(no subject)
So I have to wake up 65 kids tomorrow morning--and make sure that at least 14 of them are on time--by 7:00 am.
why am i not asleep yet?? I DONT KNOW!
actually i do. i'm letting my imagination run wild again and i'm trying to foster it as best i can. i wanna dance and i wanna move and i wanna BE something...
i started out trying to do more research on the 2008 elections cause, i'm not gonna lie and i am ashamed--but i know NOTHING. but then i got distracted by SYTYCD and boom. i'm in the whirlwind of "what ifs" and "i want" and blahblahblah. i really am rather silly sometimes. but i am what i am, you know?
i guess it just comes down to--what do i want more? i want so many things in life...i'm rather greedy :P
but there's a balance out there, somewhere...right? or atleast that's what i try to convince myself. i think in the past i've been so focused on the negative that i've bombarded myself with the positive and i can't contain it all. as much as i have hate in my heart i have a whole lot of love as well. love and passion and desire and...restless. very very restless.
it's good to have hopes and aspirations, right?
well what if that's all i am and all i'm consumed by? what if--i am a dreamer, a hoper, and wanter but nothing more? i feel restless cause i feel trapped in my own skin let alone my own mind.
i have potential--but what else? i have opportunity, but do i take it? if the purpose of multiple roads is to create multiple possibilities, multiple me's, multiple universes (ok, i know, getting a bit abstract, but bear with me)--then, who am I? and am I really just one person? then, for that matter, is one really such a lonely number? i mean that for all of us--not just me.
but i wonder: if i were to live again, given the same background, given the same opportunities for similar experiences, would i pick the same route?
i know my life has just begun, but i wonder what kind of person i could've become. and i feed that question with more uncertainty (and, yes, at times jealousy too). but i guess what really matters right now is that I have to wake up in 3 hours and have enough energy to make it through 4-75 minute classes, 2 meals, some job searching, some activities searching, and then (most possibly the hardest part) dealing with certain people.
i suppose.
i suppose.
i suppose.
i suppose
why am i not asleep yet?? I DONT KNOW!
actually i do. i'm letting my imagination run wild again and i'm trying to foster it as best i can. i wanna dance and i wanna move and i wanna BE something...
i started out trying to do more research on the 2008 elections cause, i'm not gonna lie and i am ashamed--but i know NOTHING. but then i got distracted by SYTYCD and boom. i'm in the whirlwind of "what ifs" and "i want" and blahblahblah. i really am rather silly sometimes. but i am what i am, you know?
i guess it just comes down to--what do i want more? i want so many things in life...i'm rather greedy :P
but there's a balance out there, somewhere...right? or atleast that's what i try to convince myself. i think in the past i've been so focused on the negative that i've bombarded myself with the positive and i can't contain it all. as much as i have hate in my heart i have a whole lot of love as well. love and passion and desire and...restless. very very restless.
it's good to have hopes and aspirations, right?
well what if that's all i am and all i'm consumed by? what if--i am a dreamer, a hoper, and wanter but nothing more? i feel restless cause i feel trapped in my own skin let alone my own mind.
i have potential--but what else? i have opportunity, but do i take it? if the purpose of multiple roads is to create multiple possibilities, multiple me's, multiple universes (ok, i know, getting a bit abstract, but bear with me)--then, who am I? and am I really just one person? then, for that matter, is one really such a lonely number? i mean that for all of us--not just me.
but i wonder: if i were to live again, given the same background, given the same opportunities for similar experiences, would i pick the same route?
i know my life has just begun, but i wonder what kind of person i could've become. and i feed that question with more uncertainty (and, yes, at times jealousy too). but i guess what really matters right now is that I have to wake up in 3 hours and have enough energy to make it through 4-75 minute classes, 2 meals, some job searching, some activities searching, and then (most possibly the hardest part) dealing with certain people.
i suppose.
i suppose.
i suppose.
i suppose