Final Gift for katadee
Just under the wire...This is part fic, part fanmix. I hope you had a happy Christmas and a rockin' New Year!
Recipient: katadee
Title: And They Say Chivalry is Dead
Author: i_am_girlfriday
Rating: PG-13 for mild language and general adult themes
Pairing/Characters: Mac/Dick; implied Logan/Veronica; married!Keith/Alicia; cameos or mentions of the entire ensemble
Word Count: 5,650ish
Summary: Mac is the unsuspecting recipient of Dick’s random acts of kindness.
Notes: This came out way angstier than I intended. I blame my choice of music. Thank you to afrocurl for the very speedy beta job! I worked with katadee’s prompts of future fic, and dealing with the Cassidy situation.
Spoilers/Warnings: General for the whole series. Mentions of alcohol abuse, mental health issues, rape, gross parental negligence; possible implications of domestic violence or verbal assault.
I. Pale September - Fiona Apple
II. Pioneer to the Falls - Interpol
III. Night Time - The xx
IV. Christmas - Leona Naess
V. Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks - The National
I. All my armor falling down in a pile at my feet
In late September Mac sits at the bus stop and checks the clock on her cell phone for the tenth time. She told her mom she’d be home by three-thirty to stay with Ryan after school. Hearst isn’t far from her house, not more than five miles, but she got so used to having her own car that it seems an inconvenience to wait even seven minutes for the next bus.
A dark green SUV drives past her and from the window someone shouts, “Hey, Mackenzie. Get in!”
The windows are tinted and Mac suspects Logan is behind the wheel, so she grabs her bag and her jacket and walks to the passenger side door. She’s surprised to see Dick’s towhead bopping up and down to the tune of something catchy and obnoxious. Mac wonders if it would be rude to decline the ride, but given her impatience for public transportation she acquiesces. She hops up into the vehicle and buckles up.
Dick speeds off down the main boulevard that connects the campus to the city center. “What happened to your your little green bug?” He asks after they have crossed a few intersections.
“Oh...I sold it.” The sadness in her voice betrays her.
“I thought you loved that thing.”
Mac looks off into the distance, catches sight of the ocean as they pass Dog Beach. “Eh...” She makes little attempt to converse.
She is uncomfortable in Dick’s presence. It’s been more than two years since he tried to kiss her at the beach, but sometimes, when she’s being morose and thinking about Cassidy, she remembers Dick’s apology. It wasn’t balm for her wounds then, but more time has passed and now she can finally accept what he said.
She looks at Dick more closely now. He looks healthier; maybe he really does have nine months sober like Logan said. They may not be what you’d call friends, but Mac really is glad that he’s stopped trying to poison himself into a slow, agonizing death.
“It was just a car, you know?” Mac says it as much for her benefit as it is an explanation for him.
Dick nods his head and gestures with his hand. “I was going to stop at Java the Hut. Do you mind?” He asks so politely, in a way that takes Mac off her guard completely.
She shakes her head. “No, it’s cool. I can walk the rest of the way. My house is just a few blocks away.” She gestures to the east side of town.
They pull into the parking lot, but Dick is insistent that she come in and order a coffee, or at the very least, wait in the car. “What kind of chauffeur would I be if I made you walk the rest of the way.” Now he reminds her of the Dick she used to know--like he doesn’t have a care in the world--but the cutting edge in his voice is gone.
Mac feels uneasy as she walks into the cafe behind him.
Dick orders a drink and glances over his shoulder at her. “Do you want something?” He asks above the whir of the espresso machine.
She grimaces and tries to make it look like a smile. “No thanks.” Mac has been making financial concessions all semester long.
When the economy tanked her dad lost his job at Funtime Motors. Her mother went back to work and now her father collects unemployment. Mac doesn’t know exactly how bad things are for her family, but she knows enough that she sold her car at the end of summer and gave her mother the money to put towards their house payments. She’s already considering breaking her lease for Spring semester. She can use her financial aid to pay rent at home, maybe pitch in for bills if she can make the money stretch.
Mac leaves to wait outside and sends her brother a text. Just around the corner. C u soon. Ryan is too old for a babysitter, but she’ll hang out at home with him until her shift at the library starts if it will appease her mother’s guilt for going back to work during “Ryan’s most formative years.”
Dick walks out with two cups. “The girl said this one was vegan.” He hands her a cup and grins at her. It’s not meant to be lecherous. He’s just being silly, kind--generous, really.
He drives her home and Mac attempts to make eye contact when he pulls up to her modest house. “Thanks.” She is surprised that he remembered the address--it’s not in the 90909 zip code--it may as well be in another world.
“See you around, Mackenzie.” He waves and flips a U-turn.
Mac stands in her driveway as he disappears down the street. No one calls her Mackenzie, but she finds that she doesn’t mind it.
II. So much for make-believe, I'm not sold
At first Mac thinks that it is purely coincidental that Dick spots her at the bus stop so often, but by October Mac suspects that their meetings are by design. She knows without a doubt that this is the difference between her and Veronica--Veronica would want to know the how and the why, but Mac is content not to question it.
Dick explains (without Mac prompting him) that he rewards himself for going to class by grabbing a cup of coffee or going for a surf. It’s a system that his therapist insists upon. Out of curiosity Mac asks him what his punishment is when he does not go to class. Dick stays quiet for a moment. The thoughtful boy who says less than he ever, but makes his meaning more than clear, takes her aback. “Doc says that not doing what you are committed to doing is the punishment. You have to learn to sit with your own disappointment and not act out.” It’s a mature statement, one crafted by a mental health professional, but important for Dick to memorize because he’s the only one holding himself accountable these days.
Mac hasn’t been to her therapist since before she started at Hearst, and she’s suddenly very embarrassed--not because they’re in some sort of similar, cosmically fucked boat--but because Dick is unabashed about wanting to be a better person, and Mac is too mortified to even keep her appointments.
***
In early November Veronica discovers Mac’s clandestine meetings with Dick. Mac is sitting at the bus stop again and sees Dick’s familiar car drive up. She stands and smiles, gathers her things and walks to his car. Veronica pulls up right behind him and honks her horn. Mac is torn. She looks at Dick and then at Veronica. She swallows hard and then sidles up to the window that Dick rolled down.
“Give me a sec.”
Mac walks to Veronica’s car, her mouth unexpectedly dry.
“Get in, chica!” Veronica flashes a brilliant smile at her.
“I was actually going to get a ride...with Dick.”
Veronica furrows her eyebrows. “Ohhhkay. But you got some ‘splainin’ to do.”
Mac grits her teeth, not really sure why she’s so embarrassed.
“Call me.” Veronica yells as she drives away.
Mac retreats back to Dick’s car. Dick tries to engage in friendly conversation, but Mac can only mumble the barest of responses. Something palpable has changed between them, and she is not ready or willing to acknowledge it.
***
Over the next week Mac waits at a different bus stop, borrows her dad’s truck, anything to avoid her usual spot. After a while she stops seeing Dick around campus too--he’s not at the food court, not in the quad, not anywhere to be seen when she walks by Greek Row on a Friday night feeling contrite.
