Fanfic: Takes One
Title: Takes one to heal one
For: thatdayismine
Pairing: Kris/Lay (main), onesided Kris/Chanyeol, onesided Lay/Sooyoung (SNSD), Chanyeol/Sooyoung (SNSD)
Rating: T
Length: <7000 words
A/N: Written for a fic exchange. Sadly not too satisfied with it, actually...
Shining bright, a perfect heavenly white adorned with a thousand glittering gems cascading down beautiful curves and falling like a serene wave to the ground of imperfection. In a moment of imagination, angel wings would sprout as a testimony of the elegance, innocence. But it was not a blinding, unfathomable light - no, it was only a calm and beautiful shade, and it stood not alone. The most alluring midnight black, wild but beautiful, framing ivory, scarlet and hazel put together like the finest work of art. Contrasts - certainly, but there is nothing that seems out of place when red meets white, or black meets pale. There is a glint in the midst of it all - a mischievous light from twin stars standing out as the masterpiece of a most delicate prize.
And yet, Yixing thinks with sadness as he watches Sooyoung stroll down the aisle, shining more beautiful than he has ever seen her - it is not for him. She smiles, brightly, but does not even look at Yixing. Maybe only in a fleeting glance, just like with all the other guests standing in the church to witness the bride get her groom. Although her gaze is constantly flickering, Yixing knows where Sooyoung’s attention really is.
It is on the groom, the lucky man at the altar in an impeccable suit that looks just a bit too stiff for him. He appears nervous - or maybe the twitching smile is just how he actually is.
Perfect for Sooyoung.
Yixing has met him before - of course he has - but never anything more than that. He remembers the wild, brown hair, huge eyes and playful laughter - a heavy contrast to his deep voice and tall height. Yixing found him weird. Sooyoung found him perfect.
“It’s nice to feel like a girl with a normal height,” she had said. ‘I’m still taller than you,’ Yixing had thought.
“It’s nice to have someone who doesn’t judge me for being silly.” ‘I always love it when you’re silly’.
“It’s nice to be with someone who smiles easily.” ‘I don’t keep my smiles secret.’
“It’s nice to date a handsome and cute guy!” ‘I’m cute… And a little bit handsome.’
“It’s nice to be with someone who doesn’t expect much from me.” ‘I never expected anything from you, except for you to be yourself.’
Yixing always kept quiet, though. It was true, he loved Sooyoung - had done, for most of his life. When they were toddlers and Sooyoung protected Yixing from bullies, to high school when she still kept him safe - he loved her. But even if he used to love her like a sister, he discovered during the hormonal periods of his teenage life that he had actually fallen in love with Sooyoung. And he still was, to this day - heads over heels in love with Choi Sooyoung.
Although after today - Park Sooyoung.
Yixing had many times scolded himself for being a coward - especially as he witnessed guy after guy come up to Sooyoung to ask for her hand (it never worked out, though). Maybe he should tell her, he pondered, maybe she would surprise him.
But of course not. Yixing knew he was everything Sooyoung did not want as a boyfriend. He was quiet, shy; never really standing out in crowds. He was short (and often teased or it - how he and Sooyoung had mutual understanding for their opposite height issues), delicate (blood disease not really helping) and more of a thinker than action guy, preferring music to sports. He had realized, eventually, that even though Sooyoung was his childhood best friend and loved protecting him from harm - she really wanted someone who could protect her.
Yixing could never do that.
Yixing could never have Sooyoung.
He had come to terms with that rather quickly.
Not that the knowledge ceased his hurt any. Still, years after he first made the discovery, it still pained him to think of.
Never had it been more obvious than now, when he saw that sparkle in Sooyoung’s eyes as she walked towards her future husband and eternal love. He had never seen that look in her eyes before, and Yixing found that even if it meant that he would be unhappy, he would never do anything to separate Sooyoung from her greatest source of joy.
No matter how much it hurt.
As Sooyoung reached the altar and her fiancée grinned broadly at her, Yixing felt a lone tear trickling down to his forced smile. No one ever realized the tear was not of happiness.
**
“… And even though Sooyoung is my little baby girl, I feel so proud to give her away today - “
Yixing listened to Sooyoung’s father and his standardized speech absentmindedly, staring down at his plate. They were already at the dessert, a delicious ice cream and fruit concoction Yixing had only nibbled at so far. As the day progressed and they went from the church to a hotel for the dining, he had hoped for his mood to improve a little. If nothing else, then for Sooyoung - she did not deserve a miserable Yixing at her ceremony.
But it was so difficult to pretend like nothing was wrong, to pretend like this was the best thing ever. Of course, it was, to Sooyoung, and as her friend, Yixing was happy for her - but in his selfishness, he was becoming increasingly depressed because of his own sorrow.
It was not like anyone bothered either. Sooyoung’s family knew him, but were far too busy with family guests and of course, their bride. Most of Sooyoung’s friends were hardly Yixing’s friends, even if they went to the same school as youths.
In short, no one really spoke to Yixing, or paid him any heed. Which was fine for him; he did not think he could fake a merry enthusiasm if anyone came over to discuss the perfection of the newlyweds. He had always been a terrible liar.
And yet he had fooled Sooyoung.
The thought alone was terrible, and as he vaguely registered clapping erupting around him, Yixing quietly rose and headed for the door. He needed a break.
Air.
Freedom from that restricting hand clenching around his chest.
Sooyoung.
Why.
As he tore open the fine glass door leading to an equally picturesque balcony, Yixing let out a breath of relief. When the cold evening breeze landed on his face, he realized exactly how much he needed it. Of course it was a bit too chilly; it was still early spring, and as darkness had already approached, most people would not go outside.
But Yixing would not be inside. It was too… Stuffy.
Or maybe it was just how the entire ceremony was nothing but a reminder that he had forever lost Sooyoung. How much that hurt him. No matter what, it was still unbelievably refreshing to be able to close the door and all the noise from the party magically vanished.
He sighed quietly and walked over to the fence, freezing marble not even fazing him. He could just gaze at a scenery of illuminated fountains and half-wizened flowers not groomed for summer yet, stay like this forever… At least until this terrible day was over.
This time, he did recognize the tears slowly sliding down his cheeks. There was no violent sobbing, no hitched breaths or shuddering - the tears just fell down by themselves, and Yixing was not sure if he even bothered stopping them.
Until the tell-tale scent of a cigarette floated by.
Yixing quickly (and hopefully discreetly) wiped his eyes with his sleeve, before turning around to face the door again. True enough, a young man had come out (how did Yixing not hear that?), and casually leaned against the wall with a half-smoked cigarette perched between his fingers. Yixing hrecognized him as the best man of the groom. And He was handsome, Yixing registered immediately, with a slim, black suit fitted perfectly on his tall frame and impossibly well-dressed blond hair. Not to mention his handsome face, which, even despite the half-frown, still looked more suave and cool than anyone Yixing had ever seen.
Much more so than him. Was he possibly one of Sooyoung’s exes?
“H-hi,” he mumbled weakly, averting his eyes slightly. The stranger somewhat intimidated him - then again, Yixing had never been particularly brave.
“Too hot in there?” The man asked, sounding bored, and took a new drag of his cigarette. Yixing took a steadying breath. The surprise of being caught crying (though he hoped the man had not seen that part) and his general state of mind was not particularly up to small-talk with random people.
“You can say that,” he nodded slightly. “Needed some air.”
“Hnn,” the other made an affirmative noise and took another drag, before turning his head to look away from Yixing. “You don’t mind, do you?”
Yixing looked at the gestured cigarette and shook his head. “No, not really.” Nonsense. Yixing disliked smoke since his grandmother died of lung cancer.
Silence fell over them, if only for a few seconds. Yixing looked back at the man. The man looked back at Yixing. Yixing looked away. The man kept staring.
“Bride or groom?” He said eventually, and Yixing was sort of perplexed to note the much kinder, empathic sound his tone had taken on. Frowning slightly, he looked back to the man, and was more than a little surprised to see… Sadness? Sorrow? Understanding…
“Bride,” he replied, absentmindedly rubbing his eye with a hand. “You?”
“Groom,” the blonde sighed. “That’s some state, huh?”
“Yeah.” It was all Yixing could say.
“I’m Kris. What’s your name?”
“Yixing,” he automatically extended a hand, which Kris took, after a second.
“A pleasure.”
“…”
“What’s your story, then?”
Yixing blinked. “I’m sorry?”
