(no subject)
so i called nick lastnight and left a big dummyhead message..i feel bad....because he wasnt even doing what i thought he was doing...i know i shouldnt jump to conclusions...but i was freaked...
so in repsonse to my stupid message he called me at 1 and yelled at me. i deserved it 110%...he was so upset it was scary..i didnt like it at all. he told me i was wrong and stupid and that i needed to stop doing the dumb things that i do...and hes right. i am stupid i was wrong ya know. then he told me that he is thinking of getting with this girl he met in davis. i almost died, i know he has the right to be with someone else ya know..it just hurts. i still love him ya know...i dont know why i cant stop...i try so hard to push all the feelings away but it just hurts more when i do that. i dunno..i just wish i dunno.i wish i wasnt fuck up and a loser...i really do hate myself...all i want is to be perfect for that boy...and its not happening..i screw up more and more everyday....i just want him to be happy...if the davis lady makes him happy..then so be it..there isnt much i can really do. i feel so rotten...
so in repsonse to my stupid message he called me at 1 and yelled at me. i deserved it 110%...he was so upset it was scary..i didnt like it at all. he told me i was wrong and stupid and that i needed to stop doing the dumb things that i do...and hes right. i am stupid i was wrong ya know. then he told me that he is thinking of getting with this girl he met in davis. i almost died, i know he has the right to be with someone else ya know..it just hurts. i still love him ya know...i dont know why i cant stop...i try so hard to push all the feelings away but it just hurts more when i do that. i dunno..i just wish i dunno.i wish i wasnt fuck up and a loser...i really do hate myself...all i want is to be perfect for that boy...and its not happening..i screw up more and more everyday....i just want him to be happy...if the davis lady makes him happy..then so be it..there isnt much i can really do. i feel so rotten...