On the following Monday she resumes sitting at her usual bus stop and looks up when she hears Veronica calling her name. Mac stands up and looks down toward the main entrance of Hearst, but the boulevard is clear. Mac gets into Veronica’s car and they drive to her house. Once inside and after Mac has checked that Ryan made it home in one piece, she and Veronica lock themselves in her bedroom.
Veronica is relentless and asks question after question.
“What does it mean?! When did this begin? How could you not tell me?!”
“It’s just a ride, a car pool really. No big deal.” Mac insists, but the words seem flimsy even as she says them aloud.
“I don’t understand why you rode with him when I saw you the other day. And were you ever going to call me?”
Mac looks at her pointedly. Veronica is in no position to complain about lack of communication. “I would have talked about it eventually,” she says defensively. Then she pauses to consider the rest of her answer. “It would have been rude of me to get a ride with you instead that day. I didn’t want to make it seem like I’ll take his rides when no one else is around, but as soon as someone better comes along I don’t need him.”
“But you don’t need him, Mac. This is Dick we’re talking about.” Veronica shouts for emphasis.
“I know it’s hard for you to understand, Veronica, but Dick isn’t so bad. He has his good sides.” Mac knows she’s treading on dangerous territory. Veronica can’t forgive Dick for being complicit in her rape, and probably a myriad of other heinous things he did along with the other 09ers.
“So now you’re friends?” Veronica sounds venomous, like Mac has utterly betrayed her.
“I didn’t say that!” Mac spits.
“So you’re not friends?” She begs for clarification.
Mac huffs out a breath. “I don’t know. We’re just...two people headed in the same direction.”
“But why would you pick him over me?” Veronica reveals her insecure, marshmallow center.
Mac does something really uncharacteristic. She grins ruefully and reaches out to Veronica. She pulls her into a hug until she calms down. It takes Veronica a while to relax and lean into the embrace.
“I’m not replacing your friendship with his.” Mac whispers.
Veronica rests her head on Mac’s shoulder. “Sorry for being such a girl.”
Mac squeezes her.
“Can we not tell Logan about this...” Veronica stands back.
Mac watches her closely. Mac knows that under her tough veneer Veronica is vulnerable and loves with no small degree of jealousy.
“I suspect he already knows that you’ve got green running through your veins. But I’m pretty sure he’s also a little bit flattered by it.”
The two friends sit and do homework. Mac highlights stuff in her reader. Veronica takes notes.
“So are you...like...seeing him?”
“If by seeing you mean dating, then no. But if you mean sitting in his car a few times a week while we hurtle down Pacific, then yes.”
“Wallace said that he saw him buying you a Hearst t-shirt for the next game.” Veronica sounds smug.
“A big group of us from the dorms are going to see the next home game. I can’t stop him if he’s got school spirit. And he wasn’t just buying me a t-shirt. He volunteered to pick them up for a bunch of other people.” Mac omits the part about Dick refusing her twenty bucks.
“Parker said that he eats lunch with you guys sometimes.” Veronica’s smile is so wide that Mac wants to wipe the smug grin right off of her.
“It’s a free country. It’s not like I own the tables in the food court.”
“Piz said that Dick borrowed all of The National albums last week.”
“Maybe he has good taste in music.” Mac insists in her dry, sardonic tone.
“The National also just happens to be your favorite band.” Veronica says triumphantly.
Mac rolls her eyes in exasperation. “What else have your spies said?”
“Well, Logan was a little harder to crack, but he said--”
“--Veronica!”
“Yes?”
“Please shut up. I beg of you.”
“He said that Dick hasn’t--well, whatever passes for dating in his world--since before he went into rehab! I think it’s a sign,” she pauses for dramatic effect, “that he likes you!” Veronica squeals and then makes a gagging sound as she puts her finger in her mouth.
“He does not!” Mac yells.
“I’m sorry, Mac, but he does.”
“We are just friends. Less than friends! Gah!!” Mac throws her reader onto the bed.
“Guys do not do all that for someone they see as just friends material.”
“You’re such a liar! Wallace would do all of that for you. And Weevil too probably!” Mac counters.
Veronica considers it for a moment.
“Okay, but guys like Dick don’t!”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Veronica.” Mac shakes her head, confident that Dick really is just her sometimes-taxi, and a friend of Logan’s that is by extension hers.
***
When Dick comes back from his hiatus the next week they do not talk about where he went or why Mac deviated from her routine. She does make more of a point of asking him about how his classes are going.
“My academic advisor told me I can finish in my fifth year.” He seems proud of the news. “Its an improvement. I thought I’d be here for six,” he adds sheepishly.
Mac cheers and slugs him gently on the arm. She somehow feels like maybe she contributed to him falling off the wagon of good behavior. She tells herself that encouraging his progress is the least she can do.
III. I’ve been working on white lies so I’ll tell the truth
In December when it’s pouring outside Mac trudges to the bus stop near her house to catch it back to campus. Three minutes later Dick pulls up as if he is just in the neighborhood. She is no longer surprised to see him, but she still has not come to expect anything of him. He never makes formal arrangements with her; yet his schedule somehow mirrors her own, and he often seems to go out of his way to please her. Mac knows they are in some sort of strange holding pattern. They are not quite friends, and yet they are already something more.
Veronica teases her about it, but when Parker does it doesn’t sting as much. Veronica can’t get past the Dick he used to be--drunk, disorderly, and disrespectful--despite the about face he has done in the last year. Parker is sentimental by nature, and on more than one occasion even she’s commented slyly on the veggie sandwich wrappers from an expensive deli across town in Mac’s backpack. Mac only tells her that Dick snuck food into the library for her, the least she could do was eat it. She does not mention, however, that when Dick drops by it’s during her break. They eat together outside on the benches behind the library that overlook the ocean.
One day while Mac helps Logan at the Reference Desk, he leans in conspiratorially and asks how things are going with Dick. Mac’s cheeks flush, but she just rolls her eyes.
“You’re just like Veronica--you’re reading too much into things.”
“As much as I hate it when Veronica’s right, I’m going to have to agree with her on this one.” Logan explains in his patented rakish voice.
Mac feels gutted, hopeful, terrified, and anxious all at once.
“So how did this liaison begin?” He looks at her expectantly. “Come on, you know I do girl talk better than Veronica.”
Mac snorts in agreement. “I don’t know...” She doesn’t know where to start--she found herself in the middle of it before she knew anything meaningful had begun. “It was weird. But that was just at first. He kind of disarms you with his always-sunny disposition.”
“I get that.” Logan nods.
“It’s easier to be around him when I just don’t think about it, you know. I have to ignore all that shit between us. Or else...” She can’t complete the thought, and doesn’t really want to go there, not when she’s spent the last few months trying to get to know Dick in a new context.
Logan’s face clouds over. Mac imagines his mind working hard not to see Cassidy stepping off the ledge of the roof--just like sometimes she can’t stop herself from imagining the horror when she closes her eyes to blink, to sleep, to dream.
