interesting change
so before i writ anything down it shouldbe made know that i am writing this entry from graemes cell phone. today has been interesting in that i drove to unh to do some research. in the process god got drunk and onry which equates to my getting a fifty dollar parking ticket. i put an appeal in prior to m driving back to mass but it didnt prevent me from going through the seven steps of rage that i seem so prone to. i got home and watched some tv that i had recorded from the past week. all i can say is that whoever invented dvr may have my first born. and so now here i am at graemes ultimate frisbee game. i am trying to enjoy myself but its hard with my impending trip to ft. lewis just a week away. i keep thinking to myself about how different my life is going to be in a mere seven days. at twenty three years old the repcusions of ldac are a lot to take. at the end of camp my contract is officially in place. for instance until this point i could quit rotc and owe no time to the army. at the completion of camp that is no longer the case. if i quit then the army forces me to enlist and sends my happy ass to ft. jackson for basic. now bare in mind that quiting for me isnt even in the picture for me. its just the impending life choice that freaks me out. like anyone my age who has even a shred of cognitive capabily i worry about the direction that my life is taking. about if my choices are in fact what i really want. and in my heart i wonder if i really want to be where i am. but then i think that making the wrong decision is better than no decision and wasting your life waiting for the perfect career to come. after all even if the army isnt exactly what i want to do i can just do my four years and leave with some great skills. that beats putting a thumb up my ass right. fuck i have obviosly let the ruby tuesday crew get to me. enough of the sobfest.