Oops, it's been a week
So I just typed for around an hour, and hence I should probably put some bullet points on the top for people trying to follow along, and then make some sort of response so I get an email copy, and then go back and put in a cut tag.
- there's been a lot of up and downs the past week. Some very down. Some kinda frightening.
- crisis averted re Danny getting new job. He'd been conflicted about it, and I offered enough of a raise to make it possible to stay.
- expecting call from Vitas after their care team meeting Tuesday afternoon
- stepmother has made comment about dad being gravely ill. Stepmother has not responded to request for info on same. :shrug: no idea if it's being snarky about not being comfortable being gone all that long or real or what.
- glad I chose the chill New Years
- been annoyed at needing way more sleep than I consider normal
- am lucky to have people willing to bop me over the head and tell me this is normal.
- I'm not happy about missing Arisia and have not gotten myself to set up the schedule for Interfusion and generally freaking because I agreed to go away for the end of Jan through the first part of Feb.
- because of the timing of that last, I'm looking at another quick trip to FL in just over a week. I really don't want to. I also don't want to miss BOTH interfusion and Arisia over this.
- I also have trouble ever looking forward to anything that requires prep.
- several people have been telling me "no, none of this is okay and of course you're a wreck; you're under enormous stress." Somehow this is news.
- I am so very lucky.
- I am so very lucky that one thing I need to try to do ahead of therawhatsit is to figure out what's the stuff that's important to talk /with her/ about because I do have other people who I can process a lot of stuff with.
- it's almost indescribable how helpful it was to see others' reactions to hearing stepmother.
Below, way longer form. After I get a gmail copy, I'll put behind a cut.
Oh, and at some point I'll put up some of the pictures from my walk to Yards Park. The sunset was lovely.
Man, I'm tired. I don't really have time for a nap, though. And I wish I'd promised someone I'd be at Natty Beaux, because otherwise it'll be way too easy to be tempted to bail. I'll consider myself telling y'all. Whomever that is.
The holidays in the middle of both this and last week make time sense extra special confusing.
So I it looks like I wrote last on the 27th. I guess that was Thursday.
I honestly wish I offhand remembered what I did since then. Oh. I got to Cityswing on Friday, which was laptop anarchy which was a really good thing because it meant David A didn't have to make a play list but also that he got to be around people. Couldn't for the life of me tell you what I did with the rest of Friday. Oh right, I spent some time on Momclothes. That's another mess and a half. I think Thursday after Therawhatsit I spent some time with Soubrettic and then failed to get anything done whatsoever.
Saturday I eventually got up to the lunch with Renee and Alex etc. Hung out a while with Laura and Jonah after, then got laundry done at E's and we finally watched Bright, which was enjoyable. Had looked at maybe watching the newer Mission Impossible, and he rented it, and it was terrible.
Sunday was wrecked, because I'd been out way later than I would have liked on Saturday and it takes me a while to wind down. But I did get to the Spider-Man Spiderverse portion of Shadowcaptain's movie day, and caught up with some folks at Taverna before going home.
Monday I'd been dithering about NYE. If I were in a couple I'd probably have stayed home, especially as I had several things to go to on NYD. The rain and lack of known dance partners at Pearl Street made Rock-a-sonics way less attractive, and I wasn't intensely motivated by Glen Echo, and I'd just seen or would see the vast majority of the Laurel contingent. At around 2 Chelona messaged me to tell me that I was invited to their gaming New Years in Ashburn and they were nominally starting at 4 and it took til 8 to get there with James but that was fine, though it did preclude getting to GE for the end of the night, much as I was dressed for it. It had been way too long. Ended up staying up talking til quarter to 5 with Voltbang, and was in a pitch dark basement room with a closed door so actually got a reasonable amount of sleep anyway.
NYD took me from there to Columbia to Greenbelt, and I have more ADD resources and I should actually sign up for the thing on Tuesday I forgot about. Again it'd been too long.
Turkeymas I was also feeling low key. I've been feeling low key in general. I'd probably have left at 1130 but then it was so close to time to wish Holly and Shadowcaptain's happy birthday and then it was 130 when I was leaving.
