On Naming Conventions
I have been doing an extensive amount of research into names, name meanings and naming conventions in Western Culture over the past several months. I have made numerous lists, decisions and compromises based on feedback of the people who are contributing to/ supporting my soon-to-be son.
Around 2 years ago I posted here about Dani and I discussing baby names on our 3rd date. We were mostly trying to comfort each other and keep awake while waiting for him to be seen by an actual Doctor in the Urgent Care/ E.R. after he had had a series of absence seizures/ coughing up blood/ blackouts over the course of less than 3 weeks. Ah, were we ever so hopeful and young? Anyway, the names for boys that I like best have always been Celtic traditional, mostly pre-Christian names, like Liam, Ewan and Erroll. I found the names of old Welsh Bards really interesting too: Talison, Echne. I'm also fond of the name and biblical story of Gideon, mostly because of its connection to the #8, which is significant thematically in my life.
Then there are the names Dan likes/ loves: Names that are powerful, meaningful, and (of course) totally freakin' Metal! Lothar, Taranis, Aldous, Connail, Bahv Derg... You get the idea.
To make an exceedingly complicated and long story short, we came to the conclusion that our son will be named Vidar James Budd-Masters. Vidar (sometimes simplified as Vitharr instead) is an ancient Norse (pre-Christian and pre-Germanic English) god whose name means he is the youngest son of Odin. Vidar is an Aesir, or "Son of the Gods", and he is associated with Vengeance and Silence. He has a brother (sometimes a twin, but the Poetic Eddas that tell the story aren't easy to understand or even find full translations of) who also becomes a god of Vengeance. So, it's a weird name. It is kind of popular in places like Norway and Greenland, and oddly enough in parts of rural India. But in the modern world, this world of common names becoming less common in favor of made-up, cutesy names like Jayden, Bradyn, Jermagesty (I wish I were making that up) or just meaningless words or places or objects such as Forrest, River, Leaf, Phoenix, Rocket, Rebel, Pirate... I wanted to go the other way.
Penn Jillette of Penn & Teller named his daughter "Moxie Crimefighter" and was ridiculed, nee, crucified in the press for it. Kevin Smith Named his daughter Harley Quinn after the Batman: the Animated Series villain-ness. They both had their reasons, and both wanted something that made it so they knew they could call out their kid in a crowd and only the intended target would turn around. I wanted that too, but I needed to know that there was a history and a culture and maybe even a good story or meaning associated with my first-born.
My dad doesn't get it. My mom has trouble pronouncing it. Strangers are confused and generally polite-to-excited about it. This kid needs to be able to survive anything. In the Edda, Vidar is the first survivor of Ragnarok, the apocalypse that kills even the old gods. It's a hell of a lot better than Sue.
James on the other hand is a common name. Its also a Biblical name, which bothers me mildly since originally Dan and I had affirmed we were against Christian names in favor of older, more cultural or personally applicable ones. But James is Dan's middle name. It was his Grandfather's middle name (he always went by Grandpa Jim because he hated his first name, Henry). It's my mentor's middle name and the shorthand I use in fiction for any man I mean to elevate as significant without being the lead. It's even Pete's middle name, sort of (again, too long a story). So its more of a cultural/ personal/ family name than anything. And I like that he'll have at least one J name, since that's a big part of my family's naming conventions for the past several generations. But it does mean that my father has taken to calling his grandson "Jimmy", which I loathe. I think it sounds like somebody who steals cars for a living.
I would have slightly preferred Erroll, Henry or Wray for a middle name, but I'm not married to the idea of any of those and this is what worked best for all involved.
In the book "Freakanomics" (which I haven't read, but now desperately want to) there is a chapter about naming conventions and how names affect the people as they grow. Several studies recently published posit that boys/ men with "unusual or creative names" have harder lives and are more inclined to crime and depression. Freakanomics however, says that the important thing is not the name but the reasons the name was given to the child and the amount of thought that went into it that matters (along with other parenting factors, such as socio-economic status, race and literacy). I beleive I am giving my son the right name for the right reasons.
