There's a chair in my head, where once I used to sit.
People can be so unaware of what other people perceive them as. What is confined within their prison that is the mind, caged within their skull unable to be reached by anyone else. She doesn't understand. My god, she'll never understand my reason. That frail girl is someone who I do consider a dear friend. Yet she repulses me and I hide a venomous hatred for her where my darkest thoughts reside. It's an unhealthy, unnecessary thing but it's far beyond my control...
This is in no means her fault. She has nothing to do with it, yet she has everything to do with it. If she ever knew how I felt, it would kill her. I hate these thought. Why the fuck are they there? WHY!?! I know why. She doesn't but I do. It's because of him...
Ya know I'm not going to get into the situation about *******. Lets just say I hated him for what he did and I suppose in ways will always hate him. It's because of him I have this aggression towards her. It's so wrong but I cannot help it. I just can't. It sickens me sometimes.
I feel horrible for thinking such thoughts but I do have my reasons. I suppose I should have presented this blog in the past tense because I am starting, to gradually accept the fact that she must be in my life. And that I must look out for her no matter how difficult I must struggle within myself.
I really do wish these thoughts would burn away out through a hole in the back of my head. Yet there they are... still inside me. Screwing me up. No thanks to that bastard.
This is in no means her fault. She has nothing to do with it, yet she has everything to do with it. If she ever knew how I felt, it would kill her. I hate these thought. Why the fuck are they there? WHY!?! I know why. She doesn't but I do. It's because of him...
Ya know I'm not going to get into the situation about *******. Lets just say I hated him for what he did and I suppose in ways will always hate him. It's because of him I have this aggression towards her. It's so wrong but I cannot help it. I just can't. It sickens me sometimes.
I feel horrible for thinking such thoughts but I do have my reasons. I suppose I should have presented this blog in the past tense because I am starting, to gradually accept the fact that she must be in my life. And that I must look out for her no matter how difficult I must struggle within myself.
I really do wish these thoughts would burn away out through a hole in the back of my head. Yet there they are... still inside me. Screwing me up. No thanks to that bastard.