Oh the rants....lol
Title: Change
Pairing: YB/TOP (say wha-?)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2616
Summary: YoungBae is concerened that he's only being seen as serious and reliable
Author's Notes: It's kinda odd, very much a friend fic and kinda emotional rant-y. lol....i'll write something better soon I swear!!!
There wasn't a single member of Big Bang who wouldn't describe Taeyang, or as they called him in a more personal way, YoungBae, as responsible or serious. They spent the most time with him, so they must know him the best right? Well, sometimes YoungBae thought that it would be such a relief if no-one thought of him as the responsible one or the nice one. Sometimes he thought, if only he were JiYong, then no-one would question him doing almost anything and chalk it up to pent up creative energy.
But, since he was YoungBae, he had the burden of responsibility weighing him down. He felt as if he could only ever be seen as this uptight person and wanted to branch out a little.
He had been watching SeungHyun ever since the group had begun their training together. At first thought he had found another person who was just as responsible and serious as himself, but as he grew to know him better, YoungBae found his hyung to be quite silly and extremely, for lack of a better word, charismatic.
He wasn't entirely sure when he had fallen in love with him, but he knew the first time he realized it was when he had to watch SeungHyun kiss Hyori-nuna. Even though it was a staged kiss and meant nothing at all, YoungBae felt his heart ache and couldn't look at any sort of news or entertainment product until the whole thing had blown over to avoid the pangs of jealousy in his heart.
Recently, they had been on a talk show and the hosts had been asking SeungHyun about his infamous kiss (much to YoungBae's chagrin) and then decided to go around and ask everyone what their ideal woman would be like. SeungHyun had said, "Someone spontaneous and carefree." The exact opposite of YoungBae who plans everything out and doesn't go a single day without reminding his fellow band mates to stop playing around. This got him to brooding and he came up with a plan. He wanted a change, but not a too drastic one. His reliable nature made him not want to cause any trouble for the group, so in any sort of work situation he was going to be YoungBae the serious-est of serious and when alone with the group, he was going to become YoungBae the "spontaneous and carefree" in order to attempt to drawn his beloved hyung to him.
It had been a week since YoungBae had started acting weird and the other members were concerned. He almost seemed to be Bi-Polar; one moment he was completely straight faced and no nonsense then the next, he was suggesting that they break their curfew and grab some Hoddok. They were getting really worried that all the stress of their new album promotions was getting to him, so they all called him into the living room of their dorm to have a chat.
"YoungBae-ah, have you been alright lately?" JiYong asked, he had the most courage to bring this up since he and YoungBae had been together for so long.
"Wh-what are you talking about?" YoungBae laughed with just a hint of nervousness leaking out into his voice.
"Hyung, you've been acting really weird lately. Like a psycho killer!" Daesung said making a psycho-esque stabbing motion.
YoungBae made a surprised and confused face.
"No! Hyung, what he means is that you've just been bouncing back and forth between normal you and then....really weird." Seungri attempted to clear up Daesung's well-meant, but completely failed, analogy.
"No I haven't. What do you mean?" YoungBae said itching to start wringing his hands-- but he abstained.
"YoungBae-ah, he means that we think you've gotten a bit stressed lately because of everything we've been doing and we were just wondering if you felt alright. You just seem to be trying so hard to focus and then being completely out of focus the next moment." SeungHyun said placing his hand on YoungBae's shoulder, "Do you need to take some time off? I don't want you to end up collapsing or anything. I don't think I could handle the worry I must put you guys through when I did."
YoungBae didn't know what to say. His mouth just opened and shut for a couple seconds as he tried his best to form complete sentences that were rational and coherent. He thought he had been doing so well at being carefree and spontaneous, but apparently everyone just found it weird. Was he doomed to forever be hindered by his devotion to his work?
He stood up suddenly and had a difficult time keeping the anger out of his voice as he calmly said, "If you all think that the only way I can act is serious, maybe that's all I will be. Sometimes, my shoulders ache from all the responsibility I feel thrust upon us, but I know I’ve got to carry that weight in order to fulfill my dreams. Did you guys ever think that maybe, just maybe, I wanted to try and not always have to be your parents? I'm still young too! I may not be as rowdy or as flamboyant as you, JiYong, or as friendly and out going as Daesung and Seungri, but I too want to just be crazy sometimes. But....I guess....I wasn't really cut out for being spontaneous and carefree."
He had mumbled the last part, but SeungHyun who had been sitting closest to him caught it and it rang a bell. As he watched YoungBae storm into his room, he wondered what happened during that interview that made YoungBae so upset.
