My Adventure With Uglymoo
Hi! As you're likely aware, this is my first post to the community. I will be sporking a piece of fanfiction I found a few weeks ago, so that I can submit a quote from it to Literacy Fail Of The Year. I should probably warn all of you beforehand that this is very, very, very, VERY not safe for work/school/family/spouses/your brain/your digestive system. I'm going to be quoting bits from the fic, since that's just how I do things, but if it's too horrible, I'll be happy to take them out.
PROCEED WITH EXTREME CAUTION.
Let's get started, shall we?
The Forsaken Cow can be found on the account of Mangogirl, hosted by ff.net. It centers around a female tauren named Uglymoo. The author, wasting no time, introduces us to Uglymoo's magnificent assets, described in loving detail, in the second sentence of the fic.
"Her shaggy breasts hung nearly to her navel, and her ass jiggled and undulated as she moved like a pair of jello molds strapped to the wheels of a motorcycle."
We're off to a fine start, aren't we?
The author continues to waste no time by telling us straight off that Uglymoo has a "voracious sexual appetite" and likens her to a black widow spider for her habit of trying to hump people to death after having sex with them. At the time of the fanfic, our heroine has been hanging around Undercity for a week, seducing passing adventurers with her "charms".
That sentence, just so you know, was physically painful to type.
One morning, Uglymoo wakes up buck naked outside the city gates after a wild party, and, being no longer welcome inside the city, decides to seek out sex elsewhere. After a day's worth of walking, she suddenly begins to feel ill, and passes out by the side of the road. Then this happens.
"She flopped down to sleep and was unconscious before she even had time to slip one thick finger inside her crusty honey pot. She tried to rectify this error the second she woke the next morning, and was started(sic) to find that her finger came away with a piece of discolored labia clinging to it."
"....her finger came away with a piece of discolored labia clinging to it."
"finger came away with a piece of discolored labia clinging to it"
Yes, that's right, kids, Uglymoo is undead! How did she become undead, you ask? Well, let's ponder her habits and personality for a moment.
oh god oh god oh god i don't even
Is Uglymoo disturbed by this discovery? Why, heavens, no! Her response is to think, "oh hey, i'm immortal, i can have even more sex now!" and to skip - not even making it up here - SKIP into the Scarlet Monastery, where she meets up with Scarlet Commander Mograine. Who proceeds to fuck her up the ass. Given the way the story is going so far, that actually seems pretty predictable, but it's no less horrifying in text.
And then, suddenly, Inquisitor Whitemane shows up!
"Mograine was busy wiping his cock on Uglymoo's filthy tunic when Inquisitor Whitemane strolled in...Mograine whirled at her gasp of horror, his limp dick still in hand. The two humans stood frozen for several long seconds as Uglymoo farted and blubbered contentedly on the floor."
Whitemane, woman of the people, says what's on everyone's mind:
"I knew you were sick, Mograine, but I never knew it ran this deep."
She fetches Herod, who...actually, for the sake of what sanity you may have left, I'm not going to say what he does here. But be assured that everything ends in a nice little mini-orgy of "shit, blood, cum and decay". And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go drown myself in a bucket of bleach. Toodle-oo!
PROCEED WITH EXTREME CAUTION.
Let's get started, shall we?
The Forsaken Cow can be found on the account of Mangogirl, hosted by ff.net. It centers around a female tauren named Uglymoo. The author, wasting no time, introduces us to Uglymoo's magnificent assets, described in loving detail, in the second sentence of the fic.
"Her shaggy breasts hung nearly to her navel, and her ass jiggled and undulated as she moved like a pair of jello molds strapped to the wheels of a motorcycle."
We're off to a fine start, aren't we?
The author continues to waste no time by telling us straight off that Uglymoo has a "voracious sexual appetite" and likens her to a black widow spider for her habit of trying to hump people to death after having sex with them. At the time of the fanfic, our heroine has been hanging around Undercity for a week, seducing passing adventurers with her "charms".
That sentence, just so you know, was physically painful to type.
One morning, Uglymoo wakes up buck naked outside the city gates after a wild party, and, being no longer welcome inside the city, decides to seek out sex elsewhere. After a day's worth of walking, she suddenly begins to feel ill, and passes out by the side of the road. Then this happens.
"She flopped down to sleep and was unconscious before she even had time to slip one thick finger inside her crusty honey pot. She tried to rectify this error the second she woke the next morning, and was started(sic) to find that her finger came away with a piece of discolored labia clinging to it."
"....her finger came away with a piece of discolored labia clinging to it."
"finger came away with a piece of discolored labia clinging to it"
Yes, that's right, kids, Uglymoo is undead! How did she become undead, you ask? Well, let's ponder her habits and personality for a moment.
oh god oh god oh god i don't even
Is Uglymoo disturbed by this discovery? Why, heavens, no! Her response is to think, "oh hey, i'm immortal, i can have even more sex now!" and to skip - not even making it up here - SKIP into the Scarlet Monastery, where she meets up with Scarlet Commander Mograine. Who proceeds to fuck her up the ass. Given the way the story is going so far, that actually seems pretty predictable, but it's no less horrifying in text.
And then, suddenly, Inquisitor Whitemane shows up!
"Mograine was busy wiping his cock on Uglymoo's filthy tunic when Inquisitor Whitemane strolled in...Mograine whirled at her gasp of horror, his limp dick still in hand. The two humans stood frozen for several long seconds as Uglymoo farted and blubbered contentedly on the floor."
Whitemane, woman of the people, says what's on everyone's mind:
"I knew you were sick, Mograine, but I never knew it ran this deep."
She fetches Herod, who...actually, for the sake of what sanity you may have left, I'm not going to say what he does here. But be assured that everything ends in a nice little mini-orgy of "shit, blood, cum and decay". And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go drown myself in a bucket of bleach. Toodle-oo!