April 21st: Why does my writing suck so much?

[wanderingdreamr]

Feeling kinda emo and depressed now, that plus cramps makes me think that the next few days aren't going to be good ones... And it is partly because of my emoing for the title today. As some of you guys probably have noticed, I take AP English III also known as AP English Lit, not the easiest of classes (an AP class thats easy, is that an oxymoron?) and there is lots of writing to be done in that class. Now, normally when people write a lot they get better right? Apparently not in my case, I seem to be writing even WORSE prompts than I used to. And it's not like I don't try, I honestly look at the prompt and try to think "Okay, what to write." However, I start spazzing as soon as I see them (I appear to have a strong case of the "fight or flight" gene...) and I can never seem to anayzle deeply enough in my essays. I try, and everything seems to make sense and be deep to me, but apparently the teacher doesn't think so. What got me really badly today was that I got a lower than normal grade on a prompt that the rest of the class did well on, and I was like the only one who didn't go "huh?" when he showed the question to us! It's just, really annoying. I try, but I can't seem to do better, I always feel like I go as deeply as I can. Yes I will try to think "okay, did I explain this well enough?" but I'm also writing down to the wire on these prompts, I don't have a lot of time to look them over (and I'm just tried by then). Also discovering that I can't seem to concentrate for writing for 40 minutes straight, and normally I can concentrate for longer than that!
Sooo ironic, I am beginning to love writing and I can write a good essay most of the time, but as soon as you take away that thing, the time, I suck. I hate not understanding myself...
Signing off.