Stuck.
Mayama,
I always ask myself why is it so hard to talk to you. But there is something I need to get off my chest, something that you need to understand for me.
You are the cause of me being stuck here in this place.
You would always say these words, "Let us be friends." But, quite frankly, I do not feel that you are treating me as one.
I get jealous when you talk to my friends like nothing had happened between us, but choose to ignore me.
You say that I'm expecting so much of you, but you are mistaken. I just want things to be back to normal, back when we ever even came to be.
Remember that talk we had that day where you felt that life is shooting its bullets at you one after the other? Didn't our talk make you feel better? Wasn't it nice to get to talk like that after more than a month of pseudo-bickering? Did it even make you feel at ease? Why not continue conversations such as that? Didn't you feel the weight lifting off from you?
I sure did. But the weigh has finally returned to me.
When you texted me out of the blue about your accomplishment about this game, I felt delighted. For the first time in a month, you texted me without me initiating the conversation. I was glad, it was almost like paradise. But, it eventually crashed due to the actions you have been showing me.
Correct me if I am wrong though. As a friend, I want to know COMPLETELY your side of the story. Hence why I am explaining how I feel at this moment.
Am I... someone to lift you off from your boredome?
I just want to say, I can do more than that. I am able to help you in your problems, whatever it may be. I am capable of giving advice. I am able to lend an ear.
All those other crap that friends do.
I believe, that I am more than just someone to talk to when another is bored.
That is what has been hurting me all this time.
Don't take this as another 'expectation', because it is not. I just want to know, as a friend, what is going on. No load, no unlimited text service, lazy to text, or whatever it is. I do not want to be blinded anymore.
It was because of blindness that made both of us result to this situation.
Let us be more open about things, let me know when you need help. You tend to shoulder everything on your own. It's not healthy, I would know. I always remind you: I AM HERE FOR YOU.
Besides, I do not want to risk you dying due to a heart attack.
If it ever comes to that, I want you to be at that point, without regrets whatsoever.
You may have let go of me, but I have not let go of that friendship we had before everything started.
Does your day have to be full of bullshit before you'd want me to cheer you up once more? Just tell me, I would do it, free of charge.
You're the best male friend I could ever have.
And I do not want to lose that.
Reply if you wish. If otherwise, well, at least, I tried to clear things out to you.
It's what I think friends should do, telling each other what is bothering each.
I don't know with you, though.
So, let me know what you think if you would like, okay?
I always ask myself why is it so hard to talk to you. But there is something I need to get off my chest, something that you need to understand for me.
You are the cause of me being stuck here in this place.
You would always say these words, "Let us be friends." But, quite frankly, I do not feel that you are treating me as one.
I get jealous when you talk to my friends like nothing had happened between us, but choose to ignore me.
You say that I'm expecting so much of you, but you are mistaken. I just want things to be back to normal, back when we ever even came to be.
Remember that talk we had that day where you felt that life is shooting its bullets at you one after the other? Didn't our talk make you feel better? Wasn't it nice to get to talk like that after more than a month of pseudo-bickering? Did it even make you feel at ease? Why not continue conversations such as that? Didn't you feel the weight lifting off from you?
I sure did. But the weigh has finally returned to me.
When you texted me out of the blue about your accomplishment about this game, I felt delighted. For the first time in a month, you texted me without me initiating the conversation. I was glad, it was almost like paradise. But, it eventually crashed due to the actions you have been showing me.
Correct me if I am wrong though. As a friend, I want to know COMPLETELY your side of the story. Hence why I am explaining how I feel at this moment.
Am I... someone to lift you off from your boredome?
I just want to say, I can do more than that. I am able to help you in your problems, whatever it may be. I am capable of giving advice. I am able to lend an ear.
All those other crap that friends do.
I believe, that I am more than just someone to talk to when another is bored.
That is what has been hurting me all this time.
Don't take this as another 'expectation', because it is not. I just want to know, as a friend, what is going on. No load, no unlimited text service, lazy to text, or whatever it is. I do not want to be blinded anymore.
It was because of blindness that made both of us result to this situation.
Let us be more open about things, let me know when you need help. You tend to shoulder everything on your own. It's not healthy, I would know. I always remind you: I AM HERE FOR YOU.
Besides, I do not want to risk you dying due to a heart attack.
If it ever comes to that, I want you to be at that point, without regrets whatsoever.
You may have let go of me, but I have not let go of that friendship we had before everything started.
Does your day have to be full of bullshit before you'd want me to cheer you up once more? Just tell me, I would do it, free of charge.
You're the best male friend I could ever have.
And I do not want to lose that.
Reply if you wish. If otherwise, well, at least, I tried to clear things out to you.
It's what I think friends should do, telling each other what is bothering each.
I don't know with you, though.
So, let me know what you think if you would like, okay?