You're in my blood
I have zero energy to go through my MySpace account and delete all of the Adam from my page. I'd rather just delete the whole damn thing. I'm so sick. I'm on a shitload of meds and right now I feel like I'm walking on a cloud. I'm miserable.
Today's piece of honesty: It is good to be around my friends and my mother. I feel cared for, and right now that's exactly what I need.
I'm exhausted. I can't eat. I can't even think about Adam. I just can't go there because I have sick breath and my limbs ache and I just want to melt and die.
Everything sucks. I don't want to look at another male again. I miss him so much, oh god, it's awful. Sam and I drove past that stupid motel where Adam and I first had sex...and I remembered everything about the first time of smelling him, loving him, kissing him. This is awful and I have no one to look at but myself.
And looking into myself is a good thing; exactly what I need to be doing. But it just sucks. I've been talking to my mom a lot about why I thought it would be a great idea to destroy a perfectly good relationship and we've been coming up with a ton of reasons. And a decision...no relationships of any kind for a year. This makes so much sense and is going to be such a good decision in the long run. I'm happy about it. I feel hopeful that I can be happy again and make someone else just as happy. I need to be a whole person first.
Today's piece of honesty: It is good to be around my friends and my mother. I feel cared for, and right now that's exactly what I need.
I'm exhausted. I can't eat. I can't even think about Adam. I just can't go there because I have sick breath and my limbs ache and I just want to melt and die.
Everything sucks. I don't want to look at another male again. I miss him so much, oh god, it's awful. Sam and I drove past that stupid motel where Adam and I first had sex...and I remembered everything about the first time of smelling him, loving him, kissing him. This is awful and I have no one to look at but myself.
And looking into myself is a good thing; exactly what I need to be doing. But it just sucks. I've been talking to my mom a lot about why I thought it would be a great idea to destroy a perfectly good relationship and we've been coming up with a ton of reasons. And a decision...no relationships of any kind for a year. This makes so much sense and is going to be such a good decision in the long run. I'm happy about it. I feel hopeful that I can be happy again and make someone else just as happy. I need to be a whole person first.