Vidar is not a creative (i.e. Bullshit) name, but I will (and he will in turn) never have to make the correction, "No, the other Vidar". No one will ever associate him with some other asshole they know, or know of that has his name. The year I was born, "Jessica" was the 2nd most common name for girls and about 10% of the female population my age had it. I have an older brother, Michael, who had even greater odds of running into another boy in his age group/ class with the same name (many even having the same middle name, Jefferey). I never felt a connection to my name because it was just one of a faceless many and I always wanted to be an individual.
The studies I mentioned earlier point to a trend that the "cutesy" celebrity-inspired (Pax, Brooklyn, Mycha) names that parents think will give their children a greater sense of self are actually causing a trend in kids who are spoiled, entitled and conceited jerks. Again, that's utterly disregarding all other aspects of parenting in these individuals. I want, and I need, for my son to know that life is not going to be easy for him, but it will be worth it. I want him to know that he is an individual, just like everybody else. Most important of all, I want Vidar James to know that he has choices.
He can be whoever he chooses to be, and he will still be my son, and Dani's son, and my parent's first grandson, and my grandparents first great-grandson. No one can or will ever take that away from him, or from any of us.
I wrote here about the dream I had the month before I got pregnant and about my faith and my confusion with my god(s). I believe that my god told me that I would need to be strong in order to endure a task they had bestowed upon me; that unto me a male child was to be born. A miracle. I wish I could say that they also told me what to name him, but the fact is, they didn't really. Dan also had similar dreams at that time. Ilene had them too. Maybe the same god(s) told one of them to name the baby Vidar. Dan likes to think so and that's what he told me when we found out I was indeed pregnant, then again when we confirmed that it was a boy.
I really don't care what we call him. Vi-darling or Jimmy (Pete likes the punny nick-name of "Jimminy") or VJ or just V (yes, like the creepy terrorist in the Guy Fauks mask). I don't care if Vidar doesn't sound "Cute" because I know I'm not picking out a name for a doll or a pet or a Baby, but for a person, an autonomous individual and eventually, a man. What matters is that he knows that we took him and his name seriously and put some work into it. What matters is that he's born healthy and that he has a family (no matter how fractured) that loves him without limits or strings attached. What matters is I have a son, god-willing.
Around 2 years ago I posted here about Dani and I discussing baby names on our 3rd date. We were mostly trying to comfort each other and keep awake while waiting for him to be seen by an actual Doctor in the Urgent Care/ E.R. after he had had a series of absence seizures/ coughing up blood/ blackouts over the course of less than 3 weeks. Ah, were we ever so hopeful and young? Anyway, the names for boys that I like best have always been Celtic traditional, mostly pre-Christian names, like Liam, Ewan and Erroll. I found the names of old Welsh Bards really interesting too: Talison, Echne. I'm also fond of the name and biblical story of Gideon, mostly because of its connection to the #8, which is significant thematically in my life.
Then there are the names Dan likes/ loves: Names that are powerful, meaningful, and (of course) totally freakin' Metal! Lothar, Taranis, Aldous, Connail, Bahv Derg... You get the idea.
To make an exceedingly complicated and long story short, we came to the conclusion that our son will be named Vidar James Budd-Masters. Vidar (sometimes simplified as Vitharr instead) is an ancient Norse (pre-Christian and pre-Germanic English) god whose name means he is the youngest son of Odin. Vidar is an Aesir, or "Son of the Gods", and he is associated with Vengeance and Silence. He has a brother (sometimes a twin, but the Poetic Eddas that tell the story aren't easy to understand or even find full translations of) who also becomes a god of Vengeance. So, it's a weird name. It is kind of popular in places like Norway and Greenland, and oddly enough in parts of rural India. But in the modern world, this world of common names becoming less common in favor of made-up, cutesy names like Jayden, Bradyn, Jermagesty (I wish I were making that up) or just meaningless words or places or objects such as Forrest, River, Leaf, Phoenix, Rocket, Rebel, Pirate... I wanted to go the other way.