Logan clenches his jaw a few times before he begins again. “I know I’m living in a strange world when I feel like the responsible one, but I do...feel strangely responsible for Dick. So I gotta say it, Mac...”
“Please, don’t.” Mac pleads.
“If you don’t want to hurt him, let him down gently.”
Mac opens her mouth to protest. She hasn’t really thought of him in that way, but when it’s pointed out to her repeatedly she thinks that it would be pretty heartless not to at least proceed with caution.
***
Mac wants some distance from Dick to get perspective on the situation, but he’s everywhere she goes and confrontation has never really been her strong suit. She rearranges her schedule at the library during dead week and finals. She works the night shift instead of the prime early evening shift. She tells her mother she can’t watch Ryan after school anymore. When she’s not in class, Mac hides out in her dorm room and endures Parker’s cheerful chatter when all she wants is silence, white noise, solace from her torrent of emotions.
IV. It's the season of scars and of wounds in the heart
During Christmas break Mac sneaks back into the dorms. She tells her mom that she forgot a text book, but really she is just trying to get some peace and quiet. Her parents fight a lot and Ryan slams his door and listens to Eminem to drown out the sound. Mac feels like she is suffocating.
She sits on her bed and actually misses Parker. Mac thinks about how pathetic her holidays have turned out. The high point will be Christmas Eve at the Fennel-Mars’ house. She’s invited for dinner and a small gift exchange between Logan, Dick, Veronica, Wallace, his little brother, Alicia, and Keith. They are an odd configuration of step family and orphans; Mac wonders how she fits into the mix.
After a couple of hours puttering around her room, Mac grabs a random book and heads back to the bus stop. On her way down the corridor she sees a sliver of light. Mac grips her house keys tightly and decides to check things out. All these years of hanging out with Veronica have apparently rubbed off on her. Her mind wildly leaps to the conclusion that someone has broken into the dorm to rip students off who have all gone home for the holidays. Mac finds that the light source is coming from the laundry room. She peeks her head in and discovers stacks of poorly folded t-shirts and wadded up sheets.
Mac turns at the sound of flip flops on carpet behind her.
“Hey, Mackenzie. What’s shakin’?” Dick is holding a plastic laundry basket and wearing a goofy grin, not at all worried that he’s been caught.
Mac exhales heavily, clutching at her rapidly thumping heart. “What are you doing here? You scared me half to death!”
“It should be fairly obvious to someone so smart. I’m doing laundry.” He deadpans.
“Yeah, but the dorms are closed for the holidays, or did you not get the memo? We’re supposed to go home!” She teases him without thinking.
Mac can’t remember in what state Dick’s relationship is with his father or even if he’s out of jail yet. They never talk about his mother. (Cassidy never did either.) Mac only knows that she was Big Dick’s first wife and they had divorced when the boys were very young. While their dad raised the boys with one new trophy wife after another, the former Mrs. Casablancas had married a man in politics. She lived in Sacramento and only occasionally appeared in her sons’ lives--she’d discreetly attended the graveside service for Cassidy, gotten Dick admission into Hearst, and last year arranged for his stay in an exclusive rehab facility.
Dick’s normally ebullient mood flags momentarily, but he recovers quickly. “I may have snagged the master key from an RA freshman year.”
“You didn’t live on campus freshman year.” Mac states.
“I did not.” His grin is smug, but he doesn’t elaborate.
Mac inexplicably does not like hearing about his conquests. She searches for a new subject, but Dick interrupts her.
“How did you get in?”
“I have my ways.” She doesn’t know why it sounds laden with innuendo. She runs her hand through her freshly streaked hair. She is about to tell him that she made of copy of Weevil’s master key, but instead, something else entirely comes out of her mouth. “What are you up to now?”
“I’m on load number three...” Dick tries to make it sound very important.
“Let’s get out of here. I’ll let you beat me at video games. And maybe I can talk Ryan into going easy on you too.” She grabs his elbow until he drops his laundry.
Dick grabs his keys and they walk to his car. They listen to Christmas music on the radio and sit in companionable silence on the familiar drive to her house. When they arrive Mac has to take a deep breath. From the view of his car, Dick only sees the single family home with the neatly manicured lawn. She has a mom and a dad, a brother, and a dog--but they are far from the perfect family that he may imagine.
She marches up to the front door with Dick in tow. The house is loud--her parents are still arguing in the living room--she stops only momentarily to introduce Dick to her parents. They exchange awkward pleasantries before Mac drags him by his sleeve to her room. She knocks on Ryan’s door and announces herself before walking in.
“We’re playing video games if you want to join us.”
Ryan calls after her as she leaves, “Who’s us?”
Mac doesn’t respond and just starts up the game console. She reaches into her mini fridge and pulls out three cans of Coke and tosses one to Dick. Ryan joins them shortly after.
“Dick, Ryan. Ryan, Dick.” She says by way of introduction.
Ryan is a surly teenager and takes the opportunity to tease Mac. “What are you, like, my sister’s boyfriend er somethin’?”
“Er somethin’,” Mac says. “Are we playing or what?” She tosses her brother a controller and refuses to look at Dick until he stops giggling like a little girl.
Mr. and Mrs. Mackenzie stop fighting after an hour, and they all ignore the sound of the truck reversing down the driveway signaling Mac’s dad’s getaway. They play for four hours, stopping only for pizza that Mac insists on paying for even though she picks off all the cheese and most of the toppings. Around midnight Ryan decides to call it a night. Dick and Ryan fist bump and plan a four-wheeler excursion during their break if the weather permits. Ryan closes the door behind him and Mac is suddenly aware that she is sharing a beanbag chair with Dick freakin’ Casablancas.
She shifts uncomfortably and searches for the perfect wry comment to break the tension.
“That was the weirdest date, ever.” He steals it from her.
She laughs despite her embarrassment, something she’s finally learned to do. Then her laughter descends into something somber and she can’t help the tears from forming, can’t stop them from sliding down her round cheeks. As quickly as she begins to cry, she stops when she sees Dick’s face. It’s like someone kicked his puppy. She hiccups, her body resisting anguish, and she starts to laugh again. He smiles, confused by her mercurial mood, but seemingly relieved she hasn’t denied it was, in deed, a date.
They stand up and work out the kinks in their limbs. Mac walks Dick to his car and she has to fight her compulsion to hop into his passenger side seat. He leans against the driver’s side door and watches her as she wraps her arms around herself. It’s never particularly cold in Neptune, but the sea air chills her to the bone.
“Will I see you tomorrow?” His voice sounds thick, almost a little bit desperate, and lacks its usual timber of confidence.
Mac nods, not trusting herself to speak. She leans in and kisses him. It’s a short kiss, she’s trying to be as gentle with him as he has been with her. Dick pulls her to him, and doesn’t let her go for several minutes. Finally, he gets in his car and drives away, leaving her breathless.
V. All the very best of us string ourselves up for love
Veronica goes all out to make Christmas Eve extra special. Mac is happy to see that Logan and Veronica have finally worked out some of their biggest issues, including Veronica’s bad habit of keeping all of her relationships compartmentalized. She even acts civil to Dick.
