The other day I was in a meeting and, as they are wont to do, people were talking about me. One of my coworkers observed that the great thing is that you always know exactly where I stand. I insist that this not entirely true; the deluded, the naive and the obtuse often fail to pick up the obvious subtleties of my loathing for them. For the most ( Read more... )

I steamrolled the regular group tonight, applying the lessons I learned from playing with complete strangers two weeks ago. The reason why imbeciles were winning fifty percent of our games was because they were getting lucky, something you cannot do if you are not allowed to see cards. Tonight, I bullied the entire table, making them pay to play ( Read more... )

On my way upstairs, I passed the cafeteria and briefly caught sight of the ex-vice president of my department. D. was ousted a little over a year ago. Despite the catered going-away party, I see him on a fairly frequent basis. He seems to have infested this place, dwelling in the darker corners, living off work-related scraps. While it is true ( Read more... )

"But I'm bored... I am suicidally bored. Life is pointless."

I wanted to spend my day off pantless and in bed. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of telling A. on Wednesday that I might be taking Friday off. He called me six times before finally showing up at my place, supposedly clinically depressed by the pointlessness of his existence. He ( Read more... )

It was called "Individual Study for Assholes in Physics" and I had, somehow, forgotten entirely about the program despite being personally responsible for its creation. During last night's dinner, a Saturn commercial featuring Alphaville's "Forever Young" spawned a discussion of proms. This in turn prompted more reminiscence of high school. ( Read more... )

( More of me dicking around with H. on AIM )

Yesterday evening, during the Pre-Game Show, the power went out in my apartment complex (again). I was not watching the football game, nor did I intend to, I was merely aware that it was taking place. In my mind, I pictured many a gathering of beer-guzzling, nachos-eating, profanity-spewing dickheads just sitting down to their elaborately planned ( Read more... )

You want to be a better man. You want to grow beyond pettiness and self-involvement. You want to be a rock for loved ones, a sage for friends. You want to be all these things.

But you are not.

"Oh, and the girl took me out for coffee today so that she could break up with me."

His life turns to shit and you want to feel sympathy pains. But ( Read more... )