have no doubt in my mind now that they were, in fact, weapons. Her world is an unforgiving one, it seems, and she is considered "soft" for thinking of her pokemon as companions instead of tools. I think she will like it here - all the more reason to ensure Sola is in a position to speak with Zeph.
Day 84:
Still no sign. It has been more than two weeks since Sola agreed to the peace talks, and neither party must travel to the other. I am worried.
Day 85:
What a trying night I had. I was unable to sleep, so I left Armaros to his usual deep slumber and went to the beach to try to clear my mind. The city's state means Sola is well, at least, so I can be assured of her safety, but where was Zeph?
Restless even with the tide to calm me, I sought out companionship on the second level, and had conversations with the demoness, whose name is Shura, and with Ashraf. Each of them have their own reasons to treasure this place; this provides Shura a safe place to recover from the loss of her lover, and Ashraf and Michael seem as if they share a close bond.
And then Cain answered me.
At first, our conversation was a pleasant one. He has a constant companion in a demon named Loki, who keeps him sane and affords him immortal company the same way Lucifel has accompanied me. Though I should feel repulsed by his loyalties with demons, I cannot fault him. After all, who else may he turn to, shunned by God and hated by angels? Cain took a further interest in my mission, and I told him of it. All seemed well until I told him of those poor souls in the Tower bound for The Darkness. He said, "Souls being removed from somewhere God can touch is something you won't find me disapproving of."
I was all but overcome with rage and pain. To think he would consider Armaros better off in The Darkness! But I knew it was from ignorance of vileness that he said it, so I explained what I knew of it, how it felt to simply be near it, and how it had wasted Armaros's body away. But even when I explained my mission, he persisted, and I asked again if he truly wished to say Armaros was better in The Darkness, at Belial's hands.
(There are water stains here. The writing continues below them.)
When he said he was, I very nearly struck him.
It is born of ignorance, I must remember. I can only hope that he remains so ignorant, that he never experiences vileness for himself.
Day 86:
Before I went to sleep this night, I heard someone calling out for someone named Maya. Realizing it must be a newcomer, I left Armaros to sleep once again while I went to explain the city's situation to the newcomer. Imagine my surprise when I saw a young man with a familiar shape alongside him - he had a motorcycle at his side, though I believe it may not work, much the same as many of the devices here do not work. It is eerie, how close Azazel was to the truth. I must wonder if he had asked Lucifel about the future, for I do know how much he loves to speak of it.
I learned his name is Tatsuya, and he took readily to the idea of other "gods" ruling the city, readily enough that I thought he must have seen some other conflict in his world. We seem to have similarities in those we have met as well, as he was able to finish my thoughts when I spoke of Azazel's goal, and both of us know the relief of a seeming enemy repenting (in fact, a seeming enemy that was truly a friend). We found a house for him to stay, and I used my Arch for what little light it was worth. He seemed excited to see it, calling it a "lightsaber". I suppose it is in some ways a sword of light, but I thought it was unusual for him to recognize it at all until he said it was a legend.
He spoke of his world then, how rumors could come true (I fear the ways this could be used for harm), and how demons had overrun the city, how there was peace such that nobody should have need for a weapon before that. He, too, had a lover who would have been an enemy of his but for repentance. It gives me hope for Armaros.
Tatsuya said he wished to tell me something, and asked for firewood, so I led him back home to take some of the spare wood , and he led me with it south towards the sea, though not all the way to the beach. What he did next astounded me; he summoned an apparition that moved with him as if they were one, and called forth flame to consume the wood. It was similar, I thought, to when Uriel assisted me, but Uriel does not move with me; he is far more aggressive than I. Tatsuya told me it was a "Persona", a manifestation of a part of himself that he used to fight, and that people with Personas were often chosen for them, though he was chosen at a very young age.
It was only natural that he should then demonstrate that his Persona, Apollo, granted his body imperviousness to flames, by putting his hand into the very fire he'd started. He reminds me somewhat of myself with his love of using his abilities to impress others. Too many people can go through life without being truely awed, after all. He and I both seem the type to enjoy planting the seeds of stories that will entertain at least two generations. What is human life without passing on stories, after all?
In return, I told him of the second level, though he nearly seemed ready for that as well, calling it the "collective unconscious", however it was a false recognition in the end. He and I spoke more of our own worlds before we both went our separate ways to sleep.
Again, I feel I've made a new friend. But perhaps, when we are separated we shall meet again in Heaven. He was chosen, after all.