“What’s your story with Sooyoung?” Kris elaborated, infinitely dark eyes - so much different from Sooyoung’s warm, chocolate - staring hard at Yixing. And yet, they were not as scary now.
“We’ve known each other since we were little,” Yixing said slowly, almost hesitantly. It was weird, opening up like this to a total stranger - Kris. But somehow, it did not feel as odd as it should. “She was a tomboy, and I was… Shy. We were best friends until high school or so.”
“That’s when you fell in love.” It was a statement, not a question. Yixing just nodded, looking back at Kris with caution, but nothing were visible on Kris’s features but understanding and compassion. “You distanced yourself gradually.” He was right, of course, but it was unnecessary for Yixing to voice this affirmation out loud.
“Tell me about yourself, then,” Yixing urged, encouraged by the strange mood and turn of conversation. Although it was weird, unthinkable to him before, to stand in his best friend’s wedding and discussing past love lives and broken hearts with a stranger… It fit.
“Chanyeol was my first neighbor here in Korea,” Kris admitted with a shrug. “We lived next to each other in an apartment complex, and he showed me around, invited me for dinner… He was my first friend here. We spent a lot of time together, became intimate, and I really thought we had something. When I talked to him about it, he just looked at me sadly and told me about Sooyoung.”
“You’re still friends, though?” Yixing could not help but ask. Kris smiled slightly - a fond smile, the first he had worn since the conversation started, and Yixing wondered exactly how much Chanyeol meant to Kris.
“We’re still friends.” He confirmed easily. “Despite everything, though Chanyeol’s not really the guy to care about stuff like that.”
Stuff like that. As if it was somehow difficult to voice the issue true to its nature.
“It’s a hard life,” Yixing shrugged softly. “Some things were not meant to be, right?”
“Say that with a little more conviction, okay?” Kris brushed him off and dropped the cigarette to the balcony floor, stepping on it lightly. “You’re not fooling anyone like that.”
“Who am I supposed to fool?” Yixing frowned and looked cautiously at Kris. Kris. The stranger. Handsome stranger.
“I don’t know,” Kris replied without skipping a beat. “I don’t know you.”
“Well, so far, you know my most guarded secret,” Yixing pointed out. “And I know yours. Though it’s hardly a secret if you told Chanyeol - “
“He’s the only one,” Kris interrupted, harsher than Yixing expected. “No one else knows.”
“I do,” Yixing repeated. “Which is rather weird, since we just met and all.”
“We’re in the same boat,” Kris said and made a wave with his hand, gesticulating at something unknown. “Takes one to know one - all that. I guess you needed to get some things off your chest. You’re not crying anymore.”
Yixing hurriedly brought a hand up to rub his eyes again, though Kris was right, his tears had stopped flowing. Mostly because Yixing wanted to hide them, but still… It was a bit more disconcerting that Kris had actually seen.
Why he even cared about that to begin with - Yixing was never the proudest of men - was beyond him.
“How nice of you,” Yixing frowned. Kris only nodded once, and was that he hint of a smirk?
“I’m not usually known for that,” he remarked, and turned towards the door again. “I’m going back to the party, come in soon, okay? I’m sure Sooyoung wouldn’t like her best friend to catch a cold on her wedding.”
And when the glass door closed behind Kris, Yixing was alone again. Alone in the cold. Strangely enough, this time, he did not feel like crying.
**
Yixing’s life went back to normal pretty soon after the wedding, and his first couple of days with semi-depression. He recovered faster than he would have thought in advance, though, and was quite satisfied with himself for the rapid mood change.
Other than that, his job at the hospital was still sort of plain and his social life rather limited. Maybe he should work his way around that, he thought one day, get out some more, make new friends. He knew he should get over Sooyoung, he had definitely realized by now - though, strictly speaking, he had only suppressed the thought before.
Problem was, Yixing did not know where to start.
Fortunately for him, his ticket to a new social era came walking through the hospital doors in the form of a tall, blonde man.
“Kris,” Yixing mumbled to himself, testing the foreign name again and finding it okay. He smiled as the man approached his desk and, from the slight curve of the lips sent back to him, he assumed Kris recognized him as well.
“Hi,” Yixing started shyly, unsure of how to approach the situation. Should he act professional, friendly? He was not that familiar with the guy. “How can I help you? Kris…”
“Yixing, right? You work here?” Kris ignored his question but smiled back as he leant over the desk. Yixing nodded.
“Obviously,” he said, chuckling a bit, nervously. Why? He hardly even knew the guy, for crying out loud. “What about you? Are you sick?”
“Not exactly,” Kris shrugged, still eyeing Yixing with a glint in his dark, dark eyes. “My aunt went in for kidney problems some time ago. Just checking her, that’s all.”
“Sure,” Yixing smiled, feeling a bit more comfortable now that the conversation was turning into routine. “What’s her name?”
“Wu Lan,” Kris replied, still studying Yixing’s face as he punched in the name on a computer. A few seconds later, he looked up.
“Room 214, that’s on the second floor, first corridor to the left when you step out of the elevator.” Yixing supplied with a smile, but still rather hoped Kris would stay around to talk a bit. He liked Kris, quite honestly, and would not mind seeing him again.
“Thanks,” Kris nodded, and promptly left Yixing for the elevator.
Although he more or less expected it, the sudden departure surprised Yixing a little. From the glances and friendly attitude, Yixing had thought Kris would be a bit more interested in speaking to him as well.
Too bad, he thought to himself. He did not really know Kris, after all. They had only met once. Only talked once. Not like they were friends or anything. Their meeting now was just by chance, too. Nothing to dwell on.
But Yixing was surprised that Kris did stop by his desk on the way out, his eyes only a little sterner, more serious, but still disturbingly mischievous for such a stoic-looking person like the blonde. Yixing looked up when large hands planted themselves on his desk, and found Kris’s handsome face only inches away from his own. He was sure his eyes must have been huge.
“Kris..? What - ?”
“Are you lonely, Yixing?” Kris asked quietly, but firmly. Yixing looked around, but none of his colleagues seemed to have noticed, so he looked back at the tall man.
“What are you asking?”
“Or, I know you’re lonely,” Kris rolled his eyes and sighed. “Obviously, if you’ve dreamed of Sooyoung for so long. But what else do you do? Do you go out at night, play sports, sing karaoke with friends?”
“N-no,” Yixing stammered, not really seeing what Kris was doing. “Should I?”
“Yes,” Kris’s tone was almost overbearing now, and Yixing was not sure what he thought about that. “It helps, and it’s healthy. More or less, at least.”
“Okay…?”
“Are you busy tonight?”
“No, but - “
“Good, I’m taking you out to learn how to live.”
Yixing could only blink, and now surely, his eyes must be a perfect circle. “I’m sorry, what?”
“You seem to need it,” Kris said slowly, as if Yixing was a particularly difficult child. “And besides, you might meet someone who can help you get over Sooyoung.”
Realization dawned on Yixing, and he knitted his brows together and stared back at Kris.
“Is this what this is about?” He inquired, inspecting Kris’s passive features for a response. “After one meeting, you feel sorry for me and think I need help? Don’t act like you’re any better, with your thing for Chanyeol.” He knew Kris was right, of course he was, and hell, this was just the opportunity he had been waiting for. But Yixing did not like being looked down on - he had already suffered from that too much during his childhood, only now, Sooyoung would not be there to help him. Maybe that was the core of the problem.
“I’m getting over him,” Kris informed him briskly. “I am over him. So I can help you get over Sooyoung. I just… I’m sorry if this seemed offending, but I want to help you. I’ve been in your shoes, remember, and it hurt. So this might seem weird to you, and it’s weird for me too, because I never really do those things. But come on, just a try. If you hate it, then okay, forget me and forget everything, I’ll leave you alone. But my experience says… Well, there’s no use in dwelling on the past.”
Yixing pondered the proposition for a second. Even though this was only his second time of meeting Kris, the opportunity seemed tempting. He kept telling himself, Kris is a stranger, you don’t know him - this is weird. And yes, of course it is weird. A stranger cares this much about his well-being, wants to help him and take him out. Odd.
But things did not seem all that foreign and strange with Kris. As if, through the shared experience of unrequited love towards their respective best friends, they had become more connected than just any other random encounters. And Yixing could not deny it, he did like Kris. He thought they could be good friends, in time.
“Okay,” he said finally, almost as if letting out a breath. “I’ll give it a chance. Something special you had in mind?”