Wednesday ... Wednesday was wreckified and a wash, but when it turned out that there was indeed someone going to acro who could take the linens I'd picked up for Asa up to Baltimore I made the drive. Since it took til quarter to 8 to get the affirmative answer and then another half hour+ for me to leave, I didn't get there til 9 but it was still good. Drove Erin home on the way home (literally on my way home) and I'm wondering how things are going for her -- she was supposed to present at the meteorological conference that all the NOAA people have had to cancel on. Hasn't been allowed to be in touch with anybody from the office but is fortunately funded by UMD. Oh right. Wednesday there had been some thought of getting together with Debela but... I couldn't. So fried. So tired. So needing to I don't even know what I accomplished.
I've been posting a lot about shutdown effects over on FB. I'm worried. For a lot of people.
that, and apparently FAA's plane inspectors are furloughed; none have been doing so for 2 weeks now.
Thursday there was a flurry of activity. I called back to Vitas and pushed for okay when am I talking with you and have a commitment for this coming Tuesday after the team meeting. I called the county about the wtf with the property taxes on momstorageunit and learned that the release letter I had was going to need to be reissued and got it reissued and hadn't planned on going directly from therawhatsit to Rockville but I managed to do so in time and pay it off and then not be quite sure what to do with myself and annoyingly the new car charger I bought sucks fetid dingo kidneys so it doesn't actually work to charge phone or iPad. Then there was the int Blues class which was frustrating because it's hard for me to hear a lot of parts of the music but the idea of basically sticking with one core rhythm, whatever you choose, for the bulk of the dance so that improvisation can leave that and /come back to it/ was valuable.
there was a guy there at the dance who I really owe an apology to; the problem is that I also really do not want to dance with him. but I kinda inadvertently rubbed his face in that a while back, which was very much not nice. I'd been actually discussing with my dance partner how to turn him down, how to say, "I'm sorry, but our dance styles do not mesh." (Mostly he's forceful and showy and not actually leading or on beat. At least in Swing; haven't chanced him in Blues.) And then I turn around and he asks me and I close to laughed because of the timing and said No and ran and grabbed my Utah visitor as it was the last song of the night. But then lost track of him as I'd been planning on saying "hey, sorry, last song and visitor from Utah."
But I was a coward Thursday and just kept avoiding him even though I kinda intended to go apologize for last time. Thing is, I very much did not want to dance with him. He'll probably be there tonight at Natty Beaux. Maybe I'll find him during a break. Or if he asks me I'll tell him, "Ok, but I need you to be way less forceful with me than you've been other times we have danced." which, helpfully, doesn't count as feedback /during./
Yesterday was a complete and utter wreck. Phone keeps turning itself to vibrate when I want it on full silent, and I woke less than 7 hrs after I slept, and it was Dad's neighbor with the moving company trying to reach me; his daughter did eventually, and apparently he's in hospital but it's mostly fine (he's 87. Nothing's mostly fine. And if he's having breathing trouble because of fluid in the lungs it's really not fine, and if he caught anything from stepmother or dad that's REALLY not fine) but he wanted to make sure I had the info on the movers who are supposed to be moving the piano on Monday.
I took down the name or at least most of the name, and failed the whole rest of the day to look anything up.
Ideally I should have done something about paying ahead for the storage unit rather than them expecting to put Stepmother's info on it. I'll print out the forms when I get back home from here (am at Yard's Park, typing on the iPad.) I have a lot of pretty pictures .
Ideally I should have tried to track down the tax return from a couple years back that IRS has somehow lost despite finding the cheque I submitted /also in person at one of their offices/ with it. All of this has been complicated by Shutdown meaning that IRS isn't answering the phones.
I did do some of the promo work I'd not been doing, but I've been doing a terrible job on promoting FFE stuff for a while.
... And at one point on Friday it got to the point of freak out while messaging with Curtis. Good times.
Maybe it was the act of typing out all the stuff I can't deal with, or maybe it's that I hadn't taken some of the supplements that purportedly help with anxiety or maybe it's that I should have eaten more by then.
Debela also checked in on me. Even though I was not up for talking that also helped.
Eventually did finally get in the car, dressed in sweats and sweats, to go up to Somewanker's Hogswatch. Happily he had a leopard onesie he'd bought me just after Halloween still in the house, so I could change into something festive. And on the way I added oil to the car that had been needing it most likely since I first saw the light go on going around corners back on Sunday. It was really good to see Speedlime for the first time in ages, too.
