I Dreamt We Fell Apart (chapter seven)
Follow The Dream That Kills. (chapter seven)
Time on the island had become nothing more than a distant echo, like music drifting through someone else’s headphones, or the faint trace of cigarette smoke lingering in a room hours after the last drag was drawn. Everyone was aware of the days passing, but no one wanted to think about how long they had been there. If you didn’t think about it, you could pretend it had only been a few days, you could pretend help had been sent out the very moment the plane went down, that it would only be a little while longer before the U.S. Navy, Coast Guard, and/or the Marines would arrive to save you, whisking you away back to your comfortable middle class life, complete with fluffy bath towels, cable television, and lavender pillow mist - if you’re into that sort of thing.
And when you’re trapped on an island, there isn’t very much to distract you from thinking about time except for the island itself.
"I don’t think we’ve been this far down before, have we?" Adam asked as he climbed a pile of brush that had gathered along the beach. "It doesn’t look familiar at least. Maybe we have though, I don’t remember. Do you remember? Jesse? I asked if you remembered if we’d been here before or not."
An unexpected smile graced Jesse's mouth. He was slowly learning patience and tolerance. It's somewhat interesting that he couldn't pick those things up after twenty-eight years of life, but managed them after a few days with Adam Lazzara. They should use him to train small children and dogs.
"I was with them when they went to find water," Jesse responded, voice calm, "In fact, I was the one who found it."
"What?" Adam said as he turned around to look at Jesse, a smile gracing his lips even though he was he obviously confused. "I caught about half of that, I think . . . You went with who where, and did you say you found ticks?"
Adam had been smiling a lot more than he had been since the crash. In fact, he almost seemed to have become the same happy-go-lucky kid he had been when he was dating John, but just almost. If one looked close enough, and probed deep enough, they would be able to see the tell-tale signs that proved the past was real. If you probed deep enough - especially at night - he would divert back to the silence that had held him capture the first week he’d been on the island.
"Oh yeah, sorry about that, " Jesse laughed, returning Adam's grin. "It's not like I hang around deaf people on a regular basis."
They had become so comfortable together. It was slightly unnerving for Jesse, because it felt so fake and so genuine, all at the same time, and he couldn't make sense of what he was actually feeling. More than anything, Jesse wished that Adam would just be another piece of ass, but he hadn't thought of John much at all since his time had begun being devoted to Adam. Jesse could tell himself that Adam was a distraction and a quick lay, and he did, but it still managed to seep under his skin, because he was supposed to hate him.
"I’m not deaf! Not anymore at least, and that’s discrimination anyways. You’re lucky one of those... equal rights people aren’t here. They’d be trying to can your ass or something, telling you that the proper term is like... What do they call them? Impaired? Challenged?" - Adam shrugged and swung the plastic bucket Eddie had given them to carry water back to the First Aid area from hand to hand. - "But yeah, I’m not deaf. I just can’t always tell what you’re saying if I’m not looking at you. And how much farther is the lake, pond, river, water thingy? It seems like we’ve been walking forever and I swear we’ve passed that ugly ass tree before."
Jesse rolled his eyes, but there wasn't a sneer to match the action. It was nice having Adam around, because Michelle was still mad at Jesse, and he was somewhat suspicious that she had poisoned everyone's opinions of him. Adam's opinions on Jesse had been poisoned before, and probably still were, but it's easier when you're only dealing with one person. That's all it was, really. People get lonely.
"What exactly makes a tree classify as ugly ass?" Jesse asked, ignoring Adam's question. In all honesty, he had no idea where the water source was. They had probably gone in an entirely wrong direction, but Jesse was too proud to say anything.
"Just look at it," Adam said as he went behind Jesse and used his free hand to turn his head before pointing out which tree he was talking about, his arm resting on Jesse’s shoulder. "You see it? It’s just . . . Eew. . . . One of the ugliest trees I’ve ever seen in my entire life! How can you not agree with me?"
"Alright," Jesse said. There was a teasing tone to his voice. "I can see that it's ugly. It is an ugly tree, but I don't think it's necessarily ugly ass. Besides, when you're gay, I don't think you can add the word 'ass' onto everything and still seem cool."
"Oh yes, of course. Everyone knows that, Silly," Adam responded, as he rolled his eyes at Jesse. "And besides, I’m not gay."