Kris grinned, he actually grinned.
“Good choice. And yes in fact, I do…”
**
“Kris… I’m not really good with clubs…” Yixing admitted sheepishly when he found himself tagging along Kris to one of the newest, most fashionable places in town. He had heard of it, of course, but never really imagined himself going to such an establishment. In his tight, new jeans and fitted shirt, he felt oddly out of place, and the only safe thing in the environment was the giant blonde next to him. Without Kris’s safety, he would probably have backed out a long time ago.
“I don’t see how you’re not ‘good with clubs’,” Kris remarked back, patting Yixing’s shoulder slightly. “You’re just inexperienced.”
“But really, it’s…” Yixing struggled to find words as Kris gently (gently?) led him through the doors and suddenly, they had landed themselves in a crowded, dark room with loud music and lots of other factors Yixing found nothing but uncomfortable. “This is weird!”
“Remember, Yixing,” Kris bent down to speak in his ear, and Yixing shivered involuntarily from the hot breath tickling his neck. “Only try once, and if it’s uncomfortable, we go. Never speak of it again.”
Yixing nodded. One time. Try. He could do that.
So he did. Yixing was usually timid, and had trouble making himself comfortable in the club, even with Kris’s encouraging help. Eventually, to rid himself of the awkward tension, he made it to the bar and bought himself a drink - downing it in two big gulps.
And promptly ordered another one.
After that, things went easier - he talked to people, still a bit carefully, but at least he dared now. The music and dancing was no longer scary, but seemed like inviting fun, and he even dared himself to try his moves. The music was completely different from the kind he played on his guitar or piano, but he found it exciting, fun.
He gradually removed himself more from Kris too, the intoxication from his drinks (which he ordered more often as the night progressed) removing his need for safety, and the satisfaction and pride Kris seemed to radiate only encouraged him further.
“You make good drinks, Jongin,” he smiled at the bartender, another friendly man whom Yixing took great pleasure in talking with in between the shots. “I like that. Can I get another of the strawberry one?”
“Thanks, but really, should you drink more?” Jongin chuckled. “Sure you haven’t had enough?”
“Silly Jongin,” Yixing shook his head in mock disappointment. “Nope, nope. I can take more!”
“Alright, fine,” Jongin shrugged, and served Yixing another daiquiri. “I’ll be right back, but the fine gentleman over there seems to need me.”
“Take your time!” Yixing giggled after him and sipped at his new drink.
It was only after two more drinks Kris approached him, gaze stern - again - and maybe a little sour. Worried?
“Yixing,” he said over the music and grabbed Yixing’s hand to get his attention. “Are you okay?”
“Kriiiiiis,” Yixing sang and leant into Kris’s side. “I’m fine! You are… were right! This is good! I like you, Kris!”
Kris frowned. Compared to the timid, silent Yixing he had come to know so far, it was not difficult to imagine what had happened, especially coupled with the slight sway to Yixing’s torso as he tried to sit upright in the chair. Damn it, Yixing had been fine, doing great actually, when he checked on him last…
“Jongin,” Kris called out to the bartender, who came almost immediately. “Aren’t you trained to tell when people have had enough to drink?”
“Well, I…” Jongin trailed off as he eyed the arm Kris now used to hold Yixing steady. “Uhm… He seemed fine - “
“You’re not an amateur, Jongin,” Kris spat out, and Yixing looked up at Kris in confusion, maybe a bit scared. This Kris was not the nice one he liked. “Don’t get careless during work hours.”
“Yes, sir,” Jongin nodded obediently, and stalked away. Yixing tugged on Kris’s sleeve, and the blonde bent down to face the bewildered man.
“What wuz that, Kriiiiiis?” Yixing whined, and Kris noted exactly how drunk Yixing had become when the small man subconsciously leaned his head on Kris’s shoulder as he spoke. “Don’t talk to Jongin like that… He’s nice!”
“I had to,” Kris told him with a frown. “First of all, you should definitely not drink this much, something Jongin knows if he pays attention. And I can’t have inattentive people in my club.”
“Your…?”
“I run this club, Yixing.”
“Oh!” Yixing sat up straight and grinned back at Kris, taking the surprised man’s face between his hands. “But Kriiiiis! This place is great! You’re great! I love you!”
Disturbingly enough, the statement was followed by a quick, harsh and completely unromantic kiss right to Kris’s lips. To say he was off-put was an understatement.
“Yixing - !”
“I’m sorry Kriiiiis,” Yixing pouted and stared back at Kris. Only the dark light (well, possibly the alcohol too) stopped Yixing from seeing the slight warmth covering Kris’s cheeks. “But I thought you should know how good I think this is…”
“That’s it, I’m taking you home now,” Kris sighed and stood up straight, pulling a compliant Yixing with him. With experienced ease, he guided them through the still wild crowds and out to the street. Yixing never really registered what happened before he was shoved into a taxi and told to give his address. He did, automatically, and watched Kris jump in after talking to the driver.
“Are we going home, Kriiiiis?”
“Yes,” Kris nodded, his lips a thin line of something Yixing could not identify. “Put on your seatbelt.”
“Oh.” Yixing nearly forgot. Only nearly though, mind you. “Thank you, Kriiiiiis…”
Kris only nodded in response again, and stared out the window in silence. Yixing did not like it.
“Am I that different from Chanyeol, Kris?”
The blonde whipped his head around quickly, completely taken off guard by the question. Yixing was staring back at him, looking more uncertain than he had since they entered the club. Kris was not sure what Yixing was thinking - what he was trying to gain by the question, or how much it was a result of the alcohol.
But it was not a difficult question, anyhow.
“Yeah. Complete opposites.”
The rest of the ride was quiet, with Yixing staring out one window and Kris through the other. When the taxi pulled over next to Yixing’s apartment, Kris got out hurriedly and went around to help Yixing, still more than slightly wobbly.
They made their way up the stairs wordlessly, Yixing only mumbling instructions like ‘one more floor’ and ‘fourth door, key in my pocket’.
In the end, Kris placed Yixing softly on the couch and found his way to the kitchen and a glass of water.
“Drink,” he ordered Yixing when he put it down on the table in front of the slight man. Yixing obeyed, not quite looking at Kris.
“Yixing…” Kris started awkwardly, but kept his eyes on the other. “I don’t know how much it means to you now, but I’m sorry for pushing you out there and not keeping an eye on you. I’m sorry, really am.”
“It’s fine, Kriiiiis,” Yixing giggled quietly. “It was fun…”
“You’re not gonna think it was fun tomorrow when you wake up with a horrible hangover,” Kris pointed out, and Yixing shrugged.
“I think it was fun now, though,” he said with a grin. “Good?”
“Not really,” Kris sighed. “But whatever.”
He got up and fixed another glass, for himself this time. It was not like he was completely sober either, just… So much more than Yixing.
“I’m the complete opposite of what Sooyoung wanted in a boyfriend…” Kris heard from the living room, and turned in surprise. Walking in cautiously, he saw that Yixing’s expression had turned more morose, unmasked sadness and bitterness marring his pretty (pretty?) features.
“So if I’m the complete opposite of Chanyeol…” Yixing continued quietly, staring down at his half-empty glass. “It makes sense that she chose him.”
Kris kept quiet. He was not sure how much Yixing was talking to him, or maybe himself even.
“You liked Chanyeol too…” Yixing proceeded and looked up at Kris, who had to suck in a breath at the defeated look Yixing presented him. How could someone change from happy to depressed in such a short time? “Why? Why is he more attractive than I?”
“I’m sure Sooyoung doesn’t find you unattractive,” Kris replied awkwardly, taking a sip from his glass and wishing he did not have to do this conversation. He was so bad at consoling people, anyways. “Maybe she thinks of you as a brother.”
“She does,” Yixing nodded solemnly. “But what if we didn’t know each other? She still wouldn’t like me now… She wants someone tall, strong, outgoing… Crazy. I’m not any of those.”
It was true, of course, but Kris did not feel the need to point it out.
“Why not?” Yixing continued. “Why are those more appealing traits than mine? I don’t get it.”
“Yixing…” Kris started as he sat down on a chair next to the sofa. “I - “
“Why do you like that?” Yixing interrupted. “Why won’t you like someone like me, instead of Chanyeol?”
“Yixing…” Kris frowned. “Do you even realize what you’re asking?”
Yixing sighed and shook his head, his entire posture slumping further. “No, probably not. I’m a drunk, miserable mess. And what the hell, I don’t know you. I’ve met you two times.”