Penn Jillette of Penn & Teller named his daughter "Moxie Crimefighter" and was ridiculed, nee, crucified in the press for it. Kevin Smith Named his daughter Harley Quinn after the Batman: the Animated Series villain-ness. They both had their reasons, and both wanted something that made it so they knew they could call out their kid in a crowd and only the intended target would turn around. I wanted that too, but I needed to know that there was a history and a culture and maybe even a good story or meaning associated with my first-born.
My dad doesn't get it. My mom has trouble pronouncing it. Strangers are confused and generally polite-to-excited about it. This kid needs to be able to survive anything. In the Edda, Vidar is the first survivor of Ragnarok, the apocalypse that kills even the old gods. It's a hell of a lot better than Sue.
James on the other hand is a common name. Its also a Biblical name, which bothers me mildly since originally Dan and I had affirmed we were against Christian names in favor of older, more cultural or personally applicable ones. But James is Dan's middle name. It was his Grandfather's middle name (he always went by Grandpa Jim because he hated his first name, Henry). It's my mentor's middle name and the shorthand I use in fiction for any man I mean to elevate as significant without being the lead. It's even Pete's middle name, sort of (again, too long a story). So its more of a cultural/ personal/ family name than anything. And I like that he'll have at least one J name, since that's a big part of my family's naming conventions for the past several generations. But it does mean that my father has taken to calling his grandson "Jimmy", which I loathe. I think it sounds like somebody who steals cars for a living.
I would have slightly preferred Erroll, Henry or Wray for a middle name, but I'm not married to the idea of any of those and this is what worked best for all involved.
In the book "Freakanomics" (which I haven't read, but now desperately want to) there is a chapter about naming conventions and how names affect the people as they grow. Several studies recently published posit that boys/ men with "unusual or creative names" have harder lives and are more inclined to crime and depression. Freakanomics however, says that the important thing is not the name but the reasons the name was given to the child and the amount of thought that went into it that matters (along with other parenting factors, such as socio-economic status, race and literacy). I beleive I am giving my son the right name for the right reasons.
Vidar is not a creative (i.e. Bullshit) name, but I will (and he will in turn) never have to make the correction, "No, the other Vidar". No one will ever associate him with some other asshole they know, or know of that has his name. The year I was born, "Jessica" was the 2nd most common name for girls and about 10% of the female population my age had it. I have an older brother, Michael, who had even greater odds of running into another boy in his age group/ class with the same name (many even having the same middle name, Jefferey). I never felt a connection to my name because it was just one of a faceless many and I always wanted to be an individual.
The studies I mentioned earlier point to a trend that the "cutesy" celebrity-inspired (Pax, Brooklyn, Mycha) names that parents think will give their children a greater sense of self are actually causing a trend in kids who are spoiled, entitled and conceited jerks. Again, that's utterly disregarding all other aspects of parenting in these individuals. I want, and I need, for my son to know that life is not going to be easy for him, but it will be worth it. I want him to know that he is an individual, just like everybody else. Most important of all, I want Vidar James to know that he has choices.
He can be whoever he chooses to be, and he will still be my son, and Dani's son, and my parent's first grandson, and my grandparents first great-grandson. No one can or will ever take that away from him, or from any of us.
I wrote here about the dream I had the month before I got pregnant and about my faith and my confusion with my god(s). I believe that my god told me that I would need to be strong in order to endure a task they had bestowed upon me; that unto me a male child was to be born. A miracle. I wish I could say that they also told me what to name him, but the fact is, they didn't really. Dan also had similar dreams at that time. Ilene had them too. Maybe the same god(s) told one of them to name the baby Vidar. Dan likes to think so and that's what he told me when we found out I was indeed pregnant, then again when we confirmed that it was a boy.
I really don't care what we call him. Vi-darling or Jimmy (Pete likes the punny nick-name of "Jimminy") or VJ or just V (yes, like the creepy terrorist in the Guy Fauks mask). I don't care if Vidar doesn't sound "Cute" because I know I'm not picking out a name for a doll or a pet or a Baby, but for a person, an autonomous individual and eventually, a man. What matters is that he knows that we took him and his name seriously and put some work into it. What matters is that he's born healthy and that he has a family (no matter how fractured) that loves him without limits or strings attached. What matters is I have a son, god-willing.