[breaking bad] notmeta!flail | "and you rip out all I had just to say that you've won..."
There are less than 24 hours to go, people. I'm not even going to insult you by elaborating. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
I really want to do something significant to mark the occasion. I want to compose sonnets and paint masterpieces and hand out all the statues ever carved. I want to get a tattoo. I want to buy a Heisenberg t-shirt and never take it off. I want to sit everyone I know down and MAKE THEM WATCH this giant slice of genius (mostly so they can understand why I'll be catatonic for the next seven days). I want Sunday night to hurry up and come and, at the same time, I never, ever want it to end.
Alas, I can't actually do any of those things. But I can do this.
I've just spent the last half hour re-blogging all the pretty that Tumblr has to offer. Mostly I'm there for the art. Tumblr has the best art. And, for the most part, I try not to read the opinion stuff. The meta. The passing comments. The uninformed drivel. I am not there for that. But as the series draws to a close it seems almost inescapable. THERE ARE OPINIONS EVERYWHERE. So yeah, I've read some. It's been impossible not to. But you know what? It has helped me to understand one pretty freaking major thing about my experience with this show. I honestly feel like I've just had an epiphany.
I don't actually care about any of the characters. Literally ANY of them.
There, I finally said it.
And this might be confusing for some of you who've been with me on this ride since the start. Hell, it was kinda confusing for me initially, too. But I think I've figured it out.
I have never, ever, in the history of my involvement in things that are designed to be entertaining, been more completely and utterly entranced than I have with this show. Breaking Bad has revolutionised my television viewing habits and I don't care how ridiculous and melodramatic that sounds, it's completely true. My LOVE for this show, for the actors, for the characters, for the script writers, for Vince Gilligan, for the camera operators, for anyone even tangentially related to delivering up the episodes, is SKY HIGH. I cannot laud them enough.
BUT...
I don't actually ~care about any of the characters.
And this is where my Tumblr-land epiphany comes into it. Over on Tumblr (and pretty much everywhere else for that matter, but I’m going with Tumblr because that’s where I was when the Television Gods finally spoke to me) there are people left, right and centre declaring their character-based allegiances. They're applauding their heroes and denouncing their villains and categorically stating who deserves what kind of ending and why.
I DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS.
What I'm in love with, more than anything else, IS THE STORY.
And, with this revelation, I've come to suddenly understand my relationship with the characters on this show and why I always felt like my opinions of them were 'wrong'. I think it's because my opinions have always had the story at the forefront, as opposed to the characters themselves.
Take poor Jesse for example. I can honestly tell you that I do not care one iota about the predicament he's currently in. About the fact that Andrea was shot in front of him. About how Walt declared he'd watched Jane die. About the way Jesse himself is a hostage victim. I know of people who've had to look away while some of Jesse's more recent scenes have played out. But that hasn't even crossed my mind. It hasn't crossed my mind to feel bad for him. To want something different for him. To want to make things better…
For me, to want something different for Jesse, to want to make things better for him, is to want an entirely different show. AND I DON'T WANT A DIFFERENT SHOW. I WANT THIS ONE. I WANT THIS STORY. I WANT THIS** ENDING.
(** whatever 'this' ends up being, I already want it.)
I'm pretty sure this makes me an awful person. And now would be a bad time to mention that I'm a psychologist, right?! BUT SERIOUSLY... I don't care FOR Skyler that Holly was taken and that she had to use a knife to defend herself and her son. I don't care FOR Marie that Hank was murdered. I don't care FOR Mike that he was shot and killed for no real reason. I don't care FOR Brock that his mother was executed as a message to Jesse. But I DO care for the story that these things took place. Because, if they hadn't, I'd be watching a different show.
I keep being asked what I want to happen in the end. What I think would be a fitting conclusion. The outcomes I think different characters "deserve" (and, oh, let me tell you how much I've come to loathe that implication). With most other shows/books/movies I could spout answers to these questions for days, but I've seriously struggled to come up with a single appropriate response for Breaking Bad. In fact, every time I've tried, I've ended up deleting my reply before I could post it because it never felt real; it never felt like the truth.