At this point it feels like there's no January left and I'm freaking out. Because a few months back I agreed to go with Covert on his Austria-Hungary trip at the end of the month, because formal Viennese balls are way better with a dance partner. But the idea of packing for it is overwhelming. As is the idea of trying to either find my or buy new presentable for formal dance shoes. As is the idea of 20 degrees out. As is the idea of somehow promoting for FFE's most important and expensive dance of the year when out of the country the two weeks ahead of it. As is the idea of navigating what feels like a lot of expectations for what clothes to hav to find for some sort of photoshoot, as is, as is.
Because.... Even with Danny there (oh right, as it turns out, the flexibility of working for me up to half time but at a higher pay rate (visiting angels would cost as much and it would mostly go to the corporate) was way attractive to him because of not feeling right just dropping dad, plus also his parents needing his time as well, so at least that's sorted) Dad's not all that easily reachable, and of course I'm in the dark.
So in the dark.
Oh, get this:
Me, 1/2, 1833: "since I'm out of the country at the end of January through early February the only time I can come down is right around the 13th. Given how hard it is to reach dad nowadays I'm not comfortable leaving it more than 3-4 weeks at a time."
[piano stuff from me, including "I believe [neighbor] was going to have the movers coordinate with you about the piano. Is it possible they tried to call but were an unrecognized number?"]
Me, 1/4, 2129: "line busy"
Stepmother ,1/4 2339: "Sometimes we use the phone, so the line will be 'busy'"
Stepmother, 1/4 2339: "Anything is possible. How would I know that?"
Stepmother, 1/4 2351: "I wonder that you feel 'comfortable' leaving the country while your father is so gravely ill."
Me, 1/4 2355: "You have been insisting that dad is not gravely ill. Care to fill me in on the truth, then?"
Today, I try to call a little before 5, and get a text back of "sleeping."
I send another iteration of 1/4 2355.
I tried to call again a little after 6, and get a text back of "eating."
I have no illusion that it will be easy to get Visiting Angels in there. Anything I suggest is suspect, and she probably wouldn't allow me to pay and she won't.
Danny is... Well, he's my eyes and ears, though now that I've got paperwork in with Vitas (still very much WTF on how on Earth can they not have a Release of Information Form, and how if really all it took was a verbal I had months of "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but") I expect to be fairly less in the dark come Tuesday.
So ... Danny is reachable to make it so that Dad talks with me and Aunt and Uncle more than he otherwise will. And has picked up on the handing Dad the phone over protests and usually that means actually talking. annoyingly, the wifi in the house isn't seeming to be working well enough for Skype even with the repeater.
And VA would be a) more predictable and b) include CNA because it's been pointed out that even if I'm down with cleaning up Dad that's not really a fair thing to expect of someone who is not a CNA.
Emotionally I don't really get it.
Huh. This also reminds me that it's been since the 23rd that my cousin agreed we really should find time to talk, but hasn't.
Danny, though, is better able than me to try to work on Stepmother to let VA in.
And I may see if Vitas would try telling her something like "look, he is up at 8 or so and doesn't go to bed til 10, 11, 12; you need to have someone in earlier than that so he's not going to get skin breakdown."
I need to put together some sort of list of things to ask Vitas.
I played one of the 1/22 stepmother audio clips for Somewanker and P last night. I can't express how validating it is to see how appalled they were, despite it being honestly one of the tamer clips.
(skype. I seem to only be able to forward to other skype.)
Both Somewanker and Curtis used the phrase "enormous stress" with me yesterday.
More sleep today helped, though I bailed on acro because I was up til most of 5 and up from 9:20-10:40, then discovered the phone had un silenced at 11:45, then finally got up at 1:45. But I did go on a walk a little after 4 and I have some fun pictures from the sunset at Yards Park and one of the Light Yards installations.
And I'm planning on going to Natty Beaux tonight, and I'll spend part of tomorrow with Badmagic and then I think I'll go to acro.
Maybe before I leave Philz I'll join the ADHD talk for Tuesya night.
Oh. Therawhatsit turns out to be trained in exec function coaching. I have no idea if I ever asked. This was a pleasant surprise in realizing there is one less thing to attempt to deal with.
I do feel pretty broken.
The validation of "no, none of this is okay and it's not at all weird that you're wrecked" was really helpful.
