From the Italian for 'there follows'...

[wanton_bliss]

A. refuses to see Shrek the Third because of the role the second film played in his DUI. Leave it to an inveterate gambler to superstitiously draw correlation between attending a children's flick and his subsequent decision to go home, drink a bottle of Scotch while watching The Sopranos, then take the car for a spin at 1 a.m. in search of

Comments

[thesadpunk]

What possible pleasure can such a creature ever hope to obtain with another human being from that point on that doesn't involve the Howie Mandel-esque act of wrapping a man's skull in latex and ramming it up there?

Looks like I can nix one Christmas present this year.

SIGH...

[salacious_pop]

I can get you a Chad Hunt Supercock or our largest "ManRammer" for dirt cheap.

You know you want to.

[wanton_bliss]

Dave is the cheapest manrammer I will ever need...

[salacious_pop]

Yea, 2 drinks and he rolls onto his back like a helpless turtle. No wait, that's me.

I find it so ridiculous that we upscale our toys by 25-30% in both length and girth. Customers will ask me if product X would make a great toy for a first timer.. I tell them our products run a range of "ridiculously ambitious" to "How do you feel about a life wearing adult diapers?" and they usually have no idea what I'm talking about. The naive ones are so cute.

[wanton_bliss]

It took me about two years in an active sexual relationship before I could take my supposedly "six inch" dildo without bleeding.

I even asked the guy at the moment of purchase "are you sure this is labeled correctly?"

When a six inch dildo dwarfs a seven inch cock, you know something is amiss... and it's not because I'm measuring from the tip of my dick to my asshole.

[starstattootoo]

I have a purple dick-shaped vibrator that is marketed to women (who apparently prefer their vibrators to be called "vibe" or "lover," their dildos to be called "dongs," and their butt plugs to be called "probes") that purports to be 4-1/2" but is no less than seven. The packaging features some volleyball-tit porn star who is purported to say that such a cute little thing is surprisingly satisfying, so don't scoff.

All of the Dr. Sue Johanson sex toys in the store were at least the size of a 7 year old's arm. The rhetorical question in my head, How cavernous could that old woman's pussy possibly be?, immediately gave me unwanted and disturbing mental pictures.

[wanton_bliss]

I think we called them "dongs" in the second grade.

How cavernous could that old woman's pussy possibly be?

I had three fingers in one once, but you'll need to bribe me with a lot more than a pith helmet, carabiners and rope to get me to go deeper.

[thesadpunk]

What about a hot air balloon and 20 gallons of lube?

16.5" L x 2.75" D

[salacious_pop]

Re: 16.5" L x 2.75" D

[thesadpunk]

Is the 2.75" dimension referring to the smallest or largest diameter of the conic? Because the latter simply won't do. Maybe at one time- when I was 12.

Re: 16.5" L x 2.75" D

[wanton_bliss]

2.75" my ass...

We're getting you this...

Re: 16.5" L x 2.75" D

[thesadpunk]

I've always wanted to sit on Papa Smurf's house!

Re: 16.5" L x 2.75" D

[wanton_bliss]

It's funny... Now that I think about it - the guy in the video did bear a passing resemblance to Gargamel.

[wanton_bliss]

I am pretty certain hiring Howie Mandel for Christmas sex is not within this year's proposed spending limits.

[thesadpunk]

Actually, he comes pretty cheap.

Oh, the pun!