“You know me enough,” Kris assured him and put down the glass. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
Yixing kept quiet again, but did not fight back when Kris more or less dragged him off the couch and navigated his way to the bedroom, barely even stripping off his clothes before slipping Yixing under the covers. Miraculously, another glass of water appeared at the nightstand.
“Don’t think about this too hard, okay?” Kris said quietly as he crouched next to the bed, patting Yixing’s hair ever so slightly. The other just looked at him sleepily. “Don’t compare yourself to Chanyeol, alright?”
“Why not?” Yixing whined quietly. “Everyone seems to prefer him over me, so there must be something - “
“Stop, Yixing,” Kris interrupted him gently, firmly. “Just sleep. And again, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Yixing assured him. “I forgive you. I like you, remember?”
“Yeah, you said that,” Kris smiled weakly. With a deep breath, he brushed some hair from Yixing’s face and kissed his forehead gently. “Sleep now, sunshine.”
Yixing blinked. Sunshine? What..?
“Why did you…” He paused. “We’re strangers, aren’t we?”
“No, we know each other now,” Kris told him. Yixing thought about arguing, but found he did not want to. He was fine with the two of them not being strangers.
“Okay,” he just said instead. “Good night, Kriiiiis.”
“Good night, Yixing.”
Yixing fell asleep before Kris had even left his bedroom.
**
They did not talk the next day. Yixing was too embarrassed and confused to call Kris, and Kris never made contact either. It was as if they did not know each other.
It was safe to say that Yixing was disappointed, even if he was still uncertain of exactly what he felt for the other man. He had thought Kris would be a good friend, but after the previous night…
Not only had he kissed Kris. In gratitude and admiration, maybe, but he had done so, in his drunken state. And he preferred to not think about what he felt about that.
But he had also told Kris that he liked him. Repeatedly. That he loved him, even. And though his memory was fuzzy and his head hurt when he thought about it, he was positive that he had meant it when he said it. And yes, he did like Kris, even in sober state. But not in that way… Yixing dated girls.
… Yixing wanted to date girls. He had never really dated properly, since he spent most of his youth waiting for Sooyoung. A hopeless chase he never pursued actively, of course, but the bottom line was, Sooyoung belonged to the female part of the population. Kris did not. Ergo, he could not like Kris the way he liked Sooyoung.
Besides, how could he like Kris that much, when he only some weeks ago cried from heartbreak at Sooyoung’s wedding? And he and Kris hardly knew each other…
Despite what the older man kept saying. He kept saying they knew each other, so fair enough, maybe Yixing should go with that as well. They had met three times. They knew of each other’s depressing love lives. Okay, they knew each other.
Speaking of, Kris was difficult to understand. At first, he seemed eager to get Yixing out to the party-life, but then he only became worried and restrictive. And the way he held Yixing all the time, guiding him, lifting him… Hell, he even kissed Yixing good night, and Yixing considered Kris fairly sober at the time!
Not to mention the cheesy nickname. ‘Sunshine’. What was that? Worst cliché ever.
If only Yixing did not find it so charming.
But really, was he falling in love with Kris? Yixing thought he might be. And it scared him somewhat, but not as much as he would have thought. The thought of letting go of Sooyoung and start something with Kris did not seem so bad… Even if they, strictly speaking, hardly knew each other.
Nope, Yixing told himself, they knew each other now. Kris said so.
And Kris made him feel safe. Just like Sooyoung did.
Maybe it would not be so bad. He could try to make it work with Kris… It could only help him. Sooyoung was never going to be his, anyways, he might as well go for other fields.
As he gradually came to the conclusion (it only took him about five days, thirteen hours, fifty-two minutes and eight seconds), he became more worried about the fact that Kris, who initiated the contact to begin with (and most certainly showed interest in Yixing) had not approached him again.
It was sort of an ironic twist from fate.
I could call him, Yixing thought to himself one day, in an idle hour during work. It cannot harm to try.
But Yixing was a coward. Had always been, would always be. His entire problem with Sooyoung was just this timidness that kept him from making a move. Now he was losing another chance because of it.
Sometimes - often - Yixing really did wish that he was more like Chanyeol.
Maybe that would have gotten him Kris too.
**
Exactly two weeks after the adventures at the club (Yixing did not count, and no, he did not want to go back) Yixing was working night shift at the hospital. The white corridors were deserted, it was quiet and generally, Yixing felt really alone in the world. His current mental state did not help at all, and when the bell rang to signalize a visitor, he barely even glanced up.
When he did, though, his eyes widened instantly and he dropped the folder he was holding.
It was Kris, of course - the same handsome, blonde giant he had been two weeks ago. Strolling in, looking more than a little uncomfortable, casually avoiding eye contact with Yixing.
For a minute, both just stood there, looking somewhat awkwardly away from the other. Yixing stole glances at Kris, who stubbornly looked at the clock on the wall behind him.
But Yixing was not particularly patient at two in the night. Especially not regarding this, the very person, subject, he had thought so much about for two weeks, non stop.
“Kris,” he said quietly, though more than loud enough for the deafening silence in the hall.
“Hmm.” Kris acknowledged him, but still kept looking at the clock.
“What…” Yixing tried to start, but cut himself off. “Why are you here?”
“I want to… I’m sorry, Yixing,” Kris sighed, finally meeting Yixing’s eyes. “This entire thing has not been the best start, and I haven’t made it better…”
“You could have called,” Yixing remarked. “Or a text. Whatever.”
“So could you,” Kris retorted, and Yixing cringed. Yes. Yes he could.
“Coulda, shoulda, woulda,” Yixing shrugged and sat down on his desk. “It’s past now.”
“True…” Kris agreed and sighed again. “But… Can it be the future as well?”
“What?” Yixing frowned. “I don’t want to spend the next days wondering about whether or not we will - “
“Not like that!” Kris supplied hurriedly, looking almost worried now. “I mean… Can we start anew? For real, this time?”
“I don’t know….” Yixing muttered. “I mean, Sooyoung and…”
“You’re getting over Sooyoung,” Kris interrupted, looking at him sternly. The same sternness as when he told Yixing to stop drinking at the bar. “I’ve seen it.”
“It’s all thanks to you,” Yixing blurted out before he even realized what he said. Not that it was not true, though.
“So can’t I make it even better?” Kris pressed, and Yixing was encouraged by Kris’s seeming eagerness to start a relationship with him. It felt… Good.
“Maybe,” he said coyly, struggling to keep back a smile. ”But I’m not Chanyeol - “
“No, you’re not, we’ve talked about this,” Kris agreed and stepped closer. “But I’m not Sooyoung either. First of all, I’m not a girl - “
“I noticed that too, thank you,” Yixing chuckled, but quickly turned more serious. “However, you’re sort of similar. You’re tall, strong… Stand out in a crowd, and you both make me feel… Safe.”
Kris smiled, the same fond smile he had worn when talking about Chanyeol at the wedding, and Yixing’s heart jumped at the possibility of it being for him this time.
“But I’m not silly,” he said, stepping closer. They were really near now, Yixing had to tilt his head to look Kris in the eye. “Or humorous… Loud, a joker, eager or anything like that. We’re not really that similar either.”
“True,” Yixing admitted. “But you still make me feel safe. That’s the most important thing, I think.”
“And you know what,” Kris jumped in, smiling and taking Yixing’s face in his hands, feeling how the small man’s cheeks heated up slightly. “Just like with Chanyeol, I want to protect you and make you happy. That’s the most important thing, right?”
“Kris…” Yixing did not know what to say. But he did not have to. Promptly, almost clumsily, Kris closed the distance between them, and their lips met in a second kiss.
But this was so different from the happy, quick kiss Yixing had given Kris at the club; it was slow, almost hesitating, but with love and care. Yixing liked it.
“Kris…” he mumbled as they separated, and looked back into Kris’s dark orbs. So different from Sooyoung’s, yes - much deeper, blacker. But at the same time, he recognized some of the same glint, the same adoration - and he found himself smiling back.
“I think I love you, Kris,” he said and brought a hand up to Kris’s cheek.
“Funny,” Kris gave him a look. “I thought we were strangers.”
“Nope,” Yixing laughed and pecked Kris’s lips again, once, twice. He could get used to that. “We’re not strangers anymore. Not really.”
Kris was nothing but smiles, even if it looked slightly foreign to his features, but Yixing liked it. He liked Kris.
