(no subject)
I get to see him tomorrow! I can't wait! I wonder if he will like my new look? I wonder if his look has changed? I wonder if actually seeing him will change anything between us? I doubt it will, but who knows? I wonder if he will hug me? I know I'll have to fight the urge to glomp him. I remember this one time at the end of the year last year in the stairwell. I was leaving school early, right at the beggining of lunch, and something had happened between us. I remember appologizing over and over. I just stood there holding on to him for dear life, and he actually wraped his arm around me and held me too. I stepped back and looked at him for a long time, or so it seemed like a long time. All I could think about was him, how sorry I was and how pathetic I was and how I wasn't worthy of being with him. He just stood there looking off in the distance, he wouldn't meet my gaze. But I kept stairing at him. That was the first time I ever wanted to kiss him. I looked him up and down and his exterior didn't matter at all to me, all I saw was him, who he was on the inside, his soul, and yet...I still wanted to kiss him. I felt that such a thought was wrong, and most likely impossible, but I still felt it nonetheless. I turned around and fled, I think he tried to say something because he turned and faced me and I heard a faint sound from him, so I hovered in the middle of the stair case, but he said nothing, so I told him I loved him and I ran away. I wish I could go back. I wish I could make everything right again. I wish I could take back all the lies, the guilt, the pain, and the shame. I wish I could feel his lips like silk against mine, to feel passion in his kiss, to know he loves me and that that is all that matters to me, to him. Even now I wish these things were so. I know that living in the past is not healthy. I try to look to the future now. I want only him in this future. I want only happiness and love with him. I wait for the future, I wait for tomorrow, I wait for him.