"I'm pretty sure it still counts as gay if you're 'a woman trapped in a man's body', darling." Jesse cringed after he spoke, inhaling sharply and making an awkward noise. He just referred to Adam as darling.
'Good job, Jesse. Now you can go back to your crappy little apartment with Adam, and shop for drapes.'
"A woman trapped in a man’s body? Is that so, sugar?" Adam countered as he set the bucket down on the ground and picked a yellow and orange flower from a bush that was growing next to them, clutching it to his chest like a love struck cartoon girl and mimicking a southern belle. "Cause if it is, I reckon I’d be something mighty special. Don’t ya’ think, mister?"
He grinned and curtsied, before pressing a kiss to Jesse’s cheek and putting the flower behind his ear.
"But I’d only be a girl for you, babe," he said unable to contain his laughter any longer. "Now that, I might be able to consider gay."
Jesse flashed Adam a crooked smile. He wasn't really sure how to register or respond to what had just happened, and the blank stare he had previously sported wasn't particularly flattering.
"I think we're going in the wrong direction." Jesse was so inconspicuous when it came to changing the subject.
Adam frowned.
"Yeah, I’ve told you that at least fifty times in the past half hour," he said. "Remember that ugly ass tree we were just talking about?"
"Lies," Jesse responded, in a wave of false confidence. "You never said we were going in the wrong direction. You insinuated that we were walking in circles, but that doesn't mean it's the wrong direction."
"Bullshit," Adam said as he shook his head at Jesse and turning slightly as he looked around at their surroundings. "Jesse Lacey just can’t admit he’s wrong. And if you want to be technical, I know which direction we’re going." - He pointed to his left. - "The beach is back that way, and your river thing should be this way."
He swung the bucket on his wrist, somewhat proud of himself before looking back at Jesse. Even though his hearing had greatly improved his right ear was still substantially worse than his left, and simply turning his head altered which sounds he heard.. And because of this, one thing Adam had no problem with, was figuring out was which way led back toward the beach, because he could not hear the water at all when he turned his left ear away from it.
For once in his life, Jesse Lacey didn't bother to argue. In fact, he didn't bother to speak. Even when they had found the stream, and were giving Eddie the fresh water he so desperately desired, Jesse's mouth stayed wired shut.
Later on that night, the two of them found themselves back by the stream. Adam kept asking Jesse questions, trying to engage him in a conversation. But no matter how hard he tried, everything always stayed one-sided.
"How can there be a river on an island anyways, Jesse?" He asked as he threw a rock into the water. "Does it just come up out of no where? I mean, the whole thing is surrounded by hundreds of miles of salt water. I mean, I know it is possible, but it just doesn’t it - to have a freshwater stream in the middle of an ocean. Does it?"
"It comes from glaciers," Jesse responded. He didn't know what he was talking about, and he wasn't thinking about the words that came from his mouth. His eyes were focused on the sky, and he was wondering why he couldn't see the stars. You're supposed to be able to see the stars outside the city.
"John, why are there no stars?" Jesse asked.
John looked up at the sky and shrugged.
"I think it is because there is a thin layer of clouds blocking them from our view," he said, the only logical answer he could come up with at the time.
Jesse took a moment to think about John's words, before nodding. It made sense.
"Oh, hey!" Jesse exclaimed, and he reached down, and plucked a flower from a small patch of grass that seemed out of place at the waterside. It was yellow and orange, and Jesse wanted to say something about how it complimented John's eyes, except that it didn't.
Jesse offered the flower to John, who accepted it with a pensive smile.
"What reminds you of me the most?" John asked quite seriously as he turned to look at Jesse.
A soft, playful chuckle exited Jesse, causing his Adam's apple to bob up and down.
"A blowfish. You look all nice and cute, but then when someone makes to mad, your spines come out," Jesse said. He then paused a moment and, as an afterthought, added, "And your meat is poisonous."
"A blowfish," John repeated, twirling the flower between two fingers. "Well, this flower reminds me of you."
And without another word, John tore the flower into several pieces and walked away, letting the broken orange and yellow petals slip between his fingers and fall to the ground.
A soft, defeated cry left Jesse's lips, as he reached out to John. Surprisingly, Jesse's fingers actually hit flesh.
"John?" Jesse asked, tired and muffled, as he opened his eyes.
"For the love of God, Jesse. Go back to sleep . . ." came the muttered reply as arms tightened around Jesse’s waist. But instead of John, all Jesse had was Adam.
