Skola och Medgång.
I start back at PJC tomorrow. For some reason, I am really excited. I am also somewhat nervous. I know that this is my last chance, for myself and from my parents. I need, rather have, to make something of myself. I want to teach, but how can I teach when I am so incredibly anti-learning sometimes? I have motivation, mainly the idea of having to work at Starbucks for an undetermined amount of time if I allow myself to fail again. I feel like I have a great deal of things and people riding of my success, almost as if I have to prove to my friends and myself that I can apply myself and get this college fiasco controlled, contained and finished. I am confident because this is the first time that I have actually wanted college to work. I feel as though I am at a good and right place in my life right now. My father keeps reassuring me that I should not allow myself to be bogged down by past failures, for they were undetermined from the start. I would hate to see his face if I had to explain to him that I had failed him once more. I hate being that guy who cannot control myself enough to get an education. I imagine that once I get done with PJC and over on to UWF, college will be a breeze. This is only because my friends will all be graduated by then and I will be left with no one to hang out with and pass the time with. So I imagine that by then I will just be studying all the time. Well I know that whatever happens this time will be handled with the most delicate of care. No slacking or resting. I have career goals now, not just a hope and prayer of musical success. I wasn't that good to begin with. I can sing and write, but my skills on the guitar are less than exemplary. Maybe I will write novels or books of poetry. My end goal is teaching in Europe or Scandinavia, specifally Sweden, maybe Ireland. All I know is that I have my handful of friends cheering me on and expecting me to succeed. That is all I need.