Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr me!!!!
why do i always do this?!?!
this is torture. remember that kuau update where i was all stoked about getting to go to a keith urban concert in southern cali at that fair? i didn't get the job, so i didn't get the tix. gas is going to be at damn near 5 bucks a gallon by then anyway, so there's no way in heeeeeeellllll i'd be able to go. so, that on top of my eureka dreams earlier this year, you would think i would learn. but have i?
NO.
big effing letters. N. O.
What is it, you ask? it's the same damn thing it always is.
I fell in to a nice happy little funk the past few weeks. you'll note the lack of LJ posts, (i have a fic to update over at a LJ community and i still haven't. those people prolly hate me by now.) and that's basically cause i've been mad at the world and i don't need to advertise, pretty much. Try as i might, there hasn't been a lot of good stuff to ramble about, meme-age is it. part of that is due to the fact that i'm female, partly to the fact that this house is filled with all of my grandma's stuff, (she's not dead, she's just on vacation, we're keeping her stuff to save it from thieves.) and mostly due to plain and simple i'm obviously still having issues. for that same reason, i haven't talked to emily in two weeks. she's having a baby girl, most likely, and has all the cool pictures and stuff, but i haven't been capable of imagining a single conversation that wouldn't sound like a downer. i pull the pollyanna "well, there's a brightside..." quips, i smile and really try to have fun but it feels off like i'm missing the last step in the process. i don't mean to sound like a downer, don't want to come across as an unhappy know-it-all moron, especially not around a pregnant newlywed who pretty much has no use for me already. Not a single thing has gone my way in the past six months. so i would rather just not talk since i have nothing to talk about. so what's this new thing i have that i want to talk about?
australia.
the large continent.
that place where keith urban came from. but more importantly, before him, it's that place where spellbinder, ocean girl, the tribe, countless disney movies, snowy river, and quigley down under all came from. it's just another country, same basic social climate that we've got here. the only difference is everyone talks in an accent that makes matt mcconaghey sound like just another hick from texas.and they've got a funny money system. and what the hell does a 1.341 currency conversion rate mean, anyway?
And, for about as much as it would cost me to go to school here again - like dad told me i need to do - i could go to school there. get a student loan for seven k, raise three on my own selling my car (okay, so that's wishful thinking) and go to work at burger king for the next two years. i could make it to school in australia before i'm thirty.
ha.
and yet what did i just spend the past hours doing?
research. on AU universities.
I don't even know what i'd study yet!!! This is SO. STUPID. I *always* do this to me.
::headdesk::
i hate my brain. my luck worse.
GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
this is torture. remember that kuau update where i was all stoked about getting to go to a keith urban concert in southern cali at that fair? i didn't get the job, so i didn't get the tix. gas is going to be at damn near 5 bucks a gallon by then anyway, so there's no way in heeeeeeellllll i'd be able to go. so, that on top of my eureka dreams earlier this year, you would think i would learn. but have i?
NO.
big effing letters. N. O.
What is it, you ask? it's the same damn thing it always is.
I fell in to a nice happy little funk the past few weeks. you'll note the lack of LJ posts, (i have a fic to update over at a LJ community and i still haven't. those people prolly hate me by now.) and that's basically cause i've been mad at the world and i don't need to advertise, pretty much. Try as i might, there hasn't been a lot of good stuff to ramble about, meme-age is it. part of that is due to the fact that i'm female, partly to the fact that this house is filled with all of my grandma's stuff, (she's not dead, she's just on vacation, we're keeping her stuff to save it from thieves.) and mostly due to plain and simple i'm obviously still having issues. for that same reason, i haven't talked to emily in two weeks. she's having a baby girl, most likely, and has all the cool pictures and stuff, but i haven't been capable of imagining a single conversation that wouldn't sound like a downer. i pull the pollyanna "well, there's a brightside..." quips, i smile and really try to have fun but it feels off like i'm missing the last step in the process. i don't mean to sound like a downer, don't want to come across as an unhappy know-it-all moron, especially not around a pregnant newlywed who pretty much has no use for me already. Not a single thing has gone my way in the past six months. so i would rather just not talk since i have nothing to talk about. so what's this new thing i have that i want to talk about?
australia.
the large continent.
that place where keith urban came from. but more importantly, before him, it's that place where spellbinder, ocean girl, the tribe, countless disney movies, snowy river, and quigley down under all came from. it's just another country, same basic social climate that we've got here. the only difference is everyone talks in an accent that makes matt mcconaghey sound like just another hick from texas.and they've got a funny money system. and what the hell does a 1.341 currency conversion rate mean, anyway?
And, for about as much as it would cost me to go to school here again - like dad told me i need to do - i could go to school there. get a student loan for seven k, raise three on my own selling my car (okay, so that's wishful thinking) and go to work at burger king for the next two years. i could make it to school in australia before i'm thirty.
ha.
and yet what did i just spend the past hours doing?
research. on AU universities.
I don't even know what i'd study yet!!! This is SO. STUPID. I *always* do this to me.
::headdesk::
i hate my brain. my luck worse.
GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!