This entry was originally posted at https://vvalkyri.dreamwidth.org/1680249.html. You can add to the
comments there using OpenID, or here is okay too.
- there's been a lot of up and downs the past week. Some very down. Some kinda frightening.
- crisis averted re Danny getting new job. He'd been conflicted about it, and I offered enough of a raise to make it possible to stay.
- expecting call from Vitas after their care team meeting Tuesday afternoon
- stepmother has made comment about dad being gravely ill. Stepmother has not responded to request for info on same. :shrug: no idea if it's being snarky about not being comfortable being gone all that long or real or what.
- glad I chose the chill New Years
- been annoyed at needing way more sleep than I consider normal
- am lucky to have people willing to bop me over the head and tell me this is normal.
- I'm not happy about missing Arisia and have not gotten myself to set up the schedule for Interfusion and generally freaking because I agreed to go away for the end of Jan through the first part of Feb.
- because of the timing of that last, I'm looking at another quick trip to FL in just over a week. I really don't want to. I also don't want to miss BOTH interfusion and Arisia over this.
- I also have trouble ever looking forward to anything that requires prep.
- several people have been telling me "no, none of this is okay and of course you're a wreck; you're under enormous stress." Somehow this is news.
- I am so very lucky.
- I am so very lucky that one thing I need to try to do ahead of therawhatsit is to figure out what's the stuff that's important to talk /with her/ about because I do have other people who I can process a lot of stuff with.
- it's almost indescribable how helpful it was to see others' reactions to hearing stepmother.
Below, way longer form. After I get a gmail copy, I'll put behind a cut.
Oh, and at some point I'll put up some of the pictures from my walk to Yards Park. The sunset was lovely.
Man, I'm tired. I don't really have time for a nap, though. And I wish I'd promised someone I'd be at Natty Beaux, because otherwise it'll be way too easy to be tempted to bail. I'll consider myself telling y'all. Whomever that is.
The holidays in the middle of both this and last week make time sense extra special confusing.
So I it looks like I wrote last on the 27th. I guess that was Thursday.
I honestly wish I offhand remembered what I did since then. Oh. I got to Cityswing on Friday, which was laptop anarchy which was a really good thing because it meant David A didn't have to make a play list but also that he got to be around people. Couldn't for the life of me tell you what I did with the rest of Friday. Oh right, I spent some time on Momclothes. That's another mess and a half. I think Thursday after Therawhatsit I spent some time with Soubrettic and then failed to get anything done whatsoever.
Saturday I eventually got up to the lunch with Renee and Alex etc. Hung out a while with Laura and Jonah after, then got laundry done at E's and we finally watched Bright, which was enjoyable. Had looked at maybe watching the newer Mission Impossible, and he rented it, and it was terrible.
Sunday was wrecked, because I'd been out way later than I would have liked on Saturday and it takes me a while to wind down. But I did get to the Spider-Man Spiderverse portion of Shadowcaptain's movie day, and caught up with some folks at Taverna before going home.
Monday I'd been dithering about NYE. If I were in a couple I'd probably have stayed home, especially as I had several things to go to on NYD. The rain and lack of known dance partners at Pearl Street made Rock-a-sonics way less attractive, and I wasn't intensely motivated by Glen Echo, and I'd just seen or would see the vast majority of the Laurel contingent. At around 2 Chelona messaged me to tell me that I was invited to their gaming New Years in Ashburn and they were nominally starting at 4 and it took til 8 to get there with James but that was fine, though it did preclude getting to GE for the end of the night, much as I was dressed for it. It had been way too long. Ended up staying up talking til quarter to 5 with Voltbang, and was in a pitch dark basement room with a closed door so actually got a reasonable amount of sleep anyway.
NYD took me from there to Columbia to Greenbelt, and I have more ADD resources and I should actually sign up for the thing on Tuesday I forgot about. Again it'd been too long.
Turkeymas I was also feeling low key. I've been feeling low key in general. I'd probably have left at 1130 but then it was so close to time to wish Holly and Shadowcaptain's happy birthday and then it was 130 when I was leaving.
