Wow...
I'm back from Carbondale and in Palos now, all the trees are leaf-less and the air smells like cold. I saw maybe about 500-ish cars stuffed with deer carcasses while driving up through Illinois. What's sad is that doesn't dent the deer herds in the slightest. Wow.
Another crazy thing: just for fun, I looked at my photo albums from high school though the middle of junior year in college. I'm really amazed at how big I was. I wasn't fat, by far, but damn I was pretty chubby. And the pictures of Lance and I kayaking back in spring 2006 when we first started dating...we look so, so happy. Like, really joyous that we're together. And it's only two and a half years ago, but he still looks so much younger and happier in those pictures. My haircut is cuter, but that's about the difference.
Speaking of which, does anyone have that experience of looking at current pictures of an ex, where they're slimmer and better looking--but knowing who and what they are, and especially how they've treated you, you still feel like vomiting? (No, this ex isn't Lance. He is, in all honesty, the only ex who I don't have any issues with at all.).
I'm deciding to be celibate from here on out. I have no problem at this point just being myself, because, quite frankly, I'm too pretty, intelligent, and sweet to waste my time on guys that will treat me wrong, and I'm too busy to waste my time on people I'm not completely ga-ga over. It's sad that so many girls I know are either in a relationship or desperate to be in one. What's the point of putting up with someone who doesn't meet your standards as long as you're not single? I won't lie in that all the guys I've dated or seen in Carbondale are not up to my standards, and you know what? I have absolutely no intentions of lowering them now. You want me to be anything less than your prized, adored girlfriend? Then fuck off, you're not getting my damn phone number or any more of my time.
Nice to know that I'm over that stage in my life. To be honest, now that I'm really busy juggling a research position, class, volunteering and extracurricular work, a social life and a work out routine, I actually feel less stressed then when I was just in school. I honestly feel like...oh god...I'm accomplishing something and giving back to society. Wow. What a great feeling to have : ).
Finally, I went to Makanda some time ago, which is a hippie village in Giant City State Park, next to Carbondale, and I ended up meeting a jewelry store owner who is originally from Beverly Hills/Morgan Park herself (she came down here to go to school in the 1970's and 'just never left!'). She asked my age, what I was studying, am I married? I said no, and that I ended an engagement, gave up everything I had out in Oregon to come to school here, and am focusing on my career. She gave me a high five! She then told me that she's been married three times, and the more time a lady takes to earn her education, postpone marriage, and become herself, the happier she'll be when she finds that right someone in the end.
After my crying breakdown in Nashville, I really, really needed to hear that, no joke.
I'm happy being me again, alone, and not looking for anyone. Because, let's be honest, most men are terrified of a 5'10, rock-climbing, white-water-surfing, extreme, know-it-all valkyrie with a mouth like a sewer and who's climbed mountains, backpacked through continents and gives up the men she loves so she can have her education and career.* It's a lonely path, but one I am very, very happy in leading.
*=Having said men go batshit insane shortly after her dumping them is just the icing on the cake!
Another crazy thing: just for fun, I looked at my photo albums from high school though the middle of junior year in college. I'm really amazed at how big I was. I wasn't fat, by far, but damn I was pretty chubby. And the pictures of Lance and I kayaking back in spring 2006 when we first started dating...we look so, so happy. Like, really joyous that we're together. And it's only two and a half years ago, but he still looks so much younger and happier in those pictures. My haircut is cuter, but that's about the difference.
Speaking of which, does anyone have that experience of looking at current pictures of an ex, where they're slimmer and better looking--but knowing who and what they are, and especially how they've treated you, you still feel like vomiting? (No, this ex isn't Lance. He is, in all honesty, the only ex who I don't have any issues with at all.).
I'm deciding to be celibate from here on out. I have no problem at this point just being myself, because, quite frankly, I'm too pretty, intelligent, and sweet to waste my time on guys that will treat me wrong, and I'm too busy to waste my time on people I'm not completely ga-ga over. It's sad that so many girls I know are either in a relationship or desperate to be in one. What's the point of putting up with someone who doesn't meet your standards as long as you're not single? I won't lie in that all the guys I've dated or seen in Carbondale are not up to my standards, and you know what? I have absolutely no intentions of lowering them now. You want me to be anything less than your prized, adored girlfriend? Then fuck off, you're not getting my damn phone number or any more of my time.
Nice to know that I'm over that stage in my life. To be honest, now that I'm really busy juggling a research position, class, volunteering and extracurricular work, a social life and a work out routine, I actually feel less stressed then when I was just in school. I honestly feel like...oh god...I'm accomplishing something and giving back to society. Wow. What a great feeling to have : ).
Finally, I went to Makanda some time ago, which is a hippie village in Giant City State Park, next to Carbondale, and I ended up meeting a jewelry store owner who is originally from Beverly Hills/Morgan Park herself (she came down here to go to school in the 1970's and 'just never left!'). She asked my age, what I was studying, am I married? I said no, and that I ended an engagement, gave up everything I had out in Oregon to come to school here, and am focusing on my career. She gave me a high five! She then told me that she's been married three times, and the more time a lady takes to earn her education, postpone marriage, and become herself, the happier she'll be when she finds that right someone in the end.
After my crying breakdown in Nashville, I really, really needed to hear that, no joke.
I'm happy being me again, alone, and not looking for anyone. Because, let's be honest, most men are terrified of a 5'10, rock-climbing, white-water-surfing, extreme, know-it-all valkyrie with a mouth like a sewer and who's climbed mountains, backpacked through continents and gives up the men she loves so she can have her education and career.* It's a lonely path, but one I am very, very happy in leading.
*=Having said men go batshit insane shortly after her dumping them is just the icing on the cake!