“I can live with that, sunshine.”
For: thatdayismine
Pairing: Kris/Lay (main), onesided Kris/Chanyeol, onesided Lay/Sooyoung (SNSD), Chanyeol/Sooyoung (SNSD)
Rating: T
Length: <7000 words
A/N: Written for a fic exchange. Sadly not too satisfied with it, actually...
Shining bright, a perfect heavenly white adorned with a thousand glittering gems cascading down beautiful curves and falling like a serene wave to the ground of imperfection. In a moment of imagination, angel wings would sprout as a testimony of the elegance, innocence. But it was not a blinding, unfathomable light - no, it was only a calm and beautiful shade, and it stood not alone. The most alluring midnight black, wild but beautiful, framing ivory, scarlet and hazel put together like the finest work of art. Contrasts - certainly, but there is nothing that seems out of place when red meets white, or black meets pale. There is a glint in the midst of it all - a mischievous light from twin stars standing out as the masterpiece of a most delicate prize.
And yet, Yixing thinks with sadness as he watches Sooyoung stroll down the aisle, shining more beautiful than he has ever seen her - it is not for him. She smiles, brightly, but does not even look at Yixing. Maybe only in a fleeting glance, just like with all the other guests standing in the church to witness the bride get her groom. Although her gaze is constantly flickering, Yixing knows where Sooyoung’s attention really is.
It is on the groom, the lucky man at the altar in an impeccable suit that looks just a bit too stiff for him. He appears nervous - or maybe the twitching smile is just how he actually is.
Perfect for Sooyoung.
Yixing has met him before - of course he has - but never anything more than that. He remembers the wild, brown hair, huge eyes and playful laughter - a heavy contrast to his deep voice and tall height. Yixing found him weird. Sooyoung found him perfect.
“It’s nice to feel like a girl with a normal height,” she had said. ‘I’m still taller than you,’ Yixing had thought.
“It’s nice to have someone who doesn’t judge me for being silly.” ‘I always love it when you’re silly’.
“It’s nice to be with someone who smiles easily.” ‘I don’t keep my smiles secret.’
“It’s nice to date a handsome and cute guy!” ‘I’m cute… And a little bit handsome.’
“It’s nice to be with someone who doesn’t expect much from me.” ‘I never expected anything from you, except for you to be yourself.’
Yixing always kept quiet, though. It was true, he loved Sooyoung - had done, for most of his life. When they were toddlers and Sooyoung protected Yixing from bullies, to high school when she still kept him safe - he loved her. But even if he used to love her like a sister, he discovered during the hormonal periods of his teenage life that he had actually fallen in love with Sooyoung. And he still was, to this day - heads over heels in love with Choi Sooyoung.
Although after today - Park Sooyoung.
Yixing had many times scolded himself for being a coward - especially as he witnessed guy after guy come up to Sooyoung to ask for her hand (it never worked out, though). Maybe he should tell her, he pondered, maybe she would surprise him.
But of course not. Yixing knew he was everything Sooyoung did not want as a boyfriend. He was quiet, shy; never really standing out in crowds. He was short (and often teased or it - how he and Sooyoung had mutual understanding for their opposite height issues), delicate (blood disease not really helping) and more of a thinker than action guy, preferring music to sports. He had realized, eventually, that even though Sooyoung was his childhood best friend and loved protecting him from harm - she really wanted someone who could protect her.
Yixing could never do that.
Yixing could never have Sooyoung.
He had come to terms with that rather quickly.
Not that the knowledge ceased his hurt any. Still, years after he first made the discovery, it still pained him to think of.
Never had it been more obvious than now, when he saw that sparkle in Sooyoung’s eyes as she walked towards her future husband and eternal love. He had never seen that look in her eyes before, and Yixing found that even if it meant that he would be unhappy, he would never do anything to separate Sooyoung from her greatest source of joy.
No matter how much it hurt.
As Sooyoung reached the altar and her fiancée grinned broadly at her, Yixing felt a lone tear trickling down to his forced smile. No one ever realized the tear was not of happiness.
**
“… And even though Sooyoung is my little baby girl, I feel so proud to give her away today - “
Yixing listened to Sooyoung’s father and his standardized speech absentmindedly, staring down at his plate. They were already at the dessert, a delicious ice cream and fruit concoction Yixing had only nibbled at so far. As the day progressed and they went from the church to a hotel for the dining, he had hoped for his mood to improve a little. If nothing else, then for Sooyoung - she did not deserve a miserable Yixing at her ceremony.
But it was so difficult to pretend like nothing was wrong, to pretend like this was the best thing ever. Of course, it was, to Sooyoung, and as her friend, Yixing was happy for her - but in his selfishness, he was becoming increasingly depressed because of his own sorrow.
It was not like anyone bothered either. Sooyoung’s family knew him, but were far too busy with family guests and of course, their bride. Most of Sooyoung’s friends were hardly Yixing’s friends, even if they went to the same school as youths.
In short, no one really spoke to Yixing, or paid him any heed. Which was fine for him; he did not think he could fake a merry enthusiasm if anyone came over to discuss the perfection of the newlyweds. He had always been a terrible liar.
And yet he had fooled Sooyoung.
The thought alone was terrible, and as he vaguely registered clapping erupting around him, Yixing quietly rose and headed for the door. He needed a break.
Air.
Freedom from that restricting hand clenching around his chest.
Sooyoung.
Why.
As he tore open the fine glass door leading to an equally picturesque balcony, Yixing let out a breath of relief. When the cold evening breeze landed on his face, he realized exactly how much he needed it. Of course it was a bit too chilly; it was still early spring, and as darkness had already approached, most people would not go outside.
But Yixing would not be inside. It was too… Stuffy.
Or maybe it was just how the entire ceremony was nothing but a reminder that he had forever lost Sooyoung. How much that hurt him. No matter what, it was still unbelievably refreshing to be able to close the door and all the noise from the party magically vanished.
He sighed quietly and walked over to the fence, freezing marble not even fazing him. He could just gaze at a scenery of illuminated fountains and half-wizened flowers not groomed for summer yet, stay like this forever… At least until this terrible day was over.
This time, he did recognize the tears slowly sliding down his cheeks. There was no violent sobbing, no hitched breaths or shuddering - the tears just fell down by themselves, and Yixing was not sure if he even bothered stopping them.
Until the tell-tale scent of a cigarette floated by.
Yixing quickly (and hopefully discreetly) wiped his eyes with his sleeve, before turning around to face the door again. True enough, a young man had come out (how did Yixing not hear that?), and casually leaned against the wall with a half-smoked cigarette perched between his fingers. Yixing hrecognized him as the best man of the groom. And He was handsome, Yixing registered immediately, with a slim, black suit fitted perfectly on his tall frame and impossibly well-dressed blond hair. Not to mention his handsome face, which, even despite the half-frown, still looked more suave and cool than anyone Yixing had ever seen.
Much more so than him. Was he possibly one of Sooyoung’s exes?
“H-hi,” he mumbled weakly, averting his eyes slightly. The stranger somewhat intimidated him - then again, Yixing had never been particularly brave.
“Too hot in there?” The man asked, sounding bored, and took a new drag of his cigarette. Yixing took a steadying breath. The surprise of being caught crying (though he hoped the man had not seen that part) and his general state of mind was not particularly up to small-talk with random people.
“You can say that,” he nodded slightly. “Needed some air.”
“Hnn,” the other made an affirmative noise and took another drag, before turning his head to look away from Yixing. “You don’t mind, do you?”
Yixing looked at the gestured cigarette and shook his head. “No, not really.” Nonsense. Yixing disliked smoke since his grandmother died of lung cancer.
Silence fell over them, if only for a few seconds. Yixing looked back at the man. The man looked back at Yixing. Yixing looked away. The man kept staring.
“Bride or groom?” He said eventually, and Yixing was sort of perplexed to note the much kinder, empathic sound his tone had taken on. Frowning slightly, he looked back to the man, and was more than a little surprised to see… Sadness? Sorrow? Understanding…
“Bride,” he replied, absentmindedly rubbing his eye with a hand. “You?”
“Groom,” the blonde sighed. “That’s some state, huh?”
“Yeah.” It was all Yixing could say.
“I’m Kris. What’s your name?”
“Yixing,” he automatically extended a hand, which Kris took, after a second.
“A pleasure.”
“…”
“What’s your story, then?”
Yixing blinked. “I’m sorry?”