Wednesday ... Wednesday was wreckified and a wash, but when it turned out that there was indeed someone going to acro who could take the linens I'd picked up for Asa up to Baltimore I made the drive. Since it took til quarter to 8 to get the affirmative answer and then another half hour+ for me to leave, I didn't get there til 9 but it was still good. Drove Erin home on the way home (literally on my way home) and I'm wondering how things are going for her -- she was supposed to present at the meteorological conference that all the NOAA people have had to cancel on. Hasn't been allowed to be in touch with anybody from the office but is fortunately funded by UMD. Oh right. Wednesday there had been some thought of getting together with Debela but... I couldn't. So fried. So tired. So needing to I don't even know what I accomplished.
I've been posting a lot about shutdown effects over on FB. I'm worried. For a lot of people.
that, and apparently FAA's plane inspectors are furloughed; none have been doing so for 2 weeks now.
Thursday there was a flurry of activity. I called back to Vitas and pushed for okay when am I talking with you and have a commitment for this coming Tuesday after the team meeting. I called the county about the wtf with the property taxes on momstorageunit and learned that the release letter I had was going to need to be reissued and got it reissued and hadn't planned on going directly from therawhatsit to Rockville but I managed to do so in time and pay it off and then not be quite sure what to do with myself and annoyingly the new car charger I bought sucks fetid dingo kidneys so it doesn't actually work to charge phone or iPad. Then there was the int Blues class which was frustrating because it's hard for me to hear a lot of parts of the music but the idea of basically sticking with one core rhythm, whatever you choose, for the bulk of the dance so that improvisation can leave that and /come back to it/ was valuable.
there was a guy there at the dance who I really owe an apology to; the problem is that I also really do not want to dance with him. but I kinda inadvertently rubbed his face in that a while back, which was very much not nice. I'd been actually discussing with my dance partner how to turn him down, how to say, "I'm sorry, but our dance styles do not mesh." (Mostly he's forceful and showy and not actually leading or on beat. At least in Swing; haven't chanced him in Blues.) And then I turn around and he asks me and I close to laughed because of the timing and said No and ran and grabbed my Utah visitor as it was the last song of the night. But then lost track of him as I'd been planning on saying "hey, sorry, last song and visitor from Utah."
But I was a coward Thursday and just kept avoiding him even though I kinda intended to go apologize for last time. Thing is, I very much did not want to dance with him. He'll probably be there tonight at Natty Beaux. Maybe I'll find him during a break. Or if he asks me I'll tell him, "Ok, but I need you to be way less forceful with me than you've been other times we have danced." which, helpfully, doesn't count as feedback /during./
Yesterday was a complete and utter wreck. Phone keeps turning itself to vibrate when I want it on full silent, and I woke less than 7 hrs after I slept, and it was Dad's neighbor with the moving company trying to reach me; his daughter did eventually, and apparently he's in hospital but it's mostly fine (he's 87. Nothing's mostly fine. And if he's having breathing trouble because of fluid in the lungs it's really not fine, and if he caught anything from stepmother or dad that's REALLY not fine) but he wanted to make sure I had the info on the movers who are supposed to be moving the piano on Monday.
I took down the name or at least most of the name, and failed the whole rest of the day to look anything up.
Ideally I should have done something about paying ahead for the storage unit rather than them expecting to put Stepmother's info on it. I'll print out the forms when I get back home from here (am at Yard's Park, typing on the iPad.) I have a lot of pretty pictures .
Ideally I should have tried to track down the tax return from a couple years back that IRS has somehow lost despite finding the cheque I submitted /also in person at one of their offices/ with it. All of this has been complicated by Shutdown meaning that IRS isn't answering the phones.
I did do some of the promo work I'd not been doing, but I've been doing a terrible job on promoting FFE stuff for a while.
... And at one point on Friday it got to the point of freak out while messaging with Curtis. Good times.
Maybe it was the act of typing out all the stuff I can't deal with, or maybe it's that I hadn't taken some of the supplements that purportedly help with anxiety or maybe it's that I should have eaten more by then.
Debela also checked in on me. Even though I was not up for talking that also helped.
Eventually did finally get in the car, dressed in sweats and sweats, to go up to Somewanker's Hogswatch. Happily he had a leopard onesie he'd bought me just after Halloween still in the house, so I could change into something festive. And on the way I added oil to the car that had been needing it most likely since I first saw the light go on going around corners back on Sunday. It was really good to see Speedlime for the first time in ages, too.
