If you settle for less then u deserve you'll end up with less then u settled for
first im going to start wiht typing a rant of a firned whos name is only for me to know
the purpouse of this journal was for poeple to talk 100% openly which is really hard to do verbally sometimes
pink= me
green- voice number 2
the school looked passed that compleatly
i never will get how raw emotion beocmes "the most vulgar thing" someones "EVER READ"
that is just what the city and its high class schools are
they teach u to think 4 urself as long as u tihnk like them
supressing opinion shelter spoiled rich kids from a reality they think we cant handle
but there ignornance is going to be ridiculously detrimental when they get to the real word and doont know what the fuck to do
so
this is from months ago by a friend
well im currently writing all my rants cuz claudia cant stand me talking shes cleaning right now
even though its 5 am
i need to pee really bad but cant make ne noise
its a school nite for me ne way and ive been smuggled in
claud pushed a bunch of shit in front of the door to keep her mom out
and also keeping me in
i guess i wont be seeing a real bathroom netime soon
not having a penis rrules out peeing out the window so i guess ill have to be manly and
find
an unimportant cup
*wow so gangster*
claudia is going crazy OCD on me n talking to
herself or maybe me yea jk i think im just going deaf instead of her
going insane i cant hear nething shes saying i think she needs to go to a
mental institution perhaps AA with me aswell
i cant write ne substance due to her expulsion cause
i havent been figured out yet and hope never to be i feel right now just as crazy if not more then i think claud is right
now theres something loud about a dead quiet room
the sound of silence is almost more offensive then sound ,
reading this suprised me she was talking about who she was going to write about
none of which made it to the paper just about me
hmm i havent ever read it even though its been in my room for about 2 months
caught a little of guard as i was typing it and lookin at it for the first time
ugh
all i can think about is how people percieve me recently
which is ironically and convienientky an essay topic for
mah english class
angela is the first frined
who i just lost
she cut me off
for reasons i cant understand as being a reason to just
cut me off
being backstabbed
by a good friedn that hasnt happened in awhile and i forgot
how much it hurt
and camilla cutting me off hurt more then nething else thats happened this year
shes and luci literally mean everything to me there the only reason im glad
my suicide attempt didnt work
i would give my life for them
just so they wouldnt have to go through the shit ive gone through this year
i cant even explain what a livign hell this year has been it just keeps getting worse
even when i think ie hit rock bottom
i just turn around and find out how deep the shit hole really is
i hate how this journal is so personal and got so violated
i was so upset that they used this against me
this is my outlet
i cant talk to friends i sound like a *as mike so wonderfully put
a self pitying passsive person wallowing in my fuk ups
" but i never want pity
i find it extreamly insultin
i dont want or need u feeling sorry for me i just want u
to tolerate my ranting
and for a firend to TRULY understand that
as luci and camilla always have
is the best quality in a friend
things used to be so simple