high school reunion
My five year high school reunion is happening this month. I was really excited at the possibility of this, before the event was formed on Facebook. High school, while heaps better than the hell that was middle school, wasn't exactly a walk in the park for me. I was bullied quite often for being awkward, my deadpan humor, whom I hung out with, but mostly I was bullied for the way I looked. If any of you have me on FB you've undoubtedly seen at least my profile picture among the many pictures uploaded of me now - I have straight, blonde hair now but it hasn't always been like that.
My hair is naturally curly, and not curly in a way that's to be admired, either. It floofs out in a ridiculous way, sticking out several inches from the back of my head. Some of the curls are perfect ringlet curls, much like Kirsten Dunst's character in Interview With a Vampire. For the most part though, it's just a big, curly mess. I was called "afro girl" in middle school because of how it stuck out from my head. I didn't use any product then, but I had this warped image of how I looked after getting out of the shower, because after showering my hair would look fine. I was under the impression it became docile upon drying, but when I got my school pictures back I realized how it looked. I wore it in a ponytail from then on but that helped me stand out only a little less than before. I didn't start using product until high school, and even then I was still unhappy with the way I looked but at least my hair was kept mostly under control. Popularity was never something I wanted; I simply wanted to blend in with the crowd.
Chemical straighteners never worked on me. From sixth grade to high school, my mother spent almost $1000 trying to make my curly hair easier to take care of. Every single time I'd leave the salon after a couple of hours of intense head burning, I'd always feel that hope that life would be easier from now on, but when I looked in the car side mirror on the drive home I'd see that my hair hadn't changed. Again. I'd go home, shower, the smell from the leftover chemicals would nearly knock me out and yes, my curls were SLIGHTLY relaxed, but the only thing this affected was how long it took me to brush out my hair.
The first time I ever had my hair straightened with a flat-iron was the summer before junior year when I was a bridesmaid for my cousin's wedding. My hair was straightened and pinned up around my head - I had never looked so pretty. None of my family recognized me at the wedding. The next day it was back to the norm, and I never considered using a straight iron again because it took so long. I didn't see how it was possible for me to do it.
I went all through college being self-conscious of my hair. While I wasn't made fun of nearly as much as I was in high school, by this point I had gotten used to having low self-esteem and confidence levels, but finally during my senior year I decided I wanted a change, and it was then I realized how easy it is to flat-iron one's own hair, even if it's time-consuming, just takes some practice. A couple of hours spent on my hair every few days is a small price to pay for the general happiness I feel now about my appearance.
What I hate is being asked "will you ever go curly again?" I suppose it's an innocent question, actually, but when I'm asked that by people who know the rough times I went through as a girl with unmanageable curly hair, I feel offended. Why would I want go back to feeling that way? Maybe it's superficial, but if all of my self-esteem and confidence is contained in my hair, I'm perfectly fine with that. I also dislike when people tell me they have a friend who could DEFINITELY work with my curly hair and make it so that even I would think it's beautiful - no, this does not exist. I have been told this countless times. I even gave into it at first, before I got a flat-iron. Nothing worked. Nothing. Above all, I am tired of people telling me they know what to do with my hair - I'm the one who's had to deal with it the past 23 years unsuccessfully, what makes an outsider even begin to think they can tame it, especially when they have gorgeous, straight hair?
...wow, this turned way more into a hair rant than I was planning.
Back to the reunion.
I've come a long way from high school - perhaps the farthest of anyone, if you want to be literal. (How far is Japan from Iowa, 10000 miles or so? Haha.) I went through a complete transformation in the past two years, let alone the five years that have passed since high school. I wear dresses, skirts, make-up, heels, pink, blue, and I finally have hair I can do something with. I've lost some weight, I'm practically fluent in Japanese, been given the go-ahead to graduate university, and I haven't fucked up my life with cigarettes, pot, heavy drugs, and I've only used alcohol in moderation. I didn't get knocked up, but I found someone who loves me unconditionally with or without my curly hair (he met me when I was still curly actually), and we're so happy together.
Oh, and it doesn't hurt that he's completely gorgeous. <3
So yes, I'd love to go to the reunion with Will by my side, if only to show off how far I've come, that the things they said to me - like the morning I ran crying to the counselor's office because I was harassed over and over again for my hair and could no longer take it - didn't affect how I turned out. Let's face it - reunions aren't about getting together and seeing old friends. Perhaps this is part of it, but there is that underlying motive of getting together, seeing old friends, and then showing off your own life and sticking it to the bullies. At least, that's how I see it as a former outcast. That's what Romy & Michele taught me. ;)
For now, all I can do is write on the Facebook wall for the event with as much classy snark as I can manage: "Would love to, but I'm kind of in Japan."
