Setting up an interesting challenge for myself
The things I miss most of all from my home and my home life, the one constant missed note that arises in among the walkings of my day and new experiences, is missing my spiritual community.
I miss my family in Coven of the Enchanted Star. My zany, beautiful and wise high priestess, who could be mother and companion and equal debater. I miss the boy who confuses me. I miss Erzuli's laughter and her fashion sense and her love of the arts. I miss our holiday celebrations with the roar bone fires. I miss the presumption, hypocrisy, and summer heat. I miss the animal saving tanks in the house. I miss the Magic House and Labyrinth. I miss being their littlest one and being lavished under it. I miss being misunderstood and understood. I miss growing together. I miss the monthly lesson days; and the drum circles now that they are going again.
I miss my sisters in the Reformed Congregation of the Goddess. I miss the differing lives that passed into and through my hands as my passed into and through so many others. I miss the person I could be when I came to them once a month, or three times depending on the when. I miss the monthly classes and the rituals. I miss the sisters who frustrated me, the sisters who challenged me, the sisters who inspired me, the sisters who watched me grow as much without action as those who did it with it. I miss the weekend intensives when we went out to places I'd long forgotten to find places that I never knew before. I miss the changing faces in the lessons.
I miss my sisters in GG. We were all so new when I left that some part of me fears greatly this will be the group I won't fit back into when I return. They'll all have their feet and their first year bonds. I miss them intensely at times. All rough edges and compassionate tears. I miss our learning days. I miss our outings. I miss arts and crafts and new rituals, and I missed entirely, in a way that makes me ache, the entire shift to it being days taught by all the members instead of the originator.
All of these groups are the reason I nearly burst into tears a handful of times when My Girls box arrived last month. The buoying words and memento's of so many voices that were proud of me for leaping out into the world, who even removed thought of me as I thought of them. They will be as equally hard to quantify the important of beyond words in my coming pro/con list as exploring the world.
The last month I've been getting more and more serious about keeping myself on my night and morning patterns. I've kept up pulling a Goddess Card and reading the dated page from The Goddess Companion before being allowed to touch the computer or have breakfast in the morning. At night I have my nightly tarot card draw among my pages I read. But I'm feeling the longing to be doing more because I'm not doing it anywhere else.
While out picking up some monthly supplies and some extra things for next weekend’s trip, I also picked up some things that have been calling to me. I got a new hard bound spiral in dark blue, with a tree across the front. And I picked up a new fountain pen and extra cartages, because My Girl's pen ran out of ink and I can't find or remember if I did pack the cartridges. I think I want to only have fountain pens and colored ink fineliners in my house forever after this.
I've never kept a straight through thought BOS. I have endless binders of information broken down in sections and hard drive space dedicated to endless other things, but I'm thinking this will be more of a work book. A writing place. Somewhere that will just keep going across dates and places. I'm trying very hard to reign in the part of me that is freaking out and trying to figure out how to organize it and how to reference anything if there is no order but date. It's something new...and there's so trepidation as well as bursting excitement.
I have some thoughts already for where to start it. With my Tarot year and pictures I want to print out and glue into it. There is such an urge in me to get artsy in these pages already and a nervousness about just what may fall out of the blank pages into the finite lines of black. And blue. And rainbow touches and trusts.
I also think I'm going to print out and make a book of my online RCG Elements Path so I can have it readily at hand. And I'm remulling over the Silver Branch possibilities because I think I need more than I have to tide me through.
I miss my family in Coven of the Enchanted Star. My zany, beautiful and wise high priestess, who could be mother and companion and equal debater. I miss the boy who confuses me. I miss Erzuli's laughter and her fashion sense and her love of the arts. I miss our holiday celebrations with the roar bone fires. I miss the presumption, hypocrisy, and summer heat. I miss the animal saving tanks in the house. I miss the Magic House and Labyrinth. I miss being their littlest one and being lavished under it. I miss being misunderstood and understood. I miss growing together. I miss the monthly lesson days; and the drum circles now that they are going again.
I miss my sisters in the Reformed Congregation of the Goddess. I miss the differing lives that passed into and through my hands as my passed into and through so many others. I miss the person I could be when I came to them once a month, or three times depending on the when. I miss the monthly classes and the rituals. I miss the sisters who frustrated me, the sisters who challenged me, the sisters who inspired me, the sisters who watched me grow as much without action as those who did it with it. I miss the weekend intensives when we went out to places I'd long forgotten to find places that I never knew before. I miss the changing faces in the lessons.
I miss my sisters in GG. We were all so new when I left that some part of me fears greatly this will be the group I won't fit back into when I return. They'll all have their feet and their first year bonds. I miss them intensely at times. All rough edges and compassionate tears. I miss our learning days. I miss our outings. I miss arts and crafts and new rituals, and I missed entirely, in a way that makes me ache, the entire shift to it being days taught by all the members instead of the originator.
All of these groups are the reason I nearly burst into tears a handful of times when My Girls box arrived last month. The buoying words and memento's of so many voices that were proud of me for leaping out into the world, who even removed thought of me as I thought of them. They will be as equally hard to quantify the important of beyond words in my coming pro/con list as exploring the world.
The last month I've been getting more and more serious about keeping myself on my night and morning patterns. I've kept up pulling a Goddess Card and reading the dated page from The Goddess Companion before being allowed to touch the computer or have breakfast in the morning. At night I have my nightly tarot card draw among my pages I read. But I'm feeling the longing to be doing more because I'm not doing it anywhere else.
While out picking up some monthly supplies and some extra things for next weekend’s trip, I also picked up some things that have been calling to me. I got a new hard bound spiral in dark blue, with a tree across the front. And I picked up a new fountain pen and extra cartages, because My Girl's pen ran out of ink and I can't find or remember if I did pack the cartridges. I think I want to only have fountain pens and colored ink fineliners in my house forever after this.
I've never kept a straight through thought BOS. I have endless binders of information broken down in sections and hard drive space dedicated to endless other things, but I'm thinking this will be more of a work book. A writing place. Somewhere that will just keep going across dates and places. I'm trying very hard to reign in the part of me that is freaking out and trying to figure out how to organize it and how to reference anything if there is no order but date. It's something new...and there's so trepidation as well as bursting excitement.
I have some thoughts already for where to start it. With my Tarot year and pictures I want to print out and glue into it. There is such an urge in me to get artsy in these pages already and a nervousness about just what may fall out of the blank pages into the finite lines of black. And blue. And rainbow touches and trusts.
I also think I'm going to print out and make a book of my online RCG Elements Path so I can have it readily at hand. And I'm remulling over the Silver Branch possibilities because I think I need more than I have to tide me through.