“What’s your story with Sooyoung?” Kris elaborated, infinitely dark eyes - so much different from Sooyoung’s warm, chocolate - staring hard at Yixing. And yet, they were not as scary now.
“We’ve known each other since we were little,” Yixing said slowly, almost hesitantly. It was weird, opening up like this to a total stranger - Kris. But somehow, it did not feel as odd as it should. “She was a tomboy, and I was… Shy. We were best friends until high school or so.”
“That’s when you fell in love.” It was a statement, not a question. Yixing just nodded, looking back at Kris with caution, but nothing were visible on Kris’s features but understanding and compassion. “You distanced yourself gradually.” He was right, of course, but it was unnecessary for Yixing to voice this affirmation out loud.
“Tell me about yourself, then,” Yixing urged, encouraged by the strange mood and turn of conversation. Although it was weird, unthinkable to him before, to stand in his best friend’s wedding and discussing past love lives and broken hearts with a stranger… It fit.
“Chanyeol was my first neighbor here in Korea,” Kris admitted with a shrug. “We lived next to each other in an apartment complex, and he showed me around, invited me for dinner… He was my first friend here. We spent a lot of time together, became intimate, and I really thought we had something. When I talked to him about it, he just looked at me sadly and told me about Sooyoung.”
“You’re still friends, though?” Yixing could not help but ask. Kris smiled slightly - a fond smile, the first he had worn since the conversation started, and Yixing wondered exactly how much Chanyeol meant to Kris.
“We’re still friends.” He confirmed easily. “Despite everything, though Chanyeol’s not really the guy to care about stuff like that.”
Stuff like that. As if it was somehow difficult to voice the issue true to its nature.
“It’s a hard life,” Yixing shrugged softly. “Some things were not meant to be, right?”
“Say that with a little more conviction, okay?” Kris brushed him off and dropped the cigarette to the balcony floor, stepping on it lightly. “You’re not fooling anyone like that.”
“Who am I supposed to fool?” Yixing frowned and looked cautiously at Kris. Kris. The stranger. Handsome stranger.
“I don’t know,” Kris replied without skipping a beat. “I don’t know you.”
“Well, so far, you know my most guarded secret,” Yixing pointed out. “And I know yours. Though it’s hardly a secret if you told Chanyeol - “
“He’s the only one,” Kris interrupted, harsher than Yixing expected. “No one else knows.”
“I do,” Yixing repeated. “Which is rather weird, since we just met and all.”
“We’re in the same boat,” Kris said and made a wave with his hand, gesticulating at something unknown. “Takes one to know one - all that. I guess you needed to get some things off your chest. You’re not crying anymore.”
Yixing hurriedly brought a hand up to rub his eyes again, though Kris was right, his tears had stopped flowing. Mostly because Yixing wanted to hide them, but still… It was a bit more disconcerting that Kris had actually seen.
Why he even cared about that to begin with - Yixing was never the proudest of men - was beyond him.
“How nice of you,” Yixing frowned. Kris only nodded once, and was that he hint of a smirk?
“I’m not usually known for that,” he remarked, and turned towards the door again. “I’m going back to the party, come in soon, okay? I’m sure Sooyoung wouldn’t like her best friend to catch a cold on her wedding.”
And when the glass door closed behind Kris, Yixing was alone again. Alone in the cold. Strangely enough, this time, he did not feel like crying.
**
Yixing’s life went back to normal pretty soon after the wedding, and his first couple of days with semi-depression. He recovered faster than he would have thought in advance, though, and was quite satisfied with himself for the rapid mood change.
Other than that, his job at the hospital was still sort of plain and his social life rather limited. Maybe he should work his way around that, he thought one day, get out some more, make new friends. He knew he should get over Sooyoung, he had definitely realized by now - though, strictly speaking, he had only suppressed the thought before.
Problem was, Yixing did not know where to start.
Fortunately for him, his ticket to a new social era came walking through the hospital doors in the form of a tall, blonde man.
“Kris,” Yixing mumbled to himself, testing the foreign name again and finding it okay. He smiled as the man approached his desk and, from the slight curve of the lips sent back to him, he assumed Kris recognized him as well.
“Hi,” Yixing started shyly, unsure of how to approach the situation. Should he act professional, friendly? He was not that familiar with the guy. “How can I help you? Kris…”
“Yixing, right? You work here?” Kris ignored his question but smiled back as he leant over the desk. Yixing nodded.
“Obviously,” he said, chuckling a bit, nervously. Why? He hardly even knew the guy, for crying out loud. “What about you? Are you sick?”
“Not exactly,” Kris shrugged, still eyeing Yixing with a glint in his dark, dark eyes. “My aunt went in for kidney problems some time ago. Just checking her, that’s all.”
“Sure,” Yixing smiled, feeling a bit more comfortable now that the conversation was turning into routine. “What’s her name?”
“Wu Lan,” Kris replied, still studying Yixing’s face as he punched in the name on a computer. A few seconds later, he looked up.
“Room 214, that’s on the second floor, first corridor to the left when you step out of the elevator.” Yixing supplied with a smile, but still rather hoped Kris would stay around to talk a bit. He liked Kris, quite honestly, and would not mind seeing him again.
“Thanks,” Kris nodded, and promptly left Yixing for the elevator.
Although he more or less expected it, the sudden departure surprised Yixing a little. From the glances and friendly attitude, Yixing had thought Kris would be a bit more interested in speaking to him as well.
Too bad, he thought to himself. He did not really know Kris, after all. They had only met once. Only talked once. Not like they were friends or anything. Their meeting now was just by chance, too. Nothing to dwell on.
But Yixing was surprised that Kris did stop by his desk on the way out, his eyes only a little sterner, more serious, but still disturbingly mischievous for such a stoic-looking person like the blonde. Yixing looked up when large hands planted themselves on his desk, and found Kris’s handsome face only inches away from his own. He was sure his eyes must have been huge.
“Kris..? What - ?”
“Are you lonely, Yixing?” Kris asked quietly, but firmly. Yixing looked around, but none of his colleagues seemed to have noticed, so he looked back at the tall man.
“What are you asking?”
“Or, I know you’re lonely,” Kris rolled his eyes and sighed. “Obviously, if you’ve dreamed of Sooyoung for so long. But what else do you do? Do you go out at night, play sports, sing karaoke with friends?”
“N-no,” Yixing stammered, not really seeing what Kris was doing. “Should I?”
“Yes,” Kris’s tone was almost overbearing now, and Yixing was not sure what he thought about that. “It helps, and it’s healthy. More or less, at least.”
“Okay…?”
“Are you busy tonight?”
“No, but - “
“Good, I’m taking you out to learn how to live.”
Yixing could only blink, and now surely, his eyes must be a perfect circle. “I’m sorry, what?”
“You seem to need it,” Kris said slowly, as if Yixing was a particularly difficult child. “And besides, you might meet someone who can help you get over Sooyoung.”
Realization dawned on Yixing, and he knitted his brows together and stared back at Kris.
“Is this what this is about?” He inquired, inspecting Kris’s passive features for a response. “After one meeting, you feel sorry for me and think I need help? Don’t act like you’re any better, with your thing for Chanyeol.” He knew Kris was right, of course he was, and hell, this was just the opportunity he had been waiting for. But Yixing did not like being looked down on - he had already suffered from that too much during his childhood, only now, Sooyoung would not be there to help him. Maybe that was the core of the problem.
“I’m getting over him,” Kris informed him briskly. “I am over him. So I can help you get over Sooyoung. I just… I’m sorry if this seemed offending, but I want to help you. I’ve been in your shoes, remember, and it hurt. So this might seem weird to you, and it’s weird for me too, because I never really do those things. But come on, just a try. If you hate it, then okay, forget me and forget everything, I’ll leave you alone. But my experience says… Well, there’s no use in dwelling on the past.”
Yixing pondered the proposition for a second. Even though this was only his second time of meeting Kris, the opportunity seemed tempting. He kept telling himself, Kris is a stranger, you don’t know him - this is weird. And yes, of course it is weird. A stranger cares this much about his well-being, wants to help him and take him out. Odd.
But things did not seem all that foreign and strange with Kris. As if, through the shared experience of unrequited love towards their respective best friends, they had become more connected than just any other random encounters. And Yixing could not deny it, he did like Kris. He thought they could be good friends, in time.
“Okay,” he said finally, almost as if letting out a breath. “I’ll give it a chance. Something special you had in mind?”
Kris grinned, he actually grinned.