The truth is this; I want what Vince Gilligan gives me. I want what Aaron Paul and Anna Gunn and Bryan Cranston read from their scripts. I don’t care about redemption. I don’t care about punishment. I don’t care about different characters “getting what they deserve” (which, what even does that mean in this universe???!!! Somebody please tell me, because I sure as hell can’t figure it out!). For me, Breaking Bad has NEVER been about rewards and punishments and karma and justice and life lessons. Sure, some of those things have happened in the course of the story, but they’ve never been the POINT of the story. The STORY has been the point of the story. For me. Maybe not for many others, maybe not for ANY others, but, for me, the story has ALWAYS been the point.
#no regrets
Like I said, this is not meta. This is not me trying to present a reasoned argument grounded in facts and examples from canon. I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything here. To be honest, I’m not really sure what this is beyond, well, gratuitous self-indulgence and a whole heap of teal dear! It’s (no doubt) completely irrational, incomprehensible, and unfathomable. Also, maybe it’s kinda sociopathic at times. OH WELL. THAT IS WHAT THIS SHOW DOES TO ME. AND I LOVE IT AND MAKE NO APOLOGIES FOR IT.
I'm not asking for validation here. I'm not asking for you to agree or disagree (that's assuming you even made it this far!!). In fact, I don't feel like this is a post that ~can be agreed or disagreed with. It's not like what I've said is right, and all other views are wrong. This is simply MY experience of the show. It may not be yours, it may not be ANYONE else's. It just is what it is and I'm (finally) happy with my understanding of it! It makes it possible to read Tumblr posts and LJ entries and not be completely convinced I've been watching a different show the whole time!!!
Having said that, of course, PLEASE feel free to comment with what YOUR experience of the show has been. Any and all responses welcome!!
In conclusion:
Vince Gilligan: And Jesse Plemons here. Excellent actor. Probably the best young actor we’ve ever had on the show…
Jonathan Banks: Aaron! Aaron! Aaron, sweet pea, stand up and punch him in the heart! Right now!
Thomas Schnauz: ...sweet pea? Did he just call you sweet pea?
- From the audio commentary on 5x07, 'Say My Name'
I really want to do something significant to mark the occasion. I want to compose sonnets and paint masterpieces and hand out all the statues ever carved. I want to get a tattoo. I want to buy a Heisenberg t-shirt and never take it off. I want to sit everyone I know down and MAKE THEM WATCH this giant slice of genius (mostly so they can understand why I'll be catatonic for the next seven days). I want Sunday night to hurry up and come and, at the same time, I never, ever want it to end.
Alas, I can't actually do any of those things. But I can do this.
I've just spent the last half hour re-blogging all the pretty that Tumblr has to offer. Mostly I'm there for the art. Tumblr has the best art. And, for the most part, I try not to read the opinion stuff. The meta. The passing comments. The uninformed drivel. I am not there for that. But as the series draws to a close it seems almost inescapable. THERE ARE OPINIONS EVERYWHERE. So yeah, I've read some. It's been impossible not to. But you know what? It has helped me to understand one pretty freaking major thing about my experience with this show. I honestly feel like I've just had an epiphany.
I don't actually care about any of the characters. Literally ANY of them.
There, I finally said it.
And this might be confusing for some of you who've been with me on this ride since the start. Hell, it was kinda confusing for me initially, too. But I think I've figured it out.
I have never, ever, in the history of my involvement in things that are designed to be entertaining, been more completely and utterly entranced than I have with this show. Breaking Bad has revolutionised my television viewing habits and I don't care how ridiculous and melodramatic that sounds, it's completely true. My LOVE for this show, for the actors, for the characters, for the script writers, for Vince Gilligan, for the camera operators, for anyone even tangentially related to delivering up the episodes, is SKY HIGH. I cannot laud them enough.
BUT...
I don't actually ~care about any of the characters.
And this is where my Tumblr-land epiphany comes into it. Over on Tumblr (and pretty much everywhere else for that matter, but I’m going with Tumblr because that’s where I was when the Television Gods finally spoke to me) there are people left, right and centre declaring their character-based allegiances. They're applauding their heroes and denouncing their villains and categorically stating who deserves what kind of ending and why.
