April the 16: Getting a headache, not good
Grumble mutter, bad word bad word. Well, the invertible has come. No I did not kill Ted, don't think I will actually, I don't want to kill someone. Nope, my mom is forcing me to go around to the shopping center tomorrow and try to apply for a job. Because well, grumble grumble, it sounds like I might not be able to afford textbooks next year if I don't. Nobody told me that she wants me to pay off my student loan, textbooks, and meal plan in the coming year, jesus christ women, do you WANT me to slave my summer off in a 40 hour a week job? And I HATE going around to places like this and asking for stuff. Was never really fond of it in Girl Scout cookie selling and Obama canvassing, but I just let myself get numb and be, well, not myself anyway, to get through it. And goddamn it, it's going to take me probably three hours to hit up all these places in the mall, it ain't a small mall!
Grumble, when did money become such an issue here? We always seemed so, middle class before (damn, I know I'm quoting something but I can't remember what!) and suddenly it's like "we have no money left, you go get a job RIGHT THIS EFFING MINUTE and pay your own way." Geeze, I don't object to the job idea, but I think that I will hate my job (I REFUSE to work at Cold Stone, there is no way in crazy heck I am singing every time someone gives me a penny for a tip, trust me, you don't want me to either, I barely sing better than Hilary Clinton) and I don't want to do something I hate. Plus, I don't feel emotional stable right now, on average I feel like having a breakdown at least twice a day, mentally I feel dumb and physically well, I've got allergies, headaches, and an irregular eating routine, that never helps.
So yeah, I'm worried that this will push me over the edge and I'll just break down crying for no reason tomorrow. I don't think I will but god, I can't even argue with my mother over stuff like this anymore. They've taken away my best form of anger release (just you know, ranting in the privacy of your own home, getting it out first and not having to worry about it getting away from you later with consequences) so I feel even worse these days. Really, at this rate I don't want summer vacation, I want college. I want somewhere where I won't have to see my family or talk to them, somewhere I can choose my own food, a new room, a new place, a place where I can go into the mountains and yell if I have to, not keep it bottled up and nearly break a keyboard typing it out.
Well, today didn't totally suck, just mostly. I got to B&N (okay, that walk is SO more than 1.5 miles back and forth, I do three miles in a day without my legs hurting and my legs were hurting after this one walk) and picked up a copy of Yen Plus. At first I wasn't impressed, but I did have to check and see if the artist for Hero's Tale and FMA were the same person (and yes they are, I knew I wasn't going crazy, that style is too distinctive to miss). And I didn't realize they were serializing Nighschool (Dramacon's authors latest project, I can never spell her name) there as well. But I liked Nabrio no Ou (is that how you spell it? Grr, can someone give me an english translation please?) and I've read Soul Eater before, plus they'll be staring with Pandora Hearts next month, so I'll keep thinking about it. Crap, going back to the money thing, it's so depressing that I'll have to be extra careful with the few books I do buy. Wish I had a debit card so I could use Amazon at least, all of the best deals are there, you just buy a number at once and get free shipping.
Sigh, signing off now, I need a shower, and to get sewing, screw sewing I just don't feel like it tonight, I wanna call shader instead.
Grumble, when did money become such an issue here? We always seemed so, middle class before (damn, I know I'm quoting something but I can't remember what!) and suddenly it's like "we have no money left, you go get a job RIGHT THIS EFFING MINUTE and pay your own way." Geeze, I don't object to the job idea, but I think that I will hate my job (I REFUSE to work at Cold Stone, there is no way in crazy heck I am singing every time someone gives me a penny for a tip, trust me, you don't want me to either, I barely sing better than Hilary Clinton) and I don't want to do something I hate. Plus, I don't feel emotional stable right now, on average I feel like having a breakdown at least twice a day, mentally I feel dumb and physically well, I've got allergies, headaches, and an irregular eating routine, that never helps.
So yeah, I'm worried that this will push me over the edge and I'll just break down crying for no reason tomorrow. I don't think I will but god, I can't even argue with my mother over stuff like this anymore. They've taken away my best form of anger release (just you know, ranting in the privacy of your own home, getting it out first and not having to worry about it getting away from you later with consequences) so I feel even worse these days. Really, at this rate I don't want summer vacation, I want college. I want somewhere where I won't have to see my family or talk to them, somewhere I can choose my own food, a new room, a new place, a place where I can go into the mountains and yell if I have to, not keep it bottled up and nearly break a keyboard typing it out.
Well, today didn't totally suck, just mostly. I got to B&N (okay, that walk is SO more than 1.5 miles back and forth, I do three miles in a day without my legs hurting and my legs were hurting after this one walk) and picked up a copy of Yen Plus. At first I wasn't impressed, but I did have to check and see if the artist for Hero's Tale and FMA were the same person (and yes they are, I knew I wasn't going crazy, that style is too distinctive to miss). And I didn't realize they were serializing Nighschool (Dramacon's authors latest project, I can never spell her name) there as well. But I liked Nabrio no Ou (is that how you spell it? Grr, can someone give me an english translation please?) and I've read Soul Eater before, plus they'll be staring with Pandora Hearts next month, so I'll keep thinking about it. Crap, going back to the money thing, it's so depressing that I'll have to be extra careful with the few books I do buy. Wish I had a debit card so I could use Amazon at least, all of the best deals are there, you just buy a number at once and get free shipping.
Sigh, signing off now, I need a shower, and to get sewing, screw sewing I just don't feel like it tonight, I wanna call shader instead.