(no subject)
Overwhelmed by the darkness, which now was once again in him, rather than just around him, Sam dropped to the ground, sobs of desperation tore out of his throat, as rivers of tears streamed down his face.
Without warning he found himself back in his bed, yet it was only because of the pillow soaking up his tears he even realized the change. Did he really ask for too much? All he wanted was a last glance of his brother. Not even a word or a touch. He messed up, he let his demonic inheritance take over and it didn’t matter he used it only to kill demons. He would go to hell and until then, he would do his best to let his brother know he intended to never use his powers again. Dean was in heaven and that would have to be enough for him. Oh how he wished he could just die, end it right now but in his business, there was always a change for this to happen, and maybe it would be soon. The dark emptiness inside him was more than he could stand at times.
He buried his face in the pillow, continuing to let his tears free run, until a hand on his shoulder tore him out of his anguish.
“Sammy!”
The voice was only a whisper, yet it was enough to make the young man jump off the bed. Loosing his balance, he suddenly was grabbed by strong hands, preventing him from falling. Hands, which had fulfilled this task for almost twenty five years, hands, which he never thought, would hold him ever again. At the same time he looked into the one face he knew almost better than his own.
“Dean…!” he stammered, amazement coloring his voice, “He changed his mind!”
And suddenly he became conscious of the fact things just got a whole lot worse for him. How could he bear to see his brother leave again? Unable to deal with his emotions any longer, he started to shake as his knees buckled under him. Once again it was Dean who caught him and held him up, this time gently setting him back onto the bed.
“Easy kiddo can’t have you face plant here.”
The gently cheerfulness, which was so typical for Dean, made him loose the last of his restraint and once again tears started to stream and sobs shook him.
Settling his baby brother trembling body against his chest, Dean wrapped his arms around him and for a moment let his own emotions get the better of him. Finally able to get control again, he stroked the thick dark hair, before moving down and making circles on Sam’s back, something that had always worked to calm the kid down when he was younger.
“I’ve got you Sammy, I’ve got you!” He assured him, his heart breaking at the same time as it was overjoyed by the reunion. Although the time he spent in heaven had been glorious and seemed to be more like a few days then almost seven months, he had missed his baby brother desperately. Today, when he found out what Sam went through during his time alone, it increased his need to be his sibling to an unbearable level.
It took the youngest Winchester a long time to settle, as every time he felt himself regain his composure, the mere thought of letting Dean go again, shook him up all new again. Knowing that this couldn’t last forever, he finally straightened and let go of the only family he had left.
“Better make it fast and leave. I don’t know how long I can keep this up!”
Dean looked at him with complete confusion written all over his face, “Leave? Why would I leave?”
“Go back to heaven, where you belong!”
The older Winchester shook his head. This wasn’t what he expected to come from his brother.
“I’m right where I belong, here with you.”
“But…?” Sam was interrupted by the sudden appearance Castiel behind Dean.
The elder Winchester stood up and turned to face the angel, a smile appearing on his face. Sam also gazed at the heavenly being, before his eyes fell on Dean. Seeing the joy in the other’s eyes his heart filled with sadness and resignation but also with a sense of gratefulness. Getting up, his knees buckled, dizziness overwhelming him as the emotional exertion started to catch up with him.
Dean followed his brother’s moves closely and was ready to catch him, when his body started to give out. Unwilling to give in to the exhaustion, Sam straightened his weary body and shook his sibling off. Looking at the angel, he swallowed.
“Thanks, for…you know, for letting me spent some time with Dean.”
Once again his legs gave out on him and he felt himself held up by strong arms. Only this time they weren’t his brother’s, instead they belonged to Castiel.
Lifting the younger hunter against his chest, he looked into the hazel eyes and said, “Sam Winchester, you were tested and passed. You didn’t withstand the temptation to use your powers, yet you used them only to destroy evil. You swore to never again use them and even when I told you would never again see Dean again and you had nothing to loose, you still held to this promise.” He stopped for a moment to look at the older Winchester, then continued, “You knew you would go to hell, while your brother would spend eternity in heaven, yet instead of being jealous, you felt only joy for him. For this you will get your brother back. Just remember, God’s power is above Lucifer’s.”
Sam was listlessly hanging in the angel’s arms, his limbs dangling uselessly, his vision blurred, the only exception Castiel’s face, which he could see with amazing clarity. The words coming from the supernatural being like a sword that cut through the thick wall, separating him from the light. Even after there were no more words, he found himself unable to move or even take his eyes off the angel.
There was a smile on Castiel’s face, when he lifted the tall man up without any effort and carried him back to the bed, where he gently laid him down. Watching as Dean covered his brother and pulled the blanket up to his neck, he bent down and put his hand on the younger man’s forehead.
“Sleep Sam Winchester, you’ve been redeemed.”
Immediately Sam’s eyes fluttered and finally closed. Standing up, the angel gave Dean a nod, before he disappeared without saying another word.
SN SN SN SN SN
Awareness returned to the youngest Winchester with an unusual gentleness. There was quiet music playing in the background and it took him a moment to identify it as Christmas Carols. Opening his eyes, he found the curtains still drawn and the only light in the room coming from the small tree sitting on the table. The incredible scent of turkey, sweet potatoes, stuffing and pumpkin pie was hanging in the air, making his mouth water before he even sat up and saw the feast sitting on the table.
Dean was sitting on a chair by the table, giving him one of his patented smirks, “About time you woke up, little bro. Dinner’s served.”
Standing up, Sam found his dizziness gone and to his amazement he felt more refreshed than he had in a long time. Still in slight disbelief of what happened this last morning, he couldn’t keep his eyes of Dean, who now pushed a filled plate his way. When he found his younger brother wasn’t taking it, he smiled even more.
“It’s okay Sammy, you can belief it. I’m real and I’m back to stay.”
Finally Sam snapped out of his trancelike state and stood up again. Walking over to his coat still lying on the other bed, he reached into the pocket, then took the few steps back over to his brother again. Suddenly Dean found the keys for the Impala being dangled in front of his eyes.
“She is all yours again. I promise I took good care of her.”
“That could have waited until after dinner.” Dean protested, clearly moved by the thought of having his baby back.
“Nah, it couldn’t”, Sam assured him, “She just wasn’t the same without you. She knows who she belongs to!”
The older hunter almost laughed, hearing the words coming from Sam, who always had teased him about calling the classic car his baby and talking about ‘her’ like she was a person. The kid slightly blushed, then continued, “Well, it’s true. So merry Christmas, she is all yours again.”
Dean pulled his brother into a tight embrace, suddenly not ashamed of the tears running down his cheeks. After holding on to Sam for the longest time and feeling the hug returned with the same enthusiasm, he finally let go and looked at his sibling’s tearstained face.
“Sorry, but I have no present for you. There aren’t exactly any stores in heaven.” He said, trying to break the tender mood. Yet one look at the light in Sam’s eyes told him, he wasn’t succeeding with it.
“I just got the only thing I ever wanted - you. There was total darkness in me but now the light is back. This is the greatest gift I’ve ever got for Christmas and nothing ever can top this.”
Sitting back down, both of the brothers started to eat, finding it was the best meal they’ve had in their whole lives. Afterward they sat and talked and then they took the Impala for a spin. And as Dean drove, being back where he belonged, looking like he was never gone, his younger brother took in the full miracle of what had happened and send a prayer of thanks to heaven.
For the very first time in his life Christmas had a real meaning. Christmas, the time, when a dark world celebrated the light coming into it, it was now also the time when the light returned into his darkness.
FIN