i just wanna be sedated
So over the last two days, I've had long conversations with my mother, which incase you guys don't know, we don't talk that much and don't get along really either.
Talk number one came last night while I was eating dinner after work. We were talking about the fact that my mom's been unemployed since my birthday (Oct. 26, 2006) and how she might take a job in Kentucky. The only problem is she would leave me and my sister's here in our house and she would come home every weekend. The job is about 600 miles round trip from my house and she would pay the bills and stuff, but there's the chance that it wouldn't work out completely and she wouldn't be able to come home every weekend. It would just be me and my two sisters home alone and fending for ourselves everyday. I know that we could do it but it worries me. I know that I want to leave home and stuff but to be honest, I'm not ready for things to happen. I'm just afraid if she doesn't find something then she won't be able to. In case you guys didn't know, money has been very tight over the last few years and we've been struggling so I want her to take the job but I'm not ready to be alone and I don't know what to do or think about the whole situation. I'm scared that I'll lose her completely and I know we hardly talk and fight a lot but that doesn't mean I don't want to see her and have her here for not only me but also the cats and dogs and sisters. Why does life do this to me all the fucking time ?
Talk number two consisted today and considered my dog Buddy. We tell people he's about nine years old but we think he's older than that. I've had him for just about seven years and he's my baby and he always gives me that look and licks my face when I'm in a bad mood and sits in my room just so I don't have to be alone. It all started a few days ago when he was yelping in pain and couldn't get up or wag his tail or do anything. He wouldn't bend down to pick anything up and at first I thought he was dying but then we think its just his arthritis acting up. We got some pills for him and over the last three days he's been getting doing a little bit better but you never know. Last night he attacked Lucy, my sister's dog, for no reason and made her bleed and then today he bit my sister and caused a lot of swelling and bruising and she even bled a little bit. We can't figure out why he's been doing this but I think there's something else going on with him that we just don't know about. My mom and I were talking today and she said if this keeps up with him that we'll have to put him to sleep because of his temper. I don't want to lose him but I might not have a choice. I know that all living things die eventually but I'm not ready to say goodbye. I might not have a choice though.
I hate life this week :/