Day 87
Armaros and I met Tatsuya's lover when we went to get breakfast...or at the very least the man who is close enough to one. It did occur to me that I had assumed such in my previous entry, but their shyness about the matter tells me perhaps they are both only considering it. Tatsuya and Jun are as lucky as we are, to have found each other here, considering he seems to be from Tatsuya's future, which does not bode well for the woman, Maya, he was searching. He did not offer this information, but talking of her seemed to pain him. He told us more of Personas, and that they are specifically the sorts of masks one shows to the world instead of oneself. I wonder if I would have seventy of them were I given this power.
His Persona, Cronos, is associated with time, and he keeps a watch, a sort of portable clock that looks at least feasibly removed from a sundial, functioning despite such devices normally not doing so in Meridian.
We told him what we knew of Sola and the conflict between Zeph and Kiqu before he said he wanted to reunite with Tatsuya. Armaros looked a little saddened to see him go; I think he likes Jun. He does seem a friendly man, and a good match for Tatsuya, regardless of where their relationship stands.
Day 90
I am enjoying Armaros's company as always, and the city is peaceful for now. But the quiet is unsettling. I think another trip to the beach may help ease my mind.
Day 91
I encountered Cain again this night, as I traveled to the beach as I said I would, sitting before a fire. I very nearly turned away, remembering his words that even now bring the heat of anger to me, but there was a pain in what I could see of his face in the firelight, and as a fellow immortal human, the only person who may be able to understand him, I approached. He is, after all, family.
He said he was tired, that he wanted it all to end and for him to rest. I know it all too well, though I could not now bear to leave my immortal friends the way my mortal ones left me. I know it well, the wish for the pain and hardship to end, to wish an end to the counting of days between partings. He is worried, too, about his world's Abel, who, while his circumstances are confusing and worrying - he is somehow tainted by nature and able to participate in a demonic war of succession - sided with God: Cain's world's impossible tyrant God. Cain knew his brother would need to kill (but would he be so different siding with demons? Such a world seems as if humans have no allies.) and, of course, knowing the pain of killing a man himself, did not wish it on him.
My anger for his words that I feel even now is misplaced, I know. He only speaks of ignorance.
I worry most for Abel's soul, which Cain said was fragmented. A fragmented soul, is that not oblivion in a way? It is frightening, to think of someone's very core simply ceasing to exist.
Day 92
I found Steve and the other man who was there to speak to us when the sky turned red on the first level today, who Steve called Li. They seemed to be in search of something, so I offered to help. They were both hesitant to tell me what it was they were looking for, and doing a poor job of hiding the fact of hiding something. With Steve's help, I convinced Li to trust me, and they told me it was "real food". Food that tastes as it should seems a nice luxury, though not one I am in any hurry to have. Still, the search was something to keep my mind off of the silence from the rest of the second level - third? Alas, we never found it. It seems someone had better luck than we.
Day 96
Where are they? I worry for Zeph. We have an indicator of Sola's well-being in the city itself, but what of Zeph?
Day 100
One hundred days, so small and yet, it feels so long. Is it because I have been so happy for so much of it? It doesn't feel long in the sense of eternity, but in fondness. I read this journal over again and recalled that before the Successor had her "fit", we were planning a gathering. It is late today, and the others will be sleeping, but I think I will try to bring Meridian together in a gathering again. It is too quiet.
Day 101
I have spoken to both Ashraf and Asato on the second level. It seems that Steve will be attending too, and I will extend an invitation to Sola as well. We may show our appreciation for the food and for the city that she has provided us, and ask her about the talks as well. Perhaps she knows what has happened to Zeph. It will be in a week, so Armaros and I must do our part to prepare.
Day 104
The city is silent again, but at least Armaros and I have been busy. We have been collecting food and drink and trying portions of it. It is as a game, itself, testing flavors together. Soon we will have some fine combinations to serve the gathering. Armaros has been crafting decorations; his hands are quite skilled, and I believe it will be more than acceptable for both the residents and our hostess.
Day 107
Tomorrow is the day of the gathering. We have nearly everything ready, and all we need is to alert the others. We'll have all morning to announce it, and share our meal at midday. The quiet has been eerie, now that I think on it, but we have been busy, and I hope that the gathering tomorrow will help ease this growing feeling of solitude.
But should it not, Armaros's embrace will. I am never alone so long as he is beside me, here in our home away from home.