SeungHyun went to his room as well and was joined by JiYong who had been kicked out when he tried to enter his and YoungBae's room.
"Ji, did those hosts say anything weird to YoungBae-ah during that interview a week or so ago?" SeungHyun asked the leader who was curled up next to him on the bed.
"Huh? Why? Do you think that that's why Bae's been so weird lately?" JiYong asked, a confused expression plastered on his face.
"Well, maybe...when he got up he said something that made me think of that interview." The power rapper said frowning.
"Okay then, let's watch it and see." The good leader JiYong said enthusiastically grabbing SeungHyun's computer from the bedside table and opening it. He typed the password in and quickly went to YouTube to find the interview SeungHyun was talking about.
"Oh, that's it!" SeungHyun said pointing at a clip, "Wait....how do you know my password!?"
JiYong just laughed and clicked on the clip and waited for it to load.
The two rappers watched the video and nothing really seemed too off. Then, JiYong noticed how YoungBae's ears had tinted slightly at the mention of the TOP/Hyori kiss and he glanced at the older boy to see if he had noticed. SeungHyun made no signs that he noticed, but maybe it was just JiYong having known YoungBae for so long and so well that he was able to see these minute details.
As the questioning upon this topic continued, JiYong noticed that YoungBae was getting even more uncomfortable by the tension building in his shoulders. Then, the hosts began asking each member what their ideal girlfriend would be like and after SeungHyun had answered, JiYong noticed a sadness enter his friend's features.
"Hyung, what did YoungBae say that reminded you of this interview?" JiYong asked. He was pretty sure that he knew the answer now, but he wanted to be sure.
"Well, he said something about being carefree and spontaneous. I just remember I said something like that during that interview and maybe something...I dunno....its stupid right?" SeungHyun said wriggling uncomfortably against his pillow.
"Ah...no, I don't think it's stupid." JiYong said gnawing on his bottom lip.
"Did you see anything? In the interview?" SeungHyun asked suspiciously.
"Nothing that you didn't see." JiYong said vaguely. This was YoungBae's to say, he had no place to tell his hyung.
SeungHyun rolled his eyes. "Whatever. If you don't want to tell me, at least go talk to YoungBae about it."
JiYong then grinned maniacally, "As a matter of fact, I think I shall. Lovely suggesting SeungHyun-ie!"
JiYong left his hyung and barged into his and YoungBae's room quickly shutting the door and locking it before YoungBae could shoo him away.
"You're in love with SeungHyun." He said. YoungBae's silent, scared withdrawal told JiYong that he had hit the nail on the head.
"N-no..." YoungBae said.
JiYong sat down on the bed next to him and smiled a little. "YoungBae-ah...I know you. Don't lie to me."
YougBae sighed, he knew that since JiYong knew already, there wasn't really any harm in explaining himself. "I just...I'm always the one who is being serious, yeah? And....Hyung...he said....well. You know, he wouldn't like me anyways. I'm a man. And...Ji, I just...some part of me just wanted to try and get him to like me, so I tried to be carefree and spontaneous like he said he likes. But, I guess it didn't really work, huh?"
"Oh Bae! Come here." JiYong said opening his arms for his friend to get a hug. YoungBae didn't lean into it, so JiYong just wrapped his arms around him anyways. "You know, you don't have to do that. SeungHyun likes you right now. He likes nice, sweet Youngbae, who gets easily embarrassed and is loved by everyone. He knows, as I know, that you're seriousness is only derived from your extreme passion for what you do. We don't think you're two dimensional or bland."
YoungBae relaxed into JiYong's hug and sighed heavily. His shoulders felt a little lighter after unloading on his friend. But, he still didn't think that SeungHyun would accept his love for him. That's just ridiculous.
"Ji, don't tell him okay? I don't want to mess up our group dynamic."
JiYong laughed a little, "Don't worry, I won't. Hearing you talk like that though, reminds me of Director Yang."
YoungBae laughed a little too as he realized he did sound a little bit like an overprotective manager.
"Well, even if I don't tell him," JiYong said patting YoungBae's head, "I think you should keep trying. Who knows, you're a very loveable guy, maybe hyung will fall for you yet!"
YoungBae rolled his eyes.
"No! I'm so serious!" JiYong said taking YoungBae's head in his hands and pressing his nose up against his friend's to make a silly face. "You can keep trying to be 'spontaneous', but the carefree bit is ridiculous don'tcha think? You have too much to care about. But, spontaneity is cool."