“Good choice. And yes in fact, I do…”
**
“Kris… I’m not really good with clubs…” Yixing admitted sheepishly when he found himself tagging along Kris to one of the newest, most fashionable places in town. He had heard of it, of course, but never really imagined himself going to such an establishment. In his tight, new jeans and fitted shirt, he felt oddly out of place, and the only safe thing in the environment was the giant blonde next to him. Without Kris’s safety, he would probably have backed out a long time ago.
“I don’t see how you’re not ‘good with clubs’,” Kris remarked back, patting Yixing’s shoulder slightly. “You’re just inexperienced.”
“But really, it’s…” Yixing struggled to find words as Kris gently (gently?) led him through the doors and suddenly, they had landed themselves in a crowded, dark room with loud music and lots of other factors Yixing found nothing but uncomfortable. “This is weird!”
“Remember, Yixing,” Kris bent down to speak in his ear, and Yixing shivered involuntarily from the hot breath tickling his neck. “Only try once, and if it’s uncomfortable, we go. Never speak of it again.”
Yixing nodded. One time. Try. He could do that.
So he did. Yixing was usually timid, and had trouble making himself comfortable in the club, even with Kris’s encouraging help. Eventually, to rid himself of the awkward tension, he made it to the bar and bought himself a drink - downing it in two big gulps.
And promptly ordered another one.
After that, things went easier - he talked to people, still a bit carefully, but at least he dared now. The music and dancing was no longer scary, but seemed like inviting fun, and he even dared himself to try his moves. The music was completely different from the kind he played on his guitar or piano, but he found it exciting, fun.
He gradually removed himself more from Kris too, the intoxication from his drinks (which he ordered more often as the night progressed) removing his need for safety, and the satisfaction and pride Kris seemed to radiate only encouraged him further.
“You make good drinks, Jongin,” he smiled at the bartender, another friendly man whom Yixing took great pleasure in talking with in between the shots. “I like that. Can I get another of the strawberry one?”
“Thanks, but really, should you drink more?” Jongin chuckled. “Sure you haven’t had enough?”
“Silly Jongin,” Yixing shook his head in mock disappointment. “Nope, nope. I can take more!”
“Alright, fine,” Jongin shrugged, and served Yixing another daiquiri. “I’ll be right back, but the fine gentleman over there seems to need me.”
“Take your time!” Yixing giggled after him and sipped at his new drink.
It was only after two more drinks Kris approached him, gaze stern - again - and maybe a little sour. Worried?
“Yixing,” he said over the music and grabbed Yixing’s hand to get his attention. “Are you okay?”
“Kriiiiiis,” Yixing sang and leant into Kris’s side. “I’m fine! You are… were right! This is good! I like you, Kris!”
Kris frowned. Compared to the timid, silent Yixing he had come to know so far, it was not difficult to imagine what had happened, especially coupled with the slight sway to Yixing’s torso as he tried to sit upright in the chair. Damn it, Yixing had been fine, doing great actually, when he checked on him last…
“Jongin,” Kris called out to the bartender, who came almost immediately. “Aren’t you trained to tell when people have had enough to drink?”
“Well, I…” Jongin trailed off as he eyed the arm Kris now used to hold Yixing steady. “Uhm… He seemed fine - “
“You’re not an amateur, Jongin,” Kris spat out, and Yixing looked up at Kris in confusion, maybe a bit scared. This Kris was not the nice one he liked. “Don’t get careless during work hours.”
“Yes, sir,” Jongin nodded obediently, and stalked away. Yixing tugged on Kris’s sleeve, and the blonde bent down to face the bewildered man.
“What wuz that, Kriiiiiis?” Yixing whined, and Kris noted exactly how drunk Yixing had become when the small man subconsciously leaned his head on Kris’s shoulder as he spoke. “Don’t talk to Jongin like that… He’s nice!”
“I had to,” Kris told him with a frown. “First of all, you should definitely not drink this much, something Jongin knows if he pays attention. And I can’t have inattentive people in my club.”
“Your…?”
“I run this club, Yixing.”
“Oh!” Yixing sat up straight and grinned back at Kris, taking the surprised man’s face between his hands. “But Kriiiiis! This place is great! You’re great! I love you!”
Disturbingly enough, the statement was followed by a quick, harsh and completely unromantic kiss right to Kris’s lips. To say he was off-put was an understatement.
“Yixing - !”
“I’m sorry Kriiiiis,” Yixing pouted and stared back at Kris. Only the dark light (well, possibly the alcohol too) stopped Yixing from seeing the slight warmth covering Kris’s cheeks. “But I thought you should know how good I think this is…”
“That’s it, I’m taking you home now,” Kris sighed and stood up straight, pulling a compliant Yixing with him. With experienced ease, he guided them through the still wild crowds and out to the street. Yixing never really registered what happened before he was shoved into a taxi and told to give his address. He did, automatically, and watched Kris jump in after talking to the driver.
“Are we going home, Kriiiiis?”
“Yes,” Kris nodded, his lips a thin line of something Yixing could not identify. “Put on your seatbelt.”
“Oh.” Yixing nearly forgot. Only nearly though, mind you. “Thank you, Kriiiiiis…”
Kris only nodded in response again, and stared out the window in silence. Yixing did not like it.
“Am I that different from Chanyeol, Kris?”
The blonde whipped his head around quickly, completely taken off guard by the question. Yixing was staring back at him, looking more uncertain than he had since they entered the club. Kris was not sure what Yixing was thinking - what he was trying to gain by the question, or how much it was a result of the alcohol.
But it was not a difficult question, anyhow.
“Yeah. Complete opposites.”
The rest of the ride was quiet, with Yixing staring out one window and Kris through the other. When the taxi pulled over next to Yixing’s apartment, Kris got out hurriedly and went around to help Yixing, still more than slightly wobbly.
They made their way up the stairs wordlessly, Yixing only mumbling instructions like ‘one more floor’ and ‘fourth door, key in my pocket’.
In the end, Kris placed Yixing softly on the couch and found his way to the kitchen and a glass of water.
“Drink,” he ordered Yixing when he put it down on the table in front of the slight man. Yixing obeyed, not quite looking at Kris.
“Yixing…” Kris started awkwardly, but kept his eyes on the other. “I don’t know how much it means to you now, but I’m sorry for pushing you out there and not keeping an eye on you. I’m sorry, really am.”
“It’s fine, Kriiiiis,” Yixing giggled quietly. “It was fun…”
“You’re not gonna think it was fun tomorrow when you wake up with a horrible hangover,” Kris pointed out, and Yixing shrugged.
“I think it was fun now, though,” he said with a grin. “Good?”
“Not really,” Kris sighed. “But whatever.”
He got up and fixed another glass, for himself this time. It was not like he was completely sober either, just… So much more than Yixing.
“I’m the complete opposite of what Sooyoung wanted in a boyfriend…” Kris heard from the living room, and turned in surprise. Walking in cautiously, he saw that Yixing’s expression had turned more morose, unmasked sadness and bitterness marring his pretty (pretty?) features.
“So if I’m the complete opposite of Chanyeol…” Yixing continued quietly, staring down at his half-empty glass. “It makes sense that she chose him.”
Kris kept quiet. He was not sure how much Yixing was talking to him, or maybe himself even.
“You liked Chanyeol too…” Yixing proceeded and looked up at Kris, who had to suck in a breath at the defeated look Yixing presented him. How could someone change from happy to depressed in such a short time? “Why? Why is he more attractive than I?”
“I’m sure Sooyoung doesn’t find you unattractive,” Kris replied awkwardly, taking a sip from his glass and wishing he did not have to do this conversation. He was so bad at consoling people, anyways. “Maybe she thinks of you as a brother.”
“She does,” Yixing nodded solemnly. “But what if we didn’t know each other? She still wouldn’t like me now… She wants someone tall, strong, outgoing… Crazy. I’m not any of those.”
It was true, of course, but Kris did not feel the need to point it out.
“Why not?” Yixing continued. “Why are those more appealing traits than mine? I don’t get it.”
“Yixing…” Kris started as he sat down on a chair next to the sofa. “I - “
“Why do you like that?” Yixing interrupted. “Why won’t you like someone like me, instead of Chanyeol?”
“Yixing…” Kris frowned. “Do you even realize what you’re asking?”
Yixing sighed and shook his head, his entire posture slumping further. “No, probably not. I’m a drunk, miserable mess. And what the hell, I don’t know you. I’ve met you two times.”
