(no subject)
so i've been going to aa meetings. i'm made a committment to myself to stay sober for 6 months.
my therapist scared the living shit out of me today. basically making me see that i'm at the age where i could continue to live within chaos and keep creating this chaos with the cycle of behavior that i've proven to be the destiny of my future. or i can take control of my shit, and start making the right decisions for me.
i don't know if i'm an alcholic or an addict, but it's not looking good. on monday night i was so fucked up, drove home, got pulled over, thankfully got out of it, and then some guy in a tow truck followed me home because i was swerving so much. my now ex boyfriend beat the shit out of my face because he found out i cheated on him, all fueled by lots and lots of alcohol. the past year of my life has been full of out of control drinking, psychotic behavior, and some of the lowest points in my entire life.
i don't know if i'm an addict, but i'm sure that drinking and taking pills and other drugs hasn't really helped with the situation. it certainly won't help me now that i'm vulnerable and facing the rest of my life and what i want to make of it.
so per my therapists advice i've basically made two committments to myself. stay sober for six months and see how things change and make a bottom line to not have sex (intercourse, oral sex, or being completely naked with another person in a romantic way) until i'm in a committed relationship for at least three months. i'm staying away from all tempting situations for awhile. so if any of you would like to come over and drink coffee and watch movies, go for a walk with me, or like take a yoga class together or something, i'm all for it. i'm pretty content just being alone and surrounding myself with select people for awhile, but when i'm ready to have some fun, i'd like to have options.
i need to find my place and form of control before i completely just fuck up any hope of having a happy and fulfilling life. i think i'm on my way.
my therapist scared the living shit out of me today. basically making me see that i'm at the age where i could continue to live within chaos and keep creating this chaos with the cycle of behavior that i've proven to be the destiny of my future. or i can take control of my shit, and start making the right decisions for me.
i don't know if i'm an alcholic or an addict, but it's not looking good. on monday night i was so fucked up, drove home, got pulled over, thankfully got out of it, and then some guy in a tow truck followed me home because i was swerving so much. my now ex boyfriend beat the shit out of my face because he found out i cheated on him, all fueled by lots and lots of alcohol. the past year of my life has been full of out of control drinking, psychotic behavior, and some of the lowest points in my entire life.
i don't know if i'm an addict, but i'm sure that drinking and taking pills and other drugs hasn't really helped with the situation. it certainly won't help me now that i'm vulnerable and facing the rest of my life and what i want to make of it.
so per my therapists advice i've basically made two committments to myself. stay sober for six months and see how things change and make a bottom line to not have sex (intercourse, oral sex, or being completely naked with another person in a romantic way) until i'm in a committed relationship for at least three months. i'm staying away from all tempting situations for awhile. so if any of you would like to come over and drink coffee and watch movies, go for a walk with me, or like take a yoga class together or something, i'm all for it. i'm pretty content just being alone and surrounding myself with select people for awhile, but when i'm ready to have some fun, i'd like to have options.
i need to find my place and form of control before i completely just fuck up any hope of having a happy and fulfilling life. i think i'm on my way.