Mac and Dick hug quickly during the greeting portion of the evening, but they do not have much contact for the rest of the night. Dick takes to Alicia immediately, insisting on helping out in the kitchen. It’s clear that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he has fun wearing an apron, mashing potatoes, and setting the table. Logan and Keith keep busy by watching ESPN classics. They pretend to root for different teams, but it’s all in jest. Mac and the others fiddle around with the piano and sing Christmas carols off key.
After dinner they gather around the fireplace and play White Elephant. Mac is the first to pick a gift and ends up with an ugly sweatshirt that says, “I’ve Got Pirate Pride,” possibly a 1980s relic from the thrift store. Predictably, no one steals it from her. Dick is the last to go and picks the final gift in the pile--a small, plain box. He opens it and holds up a set of keys.
Everyone laughs at the mystery key chain.
“Those look like my old house keys!” Wallace jokes.
“Maybe they open something cool!” Veronica suggests.
Mac stares at them and feels her heart leap to her throat.
“Mac! It’s your turn again! You can choose to steal, or you can wear your sweatshirt with Pirate pride!” Keith yells enthusiastically.
Mac stands up and smiles slyly. She walks by and eyes Alicia’s gift card to Trader Joe’s, and pretends to be interested in Logan’s DVD set of Saved by the Bell: The College Years. She stops in front of Dick and holds her hand out. She looks him in the eye and lets the corner of her mouth turn upward ever so slightly. He grins and hands over the keys.
After the party breaks up Veronica offers to drive Mac home. Keith looks at her suspiciously, but lets her go with his permission. Veronica and Mac make a show of walking down the driveway together. Veronica bumps her hip and gives her a sideways glance.
“Merry Christmas, Q.”
“Merry Christmas, Veronica.” Mac leans over and hugs her. “My house is only fifteen minutes away, but I think your dad is in a generous mood. You’ve got an hour, tops, before he gets cranky.”
Veronica nods and looks over Mac’s shoulder, she probably notices Dick leaning against his car waiting. Mac can tell she’s fighting her natural urge to pass judgment. Veronica gives her a watery smile and heads over to Logan’s car.
Mac lets Dick open the door for her and they drive off in silence. They pass Java the Hut, they spot the turn off for Neptune High, they circle through 09er territory, and finally end up at Dog Beach. Mac hops down from the SUV and lets Dick close the door behind her. She grabs his hand and they walk toward the shore. They meander for a few minutes and finally sit on dry sand, away from high tide.
“I feel like I should say something...” Mac begins, but is lost for words again.
“I’m kind of new to this whole talking thing too.” Dick admits to his chagrin. His floppy blond hair falls into his eyes. It lends him a look of innocence.
“Lately you seem to be doing a better job at it than me.” Mac confesses with a hint of shame.
The ocean roars and crashes, and for a while it’s the only sound they hear.
Mac interrupts their reverie. “I’m sorry for avoiding you. I got kind of spooked.”
“I thought I had done something wrong.” Dick sounds relieved at her disclosure.
“You didn’t. That was all me.”
“Well, I’m kind of used to being the reason people get pissed off and disappear.” His admission reminds her of his apology on this very same beach some two and a half years ago.
Mac thinks it’s an unfair burden for him to bear.
“Logan told me he mentioned something to you, so I figured it was your way of showing me you weren’t--aren’t--interested.”
“It wasn’t that!” She rushes to say. “I just, I don’t know.” She’s frustrated by her inability to form sentences.
“I get it.” Dick sounds defeated already.
“No. You don’t. It’s not that you’re not a great guy...but the thing is, I’ve done that.”
Dick starts to chuckle. Mac hits him on the arm.
“I didn’t mean that. I mean, yeah, I have done that, but I didn’t mean that. Ugh. Look, I’ve dated nice guys--first Bronson, then Max, and things didn’t end well with either of them. I just sort of...crushed them. And I don’t know why. And when Logan said I should be careful not to hurt you, I realized I couldn’t promise that.”
Dick nods his head and looks at her in earnest. “You think I’m a nice guy?”
Mac can only nod her head. Her cheeks are hot and red. “You have your moments.”
“Aw, thanks, Mackenzie.” He ruffles her hair, messes up the dark purple highlights.
“I’m no good at this. I never have been.” After she broke up with Max during sophomore year she got back together with Bronson, only to dump him again six months later, and pick up where she left off with Max. She’s no longer on speaking terms with either of them, and it leaves her questioning her ability to engage in healthy relationships. “So we can do whatever this is, but I can’t promise you that it won’t end horribly. To be honest, I don’t even really understand...you know, why you like me.” Mac feels small and insecure, aware that she’s far from Dick’s type. She pulls her legs into her chest, and leans her head over her knees and watches him.
He stares back at her in utter shock. “Look, I meant what I said before. I got what my brother saw in you. Do you really not see it?”
Mac has to think hard. She doesn’t know the elusive it that he sees in her.
He offers the explanation simply. “You have the ability to see the good in people. When I was awful to you, you looked so disappointed in me. And no one ever reacted that way before. You even forgave my drunken apology, and I gave you no reason to even believe it was sincere.” He looks out at the vast waters, his eyes focus on the white peaks of foam, the seaweed tumbling upon the shore. “That moment stuck with me. It made me want to be a better person, even though I didn’t really know how at the time. But it planted the seed.”
“I think you shocked everyone when you went into rehab voluntarily.” Mac rarely raises the issue unless he does first.
“It was the first step...” Dick draws circles in the sand with his fingers, unable to stop fidgeting during their intense conversation.
“I hardly knew how to react to you that first day you picked me up at the bust stop. Dick 2.0 threw me for a loop.”
“Did I?” He smiles smugly.
“You still throw me for loops.” She smiles back.
“Oh yeah...?”
“Don’t think we’re not going to talk about your little stunt with the keys.”
“Oh, that...” Dick worries a piece of sea glass between his thumb and index finger.
“Yeah, that. And they say chivalry is dead.” Mac shakes her head. “How did you do it?”
“Do what?” He chucks the sea glass as far as he can.
“How did you buy my car back?”
“I have my ways...”
“Come on, tell me.” Mac tries to hide her curiosity, but the rise in her voice betrays her.
“Alright, alright.” He gives in easily. “I asked Veronica to look up the address of the new owner and I made the owner an offer she couldn’t refuse.”
“You shouldn’t have done that.” Her face hurts from smiling.
“Oh, yeah?”
“You explicitly broke the rules of White Elephant, unless the value of my car suddenly dropped to ten dollars or less.”
“I was never very good at following directions.”
“Really?”
“Nope.”
“Even when enunciated and spoken slowly?”
“I could be convinced to give it a try.”
“Okay, how about...kiss me.” Mac sits up and faces him.
Dick leans over and threads his fingers through her hair. He supports her head with his palm and rubs his thumb over the apple of her cheek. He looks at her like she’s his favorite present on Christmas morning. Finally, he kisses her, and this time Mac doesn’t let him go until she leaves him breathless too.
