Apr 30, 2004 08:45
is it wrong for me to feel like i need to move on? is it wrong for me not to want to hurt anymore? i know there is a grieving period or whatever..but i think mine has been long enough. i love nick i really do but i cant let myself keep feeling this way. its ok to let the feelings fade right? he'll always have a special place in my heart, but i cant let myself keep hurting for him constantly. the pain will always be there, but i cant keep thinking about it. im starting a new life ya know, i have this job and im trying to get out on my own and im doing really good...my relationship with nick is part of my past...a fond high school memory or whatever, yeah ill be his friend..how could i not be? but im going to give myself false hopes of being with him again..my mistakes were too many to great i suppose...the good things i did werent enough i suppose. i dunno whatever is happening im letting myself move on..its hard but i have to do it...not just for myself but for nick too, he has too much in his life to worry about, like work and graduating and moving to davis. i only have to worry about work and school and finding a place to live here, getting a license and a car and in the summer making enough money to find a place to live in sac and getting a job and getting into school. but i can handle all those things. im prepared....i dont neeed extra worry and neither does he...so im letting myself do the right thing..even if it doesnt feel right. he asked me to help him graduate....i told him id be more than happy..but then i said something that upset him...i dunno..im confused..i just want to be his friend nothing more...im done being sad...friends is good. i love him he has to be part of my life. one day ill have a new boy in my life so im not worried about it.
-confusedbutcontent