January the 7: *holds onto hood*
Wow, it started pouring again today and then got so windy in the afternoon. This morning all the creeks near my house looked really full, I have seen them fuller only once and yeah, some of the trees were underwater (the creeks near my house have a long bank going down to them that is covered in grass and such so it's really unusal for them to flood). It dried up a little this afternoon and then like, two minutes before the buses left it started to rain a little, we go (east so it had to catch up) and by the time we were back in town the trees were bending, the stop lights were moving around so much it was hard to see what color they were and we found a new branch lying in the driveway (which my mom assures us wasn't there when she left to pick us up 10 minutes before).
Let's see, finally got my story back from my teacher (you guys have no idea how much I have been worrying/thinking about this, it's bad when less than 12 hours after you turn it in you go "Crap, should've done that, cut that, add in more stuff here, here here..."). And, if I read his handwriting correctly (why do none of the teachers who assign me papers have legible handwriting? Really...) that he said it was a strong first draft, I think he also wrote it was the strongest in the class. Ha-ha, boo-yah, the 17 page paper kicks the 3 page papers' butts! But I did see he made a lot of grammer corrections, uh-heh-heh, whoops, so not my strong point.. Anyway, need to get that re-worked and I'm really thinking about entering it in a scholarship contest or two, might as well put this thing to use.
Also had a bit of a clash with Ted tonight (for the record, on the bus everyday so far I have had an "aw crap, he's going to be there when I get home, could this bus ride last a little longer pretty please?" moment). He ordered a book at the bookstore to teach for his class and for his students to buy, I think it's a textbook and the class starts Monday. Bookstore gets wrong book and he is, understandably, upset. However, when he comes home I was watching Ocean's 11 with my mom, a movie I specifically got from Netflix to show her. So she gets up, talks to him, and I can hear them kissing, the whole exchange lasts about five minutes, so I feel like she should've excused herself. To be honest I can't actually remember what I said next, but I did feel like Ted was, um, bemoaning is the wrong word but it's on the right track, the mistake too much. I suppose it's because I don't let myself get stuck on mistakes too much, or at least not all at once. And I can only understand others through what I have understood myself. Um, I mean, if I haven't experienced something or feel something totally different, I can't get where they are coming from. My mom calls me un-empathic, I resent that. I even had a case of this earlier in the day, we finished watching the Ghandi movie (which I believe is called Ghandi it's the really long one) and our teacher was asking us how we interpreted the movie or something like that. She said that it had taken her a couple of watchings to get that the Muslims wanted their own nation because they were afraid that the Hindus would become their new masters, shader and I concluded she was a moron for not getting this on the first watching since it was said in pretty much so many words. Anyway, she must've seen that I was thinking and called on me, so I said flat out that I couldn't believe how stupid people were. I couldn't understand why they would start to riot in the streets and kill other people because their family was killed (as an aside, people, if killing other people brought back the dead, we would've figured that out a looooong time ago). I just couldn't get it, as I said to my mom later, I know that a lot of grief just happens, but there is some point where you allow yourself to be consumed by it (which I would call a choice) and then go out and kill children and stuff (not kidding, that did happen in the movie). And this is what I was seeing in Ted, he was letting it get the better of him instead of trying to find a way around it, that was the way I saw it. I think my mom said he's very ADD (I think that's right), but I still don't get it.
Also, it goes a bit beyond that (and I know that I am going to look at that earlier reasoning in the future someday and go "God, did I really think like that?" YES I DO/YOU DID). All my life, all I can remember anyway, my mom has devoted almost all her attention and focus to my brother and I. I actually feel a bit jealous of the cat on occasion since he can do no wrong and gets unconditional love from her. And it feels like Ted is taking more of her time. Really, she spends more time with him now, with that happy, kinda faraway look on her face, always giggling, and ready to kiss him and say sweet nothings in a low voice.
I can't remember her ever doing that with my dad. Never, so every time I hear it, see it, it hurts, really hurts. Like, it's a constant reminder of how life is different and how it, actually, was never normal and I never knew. That just, I don't know why, stings, a lot. And also, I'm going to be gone next year. As in, going months without seeing my family, and I don't know how often I'll call either (probably not often to be honest, just don't think I'll feel like it). So I want attention now, while I can still have it. So yeah, I have an attention wanting complex and some other family relationship one, yay me. And then whatever high school decided to dump on me...