YoungBae wrinkled his nose against JiYong's, "What am I supposed to do? How can I be spontaneous?"
"Don't plan it ahead! That's the complete opposite of what spontaneity is! Gosh YoungBae-ah! Just do what I do, don't think about things before you do them. That's spontaneous. Ha ha!" JiYong laughed and stuck out his tongue to slobber on YoungBae's face, "Like that!"
YoungBae's face was in shock for a few seconds, then he began wiping off his face and shook his head saying, "You know I don't think SeungHyun would appreciate me slobbering all over him."
"It just depends of where that slobber is!" JiYong said wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
YoungBae's eyes opened wide in scandal, "Ji!"
"I'm just telling the truth man!" JiYong said grinning, "Shall I get more specific? If you put your slobber on hi--"
"Okay okay!" YoungBae said covering JiYong's mouth with his hand to shut him up. "I got it. Please, never talk about that to me ever again." YoungBae said rubbing his forehead. JiYong licked his hand to get it off, much to the annoyance of YoungBae, and soon the two exited the room in much better spirits than they had entered.
~
SeungHyun was watching YoungBae practice his new solo dance as they prepared for their upcoming concert and smiled as his deongsang hit every move perfectly. After YoungBae's talk with JiYong the day before, he had seemed much better or at least, more comfortable than he had been acting for the past week.
While the other members had gone off with JiYong to grab some food, SeungHyun had opted to stay with YoungBae to maybe get a chance to apologies for anything he might have said that made YoungBae upset during the interview. As YoungBae finished his dance, SeungHyun tossed him a water bottle and the two sat down upon a wooden practice bench.
"That was excellent." SeungHyun said nodding towards the dance floor.
YoungBae smiled a little and took a swig of water, "Thanks, but it's not nearly good enough yet. My movements are far too weak and loose."
"Well, I'm not the resident dancing expert, but I think you're just being hard on yourself." SeungHyun grinned back at the younger boy.
YoungBae and SeungHyun chatted for a bit longer, but YoungBae didn't want to let his muscles cool down, so he decided to work another routine for a while until JiYong got back to critique his solo dance. He hadn't really preformed "Only Look at Me" in a long time, so he picked up the cd and placed it into the sound system.
The music came on and he began dancing. The steps were ground heavily into his brain, so it didn't matter if he really paid attention to what he was doing. He saw SeungHyun out of the corner of his eye and began to think about JiYong had said the day before. Being spontaneous wasn't going to be easy, but he had to try or he's kick himself later.
JiYong had told him just do whatever comes into your mind first, but that was the problem, nothing was coming into his mind at all. The only his he could think off was his hyung. His face, his eyes, his nose, his lips. Then, as the song ended, YoungBae found himself right next to where SeungHyun was sitting on the bench. He licked his lips and then a thought came into his mind.
"Hyung."
SeungHyun put down his water bottle and looked up at YoungBae.
YoungBae took his hyung's face in his hands and leaned in hovering right above SeungHyun's forehead.
"YoungBae-ah?" SeungHyun said quietly.
YoungBae's nerves were kicking in and he couldn't bring himself to just press his lips against his hyung's forehead. What if he got mad at him? What if he never spoke to him again? What if he called him disgusting? What if he couldn't look at him in the eyes again? What if he'd cringe whenever they touched in the future? What if he didn't come home? What if he couldn't stand to be near him any longer and left Big Bang? What if--
YoungBae had had enough of his "what if"s. He took a deep breath went for it.
But instead of kissing his forehead, YoungBae took an even bigger chance and captured SeungHyun's lips briefly with his own.
Once they had touched for a few milliseconds, YoungBae pulled back and immediately looked in another direction. He started to try and walk away, but he found that SeungHyun had grabbed his wrist. With a gentle tug, SeungHyun pulled YoungBae too him and their lips met again. This time for a few seconds longer.
With that kiss, everything had clicked in SeungHyun's mind and he understood.
"YoungBae-ah, you don't have to try to be spontaneous and carefree." He whispered as he pulled away, "I never said that was what I liked in my men."
YoungBae looked at him in surprise and was greeted by SeungHyun's mischievous smile. JiYong was right; a little spontaneity didn't hurt at all.
End
Okay well, this is my second attempt at writing something not so sexual and I'd like to know what you think....
Should I still attempt this? Or go back to the no-plot just sexy stories? lol >w<
if you need an example, this is my only majorly sluttastic Big Bang story.
As of the pairing, i thought I'd try something new-ish? Well, at least for me.
Thanks for reading!