At this point it feels like there's no January left and I'm freaking out. Because a few months back I agreed to go with Covert on his Austria-Hungary trip at the end of the month, because formal Viennese balls are way better with a dance partner. But the idea of packing for it is overwhelming. As is the idea of trying to either find my or buy new presentable for formal dance shoes. As is the idea of 20 degrees out. As is the idea of somehow promoting for FFE's most important and expensive dance of the year when out of the country the two weeks ahead of it. As is the idea of navigating what feels like a lot of expectations for what clothes to hav to find for some sort of photoshoot, as is, as is.
Because.... Even with Danny there (oh right, as it turns out, the flexibility of working for me up to half time but at a higher pay rate (visiting angels would cost as much and it would mostly go to the corporate) was way attractive to him because of not feeling right just dropping dad, plus also his parents needing his time as well, so at least that's sorted) Dad's not all that easily reachable, and of course I'm in the dark.
So in the dark.
Oh, get this:
Me, 1/2, 1833: "since I'm out of the country at the end of January through early February the only time I can come down is right around the 13th. Given how hard it is to reach dad nowadays I'm not comfortable leaving it more than 3-4 weeks at a time."
[piano stuff from me, including "I believe [neighbor] was going to have the movers coordinate with you about the piano. Is it possible they tried to call but were an unrecognized number?"]
Me, 1/4, 2129: "line busy"
Stepmother ,1/4 2339: "Sometimes we use the phone, so the line will be 'busy'"
Stepmother, 1/4 2339: "Anything is possible. How would I know that?"
Stepmother, 1/4 2351: "I wonder that you feel 'comfortable' leaving the country while your father is so gravely ill."
Me, 1/4 2355: "You have been insisting that dad is not gravely ill. Care to fill me in on the truth, then?"
Today, I try to call a little before 5, and get a text back of "sleeping."
I send another iteration of 1/4 2355.
I tried to call again a little after 6, and get a text back of "eating."
I have no illusion that it will be easy to get Visiting Angels in there. Anything I suggest is suspect, and she probably wouldn't allow me to pay and she won't.
Danny is... Well, he's my eyes and ears, though now that I've got paperwork in with Vitas (still very much WTF on how on Earth can they not have a Release of Information Form, and how if really all it took was a verbal I had months of "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but") I expect to be fairly less in the dark come Tuesday.
So ... Danny is reachable to make it so that Dad talks with me and Aunt and Uncle more than he otherwise will. And has picked up on the handing Dad the phone over protests and usually that means actually talking. annoyingly, the wifi in the house isn't seeming to be working well enough for Skype even with the repeater.
And VA would be a) more predictable and b) include CNA because it's been pointed out that even if I'm down with cleaning up Dad that's not really a fair thing to expect of someone who is not a CNA.
Emotionally I don't really get it.
Huh. This also reminds me that it's been since the 23rd that my cousin agreed we really should find time to talk, but hasn't.
Danny, though, is better able than me to try to work on Stepmother to let VA in.
And I may see if Vitas would try telling her something like "look, he is up at 8 or so and doesn't go to bed til 10, 11, 12; you need to have someone in earlier than that so he's not going to get skin breakdown."
I need to put together some sort of list of things to ask Vitas.
I played one of the 1/22 stepmother audio clips for Somewanker and P last night. I can't express how validating it is to see how appalled they were, despite it being honestly one of the tamer clips.
(skype. I seem to only be able to forward to other skype.)
Both Somewanker and Curtis used the phrase "enormous stress" with me yesterday.
More sleep today helped, though I bailed on acro because I was up til most of 5 and up from 9:20-10:40, then discovered the phone had un silenced at 11:45, then finally got up at 1:45. But I did go on a walk a little after 4 and I have some fun pictures from the sunset at Yards Park and one of the Light Yards installations.
And I'm planning on going to Natty Beaux tonight, and I'll spend part of tomorrow with Badmagic and then I think I'll go to acro.
Maybe before I leave Philz I'll join the ADHD talk for Tuesya night.
Oh. Therawhatsit turns out to be trained in exec function coaching. I have no idea if I ever asked. This was a pleasant surprise in realizing there is one less thing to attempt to deal with.
I do feel pretty broken.
The validation of "no, none of this is okay and it's not at all weird that you're wrecked" was really helpful.
This entry was originally posted at https://vvalkyri.dreamwidth.org/1680249.html. You can add to the
comments there using OpenID, or here is okay too.