I DO NOT CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS.
What I'm in love with, more than anything else, IS THE STORY.
And, with this revelation, I've come to suddenly understand my relationship with the characters on this show and why I always felt like my opinions of them were 'wrong'. I think it's because my opinions have always had the story at the forefront, as opposed to the characters themselves.
Take poor Jesse for example. I can honestly tell you that I do not care one iota about the predicament he's currently in. About the fact that Andrea was shot in front of him. About how Walt declared he'd watched Jane die. About the way Jesse himself is a hostage victim. I know of people who've had to look away while some of Jesse's more recent scenes have played out. But that hasn't even crossed my mind. It hasn't crossed my mind to feel bad for him. To want something different for him. To want to make things better…
For me, to want something different for Jesse, to want to make things better for him, is to want an entirely different show. AND I DON'T WANT A DIFFERENT SHOW. I WANT THIS ONE. I WANT THIS STORY. I WANT THIS** ENDING.
(** whatever 'this' ends up being, I already want it.)
I'm pretty sure this makes me an awful person. And now would be a bad time to mention that I'm a psychologist, right?! BUT SERIOUSLY... I don't care FOR Skyler that Holly was taken and that she had to use a knife to defend herself and her son. I don't care FOR Marie that Hank was murdered. I don't care FOR Mike that he was shot and killed for no real reason. I don't care FOR Brock that his mother was executed as a message to Jesse. But I DO care for the story that these things took place. Because, if they hadn't, I'd be watching a different show.
I keep being asked what I want to happen in the end. What I think would be a fitting conclusion. The outcomes I think different characters "deserve" (and, oh, let me tell you how much I've come to loathe that implication). With most other shows/books/movies I could spout answers to these questions for days, but I've seriously struggled to come up with a single appropriate response for Breaking Bad. In fact, every time I've tried, I've ended up deleting my reply before I could post it because it never felt real; it never felt like the truth.
The truth is this; I want what Vince Gilligan gives me. I want what Aaron Paul and Anna Gunn and Bryan Cranston read from their scripts. I don’t care about redemption. I don’t care about punishment. I don’t care about different characters “getting what they deserve” (which, what even does that mean in this universe???!!! Somebody please tell me, because I sure as hell can’t figure it out!). For me, Breaking Bad has NEVER been about rewards and punishments and karma and justice and life lessons. Sure, some of those things have happened in the course of the story, but they’ve never been the POINT of the story. The STORY has been the point of the story. For me. Maybe not for many others, maybe not for ANY others, but, for me, the story has ALWAYS been the point.
#no regrets
Like I said, this is not meta. This is not me trying to present a reasoned argument grounded in facts and examples from canon. I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything here. To be honest, I’m not really sure what this is beyond, well, gratuitous self-indulgence and a whole heap of teal dear! It’s (no doubt) completely irrational, incomprehensible, and unfathomable. Also, maybe it’s kinda sociopathic at times. OH WELL. THAT IS WHAT THIS SHOW DOES TO ME. AND I LOVE IT AND MAKE NO APOLOGIES FOR IT.
I'm not asking for validation here. I'm not asking for you to agree or disagree (that's assuming you even made it this far!!). In fact, I don't feel like this is a post that ~can be agreed or disagreed with. It's not like what I've said is right, and all other views are wrong. This is simply MY experience of the show. It may not be yours, it may not be ANYONE else's. It just is what it is and I'm (finally) happy with my understanding of it! It makes it possible to read Tumblr posts and LJ entries and not be completely convinced I've been watching a different show the whole time!!!
Having said that, of course, PLEASE feel free to comment with what YOUR experience of the show has been. Any and all responses welcome!!
In conclusion:
Vince Gilligan: And Jesse Plemons here. Excellent actor. Probably the best young actor we’ve ever had on the show…
Jonathan Banks: Aaron! Aaron! Aaron, sweet pea, stand up and punch him in the heart! Right now!
Thomas Schnauz: ...sweet pea? Did he just call you sweet pea?
- From the audio commentary on 5x07, 'Say My Name'