Time on the island had become nothing more than a distant echo, like music drifting through someone else’s headphones, or the faint trace of cigarette smoke lingering in a room hours after the last drag was drawn. Everyone was aware of the days passing, but no one wanted to think about how long they had been there. If you didn’t think about it, you could pretend it had only been a few days, you could pretend help had been sent out the very moment the plane went down, that it would only be a little while longer before the U.S. Navy, Coast Guard, and/or the Marines would arrive to save you, whisking you away back to your comfortable middle class life, complete with fluffy bath towels, cable television, and lavender pillow mist - if you’re into that sort of thing.
And when you’re trapped on an island, there isn’t very much to distract you from thinking about time except for the island itself.
"I don’t think we’ve been this far down before, have we?" Adam asked as he climbed a pile of brush that had gathered along the beach. "It doesn’t look familiar at least. Maybe we have though, I don’t remember. Do you remember? Jesse? I asked if you remembered if we’d been here before or not."
An unexpected smile graced Jesse's mouth. He was slowly learning patience and tolerance. It's somewhat interesting that he couldn't pick those things up after twenty-eight years of life, but managed them after a few days with Adam Lazzara. They should use him to train small children and dogs.
"I was with them when they went to find water," Jesse responded, voice calm, "In fact, I was the one who found it."
"What?" Adam said as he turned around to look at Jesse, a smile gracing his lips even though he was he obviously confused. "I caught about half of that, I think . . . You went with who where, and did you say you found ticks?"
Adam had been smiling a lot more than he had been since the crash. In fact, he almost seemed to have become the same happy-go-lucky kid he had been when he was dating John, but just almost. If one looked close enough, and probed deep enough, they would be able to see the tell-tale signs that proved the past was real. If you probed deep enough - especially at night - he would divert back to the silence that had held him capture the first week he’d been on the island.
"Oh yeah, sorry about that, " Jesse laughed, returning Adam's grin. "It's not like I hang around deaf people on a regular basis."
They had become so comfortable together. It was slightly unnerving for Jesse, because it felt so fake and so genuine, all at the same time, and he couldn't make sense of what he was actually feeling. More than anything, Jesse wished that Adam would just be another piece of ass, but he hadn't thought of John much at all since his time had begun being devoted to Adam. Jesse could tell himself that Adam was a distraction and a quick lay, and he did, but it still managed to seep under his skin, because he was supposed to hate him.
"I’m not deaf! Not anymore at least, and that’s discrimination anyways. You’re lucky one of those... equal rights people aren’t here. They’d be trying to can your ass or something, telling you that the proper term is like... What do they call them? Impaired? Challenged?" - Adam shrugged and swung the plastic bucket Eddie had given them to carry water back to the First Aid area from hand to hand. - "But yeah, I’m not deaf. I just can’t always tell what you’re saying if I’m not looking at you. And how much farther is the lake, pond, river, water thingy? It seems like we’ve been walking forever and I swear we’ve passed that ugly ass tree before."
Jesse rolled his eyes, but there wasn't a sneer to match the action. It was nice having Adam around, because Michelle was still mad at Jesse, and he was somewhat suspicious that she had poisoned everyone's opinions of him. Adam's opinions on Jesse had been poisoned before, and probably still were, but it's easier when you're only dealing with one person. That's all it was, really. People get lonely.
"What exactly makes a tree classify as ugly ass?" Jesse asked, ignoring Adam's question. In all honesty, he had no idea where the water source was. They had probably gone in an entirely wrong direction, but Jesse was too proud to say anything.
"Just look at it," Adam said as he went behind Jesse and used his free hand to turn his head before pointing out which tree he was talking about, his arm resting on Jesse’s shoulder. "You see it? It’s just . . . Eew. . . . One of the ugliest trees I’ve ever seen in my entire life! How can you not agree with me?"
"Alright," Jesse said. There was a teasing tone to his voice. "I can see that it's ugly. It is an ugly tree, but I don't think it's necessarily ugly ass. Besides, when you're gay, I don't think you can add the word 'ass' onto everything and still seem cool."
"Oh yes, of course. Everyone knows that, Silly," Adam responded, as he rolled his eyes at Jesse. "And besides, I’m not gay."
"I'm pretty sure it still counts as gay if you're 'a woman trapped in a man's body', darling." Jesse cringed after he spoke, inhaling sharply and making an awkward noise. He just referred to Adam as darling.