Recipient: katadee
Title: And They Say Chivalry is Dead
Author: i_am_girlfriday
Rating: PG-13 for mild language and general adult themes
Pairing/Characters: Mac/Dick; implied Logan/Veronica; married!Keith/Alicia; cameos or mentions of the entire ensemble
Word Count: 5,650ish
Summary: Mac is the unsuspecting recipient of Dick’s random acts of kindness.
Notes: This came out way angstier than I intended. I blame my choice of music. Thank you to afrocurl for the very speedy beta job! I worked with katadee’s prompts of future fic, and dealing with the Cassidy situation.
Spoilers/Warnings: General for the whole series. Mentions of alcohol abuse, mental health issues, rape, gross parental negligence; possible implications of domestic violence or verbal assault.
I. Pale September - Fiona Apple
II. Pioneer to the Falls - Interpol
III. Night Time - The xx
IV. Christmas - Leona Naess
V. Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks - The National
I. All my armor falling down in a pile at my feet
In late September Mac sits at the bus stop and checks the clock on her cell phone for the tenth time. She told her mom she’d be home by three-thirty to stay with Ryan after school. Hearst isn’t far from her house, not more than five miles, but she got so used to having her own car that it seems an inconvenience to wait even seven minutes for the next bus.
A dark green SUV drives past her and from the window someone shouts, “Hey, Mackenzie. Get in!”
The windows are tinted and Mac suspects Logan is behind the wheel, so she grabs her bag and her jacket and walks to the passenger side door. She’s surprised to see Dick’s towhead bopping up and down to the tune of something catchy and obnoxious. Mac wonders if it would be rude to decline the ride, but given her impatience for public transportation she acquiesces. She hops up into the vehicle and buckles up.
Dick speeds off down the main boulevard that connects the campus to the city center. “What happened to your your little green bug?” He asks after they have crossed a few intersections.
“Oh...I sold it.” The sadness in her voice betrays her.
“I thought you loved that thing.”
Mac looks off into the distance, catches sight of the ocean as they pass Dog Beach. “Eh...” She makes little attempt to converse.
She is uncomfortable in Dick’s presence. It’s been more than two years since he tried to kiss her at the beach, but sometimes, when she’s being morose and thinking about Cassidy, she remembers Dick’s apology. It wasn’t balm for her wounds then, but more time has passed and now she can finally accept what he said.
She looks at Dick more closely now. He looks healthier; maybe he really does have nine months sober like Logan said. They may not be what you’d call friends, but Mac really is glad that he’s stopped trying to poison himself into a slow, agonizing death.
“It was just a car, you know?” Mac says it as much for her benefit as it is an explanation for him.
Dick nods his head and gestures with his hand. “I was going to stop at Java the Hut. Do you mind?” He asks so politely, in a way that takes Mac off her guard completely.
She shakes her head. “No, it’s cool. I can walk the rest of the way. My house is just a few blocks away.” She gestures to the east side of town.
They pull into the parking lot, but Dick is insistent that she come in and order a coffee, or at the very least, wait in the car. “What kind of chauffeur would I be if I made you walk the rest of the way.” Now he reminds her of the Dick she used to know--like he doesn’t have a care in the world--but the cutting edge in his voice is gone.
Mac feels uneasy as she walks into the cafe behind him.
Dick orders a drink and glances over his shoulder at her. “Do you want something?” He asks above the whir of the espresso machine.
She grimaces and tries to make it look like a smile. “No thanks.” Mac has been making financial concessions all semester long.
When the economy tanked her dad lost his job at Funtime Motors. Her mother went back to work and now her father collects unemployment. Mac doesn’t know exactly how bad things are for her family, but she knows enough that she sold her car at the end of summer and gave her mother the money to put towards their house payments. She’s already considering breaking her lease for Spring semester. She can use her financial aid to pay rent at home, maybe pitch in for bills if she can make the money stretch.
Mac leaves to wait outside and sends her brother a text. Just around the corner. C u soon. Ryan is too old for a babysitter, but she’ll hang out at home with him until her shift at the library starts if it will appease her mother’s guilt for going back to work during “Ryan’s most formative years.”
Dick walks out with two cups. “The girl said this one was vegan.” He hands her a cup and grins at her. It’s not meant to be lecherous. He’s just being silly, kind--generous, really.
He drives her home and Mac attempts to make eye contact when he pulls up to her modest house. “Thanks.” She is surprised that he remembered the address--it’s not in the 90909 zip code--it may as well be in another world.
“See you around, Mackenzie.” He waves and flips a U-turn.
Mac stands in her driveway as he disappears down the street. No one calls her Mackenzie, but she finds that she doesn’t mind it.
II. So much for make-believe, I'm not sold
At first Mac thinks that it is purely coincidental that Dick spots her at the bus stop so often, but by October Mac suspects that their meetings are by design. She knows without a doubt that this is the difference between her and Veronica--Veronica would want to know the how and the why, but Mac is content not to question it.
Dick explains (without Mac prompting him) that he rewards himself for going to class by grabbing a cup of coffee or going for a surf. It’s a system that his therapist insists upon. Out of curiosity Mac asks him what his punishment is when he does not go to class. Dick stays quiet for a moment. The thoughtful boy who says less than he ever, but makes his meaning more than clear, takes her aback. “Doc says that not doing what you are committed to doing is the punishment. You have to learn to sit with your own disappointment and not act out.” It’s a mature statement, one crafted by a mental health professional, but important for Dick to memorize because he’s the only one holding himself accountable these days.
Mac hasn’t been to her therapist since before she started at Hearst, and she’s suddenly very embarrassed--not because they’re in some sort of similar, cosmically fucked boat--but because Dick is unabashed about wanting to be a better person, and Mac is too mortified to even keep her appointments.
***
In early November Veronica discovers Mac’s clandestine meetings with Dick. Mac is sitting at the bus stop again and sees Dick’s familiar car drive up. She stands and smiles, gathers her things and walks to his car. Veronica pulls up right behind him and honks her horn. Mac is torn. She looks at Dick and then at Veronica. She swallows hard and then sidles up to the window that Dick rolled down.
“Give me a sec.”
Mac walks to Veronica’s car, her mouth unexpectedly dry.
“Get in, chica!” Veronica flashes a brilliant smile at her.
“I was actually going to get a ride...with Dick.”
Veronica furrows her eyebrows. “Ohhhkay. But you got some ‘splainin’ to do.”
Mac grits her teeth, not really sure why she’s so embarrassed.
“Call me.” Veronica yells as she drives away.
Mac retreats back to Dick’s car. Dick tries to engage in friendly conversation, but Mac can only mumble the barest of responses. Something palpable has changed between them, and she is not ready or willing to acknowledge it.
***
Over the next week Mac waits at a different bus stop, borrows her dad’s truck, anything to avoid her usual spot. After a while she stops seeing Dick around campus too--he’s not at the food court, not in the quad, not anywhere to be seen when she walks by Greek Row on a Friday night feeling contrite.
