Oh, right. That thing.
This is a repost from Facebook, with a pin in it, noting that I really need to write far more on this. And I knew I never would on Facebook. It's not the place for it, and I'm not the person for it. I need my journal for that. But it needed to be said somewhere that day, before I let it get swallowed in my head. So this. Here. Thing. Pin in it. To write more about this, the conversations that happened therein and my feelings, etc. Because the wedding was several hours, and I'm pretty sure my father stole me for at least one hour of it.
I saw my father for the first time in nearly five years this weekend, and it still feels like something so big I can't even process it. I keep going back to the fact this was our first conversation:
Him: "I've been looking for you for a year!"
Me: ".....I haven't moved of changed or changed my number since a week after I got home from Korea? And Mom hasn't moved or changed her number since I was 12?"
Him: "You know your mother and I don't talk."
And mind you, it may have been a few years since I've seen my siblings, but I still love my (ex-)step-brother, and I like his fiance/bride-to-be/bride/now-wife, and I'm not about causing strife at anyone's wedding. If you are lucky you only get one of them, and they should be amazing.
So all I did was keep my mouth shut and look at him, while the only thoughts in my head were: "So you were looking for me, but you weren't willing to find me if it meant inconveniencing yourself for two minutes so you could have had my phone number or address instantly?"
My mother probably doesn't want to talk to him either, but I promise you she would have been civil and polite long enough to give him my phone number, or to take his down and give it to me, with the option of making it my own choice.
It's just a tangle in my head. Messed up with the fact he never tried on my journal or my e-mail either, and neither of those have changed in over a decade. So. That's just. I mean it's awesome. In that way where it really isn't. And I have no idea how I really feel about any of it.
(Except for the wedding itself and reception, which was indeed insanely kick ass and amazing and covered in pirates. ♥)
[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2250038.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]
I saw my father for the first time in nearly five years this weekend, and it still feels like something so big I can't even process it. I keep going back to the fact this was our first conversation:
Him: "I've been looking for you for a year!"
Me: ".....I haven't moved of changed or changed my number since a week after I got home from Korea? And Mom hasn't moved or changed her number since I was 12?"
Him: "You know your mother and I don't talk."
And mind you, it may have been a few years since I've seen my siblings, but I still love my (ex-)step-brother, and I like his fiance/bride-to-be/bride/now-wife, and I'm not about causing strife at anyone's wedding. If you are lucky you only get one of them, and they should be amazing.
So all I did was keep my mouth shut and look at him, while the only thoughts in my head were: "So you were looking for me, but you weren't willing to find me if it meant inconveniencing yourself for two minutes so you could have had my phone number or address instantly?"
My mother probably doesn't want to talk to him either, but I promise you she would have been civil and polite long enough to give him my phone number, or to take his down and give it to me, with the option of making it my own choice.
It's just a tangle in my head. Messed up with the fact he never tried on my journal or my e-mail either, and neither of those have changed in over a decade. So. That's just. I mean it's awesome. In that way where it really isn't. And I have no idea how I really feel about any of it.
(Except for the wedding itself and reception, which was indeed insanely kick ass and amazing and covered in pirates. ♥)
[This entry was originally posted at http://wanderlustlover.dreamwidth.org/2250038.html. Comment on either at your leisure.]