“You know me enough,” Kris assured him and put down the glass. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
Yixing kept quiet again, but did not fight back when Kris more or less dragged him off the couch and navigated his way to the bedroom, barely even stripping off his clothes before slipping Yixing under the covers. Miraculously, another glass of water appeared at the nightstand.
“Don’t think about this too hard, okay?” Kris said quietly as he crouched next to the bed, patting Yixing’s hair ever so slightly. The other just looked at him sleepily. “Don’t compare yourself to Chanyeol, alright?”
“Why not?” Yixing whined quietly. “Everyone seems to prefer him over me, so there must be something - “
“Stop, Yixing,” Kris interrupted him gently, firmly. “Just sleep. And again, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Yixing assured him. “I forgive you. I like you, remember?”
“Yeah, you said that,” Kris smiled weakly. With a deep breath, he brushed some hair from Yixing’s face and kissed his forehead gently. “Sleep now, sunshine.”
Yixing blinked. Sunshine? What..?
“Why did you…” He paused. “We’re strangers, aren’t we?”
“No, we know each other now,” Kris told him. Yixing thought about arguing, but found he did not want to. He was fine with the two of them not being strangers.
“Okay,” he just said instead. “Good night, Kriiiiis.”
“Good night, Yixing.”
Yixing fell asleep before Kris had even left his bedroom.
**
They did not talk the next day. Yixing was too embarrassed and confused to call Kris, and Kris never made contact either. It was as if they did not know each other.
It was safe to say that Yixing was disappointed, even if he was still uncertain of exactly what he felt for the other man. He had thought Kris would be a good friend, but after the previous night…
Not only had he kissed Kris. In gratitude and admiration, maybe, but he had done so, in his drunken state. And he preferred to not think about what he felt about that.
But he had also told Kris that he liked him. Repeatedly. That he loved him, even. And though his memory was fuzzy and his head hurt when he thought about it, he was positive that he had meant it when he said it. And yes, he did like Kris, even in sober state. But not in that way… Yixing dated girls.
… Yixing wanted to date girls. He had never really dated properly, since he spent most of his youth waiting for Sooyoung. A hopeless chase he never pursued actively, of course, but the bottom line was, Sooyoung belonged to the female part of the population. Kris did not. Ergo, he could not like Kris the way he liked Sooyoung.
Besides, how could he like Kris that much, when he only some weeks ago cried from heartbreak at Sooyoung’s wedding? And he and Kris hardly knew each other…
Despite what the older man kept saying. He kept saying they knew each other, so fair enough, maybe Yixing should go with that as well. They had met three times. They knew of each other’s depressing love lives. Okay, they knew each other.
Speaking of, Kris was difficult to understand. At first, he seemed eager to get Yixing out to the party-life, but then he only became worried and restrictive. And the way he held Yixing all the time, guiding him, lifting him… Hell, he even kissed Yixing good night, and Yixing considered Kris fairly sober at the time!
Not to mention the cheesy nickname. ‘Sunshine’. What was that? Worst cliché ever.
If only Yixing did not find it so charming.
But really, was he falling in love with Kris? Yixing thought he might be. And it scared him somewhat, but not as much as he would have thought. The thought of letting go of Sooyoung and start something with Kris did not seem so bad… Even if they, strictly speaking, hardly knew each other.
Nope, Yixing told himself, they knew each other now. Kris said so.
And Kris made him feel safe. Just like Sooyoung did.
Maybe it would not be so bad. He could try to make it work with Kris… It could only help him. Sooyoung was never going to be his, anyways, he might as well go for other fields.
As he gradually came to the conclusion (it only took him about five days, thirteen hours, fifty-two minutes and eight seconds), he became more worried about the fact that Kris, who initiated the contact to begin with (and most certainly showed interest in Yixing) had not approached him again.
It was sort of an ironic twist from fate.
I could call him, Yixing thought to himself one day, in an idle hour during work. It cannot harm to try.
But Yixing was a coward. Had always been, would always be. His entire problem with Sooyoung was just this timidness that kept him from making a move. Now he was losing another chance because of it.
Sometimes - often - Yixing really did wish that he was more like Chanyeol.
Maybe that would have gotten him Kris too.
**
Exactly two weeks after the adventures at the club (Yixing did not count, and no, he did not want to go back) Yixing was working night shift at the hospital. The white corridors were deserted, it was quiet and generally, Yixing felt really alone in the world. His current mental state did not help at all, and when the bell rang to signalize a visitor, he barely even glanced up.
When he did, though, his eyes widened instantly and he dropped the folder he was holding.
It was Kris, of course - the same handsome, blonde giant he had been two weeks ago. Strolling in, looking more than a little uncomfortable, casually avoiding eye contact with Yixing.
For a minute, both just stood there, looking somewhat awkwardly away from the other. Yixing stole glances at Kris, who stubbornly looked at the clock on the wall behind him.
But Yixing was not particularly patient at two in the night. Especially not regarding this, the very person, subject, he had thought so much about for two weeks, non stop.
“Kris,” he said quietly, though more than loud enough for the deafening silence in the hall.
“Hmm.” Kris acknowledged him, but still kept looking at the clock.
“What…” Yixing tried to start, but cut himself off. “Why are you here?”
“I want to… I’m sorry, Yixing,” Kris sighed, finally meeting Yixing’s eyes. “This entire thing has not been the best start, and I haven’t made it better…”
“You could have called,” Yixing remarked. “Or a text. Whatever.”
“So could you,” Kris retorted, and Yixing cringed. Yes. Yes he could.
“Coulda, shoulda, woulda,” Yixing shrugged and sat down on his desk. “It’s past now.”
“True…” Kris agreed and sighed again. “But… Can it be the future as well?”
“What?” Yixing frowned. “I don’t want to spend the next days wondering about whether or not we will - “
“Not like that!” Kris supplied hurriedly, looking almost worried now. “I mean… Can we start anew? For real, this time?”
“I don’t know….” Yixing muttered. “I mean, Sooyoung and…”
“You’re getting over Sooyoung,” Kris interrupted, looking at him sternly. The same sternness as when he told Yixing to stop drinking at the bar. “I’ve seen it.”
“It’s all thanks to you,” Yixing blurted out before he even realized what he said. Not that it was not true, though.
“So can’t I make it even better?” Kris pressed, and Yixing was encouraged by Kris’s seeming eagerness to start a relationship with him. It felt… Good.
“Maybe,” he said coyly, struggling to keep back a smile. ”But I’m not Chanyeol - “
“No, you’re not, we’ve talked about this,” Kris agreed and stepped closer. “But I’m not Sooyoung either. First of all, I’m not a girl - “
“I noticed that too, thank you,” Yixing chuckled, but quickly turned more serious. “However, you’re sort of similar. You’re tall, strong… Stand out in a crowd, and you both make me feel… Safe.”
Kris smiled, the same fond smile he had worn when talking about Chanyeol at the wedding, and Yixing’s heart jumped at the possibility of it being for him this time.
“But I’m not silly,” he said, stepping closer. They were really near now, Yixing had to tilt his head to look Kris in the eye. “Or humorous… Loud, a joker, eager or anything like that. We’re not really that similar either.”
“True,” Yixing admitted. “But you still make me feel safe. That’s the most important thing, I think.”
“And you know what,” Kris jumped in, smiling and taking Yixing’s face in his hands, feeling how the small man’s cheeks heated up slightly. “Just like with Chanyeol, I want to protect you and make you happy. That’s the most important thing, right?”
“Kris…” Yixing did not know what to say. But he did not have to. Promptly, almost clumsily, Kris closed the distance between them, and their lips met in a second kiss.
But this was so different from the happy, quick kiss Yixing had given Kris at the club; it was slow, almost hesitating, but with love and care. Yixing liked it.
“Kris…” he mumbled as they separated, and looked back into Kris’s dark orbs. So different from Sooyoung’s, yes - much deeper, blacker. But at the same time, he recognized some of the same glint, the same adoration - and he found himself smiling back.
“I think I love you, Kris,” he said and brought a hand up to Kris’s cheek.
“Funny,” Kris gave him a look. “I thought we were strangers.”
“Nope,” Yixing laughed and pecked Kris’s lips again, once, twice. He could get used to that. “We’re not strangers anymore. Not really.”
Kris was nothing but smiles, even if it looked slightly foreign to his features, but Yixing liked it. He liked Kris.
“I can live with that, sunshine.”