On the following Monday she resumes sitting at her usual bus stop and looks up when she hears Veronica calling her name. Mac stands up and looks down toward the main entrance of Hearst, but the boulevard is clear. Mac gets into Veronica’s car and they drive to her house. Once inside and after Mac has checked that Ryan made it home in one piece, she and Veronica lock themselves in her bedroom.
Veronica is relentless and asks question after question.
“What does it mean?! When did this begin? How could you not tell me?!”
“It’s just a ride, a car pool really. No big deal.” Mac insists, but the words seem flimsy even as she says them aloud.
“I don’t understand why you rode with him when I saw you the other day. And were you ever going to call me?”
Mac looks at her pointedly. Veronica is in no position to complain about lack of communication. “I would have talked about it eventually,” she says defensively. Then she pauses to consider the rest of her answer. “It would have been rude of me to get a ride with you instead that day. I didn’t want to make it seem like I’ll take his rides when no one else is around, but as soon as someone better comes along I don’t need him.”
“But you don’t need him, Mac. This is Dick we’re talking about.” Veronica shouts for emphasis.
“I know it’s hard for you to understand, Veronica, but Dick isn’t so bad. He has his good sides.” Mac knows she’s treading on dangerous territory. Veronica can’t forgive Dick for being complicit in her rape, and probably a myriad of other heinous things he did along with the other 09ers.
“So now you’re friends?” Veronica sounds venomous, like Mac has utterly betrayed her.
“I didn’t say that!” Mac spits.
“So you’re not friends?” She begs for clarification.
Mac huffs out a breath. “I don’t know. We’re just...two people headed in the same direction.”
“But why would you pick him over me?” Veronica reveals her insecure, marshmallow center.
Mac does something really uncharacteristic. She grins ruefully and reaches out to Veronica. She pulls her into a hug until she calms down. It takes Veronica a while to relax and lean into the embrace.
“I’m not replacing your friendship with his.” Mac whispers.
Veronica rests her head on Mac’s shoulder. “Sorry for being such a girl.”
Mac squeezes her.
“Can we not tell Logan about this...” Veronica stands back.
Mac watches her closely. Mac knows that under her tough veneer Veronica is vulnerable and loves with no small degree of jealousy.
“I suspect he already knows that you’ve got green running through your veins. But I’m pretty sure he’s also a little bit flattered by it.”
The two friends sit and do homework. Mac highlights stuff in her reader. Veronica takes notes.
“So are you...like...seeing him?”
“If by seeing you mean dating, then no. But if you mean sitting in his car a few times a week while we hurtle down Pacific, then yes.”
“Wallace said that he saw him buying you a Hearst t-shirt for the next game.” Veronica sounds smug.
“A big group of us from the dorms are going to see the next home game. I can’t stop him if he’s got school spirit. And he wasn’t just buying me a t-shirt. He volunteered to pick them up for a bunch of other people.” Mac omits the part about Dick refusing her twenty bucks.
“Parker said that he eats lunch with you guys sometimes.” Veronica’s smile is so wide that Mac wants to wipe the smug grin right off of her.
“It’s a free country. It’s not like I own the tables in the food court.”
“Piz said that Dick borrowed all of The National albums last week.”
“Maybe he has good taste in music.” Mac insists in her dry, sardonic tone.
“The National also just happens to be your favorite band.” Veronica says triumphantly.
Mac rolls her eyes in exasperation. “What else have your spies said?”
“Well, Logan was a little harder to crack, but he said--”
“--Veronica!”
“Yes?”
“Please shut up. I beg of you.”
“He said that Dick hasn’t--well, whatever passes for dating in his world--since before he went into rehab! I think it’s a sign,” she pauses for dramatic effect, “that he likes you!” Veronica squeals and then makes a gagging sound as she puts her finger in her mouth.
“He does not!” Mac yells.
“I’m sorry, Mac, but he does.”
“We are just friends. Less than friends! Gah!!” Mac throws her reader onto the bed.
“Guys do not do all that for someone they see as just friends material.”
“You’re such a liar! Wallace would do all of that for you. And Weevil too probably!” Mac counters.
Veronica considers it for a moment.
“Okay, but guys like Dick don’t!”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Veronica.” Mac shakes her head, confident that Dick really is just her sometimes-taxi, and a friend of Logan’s that is by extension hers.
***
When Dick comes back from his hiatus the next week they do not talk about where he went or why Mac deviated from her routine. She does make more of a point of asking him about how his classes are going.
“My academic advisor told me I can finish in my fifth year.” He seems proud of the news. “Its an improvement. I thought I’d be here for six,” he adds sheepishly.
Mac cheers and slugs him gently on the arm. She somehow feels like maybe she contributed to him falling off the wagon of good behavior. She tells herself that encouraging his progress is the least she can do.
III. I’ve been working on white lies so I’ll tell the truth
In December when it’s pouring outside Mac trudges to the bus stop near her house to catch it back to campus. Three minutes later Dick pulls up as if he is just in the neighborhood. She is no longer surprised to see him, but she still has not come to expect anything of him. He never makes formal arrangements with her; yet his schedule somehow mirrors her own, and he often seems to go out of his way to please her. Mac knows they are in some sort of strange holding pattern. They are not quite friends, and yet they are already something more.
Veronica teases her about it, but when Parker does it doesn’t sting as much. Veronica can’t get past the Dick he used to be--drunk, disorderly, and disrespectful--despite the about face he has done in the last year. Parker is sentimental by nature, and on more than one occasion even she’s commented slyly on the veggie sandwich wrappers from an expensive deli across town in Mac’s backpack. Mac only tells her that Dick snuck food into the library for her, the least she could do was eat it. She does not mention, however, that when Dick drops by it’s during her break. They eat together outside on the benches behind the library that overlook the ocean.
One day while Mac helps Logan at the Reference Desk, he leans in conspiratorially and asks how things are going with Dick. Mac’s cheeks flush, but she just rolls her eyes.
“You’re just like Veronica--you’re reading too much into things.”
“As much as I hate it when Veronica’s right, I’m going to have to agree with her on this one.” Logan explains in his patented rakish voice.
Mac feels gutted, hopeful, terrified, and anxious all at once.
“So how did this liaison begin?” He looks at her expectantly. “Come on, you know I do girl talk better than Veronica.”
Mac snorts in agreement. “I don’t know...” She doesn’t know where to start--she found herself in the middle of it before she knew anything meaningful had begun. “It was weird. But that was just at first. He kind of disarms you with his always-sunny disposition.”
“I get that.” Logan nods.
“It’s easier to be around him when I just don’t think about it, you know. I have to ignore all that shit between us. Or else...” She can’t complete the thought, and doesn’t really want to go there, not when she’s spent the last few months trying to get to know Dick in a new context.
Logan’s face clouds over. Mac imagines his mind working hard not to see Cassidy stepping off the ledge of the roof--just like sometimes she can’t stop herself from imagining the horror when she closes her eyes to blink, to sleep, to dream.
