I only want to be part of your breakdown...
Yeah, so about this whole crying nonstop thing....
I'm pretty sure with every passing day I get more and more stupid.
Por ejemplo, last night...
The opportunity presented itself to go to a party with the wife and shake it. And I decided, yes, I should stop moping and go and try to have fun and meet new people and stuff. So we went and it was fun. And I drank. Too much. Because then I started texting phil. And that is SO bad news. And he called me baby. Then this kid with a girlfriend told me he wanted to make love to me. And wouldn't let me out of the room. And I got very scared. And phil told me "Baby, be careful." and I asked him to save me. And he didn't respond. And this random kid apparently has a girlfriend. Cute. I fucking hate myself.
"Happy Ending" MIKA (Thanks to Alana <3)
This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.
Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell
This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday
Just because it's a fun, yet cruel game to play...
Let's play the "This is what Phil said: Does it make sense to you?" Game
He said:
I'm everything he's ever wanted
He loved me
I'm perfect
That I didn't do anything wrong
That he knows he's a stupid boy
He can't fix this
This isn't easy for him
It needed to happen like this
He cares about me and always will
He can't give me the same love I gave him
No one has ever cared about him like I do
I was never a mistake
That he can't walk away from me
That there is something different about me
I'm sorry, I wish I could believe him. If this didn't mean anything, then why was he crying? I don't get it. I know that sounds stupid, but really if anyone wants to know why we broke up, you're going to have to talk to him about it. It was kind of out of no where. And I feel like I don't know what to do with myself. I have such an amazing gut feeling about stuff, it's sickening. Like really. I knew this was going to happen. Ever since I first thought "What if he doesn't love me..." I knew he didn't. I don't want people to tell me that I'll be ok. I don't want sympathy or anything like that, I just wish people would listen to me when I say "I already know whats gonna happen..."
Want to play another game? This one is called "Phil can't be a man and own up to what he does and decides to blame me instead."
Yep.
"I told you not to wait for me."
"I told you I'd hurt you."
"I told you I'd disappoint you."
"I told you I wasn't ready for a relationship."
Like I forced him into it. Yeah, he's right. This is my fault.
On top of all this, Cicso is trying to "be there" for me...
GAG!
And I found out that I really don't have $3,300 for a car....
I have $1,300.
sweet.