just another manic monday...
life is really weird. memphis in may is almost here, it's about damn time. i think it's good to leave with a bang which is why i want to go. plus this semester needs to redeem itself for being so damn weird and because adro and i haven't had fun times together. i miss those times. at least i finally made some new friends like i wanted to but just in time to go home.
home could be the best thing for me right now. it'll either include me working my ass off and saving some money or my going to honduras for a long overdue visit with my family. i guess either way it'll be good and i just need to be away from this place.
hendrix is a fucked up place to find myself. it has a way of feeling like the best thing that's ever happened to me and at the same time feeling like the worst thing that's ever happened to me. this place messes with my head. knowledge only makes my mind a greater battleground for my thoughts. i don't know if i can last the next two years.
i have got to stop taking life so seriously. it's gonna be the end of me if i can never loosen up. no wonder people get tired of me. i can't even stand hearing myself anymore but what can i do. i'm not imaginative and i'm not entertaining. i may pull it off for a while but soon enough i run out of interesting things to say. i used to think i just talked too much but that's not true. people like to hear what you have to say when you have something good to say but when you run out that's when they stop listening.
i've see this before. every friend i've ever had has eventually gotten tired of me. and i understand cuz it's exhausting after so many complaints and so much negativity. except i can't escape it like everyone else can. i can't shut myself off no matter how hard i try. and i do in any way i can by drinking, smoking, watching t.v., listening to music whatever.
so maybe that's my problem. hedwig discovered what she was looking for was within herself all along. her searching is what tore her apart. she had always been complete. in the end she took back what she projected onto others and went into the dark alley naked and alone, ready to live as she should have. ready to be whole. maybe i'm whole. maybe my searching is tearing me apart. who knows?
home could be the best thing for me right now. it'll either include me working my ass off and saving some money or my going to honduras for a long overdue visit with my family. i guess either way it'll be good and i just need to be away from this place.
hendrix is a fucked up place to find myself. it has a way of feeling like the best thing that's ever happened to me and at the same time feeling like the worst thing that's ever happened to me. this place messes with my head. knowledge only makes my mind a greater battleground for my thoughts. i don't know if i can last the next two years.
i have got to stop taking life so seriously. it's gonna be the end of me if i can never loosen up. no wonder people get tired of me. i can't even stand hearing myself anymore but what can i do. i'm not imaginative and i'm not entertaining. i may pull it off for a while but soon enough i run out of interesting things to say. i used to think i just talked too much but that's not true. people like to hear what you have to say when you have something good to say but when you run out that's when they stop listening.
i've see this before. every friend i've ever had has eventually gotten tired of me. and i understand cuz it's exhausting after so many complaints and so much negativity. except i can't escape it like everyone else can. i can't shut myself off no matter how hard i try. and i do in any way i can by drinking, smoking, watching t.v., listening to music whatever.
so maybe that's my problem. hedwig discovered what she was looking for was within herself all along. her searching is what tore her apart. she had always been complete. in the end she took back what she projected onto others and went into the dark alley naked and alone, ready to live as she should have. ready to be whole. maybe i'm whole. maybe my searching is tearing me apart. who knows?