(no subject)
today was the first day i cried for you. it was just for a moment but it lasted long enough. i got off the phone with you and had the same feeling i had towards my mother after talking to her. longing...despair. a certain loneliness i hadn't felt in a while because i had you. a loneliness that has now come back after losing you. i had come to terms with knowing you'd be there for me. you'd be there to make me feel better after talking to my mom. and just before calling i felt a sharp dread that you wouldn't answer. i accepted being your girlfriend even when it was difficult. and now i have yet to accept the fact that i'm not. i hadn't thought about what i would do once the lakehouse came out until i had no other choice but to watch it with katie. it just wasn't right. i wish you had been there. it was a hopeful movie. it was about waiting. waiting for the right time. there's a right time for everything and perhaps there's a right time for us. maybe i just need to wait for the right time to be with anyone. there are endless possiblities.
who knows.
who knows.