Suck on that, bitches. How's Newton treating you?
My hair is naturally curly, and not curly in a way that's to be admired, either. It floofs out in a ridiculous way, sticking out several inches from the back of my head. Some of the curls are perfect ringlet curls, much like Kirsten Dunst's character in Interview With a Vampire. For the most part though, it's just a big, curly mess. I was called "afro girl" in middle school because of how it stuck out from my head. I didn't use any product then, but I had this warped image of how I looked after getting out of the shower, because after showering my hair would look fine. I was under the impression it became docile upon drying, but when I got my school pictures back I realized how it looked. I wore it in a ponytail from then on but that helped me stand out only a little less than before. I didn't start using product until high school, and even then I was still unhappy with the way I looked but at least my hair was kept mostly under control. Popularity was never something I wanted; I simply wanted to blend in with the crowd.
Chemical straighteners never worked on me. From sixth grade to high school, my mother spent almost $1000 trying to make my curly hair easier to take care of. Every single time I'd leave the salon after a couple of hours of intense head burning, I'd always feel that hope that life would be easier from now on, but when I looked in the car side mirror on the drive home I'd see that my hair hadn't changed. Again. I'd go home, shower, the smell from the leftover chemicals would nearly knock me out and yes, my curls were SLIGHTLY relaxed, but the only thing this affected was how long it took me to brush out my hair.
The first time I ever had my hair straightened with a flat-iron was the summer before junior year when I was a bridesmaid for my cousin's wedding. My hair was straightened and pinned up around my head - I had never looked so pretty. None of my family recognized me at the wedding. The next day it was back to the norm, and I never considered using a straight iron again because it took so long. I didn't see how it was possible for me to do it.
I went all through college being self-conscious of my hair. While I wasn't made fun of nearly as much as I was in high school, by this point I had gotten used to having low self-esteem and confidence levels, but finally during my senior year I decided I wanted a change, and it was then I realized how easy it is to flat-iron one's own hair, even if it's time-consuming, just takes some practice. A couple of hours spent on my hair every few days is a small price to pay for the general happiness I feel now about my appearance.
What I hate is being asked "will you ever go curly again?" I suppose it's an innocent question, actually, but when I'm asked that by people who know the rough times I went through as a girl with unmanageable curly hair, I feel offended. Why would I want go back to feeling that way? Maybe it's superficial, but if all of my self-esteem and confidence is contained in my hair, I'm perfectly fine with that. I also dislike when people tell me they have a friend who could DEFINITELY work with my curly hair and make it so that even I would think it's beautiful - no, this does not exist. I have been told this countless times. I even gave into it at first, before I got a flat-iron. Nothing worked. Nothing. Above all, I am tired of people telling me they know what to do with my hair - I'm the one who's had to deal with it the past 23 years unsuccessfully, what makes an outsider even begin to think they can tame it, especially when they have gorgeous, straight hair?
...wow, this turned way more into a hair rant than I was planning.
Back to the reunion.
I've come a long way from high school - perhaps the farthest of anyone, if you want to be literal. (How far is Japan from Iowa, 10000 miles or so? Haha.) I went through a complete transformation in the past two years, let alone the five years that have passed since high school. I wear dresses, skirts, make-up, heels, pink, blue, and I finally have hair I can do something with. I've lost some weight, I'm practically fluent in Japanese, been given the go-ahead to graduate university, and I haven't fucked up my life with cigarettes, pot, heavy drugs, and I've only used alcohol in moderation. I didn't get knocked up, but I found someone who loves me unconditionally with or without my curly hair (he met me when I was still curly actually), and we're so happy together.
Oh, and it doesn't hurt that he's completely gorgeous. <3
So yes, I'd love to go to the reunion with Will by my side, if only to show off how far I've come, that the things they said to me - like the morning I ran crying to the counselor's office because I was harassed over and over again for my hair and could no longer take it - didn't affect how I turned out. Let's face it - reunions aren't about getting together and seeing old friends. Perhaps this is part of it, but there is that underlying motive of getting together, seeing old friends, and then showing off your own life and sticking it to the bullies. At least, that's how I see it as a former outcast. That's what Romy & Michele taught me. ;)
For now, all I can do is write on the Facebook wall for the event with as much classy snark as I can manage: "Would love to, but I'm kind of in Japan."
Suck on that, bitches. How's Newton treating you?