Signing off, I probably need to do so anyway soon, better set the tape for Mythbusters while I'm at it...
Let's see, finally got my story back from my teacher (you guys have no idea how much I have been worrying/thinking about this, it's bad when less than 12 hours after you turn it in you go "Crap, should've done that, cut that, add in more stuff here, here here..."). And, if I read his handwriting correctly (why do none of the teachers who assign me papers have legible handwriting? Really...) that he said it was a strong first draft, I think he also wrote it was the strongest in the class. Ha-ha, boo-yah, the 17 page paper kicks the 3 page papers' butts! But I did see he made a lot of grammer corrections, uh-heh-heh, whoops, so not my strong point.. Anyway, need to get that re-worked and I'm really thinking about entering it in a scholarship contest or two, might as well put this thing to use.
Also had a bit of a clash with Ted tonight (for the record, on the bus everyday so far I have had an "aw crap, he's going to be there when I get home, could this bus ride last a little longer pretty please?" moment). He ordered a book at the bookstore to teach for his class and for his students to buy, I think it's a textbook and the class starts Monday. Bookstore gets wrong book and he is, understandably, upset. However, when he comes home I was watching Ocean's 11 with my mom, a movie I specifically got from Netflix to show her. So she gets up, talks to him, and I can hear them kissing, the whole exchange lasts about five minutes, so I feel like she should've excused herself. To be honest I can't actually remember what I said next, but I did feel like Ted was, um, bemoaning is the wrong word but it's on the right track, the mistake too much. I suppose it's because I don't let myself get stuck on mistakes too much, or at least not all at once. And I can only understand others through what I have understood myself. Um, I mean, if I haven't experienced something or feel something totally different, I can't get where they are coming from. My mom calls me un-empathic, I resent that. I even had a case of this earlier in the day, we finished watching the Ghandi movie (which I believe is called Ghandi it's the really long one) and our teacher was asking us how we interpreted the movie or something like that. She said that it had taken her a couple of watchings to get that the Muslims wanted their own nation because they were afraid that the Hindus would become their new masters, shader and I concluded she was a moron for not getting this on the first watching since it was said in pretty much so many words. Anyway, she must've seen that I was thinking and called on me, so I said flat out that I couldn't believe how stupid people were. I couldn't understand why they would start to riot in the streets and kill other people because their family was killed (as an aside, people, if killing other people brought back the dead, we would've figured that out a looooong time ago). I just couldn't get it, as I said to my mom later, I know that a lot of grief just happens, but there is some point where you allow yourself to be consumed by it (which I would call a choice) and then go out and kill children and stuff (not kidding, that did happen in the movie). And this is what I was seeing in Ted, he was letting it get the better of him instead of trying to find a way around it, that was the way I saw it. I think my mom said he's very ADD (I think that's right), but I still don't get it.
Also, it goes a bit beyond that (and I know that I am going to look at that earlier reasoning in the future someday and go "God, did I really think like that?" YES I DO/YOU DID). All my life, all I can remember anyway, my mom has devoted almost all her attention and focus to my brother and I. I actually feel a bit jealous of the cat on occasion since he can do no wrong and gets unconditional love from her. And it feels like Ted is taking more of her time. Really, she spends more time with him now, with that happy, kinda faraway look on her face, always giggling, and ready to kiss him and say sweet nothings in a low voice.
I can't remember her ever doing that with my dad. Never, so every time I hear it, see it, it hurts, really hurts. Like, it's a constant reminder of how life is different and how it, actually, was never normal and I never knew. That just, I don't know why, stings, a lot. And also, I'm going to be gone next year. As in, going months without seeing my family, and I don't know how often I'll call either (probably not often to be honest, just don't think I'll feel like it). So I want attention now, while I can still have it. So yeah, I have an attention wanting complex and some other family relationship one, yay me. And then whatever high school decided to dump on me...
Signing off, I probably need to do so anyway soon, better set the tape for Mythbusters while I'm at it...