'Good job, Jesse. Now you can go back to your crappy little apartment with Adam, and shop for drapes.'
"A woman trapped in a man’s body? Is that so, sugar?" Adam countered as he set the bucket down on the ground and picked a yellow and orange flower from a bush that was growing next to them, clutching it to his chest like a love struck cartoon girl and mimicking a southern belle. "Cause if it is, I reckon I’d be something mighty special. Don’t ya’ think, mister?"
He grinned and curtsied, before pressing a kiss to Jesse’s cheek and putting the flower behind his ear.
"But I’d only be a girl for you, babe," he said unable to contain his laughter any longer. "Now that, I might be able to consider gay."
Jesse flashed Adam a crooked smile. He wasn't really sure how to register or respond to what had just happened, and the blank stare he had previously sported wasn't particularly flattering.
"I think we're going in the wrong direction." Jesse was so inconspicuous when it came to changing the subject.
Adam frowned.
"Yeah, I’ve told you that at least fifty times in the past half hour," he said. "Remember that ugly ass tree we were just talking about?"
"Lies," Jesse responded, in a wave of false confidence. "You never said we were going in the wrong direction. You insinuated that we were walking in circles, but that doesn't mean it's the wrong direction."
"Bullshit," Adam said as he shook his head at Jesse and turning slightly as he looked around at their surroundings. "Jesse Lacey just can’t admit he’s wrong. And if you want to be technical, I know which direction we’re going." - He pointed to his left. - "The beach is back that way, and your river thing should be this way."
He swung the bucket on his wrist, somewhat proud of himself before looking back at Jesse. Even though his hearing had greatly improved his right ear was still substantially worse than his left, and simply turning his head altered which sounds he heard.. And because of this, one thing Adam had no problem with, was figuring out was which way led back toward the beach, because he could not hear the water at all when he turned his left ear away from it.
For once in his life, Jesse Lacey didn't bother to argue. In fact, he didn't bother to speak. Even when they had found the stream, and were giving Eddie the fresh water he so desperately desired, Jesse's mouth stayed wired shut.
Later on that night, the two of them found themselves back by the stream. Adam kept asking Jesse questions, trying to engage him in a conversation. But no matter how hard he tried, everything always stayed one-sided.
"How can there be a river on an island anyways, Jesse?" He asked as he threw a rock into the water. "Does it just come up out of no where? I mean, the whole thing is surrounded by hundreds of miles of salt water. I mean, I know it is possible, but it just doesn’t it - to have a freshwater stream in the middle of an ocean. Does it?"
"It comes from glaciers," Jesse responded. He didn't know what he was talking about, and he wasn't thinking about the words that came from his mouth. His eyes were focused on the sky, and he was wondering why he couldn't see the stars. You're supposed to be able to see the stars outside the city.
"John, why are there no stars?" Jesse asked.
John looked up at the sky and shrugged.
"I think it is because there is a thin layer of clouds blocking them from our view," he said, the only logical answer he could come up with at the time.
Jesse took a moment to think about John's words, before nodding. It made sense.
"Oh, hey!" Jesse exclaimed, and he reached down, and plucked a flower from a small patch of grass that seemed out of place at the waterside. It was yellow and orange, and Jesse wanted to say something about how it complimented John's eyes, except that it didn't.
Jesse offered the flower to John, who accepted it with a pensive smile.
"What reminds you of me the most?" John asked quite seriously as he turned to look at Jesse.
A soft, playful chuckle exited Jesse, causing his Adam's apple to bob up and down.
"A blowfish. You look all nice and cute, but then when someone makes to mad, your spines come out," Jesse said. He then paused a moment and, as an afterthought, added, "And your meat is poisonous."
"A blowfish," John repeated, twirling the flower between two fingers. "Well, this flower reminds me of you."
And without another word, John tore the flower into several pieces and walked away, letting the broken orange and yellow petals slip between his fingers and fall to the ground.
A soft, defeated cry left Jesse's lips, as he reached out to John. Surprisingly, Jesse's fingers actually hit flesh.
"John?" Jesse asked, tired and muffled, as he opened his eyes.
"For the love of God, Jesse. Go back to sleep . . ." came the muttered reply as arms tightened around Jesse’s waist. But instead of John, all Jesse had was Adam.