Logan clenches his jaw a few times before he begins again. “I know I’m living in a strange world when I feel like the responsible one, but I do...feel strangely responsible for Dick. So I gotta say it, Mac...”
“Please, don’t.” Mac pleads.
“If you don’t want to hurt him, let him down gently.”
Mac opens her mouth to protest. She hasn’t really thought of him in that way, but when it’s pointed out to her repeatedly she thinks that it would be pretty heartless not to at least proceed with caution.
***
Mac wants some distance from Dick to get perspective on the situation, but he’s everywhere she goes and confrontation has never really been her strong suit. She rearranges her schedule at the library during dead week and finals. She works the night shift instead of the prime early evening shift. She tells her mother she can’t watch Ryan after school anymore. When she’s not in class, Mac hides out in her dorm room and endures Parker’s cheerful chatter when all she wants is silence, white noise, solace from her torrent of emotions.
IV. It's the season of scars and of wounds in the heart
During Christmas break Mac sneaks back into the dorms. She tells her mom that she forgot a text book, but really she is just trying to get some peace and quiet. Her parents fight a lot and Ryan slams his door and listens to Eminem to drown out the sound. Mac feels like she is suffocating.
She sits on her bed and actually misses Parker. Mac thinks about how pathetic her holidays have turned out. The high point will be Christmas Eve at the Fennel-Mars’ house. She’s invited for dinner and a small gift exchange between Logan, Dick, Veronica, Wallace, his little brother, Alicia, and Keith. They are an odd configuration of step family and orphans; Mac wonders how she fits into the mix.
After a couple of hours puttering around her room, Mac grabs a random book and heads back to the bus stop. On her way down the corridor she sees a sliver of light. Mac grips her house keys tightly and decides to check things out. All these years of hanging out with Veronica have apparently rubbed off on her. Her mind wildly leaps to the conclusion that someone has broken into the dorm to rip students off who have all gone home for the holidays. Mac finds that the light source is coming from the laundry room. She peeks her head in and discovers stacks of poorly folded t-shirts and wadded up sheets.
Mac turns at the sound of flip flops on carpet behind her.
“Hey, Mackenzie. What’s shakin’?” Dick is holding a plastic laundry basket and wearing a goofy grin, not at all worried that he’s been caught.
Mac exhales heavily, clutching at her rapidly thumping heart. “What are you doing here? You scared me half to death!”
“It should be fairly obvious to someone so smart. I’m doing laundry.” He deadpans.
“Yeah, but the dorms are closed for the holidays, or did you not get the memo? We’re supposed to go home!” She teases him without thinking.
Mac can’t remember in what state Dick’s relationship is with his father or even if he’s out of jail yet. They never talk about his mother. (Cassidy never did either.) Mac only knows that she was Big Dick’s first wife and they had divorced when the boys were very young. While their dad raised the boys with one new trophy wife after another, the former Mrs. Casablancas had married a man in politics. She lived in Sacramento and only occasionally appeared in her sons’ lives--she’d discreetly attended the graveside service for Cassidy, gotten Dick admission into Hearst, and last year arranged for his stay in an exclusive rehab facility.
Dick’s normally ebullient mood flags momentarily, but he recovers quickly. “I may have snagged the master key from an RA freshman year.”
“You didn’t live on campus freshman year.” Mac states.
“I did not.” His grin is smug, but he doesn’t elaborate.
Mac inexplicably does not like hearing about his conquests. She searches for a new subject, but Dick interrupts her.
“How did you get in?”
“I have my ways.” She doesn’t know why it sounds laden with innuendo. She runs her hand through her freshly streaked hair. She is about to tell him that she made of copy of Weevil’s master key, but instead, something else entirely comes out of her mouth. “What are you up to now?”
“I’m on load number three...” Dick tries to make it sound very important.
“Let’s get out of here. I’ll let you beat me at video games. And maybe I can talk Ryan into going easy on you too.” She grabs his elbow until he drops his laundry.
Dick grabs his keys and they walk to his car. They listen to Christmas music on the radio and sit in companionable silence on the familiar drive to her house. When they arrive Mac has to take a deep breath. From the view of his car, Dick only sees the single family home with the neatly manicured lawn. She has a mom and a dad, a brother, and a dog--but they are far from the perfect family that he may imagine.
She marches up to the front door with Dick in tow. The house is loud--her parents are still arguing in the living room--she stops only momentarily to introduce Dick to her parents. They exchange awkward pleasantries before Mac drags him by his sleeve to her room. She knocks on Ryan’s door and announces herself before walking in.
“We’re playing video games if you want to join us.”
Ryan calls after her as she leaves, “Who’s us?”
Mac doesn’t respond and just starts up the game console. She reaches into her mini fridge and pulls out three cans of Coke and tosses one to Dick. Ryan joins them shortly after.
“Dick, Ryan. Ryan, Dick.” She says by way of introduction.
Ryan is a surly teenager and takes the opportunity to tease Mac. “What are you, like, my sister’s boyfriend er somethin’?”
“Er somethin’,” Mac says. “Are we playing or what?” She tosses her brother a controller and refuses to look at Dick until he stops giggling like a little girl.
Mr. and Mrs. Mackenzie stop fighting after an hour, and they all ignore the sound of the truck reversing down the driveway signaling Mac’s dad’s getaway. They play for four hours, stopping only for pizza that Mac insists on paying for even though she picks off all the cheese and most of the toppings. Around midnight Ryan decides to call it a night. Dick and Ryan fist bump and plan a four-wheeler excursion during their break if the weather permits. Ryan closes the door behind him and Mac is suddenly aware that she is sharing a beanbag chair with Dick freakin’ Casablancas.
She shifts uncomfortably and searches for the perfect wry comment to break the tension.
“That was the weirdest date, ever.” He steals it from her.
She laughs despite her embarrassment, something she’s finally learned to do. Then her laughter descends into something somber and she can’t help the tears from forming, can’t stop them from sliding down her round cheeks. As quickly as she begins to cry, she stops when she sees Dick’s face. It’s like someone kicked his puppy. She hiccups, her body resisting anguish, and she starts to laugh again. He smiles, confused by her mercurial mood, but seemingly relieved she hasn’t denied it was, in deed, a date.
They stand up and work out the kinks in their limbs. Mac walks Dick to his car and she has to fight her compulsion to hop into his passenger side seat. He leans against the driver’s side door and watches her as she wraps her arms around herself. It’s never particularly cold in Neptune, but the sea air chills her to the bone.
“Will I see you tomorrow?” His voice sounds thick, almost a little bit desperate, and lacks its usual timber of confidence.
Mac nods, not trusting herself to speak. She leans in and kisses him. It’s a short kiss, she’s trying to be as gentle with him as he has been with her. Dick pulls her to him, and doesn’t let her go for several minutes. Finally, he gets in his car and drives away, leaving her breathless.
V. All the very best of us string ourselves up for love
Veronica goes all out to make Christmas Eve extra special. Mac is happy to see that Logan and Veronica have finally worked out some of their biggest issues, including Veronica’s bad habit of keeping all of her relationships compartmentalized. She even acts civil to Dick.
