Evening, stranger
I know, long time no update. This week has been ridiculous. My car broke down twice and had to get jumped by a tow truck so i could finally get the battery replaced. I have a pretty thick skin when it comes to most things, but automobile malfunction is my main button. I guess I've been spoiled by having a working car for so long. What didn't help matters was that I've been in a bit of a funk for a while (watching Jane Austen movies alone in my room, daydreaming, etc), a little depressed, frustrated with my own apathy and the quality of my writing of late, it happens. Then the car was like, "Um, yeah, I'm not actually going to drive you to Champaign where you were going to have fun, relax, and get some things off your chest, so you're just going to deal"
I of course kicked it low in the tire and yelled, "There's only time for one break-down in this family, and it's not your turn!" Needless to say, this had no effect. Car problems remind me of Dad though, so... yay for morbid thoughts!
After getting the battery replaced I finally made my way down to UofI to visit a friend who had my passport which he brought from home because I needed it to start work (another story I'll get to). The drive down there is most likely the stupidest decision I've made in a while, in terms of immediate peril to my person. There was fog. Okay, I can do that. There was lightning. There was rain. Unfortunately my windshield wipers don't have an apocalypse setting. Furthermore, have you ever seen lighting in heavy fog? Your world extend 5 feet to either side of you then suddenly everything is white, color drained out of your small world that (as you are acutely aware) is going 50 miles an hour in pure, blind whiteness. Perhaps the most terrifying experience mother nature has ever thrown at me behind the wheel. I kept telling myself to turn back, but part of me like, which storm is bigger? The one brewing in your stomach/heart/head/soul or the one outside and so I kept not turning down the exit. I'm safe and sound, rest assured, and actually beginning to get the hang of things again.
Another source of frustration has been school, of course. I let myself get really far behind and haven't been paying attention to due dates which ended up almost killing me this week twice. The first time I walked into Health 303 class and the prof said, "okay, hand in your essays" The other guy and me just looked at each other like, "????" Luckily, despite it saying no late work accepted on the syllabus and me freaking out that entire hour, she said to hand it in Friday. the second time was on Tuesday when my Financial Management teacher said in her Romanian husk, "So, as you know, you have your first exam this Thursday." WTF!!? And then I had a high-concept poem due on Wednesday as well (a sonnet, mind you). I wrote it in about 30 minutes, it was crap, and then I had to listen to people try to discuss it for 10 minutes while thinking in my head, "guys, stop trying I'm going to burn it when I get back" Studied 5 hours on Wednesday night, exam thursday could have been worse, and I did all my poetry revisions due today so I can have my conference tomorrow. AND started working as a marketing intern.
I need a weekend. like, now.
Work is going suprisingly well. I've had 2 useless marketing internships, but this one actually has something for me to do, which is a plus. I'm currently designing a program of classes and have pretty free reign, which is nice. The thing about working is that some day I'm going to have to really want a job before I get it. There are always marketing jobs laying around and I pick them up just cause i want resume filler or some kind of income, which is great on that level. But actually wanting a job? Actually being excited about what I'm doing? Am I too young to have these thoughts? We'll see how this goes.
I got an e mail from a Scotland friend on Sunday morning and it's kind been the high point of my week. I'd love to turn it into some long, star-crossed romantic story, but really, if we keep up, we'll be really good friends and make fun of each others' significant others. As it is, I'm looking forward to when I get the time to send a good reply. We've got some pretty good banter going. The trick with long-distance anything is keeping things moving forward, not just the how are yous or the remember that time when sort of stuff.
Some of you know I've been on a man-ban, and I'm sort of still on that. I think I'll be official and give up boys for Lent. There's no one I like, there's no one I'm going to start liking enough in the next 40 days to justify going through the whole dating thing, so really, Leila, give it a rest. Relax. Single is a good thing, even with valentine's day coming up. more chocolate for you.
I missed getting the cross on Ash wednesday. i've really only done it once, but there's something about rituals that i really like. They're comforting in their physical representation of deeper faith and meaning. It's not abstract, it's present.
I of course kicked it low in the tire and yelled, "There's only time for one break-down in this family, and it's not your turn!" Needless to say, this had no effect. Car problems remind me of Dad though, so... yay for morbid thoughts!
After getting the battery replaced I finally made my way down to UofI to visit a friend who had my passport which he brought from home because I needed it to start work (another story I'll get to). The drive down there is most likely the stupidest decision I've made in a while, in terms of immediate peril to my person. There was fog. Okay, I can do that. There was lightning. There was rain. Unfortunately my windshield wipers don't have an apocalypse setting. Furthermore, have you ever seen lighting in heavy fog? Your world extend 5 feet to either side of you then suddenly everything is white, color drained out of your small world that (as you are acutely aware) is going 50 miles an hour in pure, blind whiteness. Perhaps the most terrifying experience mother nature has ever thrown at me behind the wheel. I kept telling myself to turn back, but part of me like, which storm is bigger? The one brewing in your stomach/heart/head/soul or the one outside and so I kept not turning down the exit. I'm safe and sound, rest assured, and actually beginning to get the hang of things again.
Another source of frustration has been school, of course. I let myself get really far behind and haven't been paying attention to due dates which ended up almost killing me this week twice. The first time I walked into Health 303 class and the prof said, "okay, hand in your essays" The other guy and me just looked at each other like, "????" Luckily, despite it saying no late work accepted on the syllabus and me freaking out that entire hour, she said to hand it in Friday. the second time was on Tuesday when my Financial Management teacher said in her Romanian husk, "So, as you know, you have your first exam this Thursday." WTF!!? And then I had a high-concept poem due on Wednesday as well (a sonnet, mind you). I wrote it in about 30 minutes, it was crap, and then I had to listen to people try to discuss it for 10 minutes while thinking in my head, "guys, stop trying I'm going to burn it when I get back" Studied 5 hours on Wednesday night, exam thursday could have been worse, and I did all my poetry revisions due today so I can have my conference tomorrow. AND started working as a marketing intern.
I need a weekend. like, now.
Work is going suprisingly well. I've had 2 useless marketing internships, but this one actually has something for me to do, which is a plus. I'm currently designing a program of classes and have pretty free reign, which is nice. The thing about working is that some day I'm going to have to really want a job before I get it. There are always marketing jobs laying around and I pick them up just cause i want resume filler or some kind of income, which is great on that level. But actually wanting a job? Actually being excited about what I'm doing? Am I too young to have these thoughts? We'll see how this goes.
I got an e mail from a Scotland friend on Sunday morning and it's kind been the high point of my week. I'd love to turn it into some long, star-crossed romantic story, but really, if we keep up, we'll be really good friends and make fun of each others' significant others. As it is, I'm looking forward to when I get the time to send a good reply. We've got some pretty good banter going. The trick with long-distance anything is keeping things moving forward, not just the how are yous or the remember that time when sort of stuff.
Some of you know I've been on a man-ban, and I'm sort of still on that. I think I'll be official and give up boys for Lent. There's no one I like, there's no one I'm going to start liking enough in the next 40 days to justify going through the whole dating thing, so really, Leila, give it a rest. Relax. Single is a good thing, even with valentine's day coming up. more chocolate for you.
I missed getting the cross on Ash wednesday. i've really only done it once, but there's something about rituals that i really like. They're comforting in their physical representation of deeper faith and meaning. It's not abstract, it's present.