(no subject)
My Grams died sometime last night.
I don't really know how I'm feeling yet. Right now, I'm just kind of...blank. I don't know.
We leave Monday to go down to Greencastle; the funeral is most likely going to be Wednesday. I don't know when we'll be coming back.
So I'm going to be gone for several days. Of all the times to be cut off from you guys, this is one time I really don't want or need to be. I don't even know how much I'd talk about it if I weren't cut off...but still. Just knowing that I will be is almost making this whole thing hurt even more.
There's going to be a lot of people I don't really know or at least am not close to at all (even if they are family) at the wake and the funeral. And I'm dreading that, because I really, really don't feel like dealing with people trying to talk to me about Grams if I don't know them. I don't want them to come over and try to talk to me and give comfort, give me platitudes about losing loved ones. And I really don't know if I have it in me to even try and respond politely. To respond at all. I don't want them to talk to me. I don't want them to touch me, pat my arm or try and hug me. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I just really don't want to deal with that from people I don't know.
Honestly, I just feel like crawling into my bed and not coming out.
I don't really know how I'm feeling yet. Right now, I'm just kind of...blank. I don't know.
We leave Monday to go down to Greencastle; the funeral is most likely going to be Wednesday. I don't know when we'll be coming back.
So I'm going to be gone for several days. Of all the times to be cut off from you guys, this is one time I really don't want or need to be. I don't even know how much I'd talk about it if I weren't cut off...but still. Just knowing that I will be is almost making this whole thing hurt even more.
There's going to be a lot of people I don't really know or at least am not close to at all (even if they are family) at the wake and the funeral. And I'm dreading that, because I really, really don't feel like dealing with people trying to talk to me about Grams if I don't know them. I don't want them to come over and try to talk to me and give comfort, give me platitudes about losing loved ones. And I really don't know if I have it in me to even try and respond politely. To respond at all. I don't want them to talk to me. I don't want them to touch me, pat my arm or try and hug me. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I just really don't want to deal with that from people I don't know.
Honestly, I just feel like crawling into my bed and not coming out.