still remember the beauty in the tragedy
as i stare into the dark space that i call my room, one thing in particular comes to my mind. i'm not going to say what and no one knows what it is, not even my best friend. i just wish that i had an answer or a solution to this madness that i call my life. i don't know what to do or say anymore and its eating me on the inside. i want so desparately fall back in the stage of my life where i was the numb girl who no one cared about. where nothing mattered to me but escaping and disappearing from this hectic place. where i harmed myself so that i could cry alone and not have to hurt other people. i shut myself up and didn't let anyone in, for reasons that don't matter. lately, everything has been wanting to come back. all of the old 'erin' ways and everything that has happened makes me want to fall again. however, i already feel like i'm to late to pick myself back up for another time. i cry a lot now about nothing in particular. lately, i haven't had a reason or a thought about it. i spend my nights alone, not wanting to see anyway nor talk to anyone. you would think that i would be happy. i got my truck and a second job so i can have more money, but i'm not. i cry and write depressing things and come up with nothing to say or make anyone happy with. i go to work because i need money and i put a smile on my face so people can't tell i'm hurting on the inside. i lie to everyone so that i don't have to explain or talk about things. once again, i want to be alone with no one or nothing. i really hope my mom's out of state job works out so that i can pack up and move and start fresh and over.
i just want to see tyler right now :/