the story...
alright..so long story short...we had a disagreement...he thinks that i overreact and just fabricate these "episodes"...which isnt entirely true, because i was provoked by hearing him talk about doing pot when we go to Hawaii in May to one of his friends...so that set me off and upset me..i overanalyzed everything in our relationship....brough up all my overanaylzations...pissed him off....so he tells me in conclusion he wants to take "time apart"...i thought about it...then decided no...i was in so much pain...i mean..i cried when i found out, i cried when i woke up, i cried while i told him, i cried while i went home, i cried when i got home, getting ready for work, on the way to work, at work...somehow made it through my day, made horrible money...cried on my way home..okay u get the point...
There was no way i was going to put myself through some period of time of doing this, wondering if he wants me, doesnt want me....ugh...so i said no...no time apart. You are with me and i give u space, or you dump me so i can heal...he decided he wanted to be with me...but, i also asked him to make sure he lets me know what things i need to work on...most of them were about sex, which was really odd to me, but i just listened. Apparently, getting off once a day is irrelevant, he wants me to be sexy and get dressed up, and watch porn, you get the point. I dont think he realizes that being sexy and kinky is a MOOD you have to be in...i mean if im not feeling sexy...well im not feeling sexy...so only thing i can think of is...he probably wont be getting that everyday...maybe once a week, because if i have to put on a production, fuck...that is exhausting. Pick it...quality? quantity? not both, I am not a porn star, sorry :( Giving head is exhausting, gawd. All of that was really tough to swallow. Oh and i get jealous around girls...which is probably true...because some girls i dont like...our friends, im okay with...but people who go overboard and flirt with him, i get weird...::nods:: i cant deny that.
Im going to give it a shot...i care about him, he is a great person doing great things with himself....but it is possible he just doesn't care for me the same way i care for him...it happens. Ive got nothing to lose...i already experienced what it was like to feel like i had my heart ripped out of me...
There was no way i was going to put myself through some period of time of doing this, wondering if he wants me, doesnt want me....ugh...so i said no...no time apart. You are with me and i give u space, or you dump me so i can heal...he decided he wanted to be with me...but, i also asked him to make sure he lets me know what things i need to work on...most of them were about sex, which was really odd to me, but i just listened. Apparently, getting off once a day is irrelevant, he wants me to be sexy and get dressed up, and watch porn, you get the point. I dont think he realizes that being sexy and kinky is a MOOD you have to be in...i mean if im not feeling sexy...well im not feeling sexy...so only thing i can think of is...he probably wont be getting that everyday...maybe once a week, because if i have to put on a production, fuck...that is exhausting. Pick it...quality? quantity? not both, I am not a porn star, sorry :( Giving head is exhausting, gawd. All of that was really tough to swallow. Oh and i get jealous around girls...which is probably true...because some girls i dont like...our friends, im okay with...but people who go overboard and flirt with him, i get weird...::nods:: i cant deny that.
Im going to give it a shot...i care about him, he is a great person doing great things with himself....but it is possible he just doesn't care for me the same way i care for him...it happens. Ive got nothing to lose...i already experienced what it was like to feel like i had my heart ripped out of me...