Mac and Dick hug quickly during the greeting portion of the evening, but they do not have much contact for the rest of the night. Dick takes to Alicia immediately, insisting on helping out in the kitchen. It’s clear that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he has fun wearing an apron, mashing potatoes, and setting the table. Logan and Keith keep busy by watching ESPN classics. They pretend to root for different teams, but it’s all in jest. Mac and the others fiddle around with the piano and sing Christmas carols off key.
After dinner they gather around the fireplace and play White Elephant. Mac is the first to pick a gift and ends up with an ugly sweatshirt that says, “I’ve Got Pirate Pride,” possibly a 1980s relic from the thrift store. Predictably, no one steals it from her. Dick is the last to go and picks the final gift in the pile--a small, plain box. He opens it and holds up a set of keys.
Everyone laughs at the mystery key chain.
“Those look like my old house keys!” Wallace jokes.
“Maybe they open something cool!” Veronica suggests.
Mac stares at them and feels her heart leap to her throat.
“Mac! It’s your turn again! You can choose to steal, or you can wear your sweatshirt with Pirate pride!” Keith yells enthusiastically.
Mac stands up and smiles slyly. She walks by and eyes Alicia’s gift card to Trader Joe’s, and pretends to be interested in Logan’s DVD set of Saved by the Bell: The College Years. She stops in front of Dick and holds her hand out. She looks him in the eye and lets the corner of her mouth turn upward ever so slightly. He grins and hands over the keys.
After the party breaks up Veronica offers to drive Mac home. Keith looks at her suspiciously, but lets her go with his permission. Veronica and Mac make a show of walking down the driveway together. Veronica bumps her hip and gives her a sideways glance.
“Merry Christmas, Q.”
“Merry Christmas, Veronica.” Mac leans over and hugs her. “My house is only fifteen minutes away, but I think your dad is in a generous mood. You’ve got an hour, tops, before he gets cranky.”
Veronica nods and looks over Mac’s shoulder, she probably notices Dick leaning against his car waiting. Mac can tell she’s fighting her natural urge to pass judgment. Veronica gives her a watery smile and heads over to Logan’s car.
Mac lets Dick open the door for her and they drive off in silence. They pass Java the Hut, they spot the turn off for Neptune High, they circle through 09er territory, and finally end up at Dog Beach. Mac hops down from the SUV and lets Dick close the door behind her. She grabs his hand and they walk toward the shore. They meander for a few minutes and finally sit on dry sand, away from high tide.
“I feel like I should say something...” Mac begins, but is lost for words again.
“I’m kind of new to this whole talking thing too.” Dick admits to his chagrin. His floppy blond hair falls into his eyes. It lends him a look of innocence.
“Lately you seem to be doing a better job at it than me.” Mac confesses with a hint of shame.
The ocean roars and crashes, and for a while it’s the only sound they hear.
Mac interrupts their reverie. “I’m sorry for avoiding you. I got kind of spooked.”
“I thought I had done something wrong.” Dick sounds relieved at her disclosure.
“You didn’t. That was all me.”
“Well, I’m kind of used to being the reason people get pissed off and disappear.” His admission reminds her of his apology on this very same beach some two and a half years ago.
Mac thinks it’s an unfair burden for him to bear.
“Logan told me he mentioned something to you, so I figured it was your way of showing me you weren’t--aren’t--interested.”
“It wasn’t that!” She rushes to say. “I just, I don’t know.” She’s frustrated by her inability to form sentences.
“I get it.” Dick sounds defeated already.
“No. You don’t. It’s not that you’re not a great guy...but the thing is, I’ve done that.”
Dick starts to chuckle. Mac hits him on the arm.
“I didn’t mean that. I mean, yeah, I have done that, but I didn’t mean that. Ugh. Look, I’ve dated nice guys--first Bronson, then Max, and things didn’t end well with either of them. I just sort of...crushed them. And I don’t know why. And when Logan said I should be careful not to hurt you, I realized I couldn’t promise that.”
Dick nods his head and looks at her in earnest. “You think I’m a nice guy?”
Mac can only nod her head. Her cheeks are hot and red. “You have your moments.”
“Aw, thanks, Mackenzie.” He ruffles her hair, messes up the dark purple highlights.
“I’m no good at this. I never have been.” After she broke up with Max during sophomore year she got back together with Bronson, only to dump him again six months later, and pick up where she left off with Max. She’s no longer on speaking terms with either of them, and it leaves her questioning her ability to engage in healthy relationships. “So we can do whatever this is, but I can’t promise you that it won’t end horribly. To be honest, I don’t even really understand...you know, why you like me.” Mac feels small and insecure, aware that she’s far from Dick’s type. She pulls her legs into her chest, and leans her head over her knees and watches him.
He stares back at her in utter shock. “Look, I meant what I said before. I got what my brother saw in you. Do you really not see it?”
Mac has to think hard. She doesn’t know the elusive it that he sees in her.
He offers the explanation simply. “You have the ability to see the good in people. When I was awful to you, you looked so disappointed in me. And no one ever reacted that way before. You even forgave my drunken apology, and I gave you no reason to even believe it was sincere.” He looks out at the vast waters, his eyes focus on the white peaks of foam, the seaweed tumbling upon the shore. “That moment stuck with me. It made me want to be a better person, even though I didn’t really know how at the time. But it planted the seed.”
“I think you shocked everyone when you went into rehab voluntarily.” Mac rarely raises the issue unless he does first.
“It was the first step...” Dick draws circles in the sand with his fingers, unable to stop fidgeting during their intense conversation.
“I hardly knew how to react to you that first day you picked me up at the bust stop. Dick 2.0 threw me for a loop.”
“Did I?” He smiles smugly.
“You still throw me for loops.” She smiles back.
“Oh yeah...?”
“Don’t think we’re not going to talk about your little stunt with the keys.”
“Oh, that...” Dick worries a piece of sea glass between his thumb and index finger.
“Yeah, that. And they say chivalry is dead.” Mac shakes her head. “How did you do it?”
“Do what?” He chucks the sea glass as far as he can.
“How did you buy my car back?”
“I have my ways...”
“Come on, tell me.” Mac tries to hide her curiosity, but the rise in her voice betrays her.
“Alright, alright.” He gives in easily. “I asked Veronica to look up the address of the new owner and I made the owner an offer she couldn’t refuse.”
“You shouldn’t have done that.” Her face hurts from smiling.
“Oh, yeah?”
“You explicitly broke the rules of White Elephant, unless the value of my car suddenly dropped to ten dollars or less.”
“I was never very good at following directions.”
“Really?”
“Nope.”
“Even when enunciated and spoken slowly?”
“I could be convinced to give it a try.”
“Okay, how about...kiss me.” Mac sits up and faces him.
Dick leans over and threads his fingers through her hair. He supports her head with his palm and rubs his thumb over the apple of her cheek. He looks at her like she’s his favorite present on Christmas morning. Finally, he kisses her, and this time Mac doesn’t let him go until she leaves him breathless too.