(no subject)
sometimes i'm just so
that i can't stand myself.
so many thoughts and most of them screaming how pointless everything is. all this banter and these tactics and wasted energies. all for nothing.
N O T H I N G.
all these words saying N O T H I N G and i can't stop talking.
this rut isn't even about being unemployed or the weird weather or the depressing political circus.
i was reading my "old" journals, from 2000-2004 and i was horrified to see that i declared at least once every year how lost and confused i was and how my life keeps on turning for the "worst", no matter how much fun it seemed i was having. it's like i've been on a quarter (or half, whatever) life crisis since college and it's just now that it's really starting to scare me.
it's not even about the procrastination, although the bitch is not making things easier. sometimes it's more like i don't know what i want. right now, i have an idea on what would make me absolutely happy but that's going to be the icing on the proverbial cake, not what has to be done to get things going.
i absolutely hate complaining yet that's what i seem to be doing most of the time.
funny how alone one can feel when at least a million others feel the exact same way about the exact same things.
i feel like shacking up in the province for a few weeks and come to terms with some things before all-out attacking the job market.
the city's driving me crazy. everyone's driving me crazy. sensory overload.
i want to scream but i can't.
this all feels like a nightmare. BANGUNGOT if you will. someone please wake me up.
that i can't stand myself.
so many thoughts and most of them screaming how pointless everything is. all this banter and these tactics and wasted energies. all for nothing.
N O T H I N G.
all these words saying N O T H I N G and i can't stop talking.
this rut isn't even about being unemployed or the weird weather or the depressing political circus.
i was reading my "old" journals, from 2000-2004 and i was horrified to see that i declared at least once every year how lost and confused i was and how my life keeps on turning for the "worst", no matter how much fun it seemed i was having. it's like i've been on a quarter (or half, whatever) life crisis since college and it's just now that it's really starting to scare me.
it's not even about the procrastination, although the bitch is not making things easier. sometimes it's more like i don't know what i want. right now, i have an idea on what would make me absolutely happy but that's going to be the icing on the proverbial cake, not what has to be done to get things going.
i absolutely hate complaining yet that's what i seem to be doing most of the time.
funny how alone one can feel when at least a million others feel the exact same way about the exact same things.
i feel like shacking up in the province for a few weeks and come to terms with some things before all-out attacking the job market.
the city's driving me crazy. everyone's driving me crazy. sensory overload.
i want to scream but i can't.
this all feels like a nightmare. BANGUNGOT